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If you break up with someone - why do you feel so bad?

Heartbrokenandinlove

By Heartbrokenandinlove,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Heartbrokenandinlove

Heartbrokenandinlove

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My ex broke up with me and is an absolute mess - she doesnt know what to think or do and is just walking around like a completely different person. But if you break up with your partner and it was your choice why do you feel so bad?

 

Just confused and would like some insight from the other side of the break ups!

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DietDrPepper

DietDrPepper

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I am sort of facing this too, except I'm the dumper this time... we were dating for 4 months and she ended things about 4 times with me. Each time she then wanted to get back together.

 

This last time she dumped me it kind of broke something in my mindset and I set out to look for other people to date, started thinking I may like one of them i found. Well then the ex wanted to get back together with me, so my mind was torn between the two. I was afraid that i would lose the chance with the new one if i went to the ex (who i did like and care about) but ran the risk of being dumped again by her in the future. Or i could not get back with the ex and try for the new person.

 

I finally just had to end it with the ex saying i couldnt be with her right now, its not fair, the feelings are gone but i wish they were there. Its a weird feeling because i miss the ex but i'm trying to be smart by thinking that it may not even be in the stars for us in the first place and that inevitably in the future she would end it for reals, which then i would lose alot of time and effort, as well as money (have to drive an hour to see each other)

 

So right now I am battling pain from having to make a decision on not being with the ex and trying to be with the new girl. Which trying to be with the new girl runs the risk of losing both.. its a hard decision and it is driving me crazy. I feel really bad and miss her but at the same time, when i'm with her now I still think about dating other girls, where as before she dumped me the last time I was only thinking about her.

 

So your ex is going through alot mentally, she probably still cares about you but has conflicting emotions and feelings regarding who knows what... i wouldn't be surprised if after some time I decide to ask my ex to come back if the feelings i had resurface...but right now i feel confused and dont think its fair to keep making her wait to see if i decide to get back with her. But by then she may not even want to be with me.... you never know what can happen.

 

She's just going through alot...but then again so are you I suppose

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ordinary_girl

ordinary_girl

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when I broke up with my last ex it was me who ended it but only because I was much older and I think I saw through the situation faster than he did. I was holding him back and he was putting his life on hold and his plans on the backburner for me.

 

it absolutely killed me for ages but the truth is still the fact that it was never going to work long term. so I broke up with him but it would have happened soon enough and I had to take responsibility for it. that's not always easy

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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My ex was cut up about dumping me cos he wanted us to be ok, walking away terrified him and upset him but he felt he had no choice.

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HLP234

HLP234

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In some cases, if one wants to communicate it out and compromise on something, the other one doesn't see the other person's interests. I had no option to communicate with her because she always goes to others to make her feel better.

 

The worst is when they try to let you down easy by taking a break. That's where I am and it seems like it won't go anywhere since no one has said anything so I suppose I will have to do something about it sometime and just be done with it.

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hoping2heal

hoping2heal

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My ex broke up with me and is an absolute mess - she doesnt know what to think or do and is just walking around like a completely different person. But if you break up with your partner and it was your choice why do you feel so bad?

 

Just confused and would like some insight from the other side of the break ups!

 

What reason did she give for ending the relationship?

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Heartbrokenandinlove

Heartbrokenandinlove

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What reason did she give for ending the relationship?

 

A few, she didn't feel happy, she didnt know if she was in love anymore - but we were happy, I could see it in her eyes just a week before she did it. Now she's a mess and walking around like a zombie. I dont know what shes thinking. i just dont understand if you break up with someone how you can feel so bad about it

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TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

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Some people just thrive on drama and are bored with regular happiness. Some people also do it to test their feelings for a person. If they are unsure about someone, they want to see how they will feel when they have to go without them. It's a way of looking for answers in a backwards way I suppose.

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RoseQuartz

RoseQuartz

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I can understand how she feels. I split up with my boyfriend yesterday. We've been together 3 and a half years and live together. I still love him so much but we spend most of our time angry with each other or arguing and we've tried so many times to fix it and we always end up back at square one. I realised that if we carried on as we were we would end up hating each other and I didn't want that. We can't fix it as much as we try but we still really love each other.

