Why am i falling for her more?

[ciara12step]

Hi there,

 

Im a male, just got out of a 3 year on/off relationship a month ago. Right off the bat started hanging out with this new girl for the past month (known her for 3 months) ..

 

Towards the end of my last relationship, this new girl would flirt with me like crazy, but i would be up front and tell her im dealing with relationship issues (with the person i just broke up with) .. and she was totally understanding of that.

 

When i had gotten out of this 3 year relationship last month, this girl and I became really close, been intimate several times, gone on a vacation together, she calls and texts every day. She tells me that she hasnt been this close to a guy since her last relationship (a year ago, shes been single a year)

 

and here are the BUT'S !

 

1. She makes it clear that she doesnt want a relationship (and i tell her neither do i cause i just got out of a relationship BUT i find myself getting attached to her more and more)

 

2. She tells me that im not even her type but that no one has ever been this

sweet to her and caring that she cant help feeling attached (emotionally and physically).

 

3. right now we have a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship. the worst part is i find myself feelin a bit jealous when were out in public cause she loves minglin out and about, she even made out with someone in front of me (once when she was completely drunk), but SHES NOT WITH ME so i have no say ! we had an argument about that, i told her i was done, and she was crying and called me like 20 times that next day and sayin sorry it was the alcohol.

 

Sometimes i feel the challenge is whats attracting me, the fact that she tells me no guy has made her feel this way, makes me feel like a million dollars. but then comes the "no relationship" reminder. And i keep tellin her im not looking to get in one either, when sometimes my mind plays tricks and keeps falling for her ...

 

We have become best friends, and hang out pretty much every day. I try to put space in between those days, but she ends up callin & askin me to hang out ..

 

What do i do ??

 

 

 

 

4.

[juliet Morrison]

Well thats kinda funny. I am that girl right now. Have been friends with this guy for over a year and have been telling him we are just friends. But now i am feeling more towards him and last week we made out ..no sex just a good old high school make out session ( i am 31). She Dose like you just wants to stay away in fear of getting her heart broken. Us woman are a little nuts...well alot nut....we alway say what we want but we reallly mean is the opposite. I tell him all the time i dont want a boyfreind and i kinda do and i kinda want it to be him. just give her time and let her know u are there for her...and if u can make her a little jealous thats what worked on me...the idea of looseing him scared me more the the idea of likeing him.

hang in there

[ciara12step]

appreciate the advice juliet, yea i try to do the lil scare tactic, got in a lil petty argument and said maybe its better that i just back off completely, and thats when she panics, i heard thats important to do but i also dont wanna scare them away completely, but i dont wanna be the sap either ! shes one of those girls that are really pretty and have tons of guys after them, loves to flirt, be social ,etc .. so i have to listen to ya and just be a friend

[ciara12step]

update we went on another vacay for a week, it was alot a fun .. did things like a couple would, and now i find myself falling for her .. i gotta wake up ! lol shes made it clear before that she just wants to be friends, and i tell her the same .. but i know i like her more then that ! how do i get this girl to fall for me ?

[WTRanger]

how do i get this girl to fall for me ?

 

Easy answer. You don't. She'll fall for you because she wants to, not by some magic potion or little dance you do. Just live your life as you want to live it, and if she falls back for you then she will.

 

You need to decide if you want to live in an stand-in role or leave this girl. There isn't anything you can do to make her fall for you, so face the facts that are presented to you and decide the direction you want to take.

[Xavier]

12Step I'm so glad i found your post, I've been trying to put into words this exact situation for the last 40mins with no success, I'm in pretty much exactly the same situation as you and know how confusing and screwed up it can be

 

Flirty, good looking girl who wants me but doesnt want to be 'with me'. Its really messing with my head, i hate feeling like a stand in when I know I'm the closest person to her, we share moments when it feels like its only me and her and thats the way its always gonna be, but then having to bite your tongua about certain things because you're not an 'item' really messes with your head.

 

Completely torn about it, sometimes I just want to chuck it in and move on, but it makes it hard when you care about the person and already have half of what you want. I feel your pain bro!

[ciara12step]

exactly ... here i am a month later and were still best friends. shes not datin anyone, and we occasionally stay close, but ive learned the key is to keep tryin to keep your distance, step back, let them call you, if they dont call you then u werent as close as u thought to them. shes still the # 1 person id wanna be around with, but little contact works best

[Barky]

If she's having sex with you then just keep doing what you're doing.

