DietDrPepper Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 i spoke with her briefly on IM tonight. it was like pulling teeth, but she is sick. she said she "DEFINITELY(yes it was in caps) wants to reschedule" and asked what my week looked like next week (she's headed out of town for NYE and weekend). So, i guess theres hope. I went out on a last minute date tonight that went horrible, so Im kinda down about this whole dating thing. Today was kinda too much to handle for me. Blahhhhhh... At least you got DEFINITELY in caps with reschedule.. did you say you met her on a dating site? Is she still using it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 At least you got DEFINITELY in caps with reschedule.. did you say you met her on a dating site? Is she still using it? she is still using it, but told me Sunday night that she just cancelled her subscription and that "i was her match and her success"... she plays such a slow and low key hand, its like pulling teeth getting her to show the littlest interest. whatever Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 And I am sO glad they did, because it showed me that they were willing to do the work to get the prize, so to speak. Pay attention here, guys, make yourself into "the prize" from the start, as this person did (doesn't matter that she is a woman) adopt that attitude, and you will get better, less wishy washy results. Admittedly, it is harder for men to adopt this attitude because "why does the prize have to do the asking out? shouldn't it be the other way?" To an extent yes, you start things, but from the point of that first date on, there are many things you can do to let her know that you are just as valuable a catch as she is, and once there, you will avoid lots of these mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I had a third date all setup for tonight. Talked to her briefly on IM last night after I called her to confirm and it went to voicemail. Instead of calling me back, she hit me up on IM. I confirmed or plans, she set the time, seemed excited. She even had 2 seperate times where she could of called it off and didnt. I even tried to cut the convo short and to the point and she said "no, I dont have to go". So i wake up this am to a text saying "you're going to kill me. I'm so sick and home from work today, I need to reschedule tonight". I'm like ok, no big deal. So, I can even verify she is home from work, cause I saw her on IM this morning, which is blocked at her work. So instead of just responding to her text, I try to hit her up on IM....the message goes through, but then she signs off like 2 mins. later. Coincidence? I dunno. So I just texted her back saying not to worry about it and get better. Am I looking into this too much? Why didnt she call me back last night and IM me instead? Was she planning on canceling? But then why, when given 2 opportunities to cancel last night did she say "no,no, no" and "you know were on". Why didnt she respond to my IM? She is 'online' on our dating site now, but that can mean anything. what are your thoughts? what do i do from here? im really bummed out... I hate this ***** so much. I'm literally having a panic attack.... DUDE! Chill the F out man! It's been 2 dates and you're getting insecure and jealous? WTF?! Go outside and go for a run. Don't think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Tell her you are free "X" and "Y" and leave it at that. Let her come to you. The see-saw is absolutely tilted in her direction now. I know we all meet that person that makes us go that extra step when everyone else would have bailed. You're at that step. Be easy now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 DUDE! Chill the F out man! It's been 2 dates and you're getting insecure and jealous? WTF?! Go outside and go for a run. Don't think about it. jealous? no. just trying to figure out if i want to spend more of my valuable time and energy pursuing this chick. insecure? maybe - but if you read the thread you'll understand why. i def. over-reacted, but im at my wits end with this dating crap. Link to post Share on other sites
gtrguy Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) I will agree with Steve on this one. I am a very successful and good looking guy living in a penthouse in NYC.. That being said, even for me dating can be very difficult. Especially in a large city. When you combine that with online dating, you get a volatile mix.. In my opinion, the issue is that very attractive women treat online sites like going to Bloomingdales and know that they have the pick of whatever they want if they are hot. Even if they are into one guy like Steve, the temptation to continue to get wined and dined by multiple men is too strong. Add in the fact that most girls in NYC are completely pampered by their parents (living, spending, etc) their needs for a man to support them are null and void. Cold hard truth. I do want to add in that not ALL girls are like this.. I'm sure there are some gems on these sites, but they get snapped up quick. This pertains to the majority of young women on these sites. jealous? no. just trying to figure out if i want to spend more of my valuable time and energy pursuing this chick. insecure? maybe - but if you read the thread you'll understand