Dumped by girlfriend. Don't know what I should do.

[HLP234]

Well since she removed me from every form of contact I assume, I had to do the same. I took off all our pics, today I had to remove her from AIM because I kept seeing her status updates on there about how her new bf is the best ever and what not.

 

Don't think she blocked me on there because if I was blocked I would not see her statuses. According to how many buddy lists I'm on, that number never changed so I suppose she still has me on there probably.

 

But I had to delete her, only to tell myself that now if I sign on I don't have to go invisible so I don't talk to her.

 

I still have her phone number in my phone but I won't even bother to call. Just remove everything piece by piece, or you could just do it all at once.

 

So go for it and get rid of all contact info. If she wants to talk to you she should know how to get a hold of you. Even then I would not respond, or if you are going to, be cool and calm about it and tell her you don't want to talk to her anymore.

[dazzle22]

Life will sneak up behind her and bite he on her cheating. Azz if you have the patience to wait for it. Don,t delete her as friends. Then one day when u see all HIS pics are gone, you can text her and ask if the rumors of her suicide are premature! Ha! Just a little revenge fantasy. Sometimes that helps...

[NOM]

Well, I've already erased everything but her number...and memories.

 

Totay has probably been one of the worst days since the break up. Some days I'm really happy with myself, have confidence in finding someone else (which is ridiculously unusual for me), and content with the fact that it's just over.

 

On the contrary, today, like most other days, I get that ''Wait. That guy is with my girl.'' type of feeling, only to remember that she isn't my girl anymore. To be honest, it feels as if we're still together though she's ignoring and cheating on me right in front of me. Maybe I'm still shocked or something. I don't know anymore. I don't care anymore....all I know is that the last 7 months of effort I put in this relationship were not worth it. The only positive thing I got from it is experience, I guess. But even that doesn't make up for all this wasted time.

[HLP234]

You'll have your days when you feel great, and then there are those that you think about her. Those are the ones you have to remove now. I definitely know I felt different before i dated her, now its like Im a different person, I miss that person that I was, with all this pain to deal with it feels like I won't be exactly the same as I was.

 

You can hope hope to find yourself one day, good thing you have realized what you did too. I have as well i just don't understand why if I have accepted its not going away already.

[NOM]

I also feel that I've changed. As if the real me is somewhat supressed and numb. That probably makes no sense..

I still can't accept that it's over I think. Her dissapearing after 7 months just like that was so unexpected. Especially with another guy? It's surreal.

 

What's annoying me, is that he insulted and was pretty bad to friends of hers...well, not friends I guess, but people she didn't like. They almost teamed up against them, in childish exchanges of insults. On top of that he knew she was taken, yet pressed on...told her that he liked her...and eventually ''loved'' her. I don't think either him or especially her know what love is. I'm sure to them it's what you see on TV....although TV love is probably too complicated for them.

 

What makes a jerk like that better than me? He's more than a jerk, but I wouldn't be able to describe him as anything else without swearing. I'm sure that their ''relationship'' is basically 2 of the most self-centered people paired up.

 

I bet I sound quite grumpy. I should probably stop ranting like this, but I feel like posting here is the only way I can let it out.

 

Could anyone offer any guidance perhaps? I'm in unexplored territory right now and it's somewhat intimidating. Thank you.

[HLP234]

Yeh similar situation to mine, although my ex went for her best friend, who she only knew for not as long as she knew me. Of course, they got a long so fine and I suppose she just didn't give me a chance, she knew this was my first serious relationship..and she was impatient.

 

So she threw away a good thing if you think about it. Don't worry too much I know its hard to believe that they just left us like that, but it will probably happen again, and when it does, and you don't go back to them..that is when they will realize what they did wrong hopefully.

 

I wish it was as easy for me to find someone else as it was for her, but that won't be the case, I will just go about my days hoping I feel better. That way I am giving myself time to heal properly. I don't really feel like trying to look for someone else and I will just try and go out as much as I can so if I do happen to meet someone fine, if not then I guess just tough it out.

[NOM]

I also feel that I've changed. As if the real me is somewhat supressed and numb. That probably makes no sense..

I still can't accept that it's over I think. Her dissapearing after 7 months just like that was so unexpected. Especially with another guy? It's surreal.

 

What's annoying me, is that he insulted and was pretty bad to friends of hers...well, not friends I guess, but people she didn't like. They almost teamed up against them, in childish exchanges of insults. On top of that he knew she was taken, yet pressed on...told her that he liked her...and eventually ''loved'' her. I don't think either him or especially her know what love is. I'm sure to them it's what you see on TV....although TV love is probably too complicated for them.

