MrMayI Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 christmas eve marked 6 months to the day she walked out of the door. it's been a neckbreaking ride, but i've finally, finally felt the turnaround inside of myself. i now can look in the mirror without having to give myself some sort of affirmation. i can talk to my friends and family without a peep about the ex-wife. it's indifference toward her. she's now just another human, and ultimately only has my "respect" because of my precious daughter. it's more of tolerance than respect i guess. i can see now that i've caught her in lies all over again, even after divorce, that i finally don't give a ****. i've caught myself thinking about it, but it just doesn't feel like anything. i hope this sticks. happy new year all. it's going to be alright. i promise. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 May 2010 be an happy year to you and those who love you, man. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Almost 9 months for me and only hit the "hate" stage recently. Am praying for indifference, it will be a blessed relief when it happens. Good job! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 So pleased to hear that MayI, I hope to joint you there very soon. PLEASE, very soon! Link to post Share on other sites
mikeymad Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Well if we count number of posts till we finally get to that point...a lot of us have a long way to go... Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Wow MayI indifference sounds like a good place to be. Wish I could get there myself, but lately it seems like that isn't what she wants. I know, you went through it man, enjoy being free of the push pull MayI and keep it rolling. You and your DD have a happy new year. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 lis, you'll get there. let it happen. i hate to say it, but with a fairly steady frequency of interaction, it's made it a lot easier. not seeing her, not communicating with her made me focus on why? and what? with her. now, i pretty much know all i need to about her and the memories are starting to fade. now seeing her is a reminder of the marriage that not only she walked away from, but was just totally unhealthy for all involved, and my sweet little girl can't live like that. let's all bring in the new year with a toast, to each other. i pray for everyone here, every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 Almost 9 months for me and only hit the "hate" stage recently. Am praying for indifference, it will be a blessed relief when it happens. Good job! it's tough, and i stayed in hate for a long time. you'll get there. there's no time line and i very well could crash next week. i really hope i don't. So pleased to hear that MayI, I hope to joint you there very soon. PLEASE, very soon! see my above post lis. i want you to find inner peace so bad. Well if we count number of posts till we finally get to that point...a lot of us have a long way to go... don't worry about that man. go at your own pace. admittedly, i was manic when i first started posting here. continuously reaching out. if you need to, you do the same. there's plenty here that'll grab your hand and try to pick you back up. Wow MayI indifference sounds like a good place to be. Wish I could get there myself, but lately it seems like that isn't what she wants. I know, you went through it man, enjoy being free of the push pull MayI and keep it rolling. You and your DD have a happy new year. TOJAZ tread lightly, bro. you just watched me go through it. you may be almost about to do the same. i'm not one to advise, as you know, but please tread lightly. right as i thought we were doing something good, together, i find out she's been with him all the while. that snapped the indifference into place. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 tread lightly, bro. you just watched me go through it. you may be almost about to do the same. i'm not one to advise, as you know, but please tread lightly. right as i thought we were doing something good, together, i find out she's been with him all the while. that snapped the indifference into place. Theres nothing happening there MAYI, its all just a game to her, that I'm not willing to play. Just tears me up that the last memory I have of her is her turning her back on me when I needed her the most. Standing testament to what she has become I suppose. I know it's indifference, but its still a bitter pill to swallow bro, I just hate that you had to find out the way you did, I had the highest of hopes for you two, MayI I hope your healing is fast and painless, and don't downplay your advice man, youve learned a hell of a lot more then you give yourself credit for. let's all bring in the new year with a toast, to each other. i pray for everyone here, every day. I'll tip a glass to that, Slainte my friend! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 The power of indifference. Phil Collins "I Don't Care Any More", was my song of liberation, I love it when the drums come in. Shows my age. Tojaz: Sorry to hear she is still e-mailing you. You don't have kids. WTF? She is not happy! I doubt that she even admits it to her self. WAW's are wierd. I'd bet good money that MMI's and your XW's are both going to hit the wall when either of you find somebody new. Time is on your side, it will happen Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 right as i thought we were doing something good, together, i find out she's been with him all the while. that snapped the indifference into place. YEP! My STBXW planted a kiss on my lips when I wasn't expecting it christmas day when we exchanged the kids. SHE IS STILL WITH OM!!!! She decided to cheat on me with him & divorce me for him yet she's kissing me on the lips? I did kiss back because I have been lonely but I felt nothing. There was nothing there & I don't desire to do it again. There are other lips I kinda got my eye on. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Well if we count number of posts till we finally get to that point...a lot of us have a long way to go... I think I'm proof positive that post count dosen't mean S**T. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted January 14, 2010 Author Share Posted January 14, 2010 hey everyone, i hope the holidays were great for all of you! they were the best they could be for me, given the situation. my DD had a great christmas, and is still resilient, beautiful and smart as ever. i'm not doing so bad, myself. i have actually spoken to my ex one time since our kid's birthday party almost a month ago. the rest is done by text. she calls, i never call back. she texts inane stuff, and i don't respond. i'm letting her live her life she built on deception and selfishness wide open now. i don't care what the outcome of anything for her is, as long as my angel's not affected. i don't want to seem bragadocious, but i have been both seeing and regularly talking to several women. i don't want to be in anything with any of them. it's just nice to know i still got it. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Nice to see you again. Don't be such a stranger! Of course you still got it, was there ever any doubt? lol Glad to hear she's history. You are well on your way. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Hi MayI, gald to hear you are doing so well, good to see you here as well, like H&D said don't be a stranger! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Good for you MayI, stronger every day!!! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 It's been a long time mmi! it is wonderful your moving on and doing well. indifference is where you want to be. Now if you can start dating some little female you'd be in business. When is the divorce gonna be finalized. and why is the ex texting you??? Didnt we go over this already a while back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 Nice to see you again. Don't be such a stranger! Of course you still got it, was there ever any doubt? lol Glad to hear she's history. You are well on your way. actually, lol, there was a lot of doubt. i felt like the earth was gonna end for a long time, but it didn't. i had to dust myself off and get moving. Hi MayI, gald to hear you are doing so well, good to see you here as well, like H&D said don't be a stranger! i'm trying my best. i lurk sometimes and just read some of the new threads. it just stirs a little back up for me, and that's not too good. i will never stay gone. i've made too many friends. Good for you MayI, stronger every day!!! TOJAZ same applies to you man. i can see it in your posts. It's been a long time mmi! it is wonderful your moving on and doing well. indifference is where you want to be. Now if you can start dating some little female you'd be in business. When is the divorce gonna be finalized. and why is the ex texting you??? Didnt we go over this already a while back? actually, i'm dating a couple of different girls right now. a lot of distance between the one i'd be interested in pursuing. with my kid, it's really tough to manage. the divorce actually finalized in october, but indifference didn't hit me until i realized just how easy the holidays felt. i thought for sure i'd fall apart again. the ex texts me all kinds of pointless things. she's slacked off now, because i think she realizes i'm not going to reply 9 out of 10 times. i think we had talked about it before, but you had to beat a lot of **** into my brain, my friend. thanks for all your support. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 I had to literally scrape myself off the sidewalk, and am still dusting myself off. We took a big hit but we are getting through it. The self-esteem that was literally kicked out of us will rebuild and we will have more self-confidence and love for ourselves than we have ever had before. You're a good guy. You fought tooth and nail. It's a shame she couldn't find her way back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 I had to literally scrape myself off the sidewalk, and am still dusting myself off. We took a big hit but we are getting through it. The self-esteem that was literally kicked out of us will rebuild and we will have more self-confidence and love for ourselves than we have ever had before. You're a good guy. You fought tooth and nail. It's a shame she couldn't find her way back to you. what's a shame to me now is her uncanny ability to just continue to be a liar and sneak. it's almost as if she got so sucked into the world of an affair, that she hasn't even slowed down from it. everything still to this day has to be shrouded in secrecy. i don't get it. i don't ask any questions, so there is absolutely ZERO reason to lie to me. wow. my indifference is still there, but confusion has come up along side of it. i just don't understand this ****. almost 4 months officially divorced and the ex still acts like she's having an affair. i've noticed from Phineas' posts that his ex does the exact same thing. there are no strings left. i don't need her to see that. i need her to KNOW it. also, as an update, i have shut down from the women i was talking to once again. i think this has all made me too introverted right now to try and pursue anything. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 MMI As to your wife's post divorce actions I suspect either part of the fun of an affair is the secrecy and she wants to continue this illusion and or she is still afraid of what others will be saying about her, wanting to keep her reputation clean, and not be branded as a cheating wife, etc. Too late, she cheated, and she lost custody more like abandoned her kid. She sounds totally screwed up If you feel like it, tell us why you have withdrawn from the dating scene, maybe we can help. The way I look at it, when you do this she wins again as she is still controlling your life. The world is full of beautiful women, get out there and rub it in the face of your XW. You are one hell of a man, you faced a huge sh*t sandwich head on, took your lumps, and got custody of you little girl. In short you got balls, big ones at that. Women are less interested in how a guy looks over how he acts. And they like guys who have what you got Your friend Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted January 27, 2010 Author Share Posted January 27, 2010 MMI If you feel like it, tell us why you have withdrawn from the dating scene, maybe we can help. The way I look at it, when you do this she wins again as she is still controlling your life. The world is full of beautiful women, get out there and rub it in the face of your XW. You are one hell of a man, you faced a huge sh*t sandwich head on, took your lumps, and got custody of you little girl. In short you got balls, big ones at that. Women are less interested in how a guy looks over how he acts. And they like guys who have what you got Your friend Gallon i just feel very disheartened right now. i have several female friends. i asked one out on a "date date" a couple of weeks ago. i'm really gearing up for it to happen. she's a former friend of my ex. nothing i can do about that. it actually started to become a juggling game, and one thing i'm not is a liar, so i couldn't keep up. one lady who's about 9 years my junior convinced herself that we were exclusive, and flipped out when she found we weren't. i gave her no indication that we were only seeing one another. i just don't think i'm as ready as i'd like to be before stepping back out "into the wild". granted, i'm living and enjoying it all. i am kicking myself today because i truly despise my ex right now. it's very vindictive, but her father walked when she was 5, never to be seen again. the awful side of me wishes she'd follow suit. she's not though and that sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 back with an update of sorts. nothing new to report. daughter is happy as can be and well adjusted. she's doing great in school. i'm ALMOST caught back up with all of the work i let go to the wayside. been 8 months since the ex and i split. it's been a road. i still think of her some, but not often. i'm busy talking with other women, hanging out with new friends and being the best dad i can be. i hope all those, new and old, are doing well. there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. there is. i've been to hell and back and back and back some more. right now, i'm just disattached from everything. i smile for my little girl, but i'm fairly blank most of the time. i don't mind. like the thread title says, it really is alright, i can't feel a thing. cheers all! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 well, i'm back and a bit bummed. i've been seeing my ex frequently and having dinners with she and our dd every week or so. nothing's going on between us. it makes the kid so happy that i just can't stop it. we have lingering hugs often and she seems to be very interested in me for the time being. i know there's the same guy that's been there all along. dd has said his name a couple times in passing. so, now she's around him. that's a new one. restraint is a mother****er. i'm still here, alive. still lost in my head lots of times and still wishing to have that kind of love again. i don't honestly think i could handle it right now, but damn do i miss it. i also miss this place, but as i'm typing this i can feel it all welling up inside of me again. i just want to get under this desk and let go for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 I would refrain from any interaction. Marriage is for keeps, so is divorce... don't allow any hopes build up within the family. Distance yourself from XW. There is no need to make it nice for her. Continue to invest in your remaining family. Link to post Share on other sites
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