STD question

[fortitude]

In a nutshell, I've been married over 20 years. There have been strange incidents and multiple secret friends, but I thought, for a few reasons, that maybe he'd really never slept with these women.

 

One of those reasons is that if it was as bad as it looked, I figured I'd have shown symptoms of STDs by now.

 

Today, I got confirmation that he slept not only with one I knew about, but her best friend. Both have extensive sexual histories from what I know. And now that I know he slept with them, there's no doubt the other strange incidents were also sexual-- adding at least 3 more women and possibly 4 to the list. And those are only the ones I know of.

 

So my questions are 1) with multiple partners, most or all of whom had multiple sexual partners prior to him, what are the odds that I've been so lucky as to really not catch anything, and 2) what STD's show no symptoms? I've been told some do not. Is it possible to go 5 to 20 years without showing any symptoms?

 

And yes, I'm setting up an appointment tomorrow for testing.

[CarrieT]

I don't believe we have any qualified statisticians here that can accurately calculate mathematical odds for you.

 

The bottom line is you have been cheated on by someone you loved and trusted and getting tested is tantamount to beginning to heal. Yes, there are some diseases that won't be detected by those tests and you may never know you have them until you have a break-out (some genital herpes, for example).

 

I am sorry you are going through this and I hope your tests come out okay.

[JamesM]

Statistically, it is quite possible that you have nothing. The majority of people who have sex do not catch an STD. And much as people quick say, "Oh oh he cheated....you had better get tested," cheating doesn't equate to STDs.

 

However, some people do get STDs, so for your own peace of mind, you will be glad you were tested. A betting person would choose that you do not have an STD.

 

Having said that, there is a poster here who recently did find that she received an STD from HER cheating husband. So it certainly can happen.

[Natureofbeast]

I guess from the perception of people are having sex every day, statistically most do not get STD, however we are talking EMA–possibly multiple, deceptive by nature. And when you have sex with someone you really are having sex with everyone they’ve have ever had sex with–and so on and so forth–boggles the mind Be sure to be honest with your doctor. And not to frighten you but you may also want to consider a AIDs test-- if the doctor does not recommend it themselves.

[fortitude]

Statistically, it is quite possible that you have nothing. The majority of people who have sex do not catch an STD. And much as people quick say, "Oh oh he cheated....you had better get tested," cheating doesn't equate to STDs.

 

However, some people do get STDs, so for your own peace of mind, you will be glad you were tested. A betting person would choose that you do not have an STD.

 

Having said that, there is a poster here who recently did find that she received an STD from HER cheating husband. So it certainly can happen.

 

Thanks, James. That's exactly what I needed to know. I have been married my entire adult life and completely faithful, so I've never had any reason to look into STD's. But the things I heard made me think with a few partners who'd had a few partners, you were almost guaranteed to get something.

 

Natureofthebeast, yes, I now know he had multiple partners since we married. At least two, but I'm quite sure at least 5 or 6, based on other events that never made sense before. I will be entirely honest with the doctor. One thing I'm grateful for in all of this is that I see so many people feeling ashamed to tell others their spouse cheated. I have never been ashamed, because I know I have done nothing to be ashamed of. I have done everything in my power to heal this marriage, while he took advantage.

[Natureofbeast]

You are right. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Beside, all medical info is confidential. Best of luck.