Not interested, or playing hard to get...how to tell?

[Vintage79]

Ok, I've recently launched myself into the dating world, and have gone out on a variety of great dates, well, also enough not-so-great dates, but it's all part of the game. Anyhow, it's usually easy to set up a first meeting, or even a second, but the women frequently behave differently, some are always enthusiastic, responsive, etc., while others seem to be more passive and essentially seem like they really want to be pursued (i.e. hard to get). Obviously, reading the first group isn't that hard - either they're pretty interested, or at least really want to try to make something work out with somebody, so they're trying. So I have some questions about the latter (~ hard to get) group:

 

1. How is a guy suppose to know if they're playing hard-to-get versus no interest?

 

2. For that matter, is there really much of a difference between playing hard to get, and little interest? If yes, how do you tell which group she belongs to, and begin to gauge her interest.

 

3. If playing hard to get, how is a guy suppose to play the game?

 

I admit, I tend to prefer the more responsive ladies, just because it's easier to get a read on them, but am I missing out on some other opportunities because I don't want to play the game?

[stevejohnson1976]

great questions...im interested in these responses as this is relevant to my dating life right now....

[mansquito]

I never bothered with the hard-to-get types, since I'm not really interested in seeing a woman who still acts like she's still in middle school.

[Vintage79]

Yeah, the hard-to-get-girls have never gotten much attention from me, largely because I assumed lack of interest, but I know some play hard-to-get, so I'm pretty interested in learning to differentiate them. Hence, insight needed!

[someotherguy]

Women worth having don't play hard to get...they are hard to get.

 

Just to clarify: women should respond positively to displays of respect, love, and appreciation of their finer qualities. Men should have to work hard, meaningfully, to show a woman they care for her, and that they will have a happy, successful relationship. This work should be honest, and the man in question should not be artificially inflating his capability to provide for various needs of the woman in order to grab her attention, as that is fraud, and will backfire in the long run.

 

Nonsense game playing that results in a man being unable to determine a woman's interest should be met with said man throwing said woman in the garbage heap. Both parties need to show respect for a relationship to ensue from dating.

[alphamale]

1. How is a guy suppose to know if they're playing hard-to-get versus no interest?

the body language will be different

 

2. For that matter, is there really much of a difference between playing hard to get, and little interest? If yes, how do you tell which group she belongs to, and begin to gauge her interest.

you watch her body language

 

3. If playing hard to get, how is a guy suppose to play the game?

patience...act aloof yet still interested. keep contact to a minimum. short emails, short phone calls. space dates out. hint that you're seeing other chicks even if you are not.

[Vintage79]

How is the body language different? And if I think I've found some one hard to get - how often should there be contact? How often should I initiate it? And what should I do if I contact her and she doesn't respond?...or is this a sign that I misread her, and she actually wasn't interested?

[alphamale]

How is the body language different?

dude if you don't know about womens sexual body language then you better read up on it, there are many good books. womens body language always gives them away.

[Vintage79]

Any suggestions on body language books, so I can get an idea of the basics. I probably know some of it, but I've never delved into a book on it, so I'm probably a bit behind your curve.

 

And you mentioned infrequent dates - like 1 per week? And what should these dates be like - bona fide dates, or shorter sessions. Is the best approach to just call them up out of the blue and say, "hey, I'm heading over to Starbuck's - care to join me" as opposed to planning something more official - or do you have to try to make it actually feel like a real date?

[MyNameIsJonas]

1. How is a guy suppose to know if they're playing hard-to-get versus no interest?

 

2. For that matter, is there really much of a difference between playing hard to get, and little interest? If yes, how do you tell which group she belongs to, and begin to gauge her interest.

 

3. If playing hard to get, how is a guy suppose to play the game?

 

1. Body language. For example fixed eye contact, laughing at your jokes even when they aren't that funny, light touching, smiling, arms not crossed. Also, when you actually do hear from her she sound like she is interested in what you have to say and asks questions.

 

2. See number 1. Plus, most "hard to get women" won't do things like cancel dates. You can normally figure this one out by pitching a date (day, time, and place) to her and she if she accepts. If she goes through with it, she's interested. If she cancels and doesn't pitch an alternative date (again, day and time minimum), she isn't interested.

 

3. In my experience, most "hard to get" women can be diffused by "fighting fire with fire" in a way. If she takes two days to get back to you, take three to get back to her. Don't respond to all of her texts, let some of her calls run to vm, and so forth. Most women who play this game off the bat with me normally stop when I do this. And if I don't hear from them, it means they were never interested and thus not worth my time anyway.

 

Someone wrote in another post that it is harder to recover from "hot to cold" than from "cold to hot," meaning if you smother her and she loses interest, you are DOA. If you play harder to get and she thinks you lost interest, it's much easier to reignite the spark because the theory is that she never really lost interest.

 

I should also add that I'm not the type of person who calls "just to call." When I call a woman, I am calling to set up a date and already have the date pre-planned in my head. I do all of the talking with the woman at the date because I want to see her, not just hear her voice, which helps with question #3. A lot of my friends "call just to call" and are baffled when the woman in question loses interest.

[boogieboy]

If youre on a date with a hard to get woman and she shows any curiosity in your character while still being passive and aloof, shes interested. If youre doing all the talking, blech...pass.

