mizundastud Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Okay I just posted a thread about a previous relationship its called "LOST"....Well I just checked my email and after 2 1/2 months of NC he wants to know how I'm doing and whats going on in my life. I am not over him and I dont know if I should respond because if he's just checking on my well being I dont want to reply and mess up the healing process I would rather keep it NC. What do I do??? Also to see that he contacted me made me feel so good, I feel powerless and so ashamed that he still has this much control over my feelings...its crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Kantor Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Did he email you or is he responding to something you said to him? Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I feel powerless and so ashamed that he still has this much control over my feelings...its crazy. Then you are in no condition to reply back to his e-mail. You simply ignore it and either archive it with the rest of his previous e-mails or delete it. There is no reason at all to respond to his e-mail. He needs to accept you have a new life that doesn't involve him at all. It may seem rude to flat out ignore him, but that's the healthiest thing for you to do if you are still so emotionally invested in him. Take the fact that he e-mailed you as a sign that you are unforgettable as a person and move forward with your life knowing that you're the type of person that sticks in people's minds. Other than that, there is no need to hyper-analyse anything he said because he isn't a pillar in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Miz you sound just like me,an email from mr. unavailable would make my day,imagine a call. I know you will stew on this,and feel its wrong to reply,and Denver Guy is right if you can ignore him till you are ready to respond...Like after you meet a new hot guy who looks like actor james Franco,yummy..then you can e-mail him,i'd say wait 4 days to reply,and make it short and sweet..like hey doing fine,Holidays were a blast. i'm sorry I know most of us here wont do NC even if its preferrable,i'm just being realistic,short and sweet,after 4 days. Dont say i miss you,please dont or i may throw my salmon plate out the window! Main thing Don't reply Right away Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Did he email you or is he responding to something you said to him? No I havent sent him anything or called Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Then you are in no condition to reply back to his e-mail. You simply ignore it and either archive it with the rest of his previous e-mails or delete it. There is no reason at all to respond to his e-mail. He needs to accept you have a new life that doesn't involve him at all. It may seem rude to flat out ignore him, but that's the healthiest thing for you to do if you are still so emotionally invested in him. Take the fact that he e-mailed you as a sign that you are unforgettable as a person and move forward with your life knowing that you're the type of person that sticks in people's minds. Other than that, there is no need to hyper-analyse anything he said because he isn't a pillar in your life. Yeah I think your right I didnt respond, Also I made a fool of myself for 5 months trying to get him back while he played games. Im not going to give in that easy. Heres my chance to walk away with my head up Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Miz you sound just like me,an email from mr. unavailable would make my day,imagine a call. I know you will stew on this,and feel its wrong to reply,and Denver Guy is right if you can ignore him till you are ready to respond...Like after you meet a new hot guy who looks like actor james Franco,yummy..then you can e-mail him,i'd say wait 4 days to reply,and make it short and sweet..like hey doing fine,Holidays were a blast. i'm sorry I know most of us here wont do NC even if its preferrable,i'm just being realistic,short and sweet,after 4 days. Dont say i miss you,please dont or i may throw my salmon plate out the window! Main thing Don't reply Right away LOL, I promise Im not replying well atleast not yet I'll probably wait longer than 4 days to. Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Miz you must be a good luck charm,now mine has contacted me after ive been on NC for a short while,not for as long as you have with your ex,so i will contact wait to contact him. The same advice i gave to you,you can be in control of this,you can:) keep me posted,or PM me of you wish,you can have this down pat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Miz you must be a good luck charm,now mine has contacted me after ive been on NC for a short while,not for as long as you have with your ex,so i will contact wait to contact him. The same advice i gave to you,you can be in control of this,you can:) keep me posted,or PM me of you wish,you can have this down pat. Im happy for you, I'll keep you posted and you do the same I dont think they let new members PM, do you want your guy back??? Link to post Share on other sites
singlegirl Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Don't reply to him, don't ever reply to him. I replied and it opened up another week of pain and heartache. I second guessed myself, went through emotional hell and for what? I feel worse now than I did before christmas. I am alone and have exposed even more of myself to him. I feel exposed emotionally, wounded, vulnerable and rejected because when i met up with him again he had already emotionally checked out.... don't do it!! Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Im happy for you, I'll keep you posted and you do the same I dont think they let new members PM, do you want your guy back??? Part of me yes and part of me no because he is a jerk,i just wrote something on the coping posts. Sorry new members cant PM, i thought it wqas automatic. All i can say is just think about what s right for you,take a while to think about replying back. key is indifference,that swhat i am doing,or trying to. hey single gal sorry for your bad experience there is a tale of caution with this which we should all consider Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Miz you must be a good luck charm,now mine has contacted me after ive been on NC for a short while Part of me yes and part of me no because he is a jerk Why don't these statements reconcile? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Don't reply to him, don't ever reply to him. I replied and it opened up another week of pain and heartache. I second guessed myself, went through emotional hell and for what? I feel worse now than I did before christmas. I am alone and have exposed even more of myself to him. I feel exposed emotionally, wounded, vulnerable and rejected because when i met up with him again he had already emotionally checked out.... don't do it!! Yeah Singlegirl its like they give us a little bait and we take it and get caught up all over again. I'm done with being vulnerable nope I will not bring myself to open up to him emtionally again. I'm not gonna lie I do miss him tho. But I think I'm gonna let him try a few more attempts before I actually reply and that's gonna be short. Sorry to hear what happen to you trust me I know the feelin but the same way he pulled himself away emotionally. You have to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Part of me yes and part of me no because he is a jerk,i just wrote something on the coping posts. Sorry new members cant PM, i thought it wqas automatic. All i can say is just think about what s right for you,take a while to think about replying back. key is indifference,that swhat i am doing,or trying to. hey single gal sorry for your bad experience there is a tale of caution with this which we should all consider I'm undecided also , its weird bcuz the pain he caused me makes me not want to be with him but being with him feels right I'm currently in a relationship and I'm not happy, I feel like I don't belong with him I already know its over between us and he knows I still have feelings for my Ex. Link to post Share on other sites
