jms76 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 NOM, Make a list of all the things you liked and did not like about your ex. Then make another list of all the things you liked about how she made you feel and vice versa. Analyze the list of things you did like and actively seek those things in your next GF. Sounds simple but all too often, we sacrifice the characteristics we want in a partner for any number of reasons. But I'm glad you are feeling better. Smoother waters lay ahead! Link to post Share on other sites
HLP234 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 In that list you can also have another part where you can list the signs that you should watch out for the next person. Also include things that you as a person enjoy. Don't make the list of all the things you liked about her, but keep it very general. I know if you are hurt its hard to list things you liked about her, because I was trying to do the same..I guess it depends on how bad they hurt you. Now that I know the real her, its kind of hard to list what I like without bias. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOM Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) Thanks for that advice. I plan to put it all to use. Tomorrow, on the 24th, it'll be a month since she dumped me. I have realised something. Unfortunately, I still love her. I don't know why. I know she doesn't care about me, so why do I care about her, especially after what she did to me? She doesn't think about me...she has someone, yet I still wake up thinking she's lying beside me. At the same time though, even if I do still love her, she disgusts me. I've made a list of things I do and don't like about her, and there were about 20 negative personality traits and about 2 positive ones....and they weren't really valid in my opinion, as it is now evident that they were a facade. She just put them on....and only if she gained something from doing positive things, she did them, so the positive traits are technically unexistent. When she ended our relationship (by SMS), her text said ''Listen. You'll never trust me again and I don't think I can deal with that...'' Surely, if she really wanted to be with me she'd put that behind her and eventually gain my trust back? Does anyone else think that it shows just how self-centred she is, or is it just me? Every time my phone rings I keep thinking it might be her. I don't know why I'm hoping it's her, since I have nothing to say, and I know for sure that she won't have anything good to say. I don't know what's wrong with me, in this regard. My self confidence is absolutely shot after this. I don't know how some childish guy that put down my ex's friends could be better than me. It's just so degrading. Any feedback would be appreciated. I must say, I do think less than I did about her, now. The pain isn't as bad anymore. It's rather ambient now, compared to before when it dominated my thoughts...though it still does to an extent. Edited January 23, 2010 by NOM Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 24, 2010 Share Posted January 24, 2010 Here are some things I wish someone would have told me at your age. These might be good for you to ponder as you try to gain wisdom from this relationship: -don't give your heart easily or quickly to anyone - romantically or friendships. Watch people in situations, find out their track record with other people to see if they are really WORTHY of your love. Never think you will be the "exception to the rule" if you see someone you think you love treating someone else badly. You are just "next in line"... -we tend to be drawn to people who have "complementary pathologies" sad to say, more than "love at first sight". I know, sounds jaded, but something about her felt "comfortable" and "familiar" to you, and represented some pattern you grew up with. What might that be? You might want to break the cycle if you find yourself drawn to a similar girl again. -Same for her. What she found in the other guy, who was a jerk, was closer resonance with what she grew up with...what was her home life like...(is there a jerk father lurking..? A dysfunctional relationship between her mom/dad?) What do you think she saw in you? Were you the good guy, the shelter in the storm,the escape from dysfunction for awhile? (I don't know, only you can decipher this) -hold relationships loosely when you are young. Most of the people you will care about at 50, you haven't even met yet! Good luck in this journey! Link to post Share on other sites
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