Anger over what I missed as an adolescent

[MissJoness]

I'm very jealous of teenagers. Especially those who are entering their first relationship, just had their first kiss, going on first date etc

 

I never experienced any of that as a teen. And even as an adult, never had a serious relationship where sex was very frequent

 

So when I hear a relative who is 16 who is so in love with her first boyfriend and is having sex, I get jealous. I feel anger, resentment, sadness. Wondering why this never happened to me. I'm mad that this is happening for them and it never happened to me. I want to take away that experience from t hem because I am bitter

[JohnP82]

I get where you're coming from. I missed out on a lot of stuff because I was too shy growing up. Whenever my friends reminisce about hookups in college, a story about the walk of shame, or first loves I have nothing to add to the conversation.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh good grief.....

 

I'm sorry, but you really need to take a maturity pill!

You want to know the first time I was kissed, in a loving relationship?

21.

you want to know the first time I had consensual sex with a loving partner?

23.

Before then, I experienced some pretty horrendous stuff, and I also had a couple of close shaves with self-inflicted near-death.

 

if I can get past 5h1t like that, I think you can get over being jealous of young kids who frankly, are not experiencing love, in my opinion, but the infatuation of being in a relationship, because like, everyone has to have a BF/GF, right? I mean, everyone's like, getting laid, and falling in love 'n' stuff, and like, if you don't have a BF/GF then you're a freak, I mean, what's wrong with you?

 

Everybody at that age is in love with the idea of being in love. Relatively few relationships starting at that age, last any period of time - and very few of those progress into middle age, because they get bored with each other, grow out of each other and drift apart.

 

What exactly are you jealous about?

Pinpoint it.

What the heck do you think you missed out on, that you can't have now, when you're more mature and emotionally equipped to deal with it?

 

I'm sorry, but really,...., aren't there more important things?

or am I missing something?

[carolinawanderer]

How old are you?

 

I didn't have a serious relationship or have sex until I was 20. But I'll tell you this - when it happened, I totally forgot what it was like to go through high school without a serious girlfriend or sex. My past didn't matter anymore, because I feel like I finally got what I wanted.

 

Find the right person, enter into a relationship where the sex is frequent. I can almost guarantee you won't be feeling that way anymore.

[threebyfate]

Most teenagers aren't equipped to handle sex and the potential consequences, nvm emotional intimacy. Consider all the teenage single mothers.

 

Why resent what can never be, since there's no such thing as a time machine? For that matter, why be envious or jealous of anyone else's happiness? Why not put that energy into working towards becoming the person you have potential to become?

[norajane]

I feel anger, resentment, sadness. Wondering why this never happened to me.

 

That's pretty pointless. It won't get you closer to having what you want.

 

Let go of the anger, resentment and sadness. Harboring those feelings will make them come out in your interactions with people. And that will prevent you from developing good relationships.

 

Focus on feeling good about what you have and being happy about what you can make happen for yourself in the future.

[Woggle]

I never had a real childhood but I don't get mad when I see children playing and being kids and truthfully I never really had my teenage years because I was doing things only adults should do by the time I was 14 but I don't resent people who enjoy what I never did. Learn to enjoy now instead of trying to drag others down.

[whichwayisup]

You are entitled to your feelings, but don't let them get out of control. Seems you need to let go and accept your past, and instead of being resentful, feel happy that someone you know and care about is happy.

 

If need be, go to counselling to work this stuff out, coz if you don't, it'll get worse and you'll turn into a negative bitter person noone will want to be around.

 

What counts is the NOW..Make your life a happy one. The past is the past.

[purgatori]

I feel exactly the same way, except that I couldn't care less about the 'first sex' part; holding hands, kissing, 'spooning' (I hate that term, but I'm being lazy), etc. and just general intimacy means a lot more to me, and I STILL don't know what any of those things are like now that my 20s are almost over. In all likelihood, the intervening years that comprise my 30s still won't bring any enlightenment in this regard, as I seem to be living an unbidden monastic lifestyle. As a consequence, I'm a bit past just being angy, bitter, and regreful, although all that is there too, at this point I'm positively suicidal. Being an atheist/materialist, I firmly belive that you only get one shot at life, and for me to go through life and never know what it is like to be with a woman, given how lovely some of them are, is just unbearable. I only wish that I had the courage to quit prolonging this ridiculous state of affairs any longer.

[CarrieT]

I never had a real childhood but I don't get mad when I see children playing and being kids and truthfully I never really had my teenage years because I was doing things only adults should do by the time I was 14 but I don't resent people who enjoy what I never did. Learn to enjoy now instead of trying to drag others down.

 

I'm just like you, Woggle. I had multiple rapes and abusers as an adolescent and never got to experience the "first blush" of young love or a "first time" with someone special. I was forced to grow up and deal with things that many women don't have to deal with until they are in their 20s.

