NYE Party - Need FAST!

[Arizonaheart]

Will attempt to keep this short although it may not be easy.

 

I am in a LDR w/my grade school sweetheart. We got reacquinted in March of this year, solidified our decision to go forward w/a relationship in May during my visit to his home. I knew immediately back in March that this is the man for me, he stated the same about me. He lives 1800 miles away. Coincidentally his best friend from high school lives just about a mile from me, this friend is married.

 

A month or so after we began communicating (April) his friend's wife was visiting a girlfriend of hers near my SO. Because they knew each other for many years he met up with his friend's wife & her gf. I recently found out that his friend's wife & my SO shared a kiss. It was verified that she initiated the kiss & he was the one who ended it but it did linger. Between the time the kiss took place & I learned of it, I became friends with this woman & her hubby since they live close to me. There were things that she has relayed to me that would set off the uncomfortable intuitive feel. She would call & text my SO a little to often for (my) comfort & taste. She'd also send pics of herself (my SO provided this info even before the discovery). In my mind I am concluding that she is one of those women that need to feel validated by exalting herself (she recently lost a lot of weight) Anyways...I attempted to pack away those uncomfortable feelings only to realize that they were there for a reason all along.

 

I did confront them both (my SO & this woman). He admitted it, told me the details, apologized, cried & pleaded for my forgiveness. She said it was nothing more than a good night kiss, basically made light of it. It has been about 2 1/2 months since this "discovery".

 

My question to you all...My SO is here visiting for a week. Before this discovery we had discussed getting together with his friend & wife to celebrate NYE. Quite honestly I am still dealing with these emotions. On one hand I think it was just a kiss but I am also guilty of over-analyzing. The kiss did occur before we became official w/our relationship. Am I over reacting/under reacting? Is it justifiable for me not to get together with this woman & her hubby? BTW this woman's hubby (my SO's good friend) is not aware of the kiss.

 

P.S In the past months I had gone out dancing w/this friend. She had also kissed a couple men after a few drinks on different occasions. I have not socialized with her since my discovery. Needless to say she is a huge flirt.

[TMichaels]

My question to you all...My SO is here visiting for a week. Before this discovery we had discussed getting together with his friend & wife to celebrate NYE. Quite honestly I am still dealing with these emotions. On one hand I think it was just a kiss but I am also guilty of over-analyzing. The kiss did occur before we became official w/our relationship. Am I over reacting/under reacting? Is it justifiable for me not to get together with this woman & her hubby? BTW this woman's hubby (my SO's good friend) is not aware of the kiss.

 

Arizonaheart,

 

I don't think you are over-reacting. Sounds like this woman has significant self-esteem issues, and given her past behavior, mixed with more than a few drinks on NYE, I think chances are high that she will "flirt" with your SO, again.

 

So, why don't you just avoid the situation all together? Surely, there are NYE parties and celebrations in your town or nearby that you could purchase tickets to and surprise your SO when he arrives with the news of what you've planned.

 

Make the night "all about you two" and ringing in the new year as part of your personal celebration of your re-kindled relationship -- and give "the flirt" a wide berth.

 

If the woman's husband doesn't even know what she's been up to with your SO then your SO might end up being grateful that your surprise plan for NYE also helps *HIM * avoid an embarassing and possibly worse situation with his best friend...

 

Good luck and enjoy your visit.

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[Sparkling]

Will attempt to keep this short although it may not be easy.

 

I am in a LDR w/my grade school sweetheart. We got reacquinted in March of this year, solidified our decision to go forward w/a relationship in May during my visit to his home. I knew immediately back in March that this is the man for me, he stated the same about me. He lives 1800 miles away. Coincidentally his best friend from high school lives just about a mile from me, this friend is married.

 

A month or so after we began communicating (April) his friend's wife was visiting a girlfriend of hers near my SO. Because they knew each other for many years he met up with his friend's wife & her gf. I recently found out that his friend's wife & my SO shared a kiss. It was verified that she initiated the kiss & he was the one who ended it but it did linger. Between the time the kiss took place & I learned of it, I became friends with this woman & her hubby since they live close to me. There were things that she has relayed to me that would set off the uncomfortable intuitive feel. She would call & text my SO a little to often for (my) comfort & taste. She'd also send pics of herself (my SO provided this info even before the discovery). In my mind I am concluding that she is one of those women that need to feel validated by exalting herself (she recently lost a lot of weight) Anyways...I attempted to pack away those uncomfortable feelings only to realize that they were there for a reason all along.

 

I did confront them both (my SO & this woman). He admitted it, told me the details, apologized, cried & pleaded for my forgiveness. She said it was nothing more than a good night kiss, basically made light of it. It has been about 2 1/2 months since this "discovery".

