How can I stop the divorce my wife wants?

[Darth Vader]

Sorry...I will admit it feels good to laugh though!

 

 

I see............

 

I'm glad I could help.

[tnttim]

I can only reiterate what RedDevil already said. These games may work for an 18 year-old. My ex ignored me and was cold towards me after our breakup. Whether he meant it or was playing games was immaterial. At 40, you know what, I walked away, filed for divorce, and never looked back!

 

Most advice on this board is good when it comes to NC if you are truly over and need to heal but if you still love someone and it's just pride on both your parts keeping you apart please don't play these childish games. You most likely will not "win" anything.

 

I said be happy around her also, not cold. I beleive if she calls you talk to her also, NC is on your end, not hers. That's why happyagains BF came off cold, he didn't listen. I bet that was one of her complaints about him also. The game comes in when he ends the conversation in under 10 minutes and he ends it on his terms. Level, if you have to talk to her, just don't say the following, I love you, I miss you or I can't live without you. Agree with her negativity, push the divorce, and act happy. You'll be amazed at the change in her.

[tnttim]

You know what? This is exactly what's happening.

 

I never heard of this homer treatment until this thread and realized, this is what my BF is doing to me. Someone must have given him this advice and yes, this may work on 18 yr old girls, but not on grown women.

 

 

That's not Homer, your BF is just a selfish d*ck.

 

The homer treatment me would have agreed to go to MC , even if I didn't want to. I defintely would not have said what he said. I would have been honest to you and would tell you what I liked and didn't like. Then listen to what you had to say. We would have addressed some problems, try to correct them and move on. I may have missed a football game while we were at MC but I only wanted to see the football game, I didn't need it. Part of Homer's philosophy is knowing a need and want, you can live without a want. By being open and unselfish it creates a bond between you and your wife, even if you get divorced a good relationship with your ex is helpful because of the kids.

Edited January 2, 2010 by tnttim

[Gunny376]

Most of us get into martial distress simply because we simply (men for the most part) simply do not have the prerequisites experience, knowledge nor skill base to pull it off.

 

As adolescents? We talk about sports, sex (not women) cars, etc.

 

Adolescent girls? Do you know what they talk, read about, watch on tv, think about? Relationships.

 

Relationships are WHAT women do By definition of being women ~ getting pregno and having babies ~ relationships are a significant women are all about.

 

In the book "Crazy Time" a book about divorce, the author relates a story about a married man that kept his nose to the grindstone, worked long days and weeks attempting to climb the corporate letter neglecting his wife and family ~ he finally got the corner office on the top floor and was promoted to VP.

 

He bought champagne and roses at announce the big news to the wife. She threw the roses on the hall table. Turned her nose up to the bubbly, turned on her heel and walked away saying, "That's nice, I just wished that we had spent more time as a couple and a family.

 

Work to live, not live to work. No one ever laid on their death bed and uttered the words, "I wished I had spent more time at the office."

 

If you and the are still talking? Then despite what she's saying you've got a shot. That's because your still communicating. And if your communicating ~ then you can open up an on-going dialog. And you've got an on -going dialog, then you can communicate about the issues that are affecting your marriage. What to put in, what to take out, what changes need to be made.

 

But don't rush into that just yet ~ that is to say don't put the cart before the horse.

 

When your DW gets gabby when you call. You've got to walk the razors edge in encouraging her to talk ~ in detail ~ about whatever subject she's discussing. That's another thing women do ~ talk ~ a lot. (Your typical woman uses approximately 6000 to 8000 words a day compared to a man's typical 3 to 4,0000 a day. Don't take it personally our brains are simply wired differently ~ Women have more neural connectors between the two lobes of the brain. Which is why a man should never argue with a woman, because he's going to lose each and every time ~ AND even if he does win? He still loses

 

People here are getting Homer McDonald and the 180's mixed up. The 180's come Divorce Busting. (There's a website but don't get drawn into the fourms) The 180's aren't manipulative ~ in fact their the exact opposite. They're all about being and making oneself more attractive and a positive alternative to the OW or OM. (BTW to the OP have you even read the list of the 180's?)