 

What makes a jerk like that better than me? He's more than a jerk, but I wouldn't be able to describe him as anything else without swearing. I'm sure that their ''relationship'' is basically 2 of the most self-centered people paired up.

 

I bet I sound quite grumpy. I should probably stop ranting like this, but I feel like posting here is the only way I can let it out.

 

Could anyone offer any guidance perhaps? I'm in unexplored territory right now and it's somewhat intimidating. Thank you.

 

 

Well, I broke NC. This morning I got up feeling absolutely terrible and I was weak and gave into texting her.

 

I just said that she was right about me hating her. She said that tha's fair enough and asked me why I think that all of a sudden. I replied wondering what difference it makes to her. I know that it doesn't make one bit of a difference to her. That opinion is reinforced my the fact that she never replied.

 

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, yet I still feel weak and annoyed at myself for breaking NC. I deleted her number to avoid further temptation to contact her. I'm tired of this break up dominating my emotions and recent life.

[dazzle22]

No foul...you got your little shot in and got it off your chest. Feels good to sometimes give the tormentor a zinger to the chest. Now close the book, have a little ceremony and burn the pictures, whatever else is left, and throw it into the wind, and move on wiser and more careful and cautious....

[HLP234]

Well now just continue NC, don't be tempted at all to contact her again. Even if she responds to you. If you feel better because you let her know that, then tha's good for you at least.

 

But now just focus on you and how you will move on to better things.

[ginyi1111]

Yeah what everyone here says is true. NC is the best way to go about it.

At least it salvages your pride and dignity.

[NOM]

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I think she texted me back, because my phone said I received a text from her, but I never got anything. I didn't bother writing anything back to her, and I'm not going to.

 

I feel better now, and I don't feel like we're together anymore... I can pretty much come to accept that we're not together anymore. It still hurts every time she comes into my head, but the pain's not as vivid anymore. I'm better off without her in my life.

 

Thinking back.....we didn't even have that much in our relationship. Again, not worth the seven months. I'm trying to think what I gathered from this experience, and this might take me a bit of time, as I'm finding it hard. Now is the time to start unicycling, I think.....I've been putting it off for a while.

[HLP234]

I dunno if its all about pride and dignity. That's not how Im using NC, but more like I'm using it because she hurt me badly and I have nothing to say to her anyway.

[NOM]

@HLP234: I know how you feel. I mean, I'd like her to know how self centred she really is, and that the world doesn't revolve around her, but she can only find that out for herself. Either way, if she didn't care what I thought before and had no regard for my feelings, she won't listen to me anyway. It'll just be a waste of time.

 

These unsaid things are probably better left just that way, unsaid, as it teaches that person a lesson some time later, compared to us just telling them their "shortcomings" if you could call them that.

 

EDIT: I know that for me, NC isn't about pride or dignity. It's to detach me from memories of her. If I was using NC to simply not talk to her, even though I might want to still say some things, that would make me a bit of a coward I think, because I'd be running away from my problems in a selfish and one sided manner (like what she did). In that case it would to the opposite and diminish my dignity, pride and self respect.

Edited January 10, 2010 by NOM

[HLP234]

Yep, telling them how you feel and how much you hurt accomplishes nothing. Right now she may be happy with that new guy, but we can only hope one day she realizes what she did was not right.

 

You never know if they will or won't if they are codependent on others, but NC is a good way to get your mind off someone. I am also using it to understand my own self respect and that I have done nothing wrong, I deserve someone that appreciates me.

 

Most likely if they ever say anything, it will be because they feel lonely and don't have you there anymore..still no reason to break the NC and be a friend if you are still hurt and trying to move on.

[NOM]

You just said something that I never even thought of. Cheered me up a bit, to be honest. I did nothing wrong.

[HLP234]

Well I'm glad it cheered you up. I have still been thinking about her and I'm still depressed no matter how many times I go out and hang around other people. Its very hard, school is starting too and I have no ambition to even to do any work.

 

Its my last semester, I'm graduating, have a job sort of lined up and I still feel like I have nothing to look forward to. A part of me was taken away when she left me without even saying anything. But you have to move on weather they know how you feel or not and if they realize what they did or they did not.

 

It will take time to heal and you have to look out for yourself. I was talking to a friend and they basically told me just do you, and it may take a month, a year or five years, but you will find someone randomly without even trying.

 

So at least look forward to that. I didn't do anything to get my ex, she just came to me..I wasn't trying hard or anything. Just go on with yourself, and even if you see a girl you like, be yourself, don't try too hard. It will happen by itself.