 

My question to you all...My SO is here visiting for a week. Before this discovery we had discussed getting together with his friend & wife to celebrate NYE. Quite honestly I am still dealing with these emotions. On one hand I think it was just a kiss but I am also guilty of over-analyzing. The kiss did occur before we became official w/our relationship. Am I over reacting/under reacting? Is it justifiable for me not to get together with this woman & her hubby? BTW this woman's hubby (my SO's good friend) is not aware of the kiss.

 

P.S In the past months I had gone out dancing w/this friend. She had also kissed a couple men after a few drinks on different occasions. I have not socialized with her since my discovery. Needless to say she is a huge flirt.

 

When your SO exchanges a lingering kiss with his best friend's wife...uh...of course you would be upset. He would be upset if you shared a lingering kiss with his best friend wouldn't he, or shared too frequent text messages from him or had him send you all sorts of pictures of himself Why is your SO allowing that to continue and not delete or block her? If he were sorry he would stay away from her and not encourage it, but he enables her to continue with the flirtation?

 

She is lying. If it was nothing more than a goodnight kiss, why didn't she tell her husband? It seems he is the only one left in the dark. Actually, all of you are keeping it a secret from him...why? I don't believe in hiding secret lingering kisses from her husband as it is dishonest and disrespectful to him ESPECIALLY since many other people know about it. How will he feel if he finds out this information from someone else and know your SO kept it from him? You found out. It also enables the deceit and her hiding it. She is disrespectful to her own husband, she was disrespectful to you, she shares lingering kisses with other men.....there is no reason to go to their NYE party and watch her in action. Go some place where you can have some fun and don't have to watch her gloat over how she made you upset kissing your SO...because clearly she does. You know, she is happy she made you worried or jealous as it boosts her own sense of self-esteem. Stay away from her.

 

Frankly, I get tired of this excuse that you did it while you were drinking so that makes it ok or an ooops. The majority of the time they know exactly what they are doing, and quite obviously she remembered exactly what she did. When something happens between two people which they keep a secret from the person/s they are supposed to love...that makes it more than a 'nothing'.

 

I would never go hang out anywhere she would be. I don't see how your SO can look his 'best friend' in the face and not feel ashamed of himself. Your SO crossed the line too, she didn't do it all by herself.

[SuburbanOblivion]

I've read your post several times and I don't quite understand this tone you are taking, almost like you feel guilty for not wanting to hang out with this other couple.

 

Has your SO expressed a desire to stick with the initial plans?

 

Honestly I can't for the life of me figure out how you've sat back and watched all this and not put your foot down earlier. Kissing other people is not 'flirting', it's 'cheating', and on that line you've watched her cheat on her husband at least a few times, and then you are surprised when her texting him and sending pics turned into the two of them cheating on you and her husband?

 

Clearly he is not committed to you, and she is just..well..I'll reserve judgement. Either way you've mentioned no real remorse on his part, at least not if he's not willing to sever ties with this couple. THAT is the real test.

[Romance]

I wouldnt worry about it. You guys were not official. He ended it, she began it. Even if it lingered, someone randomly kissing you would take you buy surprise..you wouldn't think to pull away right away.

[Arizonaheart]

You all provide valid points. I avoid telling her husband because I didn't feel it is my place. She already covered her tracks when she found out I knew. She told her husband there is "rumor" going around.

 

This is all so new to me. I have been single for 10 yrs. Aside from a couple short term relationships I sometimes feel a novice to this thing called "love". I am not by nature one to be jealous but this situation has sent me into a tither. I did not judge too quickly about the friendship between my SO & this woman since I also have male friends whom I share TM & phone calls with (simply friendship). I however can say that I had a strong intuition about her but blew it off til of course I discovered what really happened.

 

I was at his home, 1800 miles away from mine, when I was told this bit of info from a 3rd party. I packed up my belongings to leave at that time even if it meant paying extra airfare to get back home. He seemed truly remorseful and begged me to stay the duration of my visit. I stayed but honestly, as much as I love him I just can't help but feel that things are not quite the same- I feel our foundation has been shattered even if it was just a kiss before he & I were committed to each other.

 

He did put a stop to the communication between him & her but not until they were both confronted. He stated he never really thought much of the texts or pics she sent. He took it as just a silly flirty friend but never really considered she was flirting WITH him.

 

 

He is willing to bypass the plans. I guess I would feel somewhat guilty though of keeping him from a group of friends that are gathering at this party, friends he rarely sees. He is here for only a week and some of the other friends that are joining the party live about an hour away. I am thinking we might go but kindly excuse ourselves before the liquor hits. He will get a chance to see everyone but hopefully she won't have a chance to hit on him...

 

Thank you for your feedback. I love the ideas shared and appreciate the insight. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to think clearly. It helps to write it out as I have been keeping this bottled up (aside from discussing it w/him)