 

Which leads to you might want to read "Light Her Fire", "Romance 101" , "1001 Ways To Be Romantic , "1001 More Ways To Be Romantic" , 2001 Things To Do On A Date , "Divorce Busting"

 

Part of the problem in your marriage is your children. When children get factored into the equation of a relationship? Romance gets shoved out the door.

 

You need to set boundaries that when you come home, the first thirty minutes home are Mommie and Daddy time. In your case since your gone days at the time. You need to multiply that. The first thirty minutes should be multiplied by a X factor for every eight hours you've been away.

 

A minimum of once a every three months? You and the wife need to get away for a weekend at a beach side cabin, an R&R, (Its your job to set this up Flight and make it happen ~ women usually are socially and culturally conditioned to initiate dates ~ that's the man's job! You started this whole thing when you first walked up to her and initiated your "pitch"

 

Ask the grandparents, neighbors, friends, help ~ and return the favor.

 

To get this all under control ~ read "How Can We Light A Fire When The Children Are Driving Us Crazy"

 

Going hand in hand with martial problems are personal finance problems. Read Helen Hunts book ~ "Debt Proof Living." and Dave Ramsey's book, "Complete Money Makeover"

 

I favor Helen over Dave, they both preach the same thing. Being pro-active rather than re-active. Basically its the 80/10/10 rule. Eighty per cent of any and all income goes toward debt, bills, living expenses, 10 per cent goes toward savings and 10% goes to charity or the church.

 

If you don't have one already, (and it sounds as though you don't) you need to establish a one year equivalent of net income. (I call mine my "OMG Fund).

 

Don't focus on the one year deal. Focus on first getting a one week fund, then a two week emergency fund, then a three week emergency fund etc. Its going to take a long time to build.

 

Then focus on FA accounts? What's an FA account ~ Freedom Account.

 

Its only a question and matter of time before your going to have to replace the furniture and appliances, pay property taxes, need car repairs, pay insurance deductibles, co-pays. Pay up front, sacrifice and get thing front loaded.

 

You might want to check out Helen's website "Debt Proof Liviing" ~ its a paid website ~ a whopping $5 month. Chopped full of ideas about how to adapt, improvise and overcome financial woes. Plus you get access to all the back monthly letters ~ almost ten years worth. It is to personal finance what LoveShack is to personal relationships.

 

Time management ~ A big part of that when it comes to marriage and relationships ~ especially when it comes to children ~ comes to cooking.

 

Take out and fast food is expensive. I cook two days a month. When I'm off. And then I'm done for the month. Get a FoodSaver vacuum sealer, a freezer, and a cookbook titled "Once A Month Cooking"

 

'It will take you some adjusting, but with some Solo Plastic plates and such, its wham, bam and thank you Ma'am. As you learn the system you can adjust other family favorites to the program. That gives the wife more time to herself, to you, for you, the children.

 

Finally the wife needs some down time. That means away from you and kids. Book her an appointment at a spa, a vacation alone with someone (other than the biased BF)

 

Or at least once or twice a year.

 

Women tend to become so wrapped in being wives and mothers ~ that they lose themselves ~ its our jobs to force them to experience things for themselves. It can become a bit overwhelming. (Think I'm kidding ~ take a week off from work, send the wife packing somewhere and do what they do day in and day out ~ for just a week.! The men in white with the paddy wagon will pick you up at the end of the week.)

 

My wife divorced me because I "wouldn't change" ~ I was a Marine. I was hard corps ~ BIG time! I worked seventy hours + a week. I was all business. I never worked less than sixty hours a week.

 

Even out here in civilian la~la land? With everyone running around in circles, screaming and a shouting ~ lost dazed and confused?

