What might he really want?

[Gypsy_Soul]

Hi, I'm reposting this in this section instead. Not too sure if I posted in the right one or not.

 

This man destroyed my life. He ruined my finances, cheated multiple times, abandoned our child, all of his pets, and me without a car, no money, no job, no income, and no food. We live in the middle of nowhere so public transportation is non-existent. We had no way of contacting him as he changed his numbers and address.

 

While we were together he did everything in his power to sabatoge my sucess in school and trying to find a job, since he refused to be around to help with our daughter. He is/was very selfish.

 

Many months later he finally conacts my mother through letter with two theaterfest tickets to a play. I reluctantly accepted the tickets and took my daughter to which she texted him a "thank you for the tickets".

 

Now he has been trying to buy our daughter gifts and take her out on fun trips, but doesn't want to help with parenting resposibilities.

 

He then tells me that, "If we can get along, I can help you get to medical school and help you get into the field that you want, because I know all of the right people in all of the right places." "Of course, this is because I want us to both succeed for our daughter."

 

I'm wondering to myself if he was always so caring and so concerned about my well being, my success and my future why did he try to destroy our livelihood and my sabatoge all of my success in school? He also hasn't helped in taking care for our daughter in the past 10 months or his other obligations and responsiblities such as bills and his pets. (well for a long time while we were still together he didn't help much in those areas either)

 

I'm wondering what could be his ulterior motive if anyone has any idea or experience with such a person, please your advice is needed?

[tojaz]

GG, sounds like guilt to me. Knows hes done wrong and is making some token gestures so he looks like a decent guy. The fact that he buys gifts but shys away from his parenting duties speaks volumes.

TOJAZ

[Gypsy_Soul]

Thanks Tojaz. I think you're right, he might be feeling a bit of guilt. IMHO, he's not a decent guy. I am just going to finish up the custody paperwork, because he needs to start picking up his slack as a parent or just let me have full custody period.

 

Whatever it is he wants, which I'm not really sure, maybe it is just vanity and looks for him, I'm not going to let him back into our lives just because he brings gifts and wants to be friends. His friendship isn't needed by me. I can finish school by myself without his help.

 

Thanks for answering. How are things going with you lately?

[tojaz]

Thanks Tojaz. I think you're right, he might be feeling a bit of guilt. IMHO, he's not a decent guy. I am just going to finish up the custody paperwork, because he needs to start picking up his slack as a parent or just let me have full custody period.

 

Whatever it is he wants, which I'm not really sure, maybe it is just vanity and looks for him, I'm not going to let him back into our lives just because he brings gifts and wants to be friends. His friendship isn't needed by me. I can finish school by myself without his help.

If you want to know what he wants, then ask. Hes making gestures toward you, so i don't think that would be out of line. Nor would it be too much to ask that he be what you need him to be.....a proper parent to your daughter. If it IS all out of guilt, you will know right away, but at least your voice will have been heard.

 

 

 

Thanks for answering. How are things going with you lately?

Holidays are hell and the rolercoaster rolls on LOL. Still, I'm still breathing and the sun still rose. Life goes on.

TOJAZ

[Gypsy_Soul]

I did ask him what he wants. He says he just wants to be a parent to his daughter. I gave him the opportunities. One particular one was to help her catch up with her math schoolwork since they both have the same learning styles when it comes to math.

 

He took that opportunity and used it to talk about his condom sizes and sexual conquests to which I then left and told him that it'd be best for him to tutor her by himself. (yes our daughter was there when he was talking like this) Oh and she didn't finish any math at this meeting.

 

The next time I let him try to catch her up with math (by himself) he only got her to do half of a page. Mind you she's behind over two weeks, because she learns differently, just like him, her dad.

 

He then tells me that, he doesn't have time in his schedule to be a parent like that but that he still wants to buy her gifts and take her out to do fun stuff. I mean, to me that just says, "I can't be a responsible parent right now because it doesn't fit around my schedule."

 

I totally understand what you're going through Tojaz. I am still there, unfortunately. Yes, life goes on, but we try to make the most of it.

[tojaz]

It sounds to me that hes willing to play parent for the good and fun parts, but isn't willing to get his hands dirty and really be an actual parent. Sadly there isn't much you can do about that except give him the opportunity to step up and be a man.....

He took that opportunity and used it to talk about his condom sizes and sexual conquests to which I then left and told him that it'd be best for him to tutor her by himself.

......but it sounds like he has a long way to go in that department. I think I would just put it on the line. Tell him if hes going to be a parent, then he has to share the responsibility good parts and bad, fun times and hard, otherwise hes just going through the motions and that isn't fair to any one, especialy your daughter.

TOJAZ

[angeleyes63]

well it sounds like the guilt trip, now he has time to think and he is feeling gulity, some men not all men think buying things will make them come back.