why. i def. over-reacted, but im at my wits end with this dating crap. Edited December 31, 2009 by gtrguy Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 jealous? no. just trying to figure out if i want to spend more of my valuable time and energy pursuing this chick. insecure? maybe - but if you read the thread you'll understand why. i def. over-reacted, but im at my wits end with this dating crap. You'll get used to it. You're letting EVERYTHING hang in the balance on every tiny move she makes. You're completely over-analyzing. CHILL... You should be so busy with productive and healthy things in your own life that you find yourself struggling to remember to call her back. Go join some activity clubs; CraigsList has a great activity partners section. Go hiking, wine-tasting, rock climbing, mtn biking, surfing, swing and salsa dancing, go to concerts, museums, etc... http://www.meetup.com is a good start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 You'll get used to it. You're letting EVERYTHING hang in the balance on every tiny move she makes. You're completely over-analyzing. CHILL... You should be so busy with productive and healthy things in your own life that you find yourself struggling to remember to call her back. Go join some activity clubs; CraigsList has a great activity partners section. Go hiking, wine-tasting, rock climbing, mtn biking, surfing, swing and salsa dancing, go to concerts, museums, etc... http://www.meetup.com is a good start. you're right. i am actually busy as hell...but i tend to sweat this crap. im working on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 just trying to figure out if i want to spend more of my valuable time and energy pursuing this chick. Pursue only if she's worth it. You won't really be able to know until after you get to know her. If she lets you. There IS that wall to consider, which means that she's having her own issues with dating. Maybe reschedule the date, but have it be a sort of make it or break it situation. If you like her a lot and you definitely have interest, pursue. If somehow the attraction isn't there anymore and you have no interest, end it. But definitely see what the attraction is like on the next date, and if it's worth it. Right now you're just bummed about all this stuff and anxious. Another date with her will refresh your interest.... or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Pursue only if she's worth it. You won't really be able to know until after you get to know her. If she lets you. There IS that wall to consider, which means that she's having her own issues with dating. Maybe reschedule the date, but have it be a sort of make it or break it situation. If you like her a lot and you definitely have interest, pursue. If somehow the attraction isn't there anymore and you have no interest, end it. But definitely see what the attraction is like on the next date, and if it's worth it. Right now you're just bummed about all this stuff and anxious. Another date with her will refresh your interest.... or not. im going to let her make this work from here... im not planning on texting, emailing, calling until i hear from her. i hope this is the right play. we IM'd very briefly last night, which she said she wants to reschedule and asked what my schedule is like for next week. i left it has lets talk soon and figure something out. she said sounds good. so, i think im going to wait for her and not even text her on NYE.. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 you're right. i am actually busy as hell...but i tend to sweat this crap. im working on it. Good. Just work on an affirmation to keep the anxiety at bay. Something to the effect of, "I know consciously that I'm reading too much into this. Everything is fine, I'll forget about it and focus on something productive." Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Good. Just work on an affirmation to keep the anxiety at bay. Something to the effect of, "I know consciously that I'm reading too much into this. Everything is fine, I'll forget about it and focus on something productive." thanks for the positive reinforcement;) Link to post Share on other sites
bwidger Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 im going to let her make this work from here... im not planning on texting, emailing, calling until i hear from her. i hope this is the right play. we IM'd very briefly last night, which she said she wants to reschedule and asked what my schedule is like for next week. i left it has lets talk soon and figure something out. she said sounds good. so, i think im going to wait for her and not even text her on NYE.. Man, I would of left the ball in her court. You didn't really leave the ball in her court by saying you'd figure something out. She may of taken that your going you chill for a bit and contact her later about it... It may of been best you said something like, "Well, if you want to reschedule, you seem pretty busy, so just hit me up when your available and we can go from there". Just make sure you get a response back like her saying ok she'll contact you or something before you end the conversation. Something along those lines so SHE has the ball and she contacts you. If she doesn’t, move on… Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Man, I