 

Grown men have hard times with my hard attitude. (We get paid to do it right! We get paid to get it right the first time ~ EVERYTIME! We're NOT getting paid to screw IT up! I'm sure as an airline pilot ~ you can relate.

 

The job I was in and that your in? You screw up by so much as a .0001 Your not only screwed, you've just cost the lives of others in your care.

 

Gunny

[Gunny376]

You know what? This is exactly what's happening.

 

I never heard of this homer treatment until this thread and realized, this is what my BF is doing to me. Someone must have given him this advice and yes, this may work on 18 yr old girls, but not on grown women.

 

My BF goes out of his way to show me how little he cares and blows me off. He has me convinced I mean nothing to him so you know what I'm doing? I have an apointment with a therapist on Monday to work with her on leaving him for good.

 

My BF and I were in a couples group and he would say "we can go or not go, whatever" and show me he really could not care either way if he went or not.

So I called his bluff just today and left him. He was totally TOTALLY cool with me leaving.

I told him I'm never coming back and he was like "cool"

 

We've been together 4 yrs and are in our mid 40's and he's playing this stupid little homer head game! ugh!

 

My advice, stop playing this game or you will lose her for good.

She does sound like she has a ton of resentment towards you and wants out more to make you hurt than wanting out.

This is what I'm doing now to my BF. I want to show him he can't mess with my emotions anymore.

 

Your best bet is to just work on yourself. Go to the church therapy and talk about YOU and not her or the relationship.

 

If you really want her back, just show her she is worthy.

 

Naw he was just an @zzhat

 

Your better off without him!

[Gunny376]

A minimum of once a every three months? You and the wife need to get away for a weekend at a beach side cabin, an R&R, (Its your job to set this up Flight and make it happen ~ women usually are socially and culturally conditioned to initiate dates ~ that's the man's job! You started this whole thing when you first walked up to her and initiated your "pitch"

 

 

They should read "a'reant"

[Gunny376]

A minimum of once a every three months? You and the wife need to get away for a weekend at a beach side cabin, an R&R, (Its your job to set this up Flight and make it happen ~ women usually are socially and culturally conditioned to initiate dates ~ that's the man's job! You started this whole thing when you first walked up to her and initiated your "pitch"

 

 

They should have read "aren't[/quote

 

Would you believe I got an "A" in college English?

[FlightLevel370]

Good info Gunny...unfortunately I won't b able to do all that unless I prevent the divorce though...

 

I'm currently away from home until Monday afternoon. I can't figure out where we stand right now. I spoke with her last night on the phone for a few minutes because I call once daily to talk with the kids. She sounded a little down when she was asking me about the New years party I pretended to go to...our sleeping arrangement is when I'm home, I get the master bedroom; she can have it when I'm away...a friend of mine told me I shouldve let her stay since I'm trying to fix this. I just don't think I could. Maybe cuz I'm going a little crazy again, but I still chk the cell history, and it looks like she is planning a girls night this wknd while I'm away, which usually involves an overnight stay at a hotel with her GFs in the city while they dance and clubhop all night...I never liked that...I know that her bitch friend's mother will watch my kids. Of course I'm not suppossed to know all this as I'm away...and if I say anything I know I'll push her away more.

 

 

 

I may b overreacting, but she also deactivated her facebook acct last night after 6 wks, because she didn't want the world to keep asking how she was doing with me...one of my friends told me she reactiveted it, and he saw she was still friends with OM on FB.

 

The one glimmer of hope I have is that at exactly midnight on New Year's, she called me on my cell...because she thought I was at a party, I didn't answer...she then texted me twice a few minutes later, which I also didn't reply to.

[FlightLevel370]

I meant to say she REactivated her FB acct after it was DEactivated 6 wks ago...as for her call on New Years, the cell history shows she made no other calls at midnight...

[JLoves]

I said be happy around her also, not cold. I beleive if she calls you talk to her also, NC is on your end, not hers. That's why happyagains BF came off cold, he didn't listen.

