apiman Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 I'm sorry I didn't know which friendship forum to post this on so I posted it on both. Ok, here's my problem. I'm a senior in high school, and I met this one girl six years ago. She's two years older than I am and is in college about an hour away from me. I used to obsess over her; I wrote her name in my notebooks repeatedly, told her I loved her, and even gave her expensive jewellery. I've danced with her numerous times, hugged her, talked to her several times, etc. I chose my high school based on where she went, yet when I got there I was too nervous to talk to her because I always thought of her as being above me. She would say hi to me in the hallways and ask how I am from time to time, but I always assumed she flirted with me because she knew I liked her. I never really thought she liked me, which is partly why I decided to forget about her sophomore year. I did everything I could to not think about her because it was pointless, what with her going to college. Two years later, I have successfully put her out of my mind, well up until about a month ago. All of a sudden I began dreaming about her every night. It really bothered me since I had thought about her for so long and didn't know why I would keep being reminded now. Long story short, I then realized that she was the reason I ran so fast in cross country and track. She indirectly motivated me to be as fast as I can, but since she's been gone I haven't run as well. Anyways, I decided to call her and tell her about this in hopes of getting it off my mind. She didn't know what to say, but she did tell me that I could call her if anything else came up. The point of the phone call was to get her off my mind, but it didn't work like that. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, and for the past three weeks I've been trying to get ahold of her. I finally did two days ago; I thanked her for listening to me and asked if I could call her just to talk. She told me she didn't feel comfortable because she doesn't really know me and doesn't know what there is to talk about. I said that I understand completely, because I don't know what there is to talk about either. There are things I can ask her, but they are more interrogative than conversational. I told her I'm not trying to ask her out, I just always wanted to be her friend and like talking to her. She said she is busy all of this week but she'll call me back next week when she has time. Honestly, I don't think she'll call back; not because she doesn't want to, but because she'll be so busy that she'll forget. Even if she does call, I don't know what there is to say. I still love her, and I would hate to lose contact with her, but I don't want to bother her either and put her in a position where she is just being nice to me. I guess what I'm asking is, well, what could I talk to her about? Should I just stop bothering her? I'd give anything just to be her friend, but alas I know I have little chance at that. It amazes me that after six years, I have never met anyone more beautiful and kind as she is. It's plagued me, however, since I compare everyone I meet to her and notice how imperfect they are to her relatively. It really bothers me that I didn't talk to her my sophomore year because things would be much different now. Any comments or advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 I'm sure she'd love to be your friend, but would you be happy being ~just friends~? Link to post Share on other sites
yogi-mon Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 dyermaker your very fast man. very sharp man. You get right to the point. I respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 I'd do anything to just be her friend. Nothing is better than simply talking to her on the phone, which is why I feel so sad. I'd love to be her boyfriend, but I'm not sure if she even cares to talk to me. You say she'd love to be my friend; I'm curious as to why you think that? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 If you're curious, I'll tell ya. It's because, if she becomes your friend, you're going to want more, and this is something she doesn't want. Not only doesn't she want it, but she'll never want it, it sounds so mean, but she made it clear to you. I know how it is, to really want someone in your life so bad, that you'll sell yourself short. I wouldn't reccommend going into a platonic relationship with her, if you have the slightest hopes that it'll mature into something more. That's unfair to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 I would much rather have been her friend than nothing to her at all. Six years after meeting her, and I still have yet to even think of her as a girlfriend per say. I never thought about kissing her or anything else like that, but as I said I am definately not against it. Are you saying that I should drop it entirely? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Your question: Should I drop it entirely? My Question: Do you hope to turn things from friendship to more than friendship? If your answer is yes, the answer to your question is: Yes If your answer is no, the answer to your question is: No Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 I understand why you'd think that I would want more later, but there is more to this than just being her friend. See, when I talk to her I feel better and I get motivated to run which I'll need to get through track. With that said, do you have any comments or advice as to how I can get her to be my friend if she does indeed call back? Like I said, there are some things I can ask her, but I just don't know if I can create meaningful conversation when I'm not sure she even wants to talk. It's obvious that she's willing to talk with me when I have something specific to discuss; but as soon as I asked her if I could call her just to talk, she became uncomfortable. This seems understandable, but I don't know how to get around it. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 I'm just saying be honest with yourself. Don't pursue a relationship if it's going to hurt you. Anyway, If you make it clear to her that you want to be her friend, and that she makes you feel good, I see no reason why she wouldn't be in to that, maybe she's just busy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 She's been busy the past month or so, I know that. I just want to be her friend, but I don't want to bother her. I guess I just have to hope she calls back. Again, I'm curious; what did she say that makes it so apparent to you that she would never want to be more than friends? I'd like to know what made you so confident about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Juicy Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Originally posted by apiman I understand why you'd think that I would want more later, but there is more to this than just being her friend. See, when I talk to her I feel better and I get motivated to run which I'll need to get through track. I'm totally interested in this comment you made about how you run faster when you feel better because you talked to her, etc. I can relate to this, and I'm wondering if you or anyone can explain why this is so... Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 I never thought of her on the line or said "ok I'm going to run really fast to impress her", but I know I felt this adrenaline rush when she was around. I set records and dominated every time I ran with her in life. Everytime she left, I lost that motivation because I never really enjoyed running for the fun of it. I know she never noticed how fast I was or even cared, I always knew that. Part of the reason I'm trying to stay in contact with her is I'm going into my final season of track, and I'll need all of the motivation I can get. I'd rather run with the adrenaline of her indirect motivation than with the anger created through knowing I can never talk to her again. Anger fades over time, I should know. Also, I reinjured my knee and have to go to physical therapy every week. I am positive that if it keeps hurting I won't be able to withstand the pain without some outside motivation to keep me going. Link to post Share on other sites