would of left the ball in her court. You didn't really leave the ball in her court by saying you'd figure something out. She may of taken that your going you chill for a bit and contact her later about it... It may of been best you said something like, "Well, if you want to reschedule, you seem pretty busy, so just hit me up when your available and we can go from there". Just make sure you get a response back like her saying ok she'll contact you or something before you end the conversation. Something along those lines so SHE has the ball and she contacts you. If she doesn’t, move on… if she's interested, she'll contract me. i told her to contact me over here getaway....she's ;leaving today until sunday..... i figure, she said she wanted to reschedule and SHE cancelled, so its in her court. Link to post Share on other sites
DietDrPepper Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Now my question for everyone is in a situation like this, where the ball is in her court, would it be a good idea to send a text tonight saying Happy New Year? Or would the better approach be to have it say Happy New Year Everyone so it seems to be a mass text (i usually dont send mass texts) I'm wondering if it may be a good idea to keep yourself in her thoughts by sending something friendly like that or would it come off as wrong? Also does ball in her court mean no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Now my question for everyone is in a situation like this, where the ball is in her court, would it be a good idea to send a text tonight saying Happy New Year? Or would the better approach be to have it say Happy New Year Everyone so it seems to be a mass text (i usually dont send mass texts) I'm wondering if it may be a good idea to keep yourself in her thoughts by sending something friendly like that or would it come off as wrong? Also does ball in her court mean no contact? Bad idea to send it AT ALL. Didn't I just tell you to go NC? Let her come to you. You want her to think that you're busy out having a good, not thinking of her at every moment. Link to post Share on other sites
bwidger Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I think that all depends. For instance, if you've been contacting her a lot lately you may just want to skip the NY text. However, I see nothing wrong with sending a NY text otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
DietDrPepper Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I'm with you Phateless on the NC.. We really haven't had much contact for a week, before that we were in contact every day if not every other day, so besides my text to her yesterday, it wouldn't be TOO much contact recently, in my opinion... but yea I'll just stick with total NC Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Hey Steve.. Have you ever been real sick ? Well.... Give her some slack... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Bad idea to send it AT ALL. Didn't I just tell you to go NC? Let her come to you. You want her to think that you're busy out having a good, not thinking of her at every moment. Agreed! Do Not send the text! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 im not sending anything....i was just wondering what you all thought so i dont screw this up anymore and to the question "have I ever been sick"? sure. not sure what that has to do with this. She cancelled because she was sick yesterday - thats fine. there were just some weird thing that happened prior to that which seemed a little off...so naturally i started a thread here and tried to get everyones opion. unfortunately, i took some major abuse for it, but whatever. got some good feedback as well. as far as im concerned, the ball is in her court. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharla Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I don't understand this thread at all. What are you screwing up if she is legit sick and that's why she canceled? And not for nothing, but you're dating other women so what diff does it make? I know if I was dating a guy and learned of that, I would be weary and I certainly would not "compete" in order to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 if she's interested, she'll contract me. i told her to contact me over here getaway....she's ;leaving today until sunday..... i figure, she said she wanted to reschedule and SHE cancelled, so its in her court. But.... but.... isn't this just like the third date? Are you interested or not? I wouldn't put the ball in her court for the third date. She's just as unsure of your real interest as you are. If I were you, I'd be the gentleman and ask her out on the third date. Make your interest in her clear. Go on that third date and just see where the attraction is at. It's been a lot of fuss up to now, but remember how much you two got along, and what the fuss is about. Ask her out. Make your interest clear in that way. Take her on a third date. Decide from there. Link to post Share on other sites
ordinary_girl Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I love how this thread had got completely out of control. This has gone waaaaay beyond the original post called for Link to post Share on other sites
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