SaraSmile Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I think they write sometimes after a period of NC to assuage their guilt, to test the waters to see if you've forgiven them or if there are still hard feelings because they feel guilty for being the dumper. They may also have a few doubts about whether or not it was the right decision to end the relationship, but not enough to say so. Some of them, on a subconscious level, want to see that their dumpee is missing them because it gives them that ego stroke they miss. The question I would have is, why is he writing you? If he wants back, he should say so directly and not play games with you. You could choose to let him know, after a delay, that life has gone on and you are fine, and in fact better off without him and his hurtful ways. Or you could ignore him because he isn't worth the effort. It depends on whether or not you feel strong enough to keep up a wall around your heart. Please don't reveal any vulnerability to him unless he tells you he regrets the breakup and wants to get back together with you, and proves it with actions. Or you could ignore him and leave him with his little bit of guilt and doubt about the breakup. I would wait a while and give it some thought before you do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 We've all done it that's why we're here. I did it for 3-5 day only though and then she called me everyday for weeks even though I asked her not to. She after 6 weeks or so of no contact other then a run in that didn't go well she sends me the occasional did you call me or why did you send me that or this. I ignore her now and it hurts like hell but if she wants me she knows where I am. Don't respond and see if he says something more. Good Luck. Yeah I think your right I didnt respond, Also I made a fool of myself for 5 months trying to get him back while he played games. Im not going to give in that easy. Heres my chance to walk away with my head up Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 We've all done it that's why we're here. I did it for 3-5 day only though and then she called me everyday for weeks even though I asked her not to. She after 6 weeks or so of no contact other then a run in that didn't go well she sends me the occasional did you call me or why did you send me that or this. I ignore her now and it hurts like hell but if she wants me she knows where I am. Don't respond and see if he says something more. Good Luck. My ex has been doing the same lately too. E-mailing, texting, AND coming by the home. He is STILL engaged! That should be the reddest of all flags. I would definitely wait to contact the ex out of sheer principle. Most dumpers have this thing where they like to see you as a mini-backup plan in case they do want you back. They don't want us to froget about them or move on properly. This is not love. It is sheer egotism at it's ugliest. Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 My ex has been doing the same lately too. E-mailing, texting, AND coming by the home. He is STILL engaged! That should be the reddest of all flags. I would definitely wait to contact the ex out of sheer principle. Most dumpers have this thing where they like to see you as a mini-backup plan in case they do want you back. They don't want us to froget about them or move on properly. This is not love. It is sheer egotism at it's ugliest. Yeah I'm trying to figure out what the He** she's thinking, She dumped me for no good reason, she treats me like shi*, she's rude and disrespectful when we did talk or text But she wants me to answer. WTF Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 Yeah I'm trying to figure out what the He** she's thinking, She dumped me for no good reason, she treats me like shi*, she's rude and disrespectful when we did talk or text But she wants me to answer. WTF Yup my ex treated me exactly the same....and me thinkin if I'm consistent and show him how I felt he'd come around, for 5 months I was a fool and pourin my heart out only made it worse Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 My ex once during NC left a message call her anytime and tell her anything. Yea right. BALLS for a women. Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha1675 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Hi everyone, just been reading your posts and oh I wish my ex would contact me! It's 11 weeks today since we broke up and started NC. After two years together and living together for over a year he said he really loved me but wasn't ready to settle down. It was so hard as we both told each other how much we loved each other but I had to walk away. I moved out and quit my job and moved back home with my parents. I have a new job starting next week and have things to keep me occupied but bottom line, I love him and miss him and just wish he'd text or something! I know it is for the best but it is so hard when he said he loved me Link to post Share on other sites
ginyi1111 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I know it is for the best but it is so hard when he said he loved me Sometimes in situations of heartbreak we will let our heart rule our head, which always makes things ultra hard or difficult to understand because what they said did not match what they did, which is dumping us. We need to be logical and rational when it comes to breakups. IF they really loved us so, why would they dump us? Humans are selfish and will do whatever it takes to be happy. Therefore if they dump us it means that they are happier WITHOUT us. A friend once said, it is universal knowledge that you do not hold on to a man's words. Actions speak louder than words. WORDS : I really love you ACTION : I'm breaking up with you because I dont want to settle down with you Doesnt really jive huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Oh Moe Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Just ignore and move on. No one hoped more then me for 4 months then I realized I was used and taken advantage of, she even used my kids and probably did irreversible damage to my youngest daughter. Due to her lies and ignorance. The things I've learned about her the last month have broken my heart all over again about what a sucker I was the last three years. Well I did something last week that makes feel so good but others tell me I may have damaged her but Oh well she hurt me and my family so many times I can't count but I have absolutely no feelings for her anymore and that makes me kind of sad in a good way. Don't contact. Link to post Share on other sites
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