Need advice on a situation

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by amerikajin

Way to go, silversoulfly. Just fill his mind with more useful advice on how to keep deluding himself into thinking everything's okay when the facts clearly tell us otherwise. I've got nothing personal against this guy, but at some point, you have to call a spade a spade. He's going down the wrong road.

Although USC are the national champions, I'd have to say amerikajin is right. The truth is, these delusions ARE harmful, because they enable you to think there is something where there is not, and it only makes heartbreak worse.

[apiman]

I'm giving a last update to my situation for those who were wondering what happend.

 

I called her the day after asking, Wednesday, but all I got was her voice mail. I had to speak with her before Friday's track meet, and she would be busy all of Thursday, so I panicked and called her several times that night. I felt bad about that, but I didn't know what else to do. Anyways, on Friday I tried calling before the meet, but all I got about ten minutes later was a voicemail from her boyfriend. He told me she doesn't know why I'm calling and it's bothering her, so unless I had something specific to say I should stop the constant calling. This hurt me greatly because it wasn't like I was calling every 10 minutes every day or calling when she told me not to. This sickened me to the point where I stopped running for a week because the reminders were constant and painful.

 

A friend of mine told me I should try writing a letter apologizing and explaining why I called so she at least understands. I asked a girl in my homeroom who she knows to ask her for her address, but she forgot to call. This was a week later, and I couldn't stand waiting anymore, so I had her tell the girl to call me back.

 

She called me back a few days later. I apologized for being so inconsiderate and explained to her why I was calling, saying how she told me a few months before I could call if I needed to talk. Her major is in the medical field, so apparantly she was extremely busy; whenever I called she was either in one of her night classes or in lab. She told me her boyfriend left the voicemail because he was concerned, and she didn't realize that this was why I called. I told her how it bothers me that I can't find any other way to feel the adrenaline other than talking with her because it's unfair for her. She tried to help giving me suggestions, but overall she feels it's not a good thing for me to use her as motivation because she won't be around forever. I told her if she doesn't want me calling I won't anymore, and she told me it's not that she doesn't want me to call, but she just has so much going on in her life right now with school, work, etc. She doesn't know how she can really help when she has her own issues to deal with, and she feels bad because of that. She told me to call her later in the year and let her know how I'm doing in track, so I'm going to stop bothering her until then. I guess I never really thought about how busy she is, so I don't plan on disrupting her anymore.

 

It hurts because the reality is that talking with her would greatly help me in track because the adrenaline would numb my torn knees as talking with her did in December. But I can't fathom calling her anymore simply because she's the best person I've ever known and she doesn't deserve this. It also hurts because I purposely avoided her when she was here, and now I have so much appreciation for her as a person and for the affect she's had on my life. I wish I could find somebody just like her to help me feel that adrenaline, but nobody in my life is anything like her.

 

Overall, I'm glad I got a chance to apologize and explain myself to her. She understands now that this wasn't some obsessive mission to court her, but merely my desire to run as fast as I could. If I hadn't gotten this chance, it would have negatively affected my running and only made it worse.

[amerikajin]

On January 17, I wrote>>>With all due respect, the other people are wrong. It would be one thing if you hadn't called her yet, and it was gutsy to give her a call the first time; but I think she's told you once that there's not much to talk about, and to be honest, I think she was letting you down nicely. The next time she may not be so nice, and then you're either going to feel hurt or angry.<<<

 

Then you write:

>>>Anyways, on Friday I tried calling before the meet, but all I got about ten minutes later was a voicemail from her boyfriend. He told me she doesn't know why I'm calling and it's bothering her, so unless I had something specific to say I should stop the constant calling. This hurt me greatly because it wasn't like I was calling every 10 minutes every day or calling when she told me not to. This sickened me to the point where I stopped running for a week because the reminders were constant and painful. <<<

 

If I'm not a prophet, then I don't know what I am. Was I right or was I right?

 

Look, you just need to forget about her - end of story. You have gotten entirely too obsessive about this woman. I don't care what you say, you're having wild fantasies about her that aren't healthy. You need to start getting out and getting a taste of the real world. Leave her and her boyfriend alone, and go get yourself someone more available. We all have fantasies and crushes (I've had many of them myself). Eventually, though, we have to get a grip.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean or intentionally rude. I'm just trying to get you to wake up and see that you don't need this woman to run fast. Try an energy bar or some supplements at the GNC store or something. They're a lot less hassle free than a woman.