[Vintage79]

Jonas, so at what point do you transition from cold to hot - and what is the best way to do it? And when you are playing it cool/cold, do you bring your A game, and make them think you are interested through contact/kissing, etc., or do you just sit back and talk?

[alphamale]

Jonas, so at what point do you transition from cold to hot - and what is the best way to do it? And when you are playing it cool/cold, do you bring your A game, and make them think you are interested through contact/kissing, etc., or do you just sit back and talk?

dude you have to figure all this out for yourself thru experience, like all of us did

[MyNameIsJonas]

Jonas, so at what point do you transition from cold to hot - and what is the best way to do it? And when you are playing it cool/cold, do you bring your A game, and make them think you are interested through contact/kissing, etc., or do you just sit back and talk?

 

You have it a bit mixed up. "Cold" is when you are basically not talking to her and giving her space. "Hot" is when you are talking to her, flirting, making plans, and all of that standard bs.

 

In my experience, the best times to go "cold" is when you feel it would be beneficial to limit the communication. Great times to do this would be when she has family/friends coming into town, when she is traveling, or when she has a big work/school deadline approaching. When her stress is high, the chances of you slipping up become exponentially higher so you want to watch your own and make it so those opportunities do not present themselves. Also, you can go "cold" when you feel her interest is starting to go "cold" as well. Normally this happens because you have been contacting her too much and she finds something about you that she doesn't like (it happens). In these cases, going "cold" is beneficial because it helps her forget the crap she doesn't like and miss the crap she does like. An added bonus is that if she doesn't contact you while you are "cold," it means she isn't interested so you don't have to waste any more effort kicking a dead horse, so to speak.

 

Alpha also has a point. The transition between sitting back and having a conversation with a woman and starting the straightforward flirting is very specific to that particular person. There really isn't a set roadmap for doing this, so I can't explain it in words. Just start off with a good conversation and watch her: women normally make it pretty obvious when they are fishing for a compliment, so curveball with a harmless jab, smile to indicate you are kidding, then go from there.

[Vintage79]

So if you went "cold", is it ever ok to initiate contact again? Or do you essentially put yourself in the place where she has to initiate? Or is it more like, contact her in a 1-2 weeks? Although, I guess that means she hasn't contact you, so by your logic you drop her ass.

 

Does this actually work? It seems a bit odd - and it seems like you'd end up tossing out a lot of people with some interest - or is this essentially a screen to find only those who are very interested?

[MyNameIsJonas]

So if you went "cold", is it ever ok to initiate contact again? Or do you essentially put yourself in the place where she has to initiate? Or is it more like, contact her in a 1-2 weeks? Although, I guess that means she hasn't contact you, so by your logic you drop her ass.

 

Does this actually work? It seems a bit odd - and it seems like you'd end up tossing out a lot of people with some interest - or is this essentially a screen to find only those who are very interested?

 

You go "cold" to give her some space. From there you can either wait for her to contact you, or you try again after a period of time that is dependent on what she is doing, plus a day or two. Your choice depends on your personal interest in the woman. For example, if she has family in town for a week, wait that week and a day or two so she can come down from all of the madness, then contact her. If she still isn't getting back to you in what would be considered a "reasonable" time, then yes, you would drop her.

 

In my opinion, yes it does work for the exact reason you just mentioned. I am only interested in dating women who are just as interested in me. I don't like to "chase women" who are only partially interested in me because that is just a waste of my time. By using this approach, you weed out the women who were never really that interested in you in the first place and thus enabling you to move on to better options.

[New_Life08]

First of all try to stay away from game players. They will drive you to bitterness.

 

If someone is playing hard to get, you will only know if you don't play the game, and go NC... and on with your life. If it is a game of hard to get, she will definitely contact you before long. Believe it or not, she will respect you for not sniffing her out all the time.

 

All my best.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I agree with New Life08 - no games. Do you realize you can go weeks/months playing this "game" with a woman who doesn't know there is a game, doesn't know you think she is playing, and isn't trying to play?

 

Why not ask a woman "Are you interested and how interested?" Let her use a scale of 1 to 10. The follow up question would be "do you think your interest will increase?" Vague answers or no answers are red flags.

[DietDrPepper]

 

Why not ask a woman "Are you interested and how interested?" Let her use a scale of 1 to 10. The follow up question would be "do you think your interest will increase?" Vague answers or no answers are red flags.

 

Anyone elses opinion on this? While it would answer alot of questions I dont know if it comes off the wrong way or seeming to needy/insecure..

[Greenpeacer]

Anyone elses opinion on this? While it would answer alot of questions I dont know if it comes off the wrong way or seeming to needy/insecure..

 

 

I agree with the lady so you dont waste time. What did you do?

[boogieboy]

Anyone elses opinion on this? While it would answer alot of questions I dont know if it comes off the wrong way or seeming to needy/insecure..

 

It does come off as needy, because if you cant tell if shes interested by her actions, you seem clueless. its an instant turnoff for the picky gal. Dont do it.

[Johnny M]

Whatever you do, do not get involved in a long-term relationship with a girl who has been playing hard to get. Women like that are a pain in the ass even after you get them. If the girl is attractive and you're a go getter type who enjoys the chase, have a short term fling and then get rid of her.