 

Hmm.. Tnttim. This is a question I've been asking myself for a few days...

 

I find it's really hard to know if I'm being too cold, too happy, to distant.

 

Every time W comes over to pickup/drop off my kids I feel really cold inside and it's hard to be happy without seeming to be trying to be helpful,etc.

 

To cold and it's pushing again, or at least gives the impression that you think it's over as well, thus justifying the other person leaving.

 

I think this is something I need to work on. It's far too easy to just amble along with things as a status quo.

 

Changes need to be seen.. If none are happening, then it's not showing any progress. Time to start making positive changes.

 

FlightLevel: It does sound like there's a glimmer of hope there. Keep holding onto that and doing what you are doing. It seems to be working.

 

I removed her as a friend on facebook. Couldn't stand knowing what she is doing (or not doing), and not to mention looking at her face.

[FlightLevel370]

as far as communicating for the kids sake - why not deal with the 9 year old directly? if not, can text work instead of voice contact - as limited as you can be with her - the better she'll get the message that things have changed.

 

the point is to make her uncomfortable - so that she feels the difference and may become motivated to make movement on her side. the more comfortable you make her - the more reason she doesn't need to change.

 

One of the pilots I flew with said I could get a cell phone that only dialed my#, so I'll b looking into that. My plan today is to not call her; since I'm pretty sure she's planning a girls nite out tonight, without me knowing...and I only call once per day, she'll prbobaly hope I'll call early in the day....but if I call in the evening...then what? See her problem?...it's not to say she wouldn't do it anyway...

 

As for facebook, I looked for her on there, and couldn't find her with my last name or her maiden name. My friend said a bunch of our mutual friends were posting on her "wall"... I looked at our friends and there was no indication anyone communicated with her, leading me to believe she deactivated it again...I dunno, I'm getting tired of this crap with her...and it's only been 5 weeks since my life ran into this pothole!!!

[FlightLevel370]

I'm flying this evening, but my wife doesn't know the details of my schedule...just days off, so if she waits for my call, she may have to stay home today

[DenverBachelor]

A minimum of once a every three months? You and the wife need to get away for a weekend at a beach side cabin, an R&R, (Its your job to set this up Flight and make it happen ~ women usually are socially and culturally conditioned to initiate dates ~ that's the man's job! You started this whole thing when you first walked up to her and initiated your "pitch"

 

 

They should have read "aren't[/quote

 

Would you believe I got an "A" in college English?

 

Certainly! Did you get an F before the A and an I L after it?

 

[DenverBachelor]

I'm starting to think that Facebook alone is going to cause divorce rates to skyrocket.

[FlightLevel370]

I'm starting to think that Facebook alone is going to cause divorce rates to skyrocket.

 

On the CNN ticker 2 days ago, it said just that.

[hopesndreams]

Once she turned that corner and started looking at someone outside the M, that can excite her, the M is then dead in the water. How can you bring it back to life? Why would you even bother?

 

She is actively searching and perhaps even found someone to provide her with the stimulation she craves. She is BORED. She could have picked up a hobby or studied a new language or experimented with hundreds of different things. Instead, she chose, chose the one thing that will give her immediate gratification. Another warm blooded human being of the opposite sex. It's relatively easy, thrilling and taboo. It got her blood pumping. Once she got a taste of it, she was hooked. Once she acts out her desires (which has happened or will happen) there is no turning back. Her moral compass would then be broken. She will blame you for her actions and will out of the blue, want a D, and you are left wondering why and how can you fix this.

 

You cannot fix this. She is the one broken and needs to, wants to put herself back together. Catering to her while she is doing this to you, will make you weak in her eyes. Keep being you. You were once good enough, with wonderful qualities that she once loved, and perhaps still does, but that's debatable if she is cheating. How have you changed? Are you not the same man she fell in love with? What's wrong with change, as long as it's for the better...

