I am 20 and talking to a 32 year old guy

[purple_iris]

I am 20 years old and enrolled in college and just really beginning my life. I met a guy recently who is 32. We hit it off immediately and exchanged numbers. He then told me he had 2 kids who are about 7 years younger than me and divorced a about 6 years ago. He also has a current fiancee. I am completely torn because this is the first guy I have met that I feel completely comfortable with. I have dated a few guys in the past but my most recent 1 (also longest relationship) was 7 months. I have always seen myself with an older man but I don't know what to think. We have only hung out twice but yet it feels like I have known him for months/years. I have never had so much passion and interest in anyone before. I know the children part is a bit overwhelming but I respected the fact that he told me the day after we met and I honestly don't mind it because that was his life before me. He also lives across the state. I feel like there are so many obstacles but yet we both want each other so bad. He has NEVER cheated on his fiancee until me and he told me he has never felt like this with any other girl since he has been with his current fiancee. And for the past year, his relationship with her has become rocky and not the same at all. I am confused and attracted to this guy but I really don't know what I should do. Oh and I will be leaving the country soon for about 5 months as well. Please please please help me. I want to follow my heart, but I don't want to regret this decision.

Edited December 30, 2009 by purple_iris

[varaski]

You mean you are actually ok with the thought of being a #2. Thats what you are sweetie.

 

You got a date but he is with her. if omething happened to you right now he CAN"T come.

 

His "extra" time is spent with you, not his comitted time.

 

I thought people loved themselves enough to at least be alone and be #1 instaed of being with just anyone and be a #2.

 

You being tested lil lady, you get blessed with the real one only after you have passed up in the fake one. Its called temptation, if you resist it the real one will show up. If you take it...

 

You don't even want to know.

[Awesome Username]

He is not committed to you - he is cheating on his fiance and using you as a young lady on the side. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a third one. I know that sometimes our hearts can overshadow our logic, but you really need to think this through. He is a liar and a cheater. Why would he be faithful to you while you're away in another country if he isn't even faithful to his poor fiance? Save your heart for an awesome fling romance in that other country. This guy's a douche.

[D-Lish]

ANY guy that sleeps with you and claims he's conflicted is telling you that you aren't good enough to move to the #1 slot.

 

His actions also tell you that were you to be the fiance- you should expect he'll be banging others.

 

Have some self respect.

[randall]

He's 32 with kids, for the last few 10 years or so his life has been work and marriage. You're just starting college. There is no reason he'd be talking to you other than he thinks it'll be easy to talk a 20 year old girl into sex.

[gaudi]

*DANGER-DANGER-DANGER*

 

If this isn't what's flashing in your head right now, then it really should be.

 

Trust me, you should stay away from this guy.

[hoping2heal]

I am 20 years old and enrolled in college and just really beginning my life. I met a guy recently who is 32. We hit it off immediately and exchanged numbers. He then told me he had 2 kids who are about 7 years younger than me and divorced a about 6 years ago. He also has a current fiancee. I am completely torn because this is the first guy I have met that I feel completely comfortable with.

 

Does the fact that he already has a fiancee make him that more easy to be comfortable with? I get the impression you are trying to self sabotage. Most young girls don't just decide "wow, he has a fiancee..this sounds like a great romantic endeavor for me to enter into." yeah no.

 

I have dated a few guys in the past but my most recent 1 (also longest relationship) was 7 months. I have always seen myself with an older man but I don't know what to think. We have only hung out twice but yet it feels like I have known him for months/years. I have never had so much passion and interest in anyone before.

 

I don't have anything against dating an older man, in fact I prefer it because of their maturity level. However, this man has a divorce, children, a fiancee and a side gal. Maturity, is clearly not the motive and you said you always say yourself with an older man. What is the relationship with your father like?

 

 

I know the children part is a bit overwhelming but I respected the fact that he told me the day after we met and I honestly don't mind it because that was his life before me.

 

The children is one thing. He also has a fiancee, who is not part of his "past life" she is part of his NOW life.

 

 

He also lives across the state.

 

By exchange numbers do you mean online, or you just happen to meet somewhere and he lives across the state?

 

I feel like there are so many obstacles

 

Yes. Because there ARE so many obstacles

 

 

but yet we both want each other so bad. He has NEVER cheated on his fiancee until me and he told me he has never felt like this with any other girl since he has been with his current fiancee.

 

Oh really? You know he never has because why? Because a man with children and a fiance who is in his 30s and starts up a fling with a 20 year old college kid when he is already engaged obviously prizes honesty so much? Come on girl, don't be naive.

 

 

And for the past year, his relationship with her has become rocky and not the same at all.

 

So over nearly an entire year period- his relationship with his fiance has become rocky and not the same- yet he is still with her. He has not left, he just conviniently has picked up with you. He also, lives across the state which means little to nil opportunity for you to varify well, really anything you are being told.