 

I feel absolutely desolate and heartbroken. I have been walking round like a zombie, crying lots. It feels like the world is ending and it's all the more harder because we love each other still but the alternative would have been even more painful for both of us.

 

It was a hard decision to make, believe me - one I've not taken lightly. I'm not saying your situation is like mine as all are different.

 

I just thought it might be useful to get a perspective from the other side of things.

 

I hope things get better for you.

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Heartbrokenandinlove

Heartbrokenandinlove

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Do you think about giving it another go? I mean if it hurts so much isnt it worth another try?

 

I can understand how she feels. I split up with my boyfriend yesterday. We've been together 3 and a half years and live together. I still love him so much but we spend most of our time angry with each other or arguing and we've tried so many times to fix it and we always end up back at square one. I realised that if we carried on as we were we would end up hating each other and I didn't want that. We can't fix it as much as we try but we still really love each other.

 

I feel absolutely desolate and heartbroken. I have been walking round like a zombie, crying lots. It feels like the world is ending and it's all the more harder because we love each other still but the alternative would have been even more painful for both of us.

 

It was a hard decision to make, believe me - one I've not taken lightly. I'm not saying your situation is like mine as all are different.

 

I just thought it might be useful to get a perspective from the other side of things.

 

I hope things get better for you.

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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Well he went to relationship therapy, I wanted to go with him but he wanted to go alone, he tried to tell me several times over the last 2 years that there was a problem (neglect as I was too busy for him) but I didn't listen. When he said this spring that he wasn't sure if he wanted to stay I finally listened to him but he said he was worried it was too late, I tried for 3 months to show him what he meant to me, but it didn't work.

So, he/we did try. I didn't expect him to stay if he's no longer in love with me.

I am left with the feeling though that men get bored with their partners in the end. I guess women do too, I'm just a bit biased right now!

 

surely they have a choice to stay and fight for something?
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RoseQuartz

RoseQuartz

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Do you think about giving it another go? I mean if it hurts so much isnt it worth another try?

 

 

I have thought about it but we've been going through this same cycle for almost two years now and there has to come a point where you say enough is enough. I think that's one of the saddest things for me that despite the fact we love each other we can't make it work. Each time we try again it ends up getting uglier between us. I love him and what we had was special but I guess when you love someone you don't want to end up constantly bashing each other (emotionally - not literally) - isn't it better to leave while you still have feelings for each other rather than only leave when all those feelings have been destroyed and you've hurt someone who you love?

 

I'm confused by it all. It's so hard when you still love each other - it would be easier to leave if we hated each other but even sadder in many ways to tarnish something that was good by staying that long.

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Heartbrokenandinlove

Heartbrokenandinlove

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I see what your saying.

 

To any other dumpers out there - do you think about giving it another go? I mean my relationship ended on good terms - we both still care deeply about each other and know stuff about each other that even our familys dont - we're still in contact and both miss each other - I just want to hope theres a chance for us to get back.

 

I'm trying to stay strong as I think this is the best way for me to either win her back or move on but its hard when all i wanna do is see her and talk to her and just cuddle her again!!

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Bronan

Bronan

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To any other dumpers out there - do you think about giving it another go? I mean my relationship ended on good terms - we both still care deeply about each other and know stuff about each other that even our familys dont - we're still in contact and both miss each other - I just want to hope theres a chance for us to get back.

Did it twice, definitely a mistake both times. People don't change overnight, but again this depends on how the breakup went, why you broke up, etc.

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bananaboat11

bananaboat11

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Breaking up can be a significant loss. Reference the Kübler-Ross model for the five stages of grief. Both parties to the relationship experience the loss. Unless, maybe one is a complete emotional void.

 

like my ex girl =/

 

FML.

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Harriett

Harriett

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like my ex girl =/

 

FML.

 

Oh mine too. I told her I loved her (I use those words sparingly). Her answer: "You'll probably cheat on me." Complete waste of a year.

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