Adultery in no-fault states

[fortitude]

After years of struggling with trickle truth about secret friends, never finding any proof of anything sexual or even romantic, and trying to work things out due to kids, I made the decision last weekend to file for divorce. This morning, I got the closest thing to proof, short of an actual video, that my husband slept with two other women early in our marriage. Given that, and some other strange incidents and behavior over the years, there's no doubt left in my mind that he's slept with probably 5 or 6 women at least. One of those would have been within the first month of marriage. I think the evidence is strong enough even that it will get me an annulment from the Catholic church on grounds that he deceived me and never had any intention of being faithful.

 

In civil law, however, we live in a no-fault state. Does serial adultery affect what he'll have to pay in alimony, retirement benefits, or anything else?

[Natureofbeast]

No it doesn’t. No fault is just what it is, no fault. What will effect it is how many yrs you have been married and if there are still minor children involved.

[phineas]

It depends on the laws of the particular state you live in. I'm in one of those states that do have provisions that will change the amount of alimony and division of property if adultery is a consideration even though it's a no fault divorce. However with that said, you've got to have actual proof of the adultery, such as pictures or video. It can't be a he said, she said thing, there has to be concrete proof. Oh and there are also 7 states that have provisions for suing the OW/OM for alienation of affection if you were so inclined.

I know this for a fact and no don't ask me what state I live in.......I'm not telling.

 

Consult a lawyer or google the divorce laws in your particular state.

 

But, don't you need proof of adultry to sue for alienation of affection?

Or is it like a legal / civil suit in a murder charge?

 

OJ was found inocent in the legal suit but guilty in civil court.

[fortitude]

But, don't you need proof of adultry to sue for alienation of affection?

Or is it like a legal / civil suit in a murder charge?

 

OJ was found inocent in the legal suit but guilty in civil court.

 

Thanks, BB07. I started making calls to legal aid societies yesterday, and got voice mail or 'closed until the New Year.' I have googled enough to know I'm in a no-fault state, but will look further, too.

 

The proof I have is an e-mail exchange between them, in which it is quite obvious they slept together, but never clearly stated. Even if it were, it probably wouldn't hold up in a court of law because they'd both claim they were yanking my chain.

 

Phineas, interesting question about alienation of affection. I'm also dealing with 2 different states now that we've moved. I don't know how that affects anything.

 

And this is a vent or statement more than a question, but I now know she spent 14 years of our 20 year marriage encouraging him over and over and over to lie to me, come out and party with her and her friends without me, think badly of me, divorce me, go behind my back, and of course, at one time or another sleeping with him. I do not in any way absolve him of his part in continuing to turn to her, but obviously 14 years of hearing that kind of stuff (from someone who never even met me, no less) had a huge negative impact on our marriage, finally taking us to divorce.

 

He never had to treat me like a person with serious concerns because she was always there throughout our entire marriage, like the devil on his shoulder, telling him I was 'psycho' and 'overreacting,' and 'weird,' and he shouldn't put up with me and why did he stay, and could he afford child support? Telling him I should just get over it and get on with life, even while he's still lying to me. Backing him up in sleeping with her and her friend and acting like it was normal.

 

It was easier for him to listen to her than deal with his own issues and grow up.

 

When you consider the huge emotional, financial, and familial toll not only on the betrayed spouse but on the children whose lives are forever affected, and even on society, I think alienation of affection should be a serious issue in law in any state.