Author acac2323 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 You hit the nail on the head!!! She has shown such remorse, still cries from time to time...Yes I heard her telling the om it was wrong and she should be putting effort in m not their friendship. She has surrounded herself with her happily married woman friends, and writes me love letters and sends me gifts every now and then. Plus our conversations are filled with life and bonding like it hasnt in years. We laugh together and can be silly with each other again... Signs are good. Thanks again Schewter, I was beginning to let the negative nellies get to me...No disrespect to them. I know they are filled with hurt...I could be in their situation and glad I am not...I am going to stay glass half full. Link to post Share on other sites
ChelleBear Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Just a thought...about her drinking...has she ever blacked out before (a period where you are still fully functional but the brain stops making memories), and could this be part of it? I've previously had a problem with drinking, and there are times that I did things while blacked out that I would not have done sober or even just a little drunk. And only sometimes to I dare to check back up on all the electronic corresponding I did the night before. I'm unmarried, so sometimes, it's easier for me to know I was being stupid, but not have to face up to it. She may not remember, and if she looked back at what she wrote and saw that, she may have been slightly horrified at herself while intoxicated. She may be telling you the honest truth that she didn't want it to go any further. I'm single and can't bear the thought of getting physical with someone that isn't deep-set in my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acac2323 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 We dont drink that much...I have noticed the past year that when she does have 2 or 3 beers, its almost like she is a different person...Way different buzz than I have ever seen...I bet its the meds she is on...ADs... Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 You hit the nail on the head!!! She has shown such remorse, still cries from time to time...Yes I heard her telling the om it was wrong and she should be putting effort in m not their friendship. She has surrounded herself with her happily married woman friends, and writes me love letters and sends me gifts every now and then. Plus our conversations are filled with life and bonding like it hasnt in years. We laugh together and can be silly with each other again... Signs are good. Thanks again Schewter, I was beginning to let the negative nellies get to me...No disrespect to them. I know they are filled with hurt...I could be in their situation and glad I am not...I am going to stay glass half full. No, you, like so many people who arrive here or any number so sites, come looking for something they WANT to hear as opposed to what they NEED to hear. Go ahead and stay glass half full, but take a look at my last question to you...Her crying and surrounding herself with "happily married woman friends" is no answer. How do you know they are happily married?...Didn't you think you were pretty happily ,married yourself? Call us negative nellies if you want. I am not filled with hurt, I am filled with experience and the harsh reality of life. We are simply trying to point out to you the alternative reality to your situation. Oh well I guess you will find out the hard way. This will be easier for her to do the next time, because your wife knows now what your reaction will be and she will know how to counter them so you can keep that Half Full Glass attitude. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author acac2323 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 Not every scenario is like yours...Some actually are how they are described by the poster. Some arent. Some people get hurt more than others. I am sorry for your hurt. I understand the harsh reality to my circumstance. If is so, I am prepared to face it and move on. I intend to stay half full, give her another chance, forgive and turn the page on this chapter. That is how I heal. We all dont heal the same way as we all dont get hurt the same way. Good luck to you, and thanks for the flip side of the coin. Link to post Share on other sites
Church Bells Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 REALLY? So because she has been so apologetic and sorry you decide this is enough for you? What have you really learned? lol Well I will go right ahead and please forgive me for being out of line, but as I remember from your initial thread you came home recently and she had started this thing two weeks after you left to go overseas for a job, is that correct. You came home for a couple of weeks here after being gone since September and you are now just going to sweep this under the rug after thousands of text messages and the invite to come over from the OM and you are letting her off the hook with the Feelgood walking in the park and smelling the roses routine? That will wear off the moment you leave. After all of this you state that "that you know it didn't go PA?" lol...you cant be sure of anything but that her lips are moving so most likely she is lying. Once again. forgive me for being harsh , but you are choosing to just run from this and act like this never happened. That young man, is going to be your unndoing. You talk about all she has said...what exactly has she done? Has she written a NC letter to this guy in fornt of you? Or have you had any communication as of recent with the OM? I am sorry but your denial runs very deep. Sounds more like she is telling you what she is going to do, right? So please let us know what steps she has taken (not words...ACTIONS) to allow you to arrive at this decision? You can't be sure of anything acac2323, Wisdom like the above comes from VERY hard earned EXPERIENCE. Disregard it at your own peril. When it comes to WW's ... believe ONLY half of what you see and NONE of what you hear. ACTIONS vs. WORDS. The first has some merit ... the latter has NONE. Link to post Share on other sites
dprtman09 Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 This is being done...I have decided to let it go. She is very upset about what happened. She never pictured herself in that scenario, EVER. Most I have read about here feel the same. I am glad it ended where it did. NC happened quick and is working. There has to be an element of trust to heal, I do feel that. She has said she is so ashamed it went where it did, she didnt see it had become more than friends until I showed her what an EA was...She was so sorry. It has opened both our eyes as to what we BOTH need to do to keep our marriage fresh and fulfilling both of our needs/desires. Some here will not like my decision, but it is what works best for me. She has been so apoligetic and sorry, that I truly believe her remorse. I am not going to start that process over for something that DIDNT happen. Could it have, sure, BUT it didnt. If it did I would be going down a different road and seeking your advice. Thank you all for showing me both sides of the coin. I appreciate all that replied and respect your words as most are learned through many hard times. Thanks again, ACAC I have been exactly where you are. I feel the same way about our fellow posters. Whether we like your decision or not is irrelevent. You have the freedom to make it. I have stated this time and again: Logic says that you can't prove a negative. Neither of you can prove what didn't happen in the A, but you can decide what, based on the evidence, you believe DID happen. It is difficult, but pulling yourself out from time to time and being TOTALLY objective will usually work toward sifting through that evidence. Fact is, you'll never really know what did or didn't happen in the A. All that matters is what does or does not happen in your M. That's all you can control. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
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