[ciara12step]

we havent had sex in 2 months but have had a lil foreplay a couple times in the past month .. she's payin more attn to me then before for some reason, she calls, texts me everyday , and she doesnt talk about just bein friends like she did before .. she seems to be so used to me bein around like a habit .. one day we got in an argument, and i told her im just gonna get out of whatever this is .. and she was callin and txtin again saying youre not gonna get rid of me .. and then i showed up with flowers ..

 

so were havin moments .. im just tryin to win her over lol

[ciara12step]

oh and she never brings up wanting to be 'just friends' anymore .. havent heard that in 2 months !! she seems sooo used to me

 

anyway to win this girls heart ?!?! how do i light up the passion again !?

[Sw3etdev1L]

Well... I used to be in a situation like that.. I used not to care about this guy.. we would be hanging out, we did get intimate, very intimate... all the way.. but I didn't care about him.. I was just "having fun and sex".. and then I would go out with other guys and be their girlfriend, I had two boyfriends last year.. and then I would be going back to him. .... after a while I tried to go out with him, but he stood me up one time.. and stuff.. it was weird because he used to message me a lot and call me a lot when I didn't care for him.. when I decided I was going to try it out with him, he started acting snobbish..

I had to clear things up.. because I started becoming confused. I told him I had started that kind of relationship with him because through that time I was going through a very painful moment in my house. But that I was not willing to be in that kind of relationship because it was confusing me, and making me very uncomfortable. He told me he didn't want a girlfriend right now, and that he didn't know what he wanted, so I told him that I used to not know what I wanted, but that now I was looking for love and, I didn't tell him I reallly wanted to be his girlfriend because he was not treating me the way I am supposed to be treated.. and personallly I needed time to pass for him to know what he wants and go get it, if it is me, it is me.. if not, then go with another girl. But I told him I wanted out of this kind of confusing relationship, I wanted to be friends.. but without benefits..I cleared things up to him and.. two weeks have passed and we just have said hi to each other. I don't know were this will take us.. but truth is, I hate not to know where I am standing and.. I don't care about the title much, but when you are introduced to someone and they tell you , you are just a friend... after sleeping around 30 times with the guy, then it's not nice.. I started feeling things for him of course.. And it was weird because I asked him if he had gone out with someone else after me, he told me no, and that he had not dated anybody else... during our relatinoship... I was also loyal to him so, ....I guess we only needed the title and that's it.

[ciara12step]

interesting story sweet devil .. well now we had another argument last nite, lol ..

 

shes been really moody lately with personal problems .. and shes been cuttin conversations short lately, so i asked her seriously are u okay ? and she would get irate and say quit being mr captain save the world, cause you cant save the world, and im a big girl and i can handle my own ..

 

that led to another argument, and i dont know if because she was in a bad mood.. but she said hurtful things like i just wanna be friends, dont wanna kiss, dont wanna cuddle, thats it ..

 

usually after arguments like this we dont talk for 24 hours and then she starts callin me again and txtin me why i dont call her :/

 

i think she wants that close close guy friend, but why would she wanna tell me things like who she would date next and what do i think of him ?

 

 

i just dont understand why she slept with me like 25 times in the beginning .. she just said it was what it was ..

 

i need to get away from this ! all bad

[yellow]

wow..sounds to me like she needs a lesson or two on how to talk to men. As a women..and even in this era even though we can "handle our own" you just dont belittle men like that. You were only trying to comfort her when she told you about her personal problems. Sounds to me like she is trying to prove to you that she is a BIG GIRL and she is STONG and she doesnt need NO RELATIONSHIP....I think she is playing mind games with you. Its as if she is saying the opposite of what she really wants. I think she wants you to chase her..she wants you to want her. I have told men before that I wasnt looking for a relationship only in the beginning of it all, but changed my mind fast, and If i didnt want to be with the guy I would have dropped him fast. so the fact that she is sticking around says something.. the fact that she is texting and calling when you pull away either 1. she is just selfish and wants attention 2. she feels she needs you for something like a shoulder to cry on or 3. she secretly wants you too. Gee..i should take my own advice. im in a similar situation. "whats going on in this guys head" is my post

 

Just BE HONEST. Seriously.. I have tried it all. the games, the manipulations and it works only sometimes but in the end its all about being true to yourself. If you act as though you are someone you are not it will only eat away at you. If you want to know how she feels.. tell HER! Woman respect this, and if she doesnt feel the same way.. just be cool. handle yourself in a calm manner and just tell her I just wanted to be honest with you and I respect your feelings...She also needs a lesson on how to let a MAN BE A MAN. yes woman can handle their own but there is nothing like having a man around to be their rock in time of need.

 

Good luck.. keep us updated!