 

Read up on and study the 180. It reads so simply and it's tough to put into practice, but this is by far and away the most solid thing you can do for the M to try and get it back on track, but more importantly, it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

Things always get worse before they get better. Watch her angry side come out when you implement the 180 properly (she's not getting her own way) and her fearful side (what she could be losing, her family).

 

Her own selfish wants and needs are ruling her world right now. You need to build your strength and get in control, for whichever outcome.

 

As for FB, it's like a gun. The gun doesn't kill people, it's the person pulling the trigger.

[RedDevil66]

That's not Homer, your BF is just a selfish d*ck.

 

The homer treatment me would have agreed to go to MC , even if I didn't want to. I defintely would not have said what he said. I would have been honest to you and would tell you what I liked and didn't like. Then listen to what you had to say. We would have addressed some problems, try to correct them and move on. I may have missed a football game while we were at MC but I only wanted to see the football game, I didn't need it. Part of Homer's philosophy is knowing a need and want, you can live without a want. By being open and unselfish it creates a bond between you and your wife, even if you get divorced a good relationship with your ex is helpful because of the kids.

 

He can be a selfish d*ck, but he also agreed to couples therapy, couples groups and having me attend his AA and him attending my al anon (He's been sober 20 months).

 

He's never not agreed to get help, and I'm the one who always had control in this relationship and he was fed up of "feeling hurt" as he would tell me, so he then started to show he didn't care.

He started to do this only after he started going to AA. Maybe he learned this game there. Not sure really, but it would seem he's been doing many of the things from the lists above and really, it's not working on me.

It makes me sick, turned off and I'm going to now work on me alone and no longer attend any couples groups of therapy with him.

He wants to play games, he can find himself an 18 yr old. What will heal my BF and I is when he starts to show me he's vulnerable and cares.

He stopped the "I love you's", the "I miss you" and he used to tell me that all the time.

He wins. I walked away, I won't contact him and will start therapy alone and get on with my life.

[RedDevil66]

Most of us get into martial distress simply because we simply (men for the most part) simply do not have the prerequisites experience, knowledge nor skill base to pull it off.

 

As adolescents? We talk about sports, sex (not women) cars, etc.

 

Adolescent girls? Do you know what they talk, read about, watch on tv, think about? Relationships.

 

Relationships are WHAT women do By definition of being women ~ getting pregno and having babies ~ relationships are a significant women are all about.

 

In the book "Crazy Time" a book about divorce, the author relates a story about a married man that kept his nose to the grindstone, worked long days and weeks attempting to climb the corporate letter neglecting his wife and family ~ he finally got the corner office on the top floor and was promoted to VP.

 

He bought champagne and roses at announce the big news to the wife. She threw the roses on the hall table. Turned her nose up to the bubbly, turned on her heel and walked away saying, "That's nice, I just wished that we had spent more time as a couple and a family.

 

Work to live, not live to work. No one ever laid on their death bed and uttered the words, "I wished I had spent more time at the office."

 

If you and the are still talking? Then despite what she's saying you've got a shot. That's because your still communicating. And if your communicating ~ then you can open up an on-going dialog. And you've got an on -going dialog, then you can communicate about the issues that are affecting your marriage. What to put in, what to take out, what changes need to be made.

 

But don't rush into that just yet ~ that is to say don't put the cart before the horse.

 

When your DW gets gabby when you call. You've got to walk the razors edge in encouraging her to talk ~ in detail ~ about whatever subject she's discussing. That's another thing women do ~ talk ~ a lot. (Your typical woman uses approximately 6000 to 8000 words a day compared to a man's typical 3 to 4,0000 a day. Don't take it personally our brains are simply wired differently ~ Women have more neural connectors between the two lobes of the brain. Which is why a man should never argue with a woman, because he's going to lose each and every time ~ AND even if he does win? He still loses

 

People here are getting Homer McDonald and the 180's mixed up. The 180's come Divorce Busting. (There's a website but don't get drawn into the fourms) The 180's aren't manipulative ~ in fact their the exact opposite. They're all about being and making oneself more attractive and a positive alternative to the OW or OM. (BTW to the OP have you even read the list of the 180's?)

