Tony

[LT]

Hmmm...sad day when someone I've come to think of with more common sense than me (and a MAN to boot) feels he has to leave a place like this. Yes his replies were sometimes on the harsh side, but I believe sometimes the best "therapists" are the ones who know when to tell their clients "It's time to quit whining and DO SOMETHING to change." Empathy is fine to an extent but if someone is in a crisis situation they also happen to be (as the chinese would say) in a situation of unique opportunity: Only through crisis do we tend to change our ways, to grow, mature and develop.

 

There were plenty of empathisizers/sympathizers on here, giving out advice. There was no one like Tony who would tell you in no uncertain way to get the hell out and quit taking ##### (he actually phrased it nicer). He never allowed anyone to wallow in victimhood, because *that* is doing yourself the most harm of anything. I strongly believe that...have a five minute pity party and THEN GET ON WITH IT. It's hard to say no to people whose love you want but that's often the only way to go...because you'll never get what you want and need by continuing to take abuse and playing victim. NEVER. If you want love and happiness in THIS life...YOUR LIFE...you have to take care of your own emotional baggage YOURSELF, which means strengthening your backbone and learning when it's time to move on.

 

I'm sorry Tony left and I will miss him. Personally, I don't know how he could stand responding to posters who he knew weren't going to change, didn't want to change, and certainly didn't want to hear they had to put down their victimhood. Having worked at a crisis center I understand it's a thankless job...and something I had to eventually walk away from. Most people love to wallow, bang their head against the same wall again and again, and our culture encourages the whole idea of being a victim, like it's something to be proud of. The only thing to be proud of in this life, I think, is standing straight and tall and being able to say with all the faith in the world "Never again!"

 

LT

[MA]

You are right, it is very sad that Tony will no longer be responding to our posts. If you scroll down the list you will even notice that there are numerous people who posted to tony because they wanted to hear his opinion. This forum is great because you do get several opinions on a post. Tony was very helpful to me and many others because he was blunt. When you sugarcoat your answers the point doesn't always get across especially when it is not what a person wants to hear. If you want sympathy go to your friends, they will tell you they are sorry about your situation or whatever. If you want advice come here and ask a question? So I think all of you guys who are complaining about tony or anyones lack of sympathy are here for the wrong reasons in the first place. This is a place to get other peoples opinion on the answer or reason for your circumstance not an invitation to throw your own pity party. Fortunately there are alot of intelligent people on this forum to answer questions you may have, but Tony will definitely be missed. I don't think he came here to show off his intelligence but his answers showed that he was a very intelligent individual with quite a bit of experience through practice as well as his own personal life.

 

As loveangel is trying to tell us, when you post you are inviting others to give their opinion and understand that you may not agree with it but you get what you ask for....opinions?

Hmmm...sad day when someone I've come to think of with more common sense than me (and a MAN to boot) feels he has to leave a place like this. Yes his replies were sometimes on the harsh side, but I believe sometimes the best "therapists" are the ones who know when to tell their clients "It's time to quit whining and DO SOMETHING to change." Empathy is fine to an extent but if someone is in a crisis situation they also happen to be (as the chinese would say) in a situation of unique opportunity: Only through crisis do we tend to change our ways, to grow, mature and develop. There were plenty of empathisizers/sympathizers on here, giving out advice. There was no one like Tony who would tell you in no uncertain way to get the hell out and quit taking ##### (he actually phrased it nicer). He never allowed anyone to wallow in victimhood, because *that* is doing yourself the most harm of anything. I strongly believe that...have a five minute pity party and THEN GET ON WITH IT. It's hard to say no to people whose love you want but that's often the only way to go...because you'll never get what you want and need by continuing to take abuse and playing victim. NEVER. If you want love and happiness in THIS life...YOUR LIFE...you have to take care of your own emotional baggage YOURSELF, which means strengthening your backbone and learning when it's time to move on. I'm sorry Tony left and I will miss him. Personally, I don't know how he could stand responding to posters who he knew weren't going to change, didn't want to change, and certainly didn't want to hear they had to put down their victimhood. Having worked at a crisis center I understand it's a thankless job...and something I had to eventually walk away from. Most people love to wallow, bang their head against the same wall again and again, and our culture encourages the whole idea of being a victim, like it's something to be proud of. The only thing to be proud of in this life, I think, is standing straight and tall and being able to say with all the faith in the world "Never again!" LT

[magicklady]

I Will miss him as well.. He helped me out with a few questions I had and I always enjoyed seeing what he was going to say about perticular situations. It is a really sad day when someone who just wanted to help people gets told that they are being to harsh.. when in reality that is what it calls for most of the time... 99%of the people that do ask for advice don't want to hear what people have to say or they are not going to follow the advice because it was not what they wanted to hear... So I agree with LT and with MA.. it is a very sad loss....

[tangerine]

I just logged onto the forum for the first time since last friday and have read the bad news that Tony will no long be here to share his excellent, wise and insightful advice. I've just recently started visiting this forum a couple weeks ago and I posted a message, wanting advice about my admittedly unhappy relationship. He responded and I thought (you'll laugh at this) "my god, is this guy psychic?" He knew certain things, about I and my boyfriends past, that I never even mentioned. I can honestly say he is one of the smartest, most sensitive, yet right on the money, people I have received advice from in a long time and I am truly dismayed that he wont be sharing his thoughts on this forum any longer. I have read some opinions posted from other regulars here (wont mention any names), that seem really whacked! On a positive note, I am thankful that there are others who visit/post on this forum who seem very wise...LT, and Magicklady come to mind, though they're not the only ones. Hope to read more of their thoughts in the future. Tony will be dearly missed, by myself and many others I'm sure.

Hmmm...sad day when someone I've come to think of with more common sense than me (and a MAN to boot) feels he has to leave a place like this. Yes his replies were sometimes on the harsh side, but I believe sometimes the best "therapists" are the ones who know when to tell their clients "It's time to quit whining and DO SOMETHING to change." Empathy is fine to an extent but if someone is in a crisis situation they also happen to be (as the chinese would say) in a situation of unique opportunity: Only through crisis do we tend to change our ways, to grow, mature and develop. There were plenty of empathisizers/sympathizers on here, giving out advice. There was no one like Tony who would tell you in no uncertain way to get the hell out and quit taking ##### (he actually phrased it nicer). He never allowed anyone to wallow in victimhood, because *that* is doing yourself the most harm of anything. I strongly believe that...have a five minute pity party and THEN GET ON WITH IT. It's hard to say no to people whose love you want but that's often the only way to go...because you'll never get what you want and need by continuing to take abuse and playing victim. NEVER. If you want love and happiness in THIS life...YOUR LIFE...you have to take care of your own emotional baggage YOURSELF, which means strengthening your backbone and learning when it's time to move on. I'm sorry Tony left and I will miss him. Personally, I don't know how he could stand responding to posters who he knew weren't going to change, didn't want to change, and certainly didn't want to hear they had to put down their victimhood. Having worked at a crisis center I understand it's a thankless job...and something I had to eventually walk away from. Most people love to wallow, bang their head against the same wall again and again, and our culture encourages the whole idea of being a victim, like it's something to be proud of. The only thing to be proud of in this life, I think, is standing straight and tall and being able to say with all the faith in the world "Never again!" LT