Phateless Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 Well I don't know if I necessarily agree with that, the "assuming" part, but to each their own. Honestly. If you assume you are exclusive when you are not, that's how you get hurt. If you want to be exclusive, bring it up and talk about it. If you're afraid to bring it up, that means on some level you already know that the guy is expecting that you're not exclusive. I am very clear with women that we are not TOGETHER until we mutually talk and decide we are. Until that, we're both free to see other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 Ah. Well there's nothing wrong with courting. The point isn't the time limit, the point is to find someone you like so much that you don't want to date anyone else. Lots of people multi-date for long periods of time. One of my dearest friends is a girl I dated casually for 3 months, about 3 years ago. i have seen 2 of the girls only 2 times. I was cancelled on for BOTH 3rd dates. I started talking to both just after thanksgiving...and had our first date around dec 11th and second dates around dec.20th. then the holidays came and screwed everything up. so i dont think hanging out 2 times is enough for exclusivity talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 In light of history the OP has shared, and his reaction to the current multi-dating dynamic, it would seem reasonable to consider other dating methodologies which might be more in line with his current emotional state. Build on success, slowly one of those links isnt me;) im working on building of successes. it seems like the girl i started this thread about is not showing much interest, despite telling me otherwise (hard to explain). the 2nd girl I have been seeing more than once who also cancelled on me, has texted me everyday the past week and just called. so, i am assuming she is still interested. of course, the one I am really interested in is girl #1 and I cant figure her out for the life of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 i have seen 2 of the girls only 2 times. I was cancelled on for BOTH 3rd dates. I started talking to both just after thanksgiving...and had our first date around dec 11th and second dates around dec.20th. then the holidays came and screwed everything up. so i dont think hanging out 2 times is enough for exclusivity talk. Completely agree. one of those links isnt me;) im working on building of successes. it seems like the girl i started this thread about is not showing much interest, despite telling me otherwise (hard to explain). the 2nd girl I have been seeing more than once who also cancelled on me, has texted me everyday the past week and just called. so, i am assuming she is still interested. of course, the one I am really interested in is girl #1 and I cant figure her out for the life of me. Hmmm... sounds like she's keeping you on the back burner in case her first choice doesn't work out. Hate to be harsh, but the situation fits. OR... She genuinely is dealing with some craziness in life right now and you should be patient with her, but don't hang around indefinitely. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hmmm... sounds like she's keeping you on the back burner in case her first choice doesn't work out. Hate to be harsh, but the situation fits. OR... She genuinely is dealing with some craziness in life right now and you should be patient with her, but don't hang around indefinitely. Keep us posted. No offense, but scenario 1 is a horribly negative outlook on the woman's recent actions. She could be talking to him because she wants to actually hear from him (gasp)! I say it's scenario 2 unless you find evidence otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Honestly. If you assume you are exclusive when you are not, that's how you get hurt. If you want to be exclusive, bring it up and talk about it. If you're afraid to bring it up, that means on some level you already know that the guy is expecting that you're not exclusive. I am very clear with women that we are not TOGETHER until we mutually talk and decide we are. Until that, we're both free to see other people. I see your point. But personally, if I am spending time with someone and we've gone out on multiple dates, talk regularly, are intimate, etc., then yes...I assume that's the direction we are headed. In the past, I was afraid to bring it up...I appreciated the honesty when I eventually did, but the response I received was not what I expected and I did get hurt. I really don't abide by today's "rules" in dating, because it's s not really the environment I was initially brought up in. PS. Sorry for the hijack OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 just talked to girl #2 on the phone. she is busy this weekend with a friends party, but invited me to meet up with them at a bar later in the night. i think that's a good step forward. she at least wants me to meet her friends! i just have this weird feeling about her that she is not on the up and up......im a pretty good judge of these things too.... girl #1 is being so flaky I cant stand it. I asked her to jump on gchat tonight in an email today and nothing. im thinking this one is over, even though she told me to assume everything is fine with us unless one of us says otherwise. she did respond to my email though and asked questions. if she was completely uninterested, she wouldnt of responded or asked questions. She was also very committed to rescheduling our date from last week when she cancelled. who knows anymore whatever. on to the next. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Well the girl #2 response seems valid. If I am interested in someone and they ask me out but I'm busy that night- I'll ALWAYS suggest an alternative date/time. SO that seems positive. As for the flaky one- when did you guys have a convo about the "assume all is good unless one of us says so"? Perhaps you are trying too hard and she is feeling that? Link to post Share on other sites
