I Hope To God I Can Do The Right Thing!!!

[Freezing]

Okay my daughter whom is 23 years old has confirmed that she was molested by my sisters Now husband when she was little. My sister and her husband raised her. And she has issues. Anyway when I was talking to her about it she said don't say anything to anyone. Because it will just start a bunch of drama. And that the Molester was coming into some money and promised her a car and a couple of grand. "I am not happy about her wishes for me to keep quiet about this. Furthermore her real Dad Molested me as a kid and was also married to my sister. A couple of days ago she came by and told me during Christmas that her real dad was cuddled up on the couch with her 14 year old little step Sister with a blanket over them and their hand beneath the covers.

 

She couldnt bring herself to say anything and just went outside. My sister and her husband were sitting right there while this was happening. I am very concerned about the well being of my niece and other young siblings in the family. I am already estranged from my family. But my daughter will hate me if I open this can of worms on her. What should I do? What would you do?

 

Im just sick to my stomach over this:sick::sick::sick:

[TaraMaiden]

You know what the right thing to do is.

 

You just don't want to go against your daughter for fear of hurting her.

But then, why did she tell you, in the first place?

She can't say something like this, and not expect consequences.

Sorry hun, but there's more at stake here than "please don't tell anyone!"

You have a duty to protect the young, and if it means drama (that's an understatement) then so be it.

 

or let the abuse continue.

 

What do you think?

[Freezing]

The thing is that I have been away from my family and on my own since I was very young. My daughter is from the man who Fathers her my sisters ex husband. My story is very long and it would take someone willing to hear it all to understand me. But First of all I think my Sister knows what he did and just turned her head as she did with me when I was young. She knows what her ex did to me but yet he is welcome there and allowed to sleep with her daughter when he comes over. I don't believe anything has happened YET but it will. But being that I have been away so long how do I try to talk to my sister about this when she wont even answer my calls or anything:confused:

[TaraMaiden]

You don't.

You contact the authorities, and let them deal with it.

 

This is too big, too close and too personal for you to handle, but as a society, it's supposed to be our duty to protect the young.

They're in our charge, and a child neglected by their family is a child neglected by society.

It's got to stop, you have to stop it, and you have to stop it soon.

This is the kind of abuse which goes un-reported too often, and goes on for years, and is perpetuated by the dominant on the fearful, leading to chronic deep damage.

 

If you can stop it - then do so.

[Ronni_W]

Freezing,

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this now.

But my daughter will hate me if I open this can of worms on her.

Actually, SHE opened her own "can of worms".

There is a reason that she told you, and there is a reason for her timing (even if those reasons remain as yet subconscious to her.)

 

You might want to consider having another conversation with your daughter. Ask her to be open and honest with you, and to tell you what is the very best that she is hoping for, from you. Assure her that, no matter what the consequences, you two will get through it together; you will be there for her in whatever capacity she needs.

 

Then tell her that your new-found knowledge does put a great responsibility on you, as a mature and caring adult; that you cannot, in good conscience, just keep it buried. Ask for her understanding, and appeal to her own compassion for her step-sister and other would-be victims. Speak about your own values, the lessons you've learned through your own challenging experiences, and those things that you just will not allow to happen (to yourself, your daughter or others) while you stand-by, and pretend all is well and nobody is at risk.

 

You might also want to suggest to her that the guy is BSing about the new car and couple of grand, and ask how she feels about putting herself in a position where her silence can be bought by a pervert even when that means leaving other young girls exposed and at risk of also becoming his victims.

 

To me, Tara is correct -- the onus is on you, as a mature and caring adult, to contact the appropriate authorities. Hopefully you'll be able to help your daughter see the 'bigger picture' and she'll choose to come on board and support what you now need to do about all of it.

 

I get that this is going to be extremely difficult on the both of you; having to revisit traumatic memories bites the big one. You might also want to consider therapy for yourself, and to offer it to your daughter.

 

Big hugs, and best of luck.

Edited December 29, 2009 by Ronni_W
spelling

[Eve]

A couple of days ago she came by and told me during Christmas that her real dad was cuddled up on the couch with her 14 year old little step Sister with a blanket over them and their hand beneath the covers.

 

The dirty bastard..

 

 

I agree with what the others have said..

 

If you are unsure of precisely what to do call Social Care and ask just for advice, wthout giving names. Talk about transgenerational abuse.. this is awfully bad.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Freezing]

The dirty bastard..

 

 

I agree with what the others have said..

 

If you are unsure of precisely what to do call Social Care and ask just for advice, wthout giving names. Talk about transgenerational abuse.. this is awfully bad.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

 

 

 

I dont know what all of this is going to lead to but I feel if I don't say something then if something happens to someone else I am responsable! My family is pretty whacked that is why I have not bothered being around until my daughter contacted me when she was 18. And then the whole family suddenly wanted to see me. I knew better but my daughter kept begging me to go to one family function after another. After the second one I had had enough.

 

My whole family has this fear of my sister like she has this magic wand that she will destroy you with if you don't give her what she wants. Her being 10 years older and my only sister I was hoping things could be different. But nope

[Natureofbeast]

[sIZE=2]You need to contact family and child services so they can investigate, immediately, since there is a minor child still involved and at risk. Given the history, which you sadly have first hand experience with--this can not be left to chance. If you do not want to identify yourself you can remain anonymous. They will investigate. And you need to urge your own daughter to seek counseling, yourself too if you have not done so already.

[/sIZE]