[NOM]

Thanks for that. Everyone here has been really helpful.

 

And, @HLP234: I know what you mean...I guess time is the only thing that will numb the pain.

 

I've been thinking about her a lot less, and I amn't as down about the whole situation. A strange thing that has been happening, is that I'm starting to get dreams with her in them. I don't know why I'm dreaming about her, but waking up with her on my mind isn't the most pleasant way to start a day. Other than that, I'm getting better overall, I think. Slowly, but surely.

[HLP234]

The dreams I suppose are part of the healing process. You are trying to get her out of your head and not think of her.

 

I still have dreams too and for the same reason, I can barely think of why..and I wake up thinking about her and mostly how she just left. I know it sucks, but keep busy.

 

The dreams will still be there for a while, but they do go away at one point. Mine seem to have subsided a little but the feelings have not gotten smaller.

 

I still don't feel like I'm getting better much quicker but one day I hear it will all go away at once, not slowly.

[NOM]

Okay...I just need to get this out and get any feedback or guidance if possible, please. I know there would be good days and bad ones. Well, today's been a pretty bad one due to the stuff I've been keeping inside me. I'm sorry if the following makes little sense.

 

Today, I was scrolling through my FB posts, and I found an old one from her. I thought nothing of it though it did sort of jump out at me, as she said she loved me, etc in it. What grabbed my attention, was her profile picture..her and the guy she left me for, kissing. That's when it hit me, I cannot accept the fact that we're not together anymore. The fact that she left me to be with someone else. Hard to believe, but it's almost been a month, and I'm still dazed and dissorientated.

 

Every morning, I wake up and immediately think of her. Not needing to go for a pee, not getting out of bed so I won't be late, but her. I wake up more tired than I was before I went to sleep. This break-up is dominating my emotions and physical health. It is literally draining me. I'm tired, yet at the same time restless.

 

There are 5 stages a person goes through after a break-up, as I hear. Well, I seem to be stuck. I can't move. I know for a fact that she doesn't at all think of me. She didn't care for me when she replaced me with this other guy, so why of all reasons would I be in her mind? And that leads me to ask myself; why is she still in mine?

 

I keep thinking that I'm slowly moving on, but everytime something triggers memories about the feelings I experienced with her, and the feelings as she broke up with me, I feel like I'm back at square one. Considering this is my first experience of such a kind, I just don't know how to handle it, and myself. I don't know if this is ever going to leave me. It's like one of those persisting nightmares that you have every night. I can no longer find the motivation to do things. I feel like I'm slipping into depression, if I'm not already there.

 

I don't trust anyone enough to talk about these things in person, and to be honest, most people I know probably won't have any input other that ''I see.'' into what I had to say, hence why I'm here.

 

I'm not good with expressing my feelings, so I'm sorry if this post is monotonous along with my other ones. I can't describe how supressed and numbed down I'm feeling. If anyone has anything to say about any of this, please do. It would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[jms76]

NOM,

 

I'd say just about everyone has been or will be where you are right now. I've been there several times. It hurts both physically and mentally. She won't leave your thoughts until your mind has something else to occupy it. Just that simple. You can't force the healing process. You have to accept your reality and make the best of it. I would say that if certain aspects of your life are suffering (job) then you should go see a therapist/psychiatrist to help you get over this hump. But unfortunately, this will take some time to get over. No one can tell you how long....everyone is different.

 

In the meantime, here are some things you can do to get yourself in a better frame of mind.

1) Get rid of anything that has any personal attachment to your ex. I mean everything.

2) Exercise, exercise, exercise. Nothing relieves stress, anxiety, depression better than exercise.

3) Get out of the house even if you don't want to.

4) Talk to friends and family.

5) Eat healthy. Eating well everyday will aid in your physical and mental health.

6) Volunteer. Keep your mind occupied and helping others will make you feel better.

 

Last but not least, give yourself ample time to heal. Sorry you're going through this but realize that you will get over your ex in time.

[adamt]

NOM,

 

I'd say just about everyone has been or will be where you are right now. I've been there several times. It hurts both physically and mentally. She won't leave your thoughts until your mind has something else to occupy it. Just that simple. You can't force the healing process. You have to accept your reality and make the best of it. I would say that if certain aspects of your life are suffering (job) then you should go see a therapist/psychiatrist to help you get over this hump. But unfortunately, this will take some time to get over. No one can tell you how long....everyone is different.

 

In the meantime, here are some things you can do to get yourself in a better frame of mind.

