Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Whoa! You are still the dirty little secret? If that's what you want to call it.... He uses the excuse if I tell my W now she won't let me see my son.... Whatever..... There is no honesty here....And yes I know I am part of that....I wanted her to know...but he just kept playing the game. I believed him...stupidly Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 I It's not about him not making her a priority, it's about him trying to get through the process. And what about the process I had to go through?? It's not all about him. I did EVERYTHING I said I would. Not saying all was done the right way but I never went back and forward like him. I made my decision, obviously it was the wrong one but i will live through it. He always said he 'wanted to leave but felt like he was walking out on his son'. Well then ok, 'let me go' I would say. I told him I didn't believe he was walking out on his son but that's what he always felt. He told me at xmas that he would spend the evening, then go back on xmas morning to see his son. Then all of that changed on xmas eve telling me he wanted to now spend the night (at a house with his W who desperately wants him back)!!!! No, no, no. And this was not the first time either. It was just a mess from the start. I should have walked long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 And what about the process I had to go through?? It's not all about him. I did EVERYTHING I said I would. Not saying all was done the right way but I never went back and forward like him. I made my decision, obviously it was the wrong one but i will live through it. He always said he 'wanted to leave but felt like he was walking out on his son'. Well then ok, 'let me go' I would say. I told him I didn't believe he was walking out on his son but that's what he always felt. He told me at xmas that he would spend the evening, then go back on xmas morning to see his son. Then all of that changed on xmas eve telling me he wanted to now spend the night (at a house with his W who desperately wants him back)!!!! No, no, no. And this was not the first time either. It was just a mess from the start. I should have walked long ago. Of course that's how he felt, any decent guy does, whether he divorced for an OW or divorces for another reason. I can testify to that. You seem really insecure about his ex-w from everything you write. You finally have this guy, and now you're wanting to throw him back? What was so great about him in the first place, that you had an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 The W is still the competition but you're losing so the defense mechanism kicks in and you tell him to go back to her. You're hoping he miraculously sees the errors of his ways and that you are the love of his life but from what you have written, not just this thread, but others, he is already gone. Tell the W. She deserves better. Only after she gives him up will you stand a chance of having him all to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Excuse the timing of the post...I was just trying to explain what happened over xmas time. I have absolutely no issue with MM spending time with his son....in fact I encourage him to be with him as much as he possibly can. I have never made him 'choose' between me and his son...ever. But spending the night there is not on. He is supposed to be seperated from his W. But to drop a bombshell and tell me he wants to spend the night in a house with his W is completely unfair on our R. What about out R? How unfair is that on his W as well to give her false hope of him spending the night there. It is not right. You have to understand that this is the trend of my MM. Going backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards. He did not spend xmas eve there in the end. But he still tells me that he has a decision to make about whether he wants to go back home or not. I've just told him to go back home. Im tired of his excuses, lies and playing with people's emotions....that's what he does. If he misses his son that much, then he should go back home for good and let me be. Wouldn't he also be moving back home to be with his W also? Is he going to sleep in a separate room? Does he still love his W? What good does it do him to move back home if he doesn't love his W? He is only going to live there until his son turns 18 and goes off to school? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I'm sorry I just read the W still does not know about you. I think he was always keeping the door open to go back to his w. He is saying he wants to go back for his son (which I believe is true) but he also wants to go back to be with his W. If he didn't he would tell his w about you, introduce his son in you guys life, and not move back home to a woman he doesn't want to be with. He is hiding something from you. He is a classic cake eater. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 The W is still the competition but you're losing so the defense mechanism kicks in and you tell him to go back to her. You're hoping he miraculously sees the errors of his ways and that you are the love of his life but from what you have written, not just this thread, but others, he is already gone. Tell the W. She deserves better. Only after she gives him up will you stand a chance of having him all to yourself. You have this wrong. You are assuming wrong. I don't want to be with someone who just constantly lies. He can go home and stay there for all I care. But don't even think about running back to me when it all falls apart. Because it will as it has in the past. I am the type of person to move on and I will.....The way I see it, I have no other choice now for my own sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Wouldn't he also be moving back home to be with his W also? Is he going to sleep in a separate room? Does he still love his W? What good does it do him to move back home if he doesn't love his W? He is only going to live there until his son turns 18 and goes off to school? He says he does NOT love his W, just his son and thinks about going home to be with his son. It does him no good to move back home if this is truly the case, however I am not going to stand in his way.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 I'm sorry I just read the W still does not know about you. I think he was always keeping the door open to go back to his w. He is saying he wants to go back for his son (which I believe is true) but he also wants to go back to be with his W. If he didn't he would tell his w about you, introduce his son in you guys life, and not move back home to a woman he doesn't want to be with. He is hiding something from you. He is a classic cake eater. I agree...hiding a lot from me...but I will never know....He is a cake eater Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I have never made him choose b/w me or his son. The son comes first in all of this. However, spending the night in a house with his W is wrong to me. It is not right. He has been separated for 10 months and in that time he has not even tried to set himself up or get a divorce even started.... He goes to her house every wk end and hangs out there with his son. He tells me frequently that he 'thinks' about going home. Well then go home I say!! Don't play games with my head or my heart anymore. He isn't even started a divorce? And he talks about going "home"? And why do you stay with him? Sorry, but to me, it is obvious he has no desire to move forward with you. He is just bidding his time until he can go home --- for good. WHY are you allowing him to play this game? KICK HIM OUT. Tell him to look you up when he is DIVORCED. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Why does he think that his (x)wife won't let him see his child if she finds out about you two? I mean, if they both want the D, what does it matter? Only thing that will be an issue with her, is you around her child. But, that shouldn't stop him from seeing his child reguardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 How old is the child? How long is enough to play happy families and lie to the child? Kids always know what's up and don't get given enough credit for being "in" on what's going on. It's confusing to the children and self-serving for the parents. OP, it's been 10 months and have glanced over some of your previous threads. You are now in his W's place that she was in not long ago and now she has taken over your previous role. He's not being fair to either of you. What and how much do you know of his W? She could still be fighting for what she considers hers. You won once, you may not be so lucky the next time. How long will he have 2 women fighting over him? What an ego boost for him. This is NOT a competition to me. I just want him to be honest. Does he want to start a life with me or not? When you break it down like that, there should be no 'what if's' or 'buts'. I made my decision, why can't he? Because there is a child involved? Please.... It's just excuses on his behalf. I've told him loud and clear to go home and I meant it. I'm sick of his BS Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 So where is he right now? At home with his family, or with you at the moment? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I posted that before finding out the W didn't know about you. Good chance she will kick him out of her life after finding out about you though. Seems to be your only shot. It will take awhile though for this to happen. You sound like your done with him. Do the right thing, tell the W. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Why does he think that his (x)wife won't let him see his child if she finds out about you two? I mean, if they both want the D, what does it matter? Only thing that will be an issue with her, is you around her child. But, that shouldn't stop him from seeing his child reguardless. That's the problem...she doesn't want the D and if you ask me, he is feeding her crap to make her act out of desperation to save the M. He has made no effort to move forward with me. He left, moved in with a friend and his friend even kicked him out. Then he nearly moved back home but instead moved in with his parents and then all this crap happened and I just told him 'Go home'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 So where is he right now? At home with his family, or with you at the moment? I don't know. I haven't heard from him in over a day. I think he went home. Gutless - he hasn't told me yet. But I will NOT contact him. If I hear through someone else, will just go to show what a spineless person he really is for not telling me himself Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 I posted that before finding out the W didn't know about you. Good chance she will kick him out of her life after finding out about you though. Seems to be your only shot. It will take awhile though for this to happen. You sound like your done with him. Do the right thing, tell the W. I'm not going to tell his W.... you want my honest opinion.... I think she already suspects but chooses to ignore. Apparently this happens alot Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Seems like a drama for.....what? This is a situation that is only going to get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 He isn't even started a divorce? And he talks about going "home"? And why do you stay with him? Sorry, but to me, it is obvious he has no desire to move forward with you. He is just bidding his time until he can go home --- for good. WHY are you allowing him to play this game? KICK HIM OUT. Tell him to look you up when he is DIVORCED. I told him to leave me alone for good. In my eyes, although I am hurting very badly, we are finished. I think he has gone back home anyway Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 That's the problem...she doesn't want the D and if you ask me, he is feeding her crap to make her act out of desperation to save the M. He has made no effort to move forward with me. He left, moved in with a friend and his friend even kicked him out. Then he nearly moved back home but instead moved in with his parents and then all this crap happened and I just told him 'Go home'. Remember too, you're hearing one side, HIS side of it. For all you know he's lying to and she wants nothing to do with him and HE is the one begging to come back home.. Or, he is giving her hope that they will fix the marriage for their kids sake. Now is time for you to look after yourself and cut him out of your life. He can come seek you out when his D is final, not beforehand.. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions let alone his words are messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Seems like a drama for.....what? This is a situation that is only going to get worse. I agree with you. And for the most part, he has made it much worse than it should be. My fault for staying with him Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I'm not going to tell his W.... you want my honest opinion.... I think she already suspects but chooses to ignore. Apparently this happens alot I hate to say this, but there's a pretty good chance he's thrown you under the bus and made it seem like YOU were the one pursuing him and the A didn't matter much to him. That's happend to many ow and om, just ask Stampdaddy, confused and afew others, browneyedgirl to name afew.. He is going to go where the wind blows, and do what's easier and best for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Remember too, you're hearing one side, HIS side of it. For all you know he's lying to and she wants nothing to do with him and HE is the one begging to come back home.. Or, he is giving her hope that they will fix the marriage for their kids sake. Now is time for you to look after yourself and cut him out of your life. He can come seek you out when his D is final, not beforehand.. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions let alone his words are messed up. You know when your heart wants to believe one thing but your stomach tells you the other (the truth). I have that feeling ALL the time. I don't trust my life would be any better with him...it's just been really hard facing that...don't ask me why because I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal_lostheart Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Hmmm, yet it was perfectly fair and cool for him to be doing whatever he was with you while he was MARRIED and his wife didn't even know about you... You were willing to share him with his wife while he was married to her and the two of you were sneaking around, so what's different now? I was NEVER willing to share. It is easy for you to say that. You don't know the hell I went through or the FULL story Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I was NEVER willing to share. It is easy for you to say that. You don't know the hell I went through or the FULL story Step back for just a second. Re-read the bolded part. Breathe. Now, what have you been doing in this relationship? Am I wrong, or have you been sharing for a lengthy period of time? Whether you were willing in your head or not, based on your actions, you have been doing just that. Again, step back and read your own words, let them sink in and then look at your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
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