can you really be in love with somebody after a month?

[shadowplay]

Let's say you spend most of your time together. Is it possible to love so soon? Has this ever happened to you, and how did it end?

 

My boyfriend kept telling me he loved me last night, and that he's 100% in love with me. It's scaring me, but it's also my fault for first bringing up the love thing the other night when I was intoxicated. I keep biting off more than I can chew. I push things a step farther, and then get freaked out when he bounds ahead.

 

I think I'm falling in love with him, but I don't understand how he could be totally in love with me after only a month together. I mentioned to him how briefly we've known each other. He said that it was like we skipped the usual getting to know you phase, because when he first met me he felt like he'd known me for years.

 

Is any of this plausible, or is he just projecting stuff onto me?

 

I'll admit that I feel uncomfortable with how strongly he feels about me so soon. The way he acts around me is almost worshipful. And some of the things he says are so over the top. I'll say something totally mundane and he'll say "I wish I were as smart as you." I respond, "But you are as smart as me. Don't you think you're smart?" He says, "I'm smart enough, but you're just brilliant." While his compliments are sweet and seem sincere, they make me feel that he's putting me on a pedestal disconnected from the reality of who I am.

 

What happens when he discovers all my flaws, and that pedestal comes crashing?

[InspiredbyYou]

Of course you can feel like you are falling in love with someone after a month. You will know in time though whether those feelings are real or