tnttim Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 Flightlevel, just do what you think is right. You don't have to answer or justify your actions to anyone on here. Sunny has her way, and it worked for her, remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlightLevel370 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 (edited) Flightlevel, just do what you think is right. You don't have to answer or justify your actions to anyone on here. Sunny has her way, and it worked for her, remember that. EXACTLY....I am doing what I feel is right. I know everybody has their story, and they all succeed via different methods. As of today, my situation has improved significantly from when I first posted here. I have to give u a lot of credit tnttim, as well as Gunny376. I want my marriage to work, and my HOME is not a HOME without my children. A lot of people I work with have told me over and over: if the marriage can avert a divorce, SAVE IT, due to the emotional and financial drain. If we end up with a D, then so be it. If I felt this was something we couldn't work out, I'd b gone...I've been going one day at a time. Some days seem better than others, but at the end of the day, if we split, I will never have the regret of not having tried, which is something I can be proud to tell my kids when they get older. Edited January 16, 2010 by FlightLevel370 Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 (edited) EXACTLY....I am doing what I feel is right. I know everybody has their story, and they all succeed via different methods. As of today, my situation has improved significantly from when I first posted here. I have to give u a lot of credit tnttim, as well as Gunny376. I want my marriage to work, and my HOME is not a HOME without my children. A lot of people I work with have told me over and over: if the marriage can avert a divorce, SAVE IT, due to the emotional and financial drain. If we end up with a D, then so be it. If I felt this was something we couldn't work out, I'd b gone...I've been going one day at a time. Some days seem better than others, but at the end of the day, if we split, I will never have the regret of not having tried, which is something I can be proud to tell my kids when they get older. Its not just about saving a marriage, but about saving a child's childhood, family, dreams, memories, thoughts, presence, future,......................and so much more! Its about being a part of something greater than onesleve? If you've saved THIS one marriage, this one family ~ way to go! And what my perosonal opinion is matters not! At the end of the day? I just want you to step out in the back of the yard and say a silent "OoooooRaaaahhh!" to yourself. Life is worth living! No matter what! This successful life you've been living has been a serious drain on your wife, your life! Now go spend some time with your children and wife! Time to reconnect! And in everthing your doing? Ask yourself? Am I working to live? Or am I living to work? Edited January 16, 2010 by Gunny376 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 Flightlevel, just do what you think is right. You don't have to answer or justify your actions to anyone on here. Sunny has her way, and it worked for her, remember that. Just do the right thing! You know what it is! God wrote it upon your heart the very day upon which you were born! Just DO the right thing! JUST do the right thing! It may be painful, it may hurt, it may cost you? You may pay threw the nose and @zz? But just do the right thing!! Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 Being menopausal and MLC can go hand in hand? Menopause can occur as early in a woman as her late twenties or early thirties. Although more commonly occurs in their late thirties to forties and even fifties. I need to correct you, less than 3% of women menopause in their 20's and if they do, it's more likely caused by illness Menopause is not a common occurance in a women's 30's or 40's Perimenopause can happen in the 30's but is rare, it happens in a women's 40's and can last mamy years. The common age for menopause is in a women's early 50's, but some can get it sooner, but again, not common leave the women stuff up to women ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlightLevel370 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 I brought this possibilty up about my wife as she is 38...her mother started at 38.... Spent quality time with the kids today; we made a pizza from scratch (even the dough)...for an added twist I bought sliced pepperoni, and we cut them into hearts...W came home and laughed, then said it was a cute thing to do...I can't tell if I crashed and burned on this one, or if it was what she said it was....she was looking at me a lot with smiling eyes...maybe my mind is going crazy again....I felt good that I did something with the kids though... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I need to correct you, less than 3% of women menopause in their 20's and if they do, it's more likely caused by illness Menopause is not a common occurance in a women's 30's or 40's Perimenopause can happen in the 30's but is rare, it happens in a women's 40's and can last mamy years. The common age for menopause is in a women's early 50's, but some can get it sooner, but again, not common leave the women stuff up to women ;-) Thanks for setting me straight ~ news we all could use. Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 hey flight I would change your user name to fightlevel because you chose the latter. How soon we forget we are all animals. When confronted with danger we have 2 basic instincts that can happen, fight or flight. Some choose to run, the others stay and fight. I guess there's also a crowd of us that gets eaten while trying to decide which one to do. Be proud of your accomplishments, using the Homer method is very unnatural, and most don't see the overall benefit of it. I used it yesterday, and it worked again, read my thread for the full story if you like. Keep on keeping on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlightLevel370 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) hey flight I would change your user name to fightlevel because you chose the latter. How soon we forget we are all animals. When confronted with danger we have 2 basic instincts that can happen, fight or flight. Some choose to run, the others stay and fight. I guess there's also a crowd of us that gets eaten while trying to decide which one to do. Be proud of your accomplishments, using the Homer method is very unnatural, and most don't see the overall benefit of it. I used it yesterday, and it worked again, read my thread for the full story if you like. Keep on keeping on. Which thread?...I kinda need a little uplifting inspiration today...feeling a little blue, the W took notice and asked if I was ok...(of course not!)...but putting on my smiley face again!...to make matters worse, the husband of one if her friends just moved out yesterday...that means only ONE of her friends is still married...and that bitch happens to be her biggest confidante!!!...the one that my W runs to constantly whenver something happens in our marriage. Edited January 17, 2010 by FlightLevel370 Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I'm writing it now on my separated with kids thread, should be up shortly. I had a day that like that too, when I found the messages. The W seen right through me, and kept asking what was wrong, I said I was just tired. I think she knew why, but I showed that I was strong by not taking it out on the family or telling her why I was sad. I felt better by the next day, and the me of that day was happy the yester me didn't F things up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlightLevel370 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 I'm writing it now on my separated with kids thread, should be up shortly. I had a day that like that too, when I found the messages. The W seen right through me, and kept asking what was wrong, I said I was just tired. I think she knew why, but I showed that I was strong by not taking it out on the family or telling her why I was sad. I felt better by the next day, and the me of that day was happy the yester me didn't F things up. Honestly, I was just a little tired, physically, but also tired of this BS that I've been living for the last 2 months! I know it's a long road, but sometimes I just need to pull into the rest stop! Tuesday night is our first appt. with a REAL marriage counselor, not the church...Lately I've been feeling pretty positive that we can work stuff out, because each of my wife's friends that are splitting up are NOT going through what we are. My W likes spending time making the meals I ask for, and is making a point to fill up our spare time with couple time, movies, lunch, coffee, etc., and she is constantly speaking with me and making LOTS of eye contact...I think she's close to breaking, but I know she wants to see what the MC says about us. It should be interesting, because I've done such a turn around from the old-me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlightLevel370 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Ha! W just came home....I'm sitting on 1 sofa, she's on the other...she looks like she wants to talk...she tried...I've been reading tnttim's thread the whole time, and am gonna pull away for a bit...I'll let u know how it goes; oh yeah, and we got a puppy last wknd...I'm not the one who gets up befor 6 am! Link to post Share on other sites
Alpha Centauri Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 My perspective is a bit different. My question is this, "Why do you want someone who doesn't love you or want you?" I must say I agree with this quote. Because I too am experiencing your feelings because my wife said she no longer feels for me. There is a time after which you realize shes not coming back and that she does not desire you anymore. I am struggling with this at the moment but deep in my mind I know I must face this. And I know its not the end. We will get through this. From your screename Im guessing you fly them big jets? Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Do you have a thread maybe I can help. I chose to fight for my marriage. But there's no shame in either decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlightLevel370 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 I must say I agree with this quote. Because I too am experiencing your feelings because my wife said she no longer feels for me. There is a time after which you realize shes not coming back and that she does not desire you anymore. I am struggling with this at the moment but deep in my mind I know I must face this. And I know its not the end. We will get through this. From your screename Im guessing you fly them big jets? Yep, I fly 737s... I just had a serious chat with the Mrs., back at square 1 again. She likes how I am now with her and the kids. She just can't find it in herself to have feelings of love for me again. The OM is gone, claims her friends do not influence her, and she is waiting for counseling on Tuesday to see if she can find a way back into the marriage. She likes all of the chgs I've made (180/Homer stuff), but because of all the fighting we had done in past years, she can't get herself to come back and try again, not yet anyway....She claims she wants to be happy and at peace.... I guess it's time to start packing............ Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Sorry Flight, are you packing her stuff up? Where will she be staying? Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Keep up the homer not just for her and the marriage but for yourself. Love is not something that returns over night. It can take months And months or sometimes longer. Keep doing what your doing and stay consistant. Don't forget that every change you have made is for yourself and out of love for your W. If she can't get past the resentment then those are her issues she has do deal with. You are doing everything you can do. Good job. I'm in the same boat as you. Wife loves the changes but cant find the "in love" feeling yet. Time will tell. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Yep, I fly 737s... I just had a serious chat with the Mrs., back at square 1 again. She likes how I am now with her and the kids. She just can't find it in herself to have feelings of love for me again. The OM is gone, claims her friends do not influence her, and she is waiting for counseling on Tuesday to see if she can find a way back into the marriage. She likes all of the chgs I've made (180/Homer stuff), but because of all the fighting we had done in past years, she can't get herself to come back and try again, not yet anyway....She claims she wants to be happy and at peace.... I guess it's time to start packing............ She needs time Flight... Please don't get despondent... Hoping for the best for you both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlightLevel370 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks for the kind and encouraging words everyone. I guess I'm just frustrated when I see how hard I'm trying to keep this together, and I don't even make an inch of headway. I've only been doing the 180/homer stuff for 2 weeks, and it seemed like she was turning around, then BANG! She tells me no change in feeling. I know this is a long process, and I know I may never get her back. But no matter the outcome, I know I can proudly tell my kids I gave it my all to keep it together... Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 All really great advice...I'm quite sure it was only an emotional affair...I saw this MM on facebook...ugly! Reminder...As you get older, its not always about looks. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Your one last ditch effort would be tossing her out of the house. Let her fend for herself and see how far that gets her. That might also be the time the OM comes out of the woodwork. Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Fl370 this is not for the fient of heart. Stop "working" on the marriage. "working" on the marriage doesn't always work. Learn and grow and if your W is lucky enough to see everything you have become then Great. It will take time. Stop "working" at the marriage. These changes you are going through shouldn't be just about "stopping the divorce", but something you can take with you. Link to post Share on other sites
maliks32 Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Nothing is impossible! If You want her back you have to become more of who you were when she fell in love with you. We all change and if we are honest with ourselves it is not always for the better. You need to work on yourself first, let her take notice of your actions and not your lip service. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 start learning how to be happy whether she is in your life or not... that way if the M works out, great; and if it doesn't, that's great too. this is important. learn how to be happy either way. learn what that looks like. we all have a first preference - but sometimes it's just not feasible - so realistically you have nothing to lose if either way you still end up happy! Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Hey, you've come this far, no reason to turn back now. You can't be happy, or satisified every moment of everyday, your married for godsake. The separation should have showed you that happy days are sometimes far and few. You need the lows to make the highs more enjoyable. I too want to give up and say f*ck it, have a great life b*tch, hope the OM can put up w/ your sh*t like I did. But then I tell myself, a bump in the road is just temporary. I want my W, but I don't need her. We all have these feelings, and you would be having these doubts w/ any woman, good luck. There's no shame in walking away with your head held high for trying. Link to post Share on other sites
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