Does she really just want to be friends?

[dream]

Kind of a long complicated story so i'll give you facts..

 

Ive read all the stuff regardin the dreaded "lets just be friends".. it always comes at the least expected times..

 

A little background:

this girl works for my business partner, he forbids his employees from talking to me because i own a similiar company (an he knows im a slut), but me and my business partner are friends and talk about everything.. i usually stay away from his employees.

 

I saw her from time to time at clubs, i actually wanted her the first time i layed eyes on her, but never acted or said anything remotely close.. i always treated her like my partners employee even though she is the girl of my dreams.

 

The opening act:

she invited me to go to an open bar.. i said yes, and it was her and her sister. (which she later tried to hook me up with but her sister is rather large..) i nicely dismissed that idea as impossible..

 

she then invited me out to the same open bar a week later.. i assumed her sister would be there again, but this time she showed up by herself.. we drank, i was the usual boss's friend.. then she said "did you see me naked at the club?" im like what? no i didnt notice.. then all went silent and time froze. i said maybe my mind wasnt in the gutter when i looked at you..

 

Total surprise:

After the open bar i was ready for a night of cable and some lotion.. when she offered to come in and watch a movie with me? at 1:00 am? i was totally caught off guard, but let her in.. made her a little snack, then she "fell asleep?" i fought every manly temptation to pull out the crawling spiders, but didnt touch her..

 

She came over again the next night, and again pretended to fall asleep 10 minutes after she got there (shes sleeping in my bed next to me)... this time i wasnt letting her off so easy and rubbed her butt and back. she let me, but stopped me when i tried to go under her clothes.. steamy? lol..

 

The smack in the face:

a week later she comes back from new york and i put together through intuition and logic that she went with some guy and f'd him.. i felt like an ass.. im like what a ho, i shoulda did it when i had the chance.. then she tells me shes confused, she just broke up with her bf.. i hadnt invested any feelings at this point so i gave her her space..

 

a few days later i decided to test her so i said .. "me and my friend are going on a double date.. i want you to come.. " she said "i just want to let you know that i just want to be friends" .. i said "i dont believe you" she said "what makes you think i want to be more than friends".. i said (from research on this matter".. F--- OFF i have enough friends, im not the type of guy that hangs around with a girl that dosent like him, i have better things to do, im a whole package, you get all of me or nothing.. i said imagine working for a company where they told you you had no chance for a promotion... we then went into that dreaded conversation that guys should never have with girls about girls vs guys.. and why cant guys and girls be friends.. what if she were gay.. bla bla bla.. i held my ground and told her i like to connect with someone on different levels, not just one.. im not interested in a relationship that has no opportunity for growth, id rather not talk to her at all.. i told her i want nothing to do with her, and she can be friends with someone else. .. im all set..

 

What happened next:

she said "ok i take it back, forget i said it.. " im like its too late, the damage is already done.. then she starts begging!.. i played it then told her id give her one more chance.. we go out and every time we go she gives me just enough to keep me there, she still sleeps over my house and each time she lets me get farther and farther up her shirt.. although still i didnt make it to a nipple!

 

The moral of the story:

i like her alot, im not looking for just sex with her, i have bootycalls for that. shes interesting on several levels, but i do need a physical connection along with friendship.. not friends with benefits but something more.. much more..

 

 

The Positive Facts:

1) She calls me every waking minute of the day

2) If i dont call her back she gets mad and curious..

2a) She does that "falling over you" touching when telling me something funny..

3) Shes lying to her boss and talking to me behind his back. all this for friends?

4) We have to sneak around.. again.. is it worth the risk as a friend?

5) she laughs at all my jokes

6) she follows me around the clubs

7) she always sits close to me

8) she said "i like being around you"

9) she got very jelous when i called off meeting her for "an unexpected phonecall" and she showed up at my house to see what i was really doing, and ended up sleeping over.

10) i use not talking to her as a threat, and it works every time.

11) i asked her if i made her unconfortable when i touch her she said no.

12) i held her hand in the movies, she switched hands but kept my hand in hers.

13) she went out with another guy but felt obligated to tell me that it was a "guy" but not a "guy"

14) shes always smiling at me and always seems happy to see me.

15) despite the surface, we act like a couple.

16) she dosent get mad when i do gental touches..

 

The negative facts:

1) she hadnt made any forward gestures to me.. (like grabbing my hand)

2) when sleeping over her back is always turned to me

3) she crosses her arms alot

4) i always feel like im forcing her to hold hands

5) gee, thats all i can think of..

 

ive been with girls like this before, some have a real hard shell but then you crack it and they turn in to raging animals.. not sure about this though.. but i do feel that she will eventually have no choice but to open up..

 

so im confused.. i dont want to be suckered into being her friend.. i need something more than that right now.. i think shes saying she just wants to be friends to protect herself incase i try to diss her or brag about getting my friends' employee.. but i could be dillusional.. please explain..