Juicy Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Originally posted by apiman I never thought of her on the line or said "ok I'm going to run really fast to impress her", but I know I felt this adrenaline rush when she was around. I set records and dominated every time I ran with her in life. Everytime she left, I lost that motivation because I never really enjoyed running for the fun of it. I know she never noticed how fast I was or even cared, I always knew that. Part of the reason I'm trying to stay in contact with her is I'm going into my final season of track, and I'll need all of the motivation I can get. I'd rather run with the adrenaline of her indirect motivation than with the anger created through knowing I can never talk to her again. Anger fades over time, I should know. Also, I reinjured my knee and have to go to physical therapy every week. I am positive that if it keeps hurting I won't be able to withstand the pain without some outside motivation to keep me going. I know what you mean. It's not a conscious thought that 'she is there, she's watching me so i'll do my best'. It's ...different than that. I wish I understood it, but I've always been too embarrased to ask anyone to see if they understood... It's like, why can't I be just as motivated without thinking those thoughts? It's frustrating actually... Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 It's also really frustrating when that other person doesn't really care, and when I'm in my current situation and other people are telling me to forget about her. You people tend to know more about this than the regular person, so I respect your opinion; but some of my friends are simplistic high school kids trying to "get some" and don't understand the magnitude to which this girl has affected me. I still love her in some way because of the fact that without her, I would have never accomplished some of the things I have on the field / track. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 I think its a "rush" It is actually a combo of things. I'm sure he feels real intense around her. We all know the feeling when you see someone who you are atracted to, or you lust/love/like. Especially in High School and she's an "older girl" The motivation comes from the endorphin rush we get in situations like that. Hey wait, Looking at Juicy Im startin' to feel like showing off, my face is getting red, and I've forgotten what I was saying and.............................. (Juicy, I'm just joking, don't be bugged!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 The problem is that rush can't really be obtained consciously. I can't go through my season trying to get the rush, which is why I'm concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Juicy Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Originally posted by mjk I think its a "rush" It is actually a combo of things. I'm sure he feels real intense around her. We all know the feeling when you see someone who you are atracted to, or you lust/love/like. Especially in High School and she's an "older girl" The motivation comes from the endorphin rush we get in situations like that. Yes, I agree, but the part that is weird for me is... It's the THOUGHT of that person that gives me the rush... Hey wait, Looking at Juicy Im startin' to feel like showing off, my face is getting red, and I've forgotten what I was saying and.............................. (Juicy, I'm just joking, don't be bugged!) lol, thx Link to post Share on other sites
Juicy Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Originally posted by apiman The problem is that rush can't really be obtained consciously. I can't go through my season trying to get the rush, which is why I'm concerned. Api, I'm curious, but would you describe yourself as obsessive/compulsive to some degree? Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hey I know its tough, especially where you are at right now. Is there anything else that motivates you? I know when I was in high school it was cars, motorcycles, and girls. Of course girls always took the first place interest but I did a lot of venting, and got a lot motivation from working on my bikes etc. Not to mention that it was "cool" that my ride was the most bitchin'! You have to think of something else because where you are at now isn't working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 Originally posted by Juicy Api, I'm curious, but would you describe yourself as obsessive/compulsive to some degree? I'd say so, yes. Well, not really, but I am obsessive about certain things like this girl, baseball, running. mjk, nothing but this girl has motivated in six years of running. I've tried other methods and they always fail. There's still a slim possibility that I can talk to her from time to time, but that depends on her calling back and me figuring out some way to convince her there's a point in talking to me. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 LOL Huh? Maybe I shouldn't be thinking so much! It's the thought that counts. Man its gettin' too hot in here. ANYWAY... A guy in high school is definitely on "over-drive". Girls don't realize the power thay have over the younger dudes. Find something else to get it in gear. Excel in sports and you will have more to do than you've ever dreamed of! Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Sorry apiman, I'm not a fast typer so i missed your message while i was distracted on something else. All the rules still apply here. If she doesn't want contact, or not too much, if you ask for more then she'll be out the door. Don't bug on her. she is already out of High school which is a big deal when you finally do it. stay cool and talk to her when you can, don't push! Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 Ok, thanks for the help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author apiman Posted December 24, 2003 Author Share Posted December 24, 2003 I just spoke with the person who had been there with me the past six years when I was obsessed with this girl, and he had some interesting comments. I'm going to think them over tonight and see how I feel about it tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 You need to stop obsessing on her. If I were her, I would be scared of you. Im not trying to be rude...please understand. You say you love her, but you dont know her. You dont even know what to talk about on the phone with her?! You have puppy love, which is so great, yet rarely lasts. Next year you will be in college...try not to be so obsessive with girls. She was clear she didnt want more...dont push it. Let it go. Sometimes we thank god for unanswered prayers...you might not get that now, but one day you will! Link to post Share on other sites
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