Why can't dumpers marry other dumpers?

[LisaUk]

Lisa, nobody thinks it's OK to cheat. Not on this forum. The fact that people stay on this forum (separation and divorce) is proof that they believe that something is broken somewhere, and they are looking for ways to fix it.

 

I read the previous post, I didn't see justification for adultery there, what I saw was possibly a justification for a break up of marriage.

 

Lisa - Sorry you felt I jumped down your throat - I actually considered my post to be humorous, and was just trying to get you to chill out and ease off.

 

In my opinion, if there has been any "jumping down throats" in these threads, it's mainly been from you. You're the one here who is absolutely refusing to accept any point of view, any vision of relationships that doesn't match yours.

 

You edited this post whilst I typed my response to you and I have only just read it. You're saying that I am refusing to accept anyone elses point of view that doesn't match my own vision of relationships? Now you are kidding right? You are asking me to accept that it's OK to get married, not mean your vows, think that marriage is some sort of agreement as long as it doesn't mean that you are commited for life and to think that it's perfectly acceptable to cheat and to walk away from someone b/c I have changed my mind. REALLY??????????????????? See I don't call that a relationship, I don't think many people would, I call that using someone for as long as they want to, until the person decides the grass looks a little bit greener over there.....

 

In any case this is all getting out of hand, my orginal post said that I beleived the essence of marriage is commitment, otherwise what is the point in getting married in the first place? From that someone gave a different point of view, all I said was I wasn't surprised that an adulterer would try and justify leaving a marriage (again, sorry for the wrong info on that).

 

In response to that you told me I was "not good" and you were mad with me. I then looked at your backposts and found that you were a cheater trying to defend yourself(incidently you did not read anywhere you were back with your wife, you said you visit your kids nightly and that you will never tell your wife of your cheating and will take that secret to your grave).

 

From that I have been attacked and insulted by you for the best part of the day, being told I am opinionated and overbearing (based on you reading half a thread) and that I have a problem accepting anyone elses point of view. Well, yes I do if that point of view is simply a justification for someone leaving a marriage b/c it doesn't suit their requirements anymore and they never thought of it as a commitment in the first place. I can't think that way, it's not within my moral compass.

[nobmagnet]

i completly agree. you commit.....................you commit. I put up with horrible behaviour for 3 years with the odd crumb. adultery is not acceptable married or not. It shows weakness of morals and spirit.

 

ashamed ..................i very much doubt it.

 

 

nob

[Fitness Dude]

For the record, I still don't believe in cheating, or divorce. Some people just don't understand commitment. They never REALLY thought about all of that before they decided to get married.

 

As long as a couple isn't put into a position of an "emergency counseling" session as a result of adultery they should be willing to work on the marriage to exhaust all efforts to get the "love" they once had. Do you know how many life-long marriages have endured these periods of doubt? I venture to say, almost all of them.

 

The problem is, the cheater goes and does something that can't be taken back, and they do this for a number of reasons with the most obvious being, they DON'T CARE. After that, the other reasons don't matter.

 

I REAL person who is committed, wouldn't have gone to THAT place where they are in a position to compromise the relationship with another person. Whether it's an EA or PA, it doesn't matter - if you value your relationship you NEVER go THERE. No matter what.

 

If you're unhappy, then see if something can be done to get the happiness back but don't go out and cheat! For God's sake, would it kill you to keep your hands (or mind) away from someone else BEFORE you decide to tell your spouse there's something wrong?

 

I just think people who cheat aren't all that intelligent, plain and simple.

[LisaUk]

It's not just cheaters either Fitness Dude, it's walk aways as well, those, like my ex, who never said they were unahppy, ever. Mine even admitted after he left that he took "full responsibility for not raising his feelings earlier", and "it's my issue, I just push my feelings aside and don't say anything b/c of my upbringing", yet he would not try to try and resolve anything just said "we aren't compatible, we should both be true to who we are" .