BenThereDunThat Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 That's what's wonderful about children. They don't know they're doing it, but they'll try and find loop holes to no matter what sanity you throw at them. (think Bill Cosby's routine: 'but I was getting the cookies for YOU!") But, in the end, they're grateful to have parents that care about them so much, parents who want nothing more than to keep them out of harm's way. In this case: Child = wants/desires without consequences (because there is none, right?) Parent = your own self-preservation, the voice of reason that knows you can't just willy-nilly have cookies any ol' time you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoyDevine Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 I know that the heart wants what the heart wants. I hope everything works out for you, and that you keep us up to date on how you are doing ??? Thank you. It's been nine days since I last spoke to him.. I think I'm feeling better about everything. Fortunately I only let it go on for about a month and a half. (luckily I found this board) Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoyDevine Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 In this case: Child = wants/desires without consequences (because there is none, right?) Parent = your own self-preservation, the voice of reason that knows you can't just willy-nilly have cookies any ol' time you want. I am really feeling this. The "child" voice usually starts out with "Life is short..." I think it's because I have a birthday coming up. That always makes me realize that yep. I'm gonna die one day. lol morbid I know. The child voice also likes to remember something I heard a long time ago - you don't usually regret the things you DO, you regret the things you DON"T do. And I've found it to be true. I've done a few stupid things. I don't regret them. I've had some chances, opportunities I passed up. I regret those. But the "parent" part of me comes here and reads heartbreaking stories and says Don't. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Sorry, the anal-retentive in me needs to fix this: "because there ARE none, right?", (i.e., consequences) Right. Carry on then.......... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Just a question for its own sake: In the OP you say "she got pregnant (unplanned). And then had another." (rough paraphrase). I took it to mean that they married because she got pregnant. But then you go on to say that the kids were old enough to actually BE in the wedding by the time they did get married. WOW! So I wonder why they got married to begin with? Were they trying to get more love by having a legal commitment? Sounds to me like they felt it was the right thing to do. Not saying at all that he is a victim in this. He's not. Believe it or not, for some couples, getting married is a sign of the end of the relationship. My neighbor's daughter was with her guy for five years, and then they married last year in June. By last year in October, she moved back in with her parents. Marriage was over. I hope you do as you said and get more involved in life and try moving past some of your shyness. An affair really only makes you distrust people and their motives more than you already do, and I don't see that as positive or worth the potential heartache of helping him leave his unhappy marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 that may be true for you and a few others, but if someone reads the threads on here, there are an awful lot of them written by people who are really hurting because they became involved in an affair... I don't pretend to know the proportions, but I would hazard a guess that the majority of people come on here because they affair is hurting them... but I could be wrong JoyDevine, whatever decision you make, I hope that you don't wind up being hurt True enough, but I am sure that even these people have had their share of fun, sex and love! Just like I too have had my share of hurting. Like any great love story EMRs contain a lot of both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoyDevine Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Just a question for its own sake: In the OP you say "she got pregnant (unplanned). And then had another." (rough paraphrase). I took it to mean that they married because she got pregnant. But then you go on to say that the kids were old enough to actually BE in the wedding by the time they did get married. WOW! So I wonder why they got married to begin with? Were they trying to get more love by having a legal commitment? Sounds to me like they felt it was the right thing to do. Not saying at all that he is a victim in this. He's not. When she had his child he committed to being with her. He really wanted kids, he was ready when we were together. I knew I wasn't ready. I don't know why he didn't marry her then. (or when the next one came, or every year after that...) My own personal theory is that it's because I was on his mind alot. (he didn't tell me this. I could be wrong.) They finally married about 4-5 years ago. He told me they did it for his elderly parents. He's middle aged. I'm out of the picture. I don't think he had any other romantic plans .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoyDevine Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 He sent me a "Happy New Year!" email. Am I supposed to ignore it? Or would a quick "Happy New Year" response be harmless? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoyDevine Posted January 28, 2010 Author Share Posted January 28, 2010 Update I didn't respond. And then I did. I got angry every time I saw his harmless "Happy New Year!" email, because I was so sad and sort of wishing he'd never found me because I felt heartbroken. So I sent an angry email telling him all of that. A few days later I realized that it was too harsh so I called to apologize. We've been back in contact since then. During this time of communicating with him, I remembered why I said no to him all those years ago. I have no regrets. He wasn't/isn't the one. But I also know I'll never ignore one of his emails or phone calls again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoyDevine Posted January 28, 2010 Author Share Posted January 28, 2010 I'm confused about your post, in that you say you've now realized he wasn't the one but yet you are going to keep in contact with him. Obviously you've talked in depth with him to say you've realized he isn't the one but yet you are going to continue having a relationship with him??? It's just my opinion but you are sliding on a very slippery slope here. So you are having an EA with him right?? He's an important person to have in my life. I can't think of a reason why I shouldn't continue to have a relationship with him - especially since the relationship is nothing more than a few emails a week and a few phone calls a month, and we're oceans apart. I'm not in love with him. No, we're not having an EA. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 I'm curious to know why you said no to him the first time, and why you suddenly remembered that and decided he isn't the one for you. I got back together with my first love for a while... he hadn't changed a bit, and that wasn't necessarily a good thing... Link to post Share on other sites
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