 

I am confused and attracted to this guy but I really don't know what I should do. Oh and I will be leaving the country soon for about 5 months as well. Please please please help me. I want to follow my heart, but I don't want to regret this decision.

 

First of all, how can you NOT regret this decision? You are intentionally putting yourself into an emotionally explosive situation that is DESTINED to implode and turn into a big, scrambling mess. You are trying to self sabotage big time. I'm just not sure why. You are 20 years old and in college, you don't want to let your "heart" lead you into a train wreck that maims you and throws you off course. What is going on here? Why are you doing this to yourself?

[Mary3]

Woah woah....you caught me at fiance ....

 

He wants to see if he can boing a 20 year old. Thats what this is all about.

 

Listen you are INFATUATED. Your head is up in the clouds imagining all the possibilities ...

 

You don't know if he drops his dirty crusty socks on the floor. You don't know if he slaps women around. You dont know anything about him !

 

The * we talked for hours * thats nice. How come he GAVE YOU HIS NUMBER ?

 

Don't you smell something rotten here ?

[Pacino]

The age is not the problem. It's everything else that's the problem.

[zetkin]

I respected the fact that he told me the day after we met

 

He sounds very honest, doesn't he?

This summer during my vacation I met a guy, 31. It was just "summer romance" and I liked that he never told me any words of love and that kind of lies. He sounded so honest and I slept with the guy. Why not, I thought, I’m single, he’s single. You know what he turned out to be? Married. He never lied to me about that, of course, he just never told me.

What I’m trying to say is that even if he sounds honest, it's just deceiving – he’s really a liar.

I can't tell of course that he lies to you, but you can know for sure that he's lying to his fiancee.

[xpaperxcutx]

I can tell you right now that a guy who is interested in someone who's 10 years his junior is after sex. Especially if he's cheating on his fiancee.

 

 

I'm not saying dating an older is a problem, but you do know that age isn' the main conflict here, right? It's the fact that he's willing to cheat on his fiancee with you that's troubling.

 

Please find someone a little more mature.

[amagordos]

i thoroughly agree with everyone here and also i am 20 years like you, but even i think this is a bad idea. I am not mature enough to be in such a serious relationship, think about it, even if he did leave his fiance for you, you would still be stuck with his kids, which are closer to your age than you are to his. Wouldn't that be weird? I don't want to judge you because you seem to be seriously in love with this guy, but i honestly think its better if you break up with him to save you the pain and trouble.

[Kizzyfur]

IMO your best bet is to drop this guy and focus on your schooling. You'll find someone who is right for you in time. Don't jeopardize your future well being for any guy.

 

Besides, as everyone else has pointed out, the fiancee thing... MAJOR RED FLAG!!!

[In_Repair]

Purple, I'm 34 and dating a 21 year old woman, I even have the two kids, and I'm only separated - not even completely divorced yet, so I can offer some perspective on this. Listen to what everyone else is saying, because there is a chance they are all correct. Then again, it could very well be a situation just like mine. My love life has been a mess since my marriage failed. I was seeing a married woman who had begun talking about leaving her husband for me, my (ex)wife was trying to come back, and I was also spending time with a few other female "friends" here and there. Then I met her. We had a date and began talking on the phone for hours every night until we could meet again. I confessed to my lifestyle, which I thought would drive her away. Instead, she flat out told me that I was done with all of that if I wanted to be with her. So... I made some calls and it was done.

 

Anyone who had heard her tell that story as it happened would have advised her to get as far away from me as possible. His life might be a mess too. He might have prematurely jumped into that engagement, as so many divorced men do, and now knows it was a mistake. Before climbing on the "he's a total douche" bandwagon, just lay out what you expect and what you offer in return, and do it in no uncertain terms. Maybe he will realize that you are what he really needs and make the decision to drop everything else on the spot... but if he hesitates much or starts making excuses, walk away.

Edited January 13, 2010 by In_Repair

[bluestraps]

Now if you were with a older man who is unatached , then no problem. 32's not that old . And women live longer anyway so what the hell.Wrong guy, drop him for a younger, freeer guy.

[Jeff1962]

He is not committed to you - he is cheating on his fiance and using you as a young lady on the side. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a third one. I know that sometimes our hearts can overshadow our logic, but you really need to think this through. He is a liar and a cheater. Why would he be faithful to you while you're away in another country if he isn't even faithful to his poor fiance? Save your heart for an awesome fling romance in that other country. This guy's a douche.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

 

Run girl and don't look back. Live your life.

 

Not trying to be cruel here but you have allowed yourself to become involved with a man who has a fiance. It's not like he said I want to be with you but I have to break up with someone first. How could you trust someone like this with your heart? You owe it to yourself to expect more from life and for yourself than playing second fiddle.

 

You are young but this does not negate your emotions nor needs. We all need and desire love and acceptance. Are you replacing love with sex?You need to get your head on straight. Focus on your life.

 

I don't play second fiddle period.