 

 

Gunny

 

I agree totally with what you said here.

Women do talk a lot (I'm one of them) and I take it personaly when my BF doesn't want to listen or talk back.

He does tell me I talk too much and again, that pushes me away.

 

My BF and I used to spend a lot of time together and once he started to play these games, he now sees me only ever second weekend for 2 days.

This has been the BIGGEST issue in our relationship now. Well for me, not for him. He's ok with only seeing me 48 hrs every 2 weeks. The therapist told him and our group leaders (in our group therapy) told him he needs to spend more time in the relationship. He agreed but never did it.

He says between his busy sched. and his kids, he has little time left for me.

Nice!

 

I did get this homer thing mixed up with the 180.

 

Though this 180 thing still does not make me more attracted to my BF. It makes me want to run for the hills. I mean sure, I don't want him to be a doormat when I can be too controlling but to not show me how he feels makes me look at him like he's dead, then it makes me feel dead.

 

I bet if I played the 180 with him, he would run!

[RedDevil66]

I'm starting to think that Facebook alone is going to cause divorce rates to skyrocket.

 

You got that right! It has caused SO much stress in my relationship.

Whenever someone posts on my wall, my BF will ask me about it.

And then I found out he was on FB poker every night until 2-3am talking to other women and flirting.

 

The net is a great tool but has and will keep causing people to cheat/stray

[bestplayer]

Gunny376....YOU ROCK!!!

 

I explained to her a few times that I felt that providing for her and the kids was the right thing when I left my commuter airline to fly Boeing 737s for Continental...she was STILL a stay-at-home mom when that happened. Igave ip "date nights" to work, to provide....in hindsight, it was wrong....but the mrs. doesn't see that right now....I bought her a new car every few years, gave her some spending $, and this is what I got!....just 2 weeks before I got my raise, more per hour thani ever made...I'm presented with this BS!...frustrating as hell! The kids go to private Christian school; I told her that'll b gone...she gets free air travel (to see her Mom), I told her that'll b gone....doesn't seem to phase her...now I try the 180 stuff, and she seems to thaw a little.....

 

 

FlightLevel370 , I really admire the way u have been trying to fix ur marriage , just want to ask u that r u sure that there is no misunderstandings between u & ur wife ? going NC was a great idea in fact only idea that might work , but before NC u have to make sure that she knows that u truly want to work it out . I think there is still room for at least one heart-to-heart talk with her , & let her say clearly weather she wants to work it out or just quit ?

 

after this discussions I think the best thing will be to go completely NC , , she needs to know that u dont necessarily need her to be haappy & she should get this clear idea that u r moving on ....& only she will the be one who will lose not u .

 

Best of luck

[FlightLevel370]

FlightLevel370 , I really admire the way u have been trying to fix ur marriage , just want to ask u that r u sure that there is no misunderstandings between u & ur wife ? going NC was a great idea in fact only idea that might work , but before NC u have to make sure that she knows that u truly want to work it out . I think there is still room for at least one heart-to-heart talk with her , & let her say clearly weather she wants to work it out or just quit ?

 

after this discussions I think the best thing will be to go completely NC , , she needs to know that u dont necessarily need her to be haappy & she should get this clear idea that u r moving on ....& only she will the be one who will lose not u .