1) Get rid of anything that has any personal attachment to your ex. I mean everything.

2) Exercise, exercise, exercise. Nothing relieves stress, anxiety, depression better than exercise.

3) Get out of the house even if you don't want to.

4) Talk to friends and family.

5) Eat healthy. Eating well everyday will aid in your physical and mental health.

6) Volunteer. Keep your mind occupied and helping others will make you feel better.

 

Last but not least, give yourself ample time to heal. Sorry you're going through this but realize that you will get over your ex in time.

 

We all know what the origilnal poster is going through. you wil be in a world of hurt, head will be working over time with thoughts about your ex and the relationship, cant get to sleep, waking up at 5:30am.never feeling tired, cant focus at work(how the hell i didnt get sacked!) memory is shot, no appetite, randomly breaking down and crying. no motivation .there is no quick solution unfortunatly but do all the things mentioned by jms76 and it wil help take your mind off the ex and rebuild your confidence. i'm hooked on the gym now and have to go 3-4 times a week. i'm 38 and havent been in such good shape since i was in my teens. it feels good. phsyical pain in the gym feels better then pain in the heart. decided to get out and do hiking at weekends, its made me appreciate the outdoors and fresh air.

 

but i am still having my moments 8 months on. trying to work out how it fell apart. if i think too deeply i still get tears. until i meet someone else she is always going to be in my thoughts. she was the only girl i've wanted to settle down with. i feel emotionally scarred. i hate staying in all evening afterwork and have to do things at weekends to keep myself busy. I used to love just chilling out but it just makes me start to think. i kind of feel in no mans land waiting for someone else to come along so i can move on fully

Edited January 19, 2010 by adamt

[HLP234]

I feel the same way, but I have started to get out more. I go out with friends and come back around 3am or so. My friends know of my situation and they think what she did was wrong too.

 

So go out with some people, try to meet some new ones. Get to know yourself better and just keep occupied. If you have anything to study such as coursework or projects, keep yourself on them. Everyday you have to have a routine about how you are going to go about it.

 

Wake up, have your breakfast and coffee, then plan something out early. Get out of the house, call some people. If you can stay late at work to finish up tasks then do so.

 

Its really tough and its almost been 2 months now since the break up and I still feel the same as well. But I also feel like I am kind of getting over her. I know she is back here for school and lives close by, but I don't even think about it. As soon as that comes to mind, I completely ignore for example, the exit I used to take to go home if I am in the car, or just think of something else that I like to do.

 

Look into some new music, by some new clothes, it will make you feel better. I have been spending more money since the break up because I am spending it on going out and on myself. It helps to feel like you are doing something for yourself that you justify you deserve.

[jms76]

Yes, routine is good. You need structure now more than ever. I really feel for you though. The beginning is so brutal. And you never know how long the worst is going to last. But someday you will look back on how miserable you feel now and realize the importance of your pain and the struggle you are going through. Use this time to reflect, change and improve your life. Don't let this situation get the better of you!

[HLP234]

Yes, routine is good. You need structure now more than ever. I really feel for you though. The beginning is so brutal. And you never know how long the worst is going to last. But someday you will look back on how miserable you feel now and realize the importance of your pain and the struggle you are going through. Use this time to reflect, change and improve your life. Don't let this situation get the better of you!

 

There are days where it gets the best of you suddenly. Prepare for this and tell your self that you will ignore it as hard as you can. This stuff does not go away slowly. It will all disapear one day when you wake up..as weird as it sounds.

 

What would help would be to make some other girl friends and hang out with them, nothing serious because you are not ready to be in any relationship yet..just to go out and get your mind off of the ex. We are all waiting for that day when it doesn't bother us anymore..it will come.

[NOM]

Thanks a lot for that guys. I really apppreciate your input.

I did try keeping my mind of her. I had the day off today, so I went to the cinema with a couple of friends, had a coffee with my paper...bought some clothes. Just stuff I haven't done in a while, and I must say, I didn't think about her anywhere near as much. Actually started making progress with coursework too.

I mean, the thoughts still lingered in my head, but they weren't blocking everything else out, as they usually do. Deleted all of her pictures that I had on my other computer, and got rid of all material things that remind me of her.

Tonight, her friend started talking to me, and kept on going on about her and the guy and kept on flirting with me. It wasn't comfortable, but at least I know who not to be friends with now.

I want to make a list of all the things that went wrong and whatnot....but I don't know what I should put in this list. I want to learn from this experience, but how? Where should I start?

 

Thanks again, by the way. I don't know where I'd be without this place and people.