 

But dwelling on a lost adolescence is not going to change where you are now, Miss Jones. Revel in where you are now and what you still have yet to experience; relish the joy of waking every day with the light of an adventure ahead of you.

[MissJoness]

What exactly are you jealous about?

Pinpoint it.

 

Expereincing a first boyfriend when youre really really young, like 15, 16, when everything was just brand new. The excitement of it being taboo that you're having sex so young, the rebellion, all of that. No responsibility as well.

 

Also the being protected by those who are older than you. You know how people are so protective of teens & don't hold them responsible for their mistakes. Even I get jealous of young girls who are cute/pretty, and have a Dad/relative who is so overprotective of them because now men are noticing them and finding them attractive. I never had that from my father. I wasn't all that attractive as a teen, and my dad never needed to 'protect' me from the boys or older men.

 

I have been struggling with this since I've been in my 20s. It's gotten worse as the years go by. Whenever I hear about a relative who is now 15/16, and the family is making a huge deal about them dating and getting involved in theri first relationship, I just feel this major tinge of jealousy. I can't control it. Maybe its the attention they receive for things like that. I can't even watch shows talking about teen sex anymore. It just saddens me for some reason

 

 

 

What the heck do you think you missed out on, that you can't have now, when you're more mature and emotionally equipped to deal with it?

 

 

First date, first kiss, sex, love, all of that. I feel like I missed out on that, and if I had experienced it, I wouldn't be the way I am now.

 

Being mature and emotionally equipped to deal with things seem very unexciting to me as an adult.

Edited December 27, 2009 by MissJoness

[Jaytb]

Expereincing a first boyfriend when youre really really young, like 15, 16, when everything was just brand new. The excitement of it being taboo that you're having sex so young, the rebellion, all of that. No responsibility as well.

 

Also the being protected by those who are older than you. You know how people are so protective of teens & don't hold them responsible for their mistakes. Even I get jealous of young girls who are cute/pretty, and have a Dad/relative who is so overprotective of them because now men are noticing them and finding them attractive. I never had that from my father. I wasn't all that attractive as a teen, and my dad never needed to 'protect' me from the boys or older men.

 

I have been struggling with this since I've been in my 20s. It's gotten worse as the years go by. Whenever I hear about a relative who is now 15/16, and the family is making a huge deal about them dating and getting involved in theri first relationship, I just feel this major tinge of jealousy. I can't control it. Maybe its the attention they receive for things like that. I can't even watch shows talking about teen sex anymore. It just saddens me for some reason

 

 

 

 

 

First date, first kiss, sex, love, all of that. I feel like I missed out on that, and if I had experienced it, I wouldn't be the way I am now.

 

Being mature and emotionally equipped to deal with things seem very unexciting to me as an adult.

 

well it sounds like you have a chip in your shoulder and it would be best to get over it. Remember, you have to move on, you can't dwell on the past. Seeing other people's happiness shouldn't be a source of bitterness, ideally it should form some sort of encouragement.

[paddington bear]

First, you have to accept somehow that much as you'd like things to be different, they are how they are. Yes, your past makes you the person you are today, but there is nothing, nothing you can do to change your past. However, there is something you can do to change your future, that is the only thing you can control.

 

I'm 37 and I still get that rush of tingles if I meet someone I like, my friends and family get involved with the does he like me or not part, asking if I've seen him again, console me when my heart inevitably gets broken. So, it's not like you lose that sense of breaking taboos when you are older, or are necessarily more cynical.

 

Personally I hated being a teenager, was freaked out about dating, about boys, hated that my parents kept such a close eye on things, it all seemed so weighty and not fun and dangerous, what with the change of pregnancy, getting your heart broken and disease.

 

Being an adult and forming relationships or simply going and having sex with who you want is far better. You get to make your own decisions, your own mistakes and you are more sure of yourself.

 

Seems to me like your issue is not actually with teens and being jealous of them. It's to do with feeling that you didn't get the same attention as others when you were their age, maybe you started dating later, much later on and because you were an adult, you were left to swim in the emotional waters with no support. Why not just involve your parents or whoever in your dating life, ask advice, tell them you're not sure about this and that, involve them in so far as you wish and then they will have an emotional investment in your romantic life and will celebrate with you when things go right and support you when things go wrong.

[bluestraps]

I was a LONER IN HIGH SCHOOL. I HAD A good childhood up until the age of 12 or 13. Then my frends and I kind of split . we were growing up and becoming teenagers thats when things can get ugly . We were becoming different people. I never had many dates , back then it was common for teenagers to date , were're talking about 1985 to 1990. i never went to parties or any of that .

 

You may find that you will have more luck in the future . I would be glad you made it thorugh it . A lot of people got into drugs drinking or behavior problems because of the pain.

 

In fact a lot of the problems in relationships come from things that happened to us as teenagers. Learn to let the past go.

 

It sounds like you are having a lot of trouble here.