 

Best of luck

 

 

 

We had the heart-to-heart on Tuesday night...she told me it sucks that I didn't realize what I had til she was gone. I agreed. But she told me point blank that she doesn't have it in her to even try to fix it... Shesaid her heart was broken in so many small pieces that it's be impossible to rebuild it. The times that I clammed up in arguments (we didn't argue ALL of the time) had hardened her heart towards me. I'm feeling she will want to have another talk when I get home Monday, but I won't initiate it. I'm kinda having a rough day today: myhoroscope (aquarius) says there r big chgs for me in 2010...my wife's (Scorpio) talks about re-engaging her affair....this is from http://www.horoscope.com

 

Then again, it could all be coincidence too right? That's y I started thinking she reactivated facebook, so she can PM the OM. I'd never see it since she chgs her password...and she could chg my status to only view a ltd profile on her....

[tnttim]

I think there is still room for at least one heart-to-heart talk with her , & let her say clearly weather she wants to work it out or just quit ?

 

Do this and your done. She doesn't want to fix the marriage, it's dead. This is the part where most fail to see the obvious. You have to start all over with her, from day 1. You have to establish the new you first of all, and having a serious talk now will jeopardize that. You will come off as weak and needy, and you are not, right? Remember what i said about advice on here.

[RedDevil66]

Do this and your done. She doesn't want to fix the marriage, it's dead. This is the part where most fail to see the obvious. You have to start all over with her, from day 1. You have to establish the new you first of all, and having a serious talk now will jeopardize that. You will come off as weak and needy, and you are not, right? Remember what i said about advice on here.

 

and what, your advice is the one he should listen to?!

 

I think your advice will harm him more than help him

[FlightLevel370]

I have been thinking of what I might say if I encounter the serious chat when I get home...at some point, I was thinking of saying: "I know how I didn't live up to the love and cherish part of our marriage vows, and I accept and understand that we r divorcing. The unfortunate experiences in our past serve as valuable lessons for my future relationships". I figures with that, it doesn't offend her, yet shows that I am positive about the future, and accepting and for the divorce...I'm 37...W is 38...so I'm taking into consideration what is being said about the effectiveness of the 180 on different age groups...

[tnttim]

Then again, it could all be coincidence too right? That's y I started thinking she reactivated facebook, so she can PM the OM. I'd never see it since she chgs her password...and she could chg my status to only view a ltd profile on her....

 

Level the quicker you realize you can't control her, manipulate her, or change her mind the better off you'll be. Stop snooping, who cares what she does, did or is going to do, you can't stop it. The less you care each day makes the next day easier to not care. The draw of her new life is way too much for you to contend with. You have to keep going out and having fun, I know now you only pretending but you should go out at least once a week for real. This helps out in so many ways.

1. She will see you having fun without her

2. You will, in time, have real fun yourself

3. You'll see the vast sea of women out there, no they won't measure up:)

4. You'll have something to focus on during the week

5. You will, in time, forget about your home troubles for a few hours

6. She will, in time, think you found someone else

 

You are doing a great job so far, light years ahead of most. I can tell by your posts that you are very logical, and smart. It's a curse to be logical, because you know almost immediately someone is lying to you. I try to mentally block out the pieces falling together in my head by just repeating in my head what they are saying. You are doing great with the NC, it's actually PC because of the kids, but you are keeping it business only. Please no more heart to hearts with her, I know it's hard because you want it so bad. But they only reinforce the past hurt, and that's not what you want. You want to keep moving forward each day, a little at a time. The biggest mistake I made was trying to rush time. The recon thing just happens, and is never planned, it's like falling in love, it just happens over time. The best thing you did was not answer that phone when she called, awesome move. This also does many things.

1. Show her that you are not at her beckon call, a huge one!!!!

2. She is a woman and she will think about the reason why frequently

3. You were able to exercise self control

4. You thought before you made your next move

She will not show it but she is reeling inside, and she needs to be thinking about this break up. That's what you want to do each day, get her thinking. The trick is and again where most fail, is that you can't tell her or make her do it. Your actions will do it for you. So don't be the same predictable you, be a rebel, but don't take it too far. Don't answer that call everytime, don't call the same time everyday, and don't stay at home where you belong, go out.