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) just talked to girl #2 on the phone. she is busy this weekend with a friends party, but invited me to meet up with them at a bar later in the night. i think that's a good step forward. she at least wants me to meet her friends! i just have this weird feeling about her that she is not on the up and up......im a pretty good judge of these things too.... girl #1 is being so flaky I cant stand it. I asked her to jump on gchat tonight in an email today and nothing. im thinking this one is over, even though she told me to assume everything is fine with us unless one of us says otherwise. she did respond to my email though and asked questions. if she was completely uninterested, she wouldnt of responded or asked questions. She was also very committed to rescheduling our date from last week when she cancelled. who knows anymore whatever. on to the next. I hate to be a bit on the blunt side here man, but while I would keep these "plans" with girl #2, I would also not be surprised if they suddenly fall apart at the last minute. I've been through the proposal set forth by girl #2 a couple times, and all but once the girl in question "cancelled" at the last minute. When some women go to parties that they are not the host of, they don't want to bring anyone the host doesn't know (which was why you weren’t invited), but tend to be very fluid on plans beyond that party. The only time where this actually came through and I did meet her at the bar, she was with her friends and they were all several drinks under and very annoying to be around. I said my hellos, bought the woman who called me a drink, then dashed out when they ran off to dance (I pretended to get a phone call; dishonest I know but they were so drunk it didn't really matter). I got an apology call the next day but after seeing that woman in that state, my interest was gone. In all of the situations, I went out with other friends beforehand, got extra cab money in case the woman did call, then was prepared to bail out and go back to the original group of friends in case the woman in question was drunk and thus a liability or you can't find her for whatever reason. I advise you to do the same. Hopefully this pans out for you. Good luck. Edited January 5, 2010 by MyNameIsJonas clarification Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 one of those links isnt me;) Actually, it's me today. My apologies Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 Well the girl #2 response seems valid. If I am interested in someone and they ask me out but I'm busy that night- I'll ALWAYS suggest an alternative date/time. SO that seems positive. As for the flaky one- when did you guys have a convo about the "assume all is good unless one of us says so"? Perhaps you are trying too hard and she is feeling that? im not sure how the convo went with #1.....we always joke about her wall and some other things about her and guys (something about a dude on a first date dressed like a nerd and said she knew she couldnt go out with him again instantly after she saw him). So I joked with her a couple times about her being ruthless and i was wary of her. All in joking though. i think thats what prompted it. i dunno...its very discouraging. like I said, she is the only girl I have gone out with since joining online dating (out of 7) that I could see myself having a relationship with. still deciding on #2... I'm going out with a new one friday night...and have maybe 4 others in the 'hopper' that are ready to be asked out. I would much rather just stick with one - but i've explained myself enough on that front;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 I hate to be a bit on the blunt side here man, but while I would keep these "plans" with girl #2, I would also not be surprised if they suddenly fall apart at the last minute. I've been through the proposal set forth by girl #2 a couple times, and all but once the girl in question "cancelled" at the last minute. When some women go to parties that they are not the host of, they don't want to bring anyone the host doesn't know (which was why you weren’t invited), but tend to be very fluid on plans beyond that party. The only time where this actually came through and I did meet her at the bar, she was with her friends and they were all several drinks under and very annoying to be around. I said my hellos, bought the woman who called me a drink, then dashed out when they ran off to dance (I pretended to get a phone call; dishonest I know but they were so drunk it didn't really matter). I got an apology call the next day but after seeing that woman in that state, my interest was gone. In all of the situations, I went out with other friends beforehand, got extra cab money in case the woman did call, then was prepared to bail out and go back to the original group of friends in case the woman in question was drunk and thus a liability or you can't find her for whatever reason. I advise you to do the same. Hopefully this pans out for you. Good luck. I have very tempered expectations. she lives rather far from me (45mins) and is a teacher, so its hard to get together on any other night besides Friday or Saturday. Fridays she has drinks with girls from work....she said she would skip it this week if we couldnt make sat work. i would much rather do that - but dont want to put her in that position. always so difficult!! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 I have very tempered expectations. she lives rather far from me (45mins) and is a teacher, so its hard to get together on any other night besides Friday or Saturday. Fridays she has drinks with girls from work....she said she would skip it this week if we couldnt make sat work. i would much rather do that - but dont want to put her in that position. always so difficult!! So what's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 So what's the update? well, the one I started this thread about flaked out. maybe my fault..who knows. I'm def. done freaking out about online dating, that's for sure. the second one, the teacher, we have dates scheduled for Tuesday and Saturday, so things are looking good there, but we havent been out since before xmas...so should be interesting. as usual, I am talking to about 5 others online and went on a date fri. she was nice, but no sparks. i'm starting to lose faith that ill find someone worth while online, but im going to give this a solid 3 months and see what happens. lucky for me, i get a lot of interest online, so I have a lot to choose from... so it goes..... Link to post Share on other sites
singleguy123 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I think it is safe to say when a grl all of a sudden becomes "sick" and cancels a date, most of the time she is lying..how many times have you cancelled a date for being sick with a girl you are really into? I have noticed the same thing however.. Met a girl online, things went amazingly well, then noticed she is online more than ever, then she was also "sick". Later she even said she went to the hospital, then later kind of said she just wanted to be alone. So i have no idea what happened. I was irritated and told her..I guess I could have played it cool, which maybe I should have, but I am still seeing her.. Still confused at the same time.. I think the more i know women, the more I see that they lie about everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 When I originally posted this - i truly believed that everything was going ok....turns out, we never rescheduled the date...hmmmm. she was truly sick, but now that i look back..iot makes sense.... whatever..i really liked her and would of loved to go further....she's not on the dating site anymore, so maybe she gave up...or found someone else... Link to post Share on other sites
singleguy123 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I totally hear you.. Mine became mysteriously sick right when I thought things were wonderful too.. online dating does suck, especially if you see them on there.. Do they just want attention? Are they really looking for others? i do not know. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 They lie because they feel guilty. You have to read between the lines with women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 They lie because they feel guilty. You have to read between the lines with women. thats such a shame:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
singleguy123 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Usually when women pulled the "I am sick", I kind of had a feeling I was doing most of the asking, no matter how well our dates seemed to have gone. However, it does get more confusing when they also say things like "i am scared of my feelings", and "I really miss you".. A girlfriend once told me some women whom are very into the man also break dates to peak his interest level, as men like a chase, or atleast are drawn towards a chase. As you can see in this thread, it works quite well. So sometimes it seems to be she is very interested and acts this way, on the fence, or not interested at all. Which still means I do not have a clue. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 If you meet someone online and not IRL it's so much easier for them to blow you off because they never have to see you again. Of course, unless you date someone that lives in your neighborhood. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 If you meet someone online and not IRL it's so much easier for them to blow you off because they never have to see you again. Of course, unless you date someone that lives in your neighborhood. true that... Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Usually when women pulled the "I am sick", I kind of had a feeling I was doing most of the asking, no matter how well our dates seemed to have gone. However, it does get more confusing when they also say things like "i am scared of my feelings", and "I really miss you".. A girlfriend once told me some women whom are very into the man also break dates to peak his interest level, as men like a chase, or atleast are drawn towards a chase. As you can see in this thread, it works quite well. So sometimes it seems to be she is very interested and acts this way, on the fence, or not interested at all. Which still means I do not have a clue. Any psycho who would play games like that to try and get me does not deserve me. If she plays games like that in the beginning, you can only imagine what kind of games she would play later. I would be thankful I knew in advance. How immature can you get? This isn't high school! Link to post Share on other sites
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