[jmargel]

What is the hell is your obession about touching her? Even if you did just have sex, that doesnt mean she wants to be with you. Sounds like that is the focal point of your post. Listen to what she is saying and don't pick things apart. Tell her you want an honest answer, and then accept what she has to say. Right now it seems like she is just dating, just testing the waters. You aren't obligated to her so go out with other women as well.

 

If she's not touching you back sexually then stop the advances! You are molesting the poor girl, and with her not touching back don't you think that is a sign? Go out & really get to know her, not being worred cause you haven't touched her nips yet. You really need to grow up some.

 

Try & do romantic things with her, as in going on a long walk with her, take her to a nice restuarant, do things she likes to do. Stop trying to make things all about YOU, and make them about each other if you want any chance at this working out.

 

BTW, you called yourself a slut.. So you are only interested in this woman as a sexual conquest? If that's the case don't bother this poor girl anymore

[dream]

i specifically said sex is the easy part for me.. im a good looking guy and have many bootycalls. im looking for more than that with her.. perhaps im vulnerable for a relationship.. the touching is purely to test to see where her head is at. I told her to tell me the truth.. she said just friends.. then i say im all set and she will call 100 times until i pick up.. shes obsessed with talking to me and hanging around with me.. i told her i dont want any new friends.. she says ok goodbye.. then she'll call 5 mins later ..

 

its funny you should mention dating because she wants me to spend all my time with her.. she does the reverse psychology "fine you dont want to be seen with me", and "you'll only go out with me cause you have nothing better to do".. i told her the last time she wanted me to go out with her that il only go if she wants me to go BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE WITH ME.. she said ok.

 

 

i know im molesting her, i actually joke about it and say if you come over your getting molested. she laugs and says "stop testing me!". perhaps to you its strange, maybe its an insecurity on my part.. but i dont want to be in LJBF land..

 

your right, even if she has sex it dosent mean she wants to be with me, she told me the guy in new york wanted something more but she didnt, she just wanted to have sex with him..

 

i am taking it slow, i want to know her better.. i like talking to her, and its kindof cold here so walks are out, but we do talk about doing fun things..

 

 

P.S.

 

its not about ME, yes i am concerned about my overall well being, but she is the one that suggested EVERYTHING. she made all of the moves as far as im concerned. it was all her ideas.. i watched 2 movies she wanted to watch without even knowing what they were.. she says.. im by your area, i want to see you.. lets go get lunch..

[jmargel]

How long have you two known each other? Does she know that you have alot of booty calls, etc?? That could be a turnoff for her, and her reason why she only wants to 'be friends'. So, did she have sex with this guy from NY? If so, becareful then. You don't take a trip with someone, have sex with them & only then find out you don't want anything to do with the guy. If that's the case good chance she may be lying to you on what this other guy means. Perhaps you are the 'other' guy if you get my drift.

 

Before me & my gf became a couple we were friends for the previous year. She had a bf, and over the months we would kiss, hold hands, etc.. Act just like a couple, yet we didnt have sex. The countless discussions we had of 'us' and how I told her he was mistreating her in so many ways. Which he had. He would totally neglect her, etc.. Anyway it came to a point where I told her I didnt think I could see her anymore because it was hurting me so much. She got very upset and got her thinking.. I still saw her for the next month, when she told me she was going out with some friends on a saturday night. I said fine, no biggie. When she called the next day she was expecting me to say that I stayed home, didnt do anything. Well, I told her I went out with someone (female) to a club, and had a good time. She played it cool til the next day when the questions started. Needless to say 2 weeks later she left her now ex-bf for me. She then confessed all her feelings for me, etc..

 

So the point im trying to get is that if you can't continue just to be friends with her & you want more, then maybe you should tell her that you can't see or do those kinda things with her knowing she wants you only as a friend. That decision is totally upto you. Perhaps she's not ready for a committed relationship and just wants to take things slow. Have you asked her why she doesnt want anything more than a friendship? Physical contact doesnt necessarily mean she wants you more than just a friend. It could be just the excitement of it all. It sounds like she is interested, but don't let her play head games with you.

[dream]

^--- that was the most meaningful post ive read about this.

 

 

 

 

Ive seen her around for the past year i guess.. we always had a employee-employer relationship. im sure shes heard "stories" about me when it comes to my being labelled a slut. but if she can go to ny and F some guy then i can do what i want.

 

we never talked about any of my past relationships and i didnt ask her about hers. why bring that s*&*& up!

 

we had this conversation about being just friends 3 times.. each time she was very clear that she just wanted to be friends and i was very clear that i dont want her just as a friend.. its all of me or none. i told her it was a loose loose conversation.. then i had to engage in the endlessly looping conversation for like 3 hours then everything was "fine".

 

its quite possible that i could be the other guy.. i guess im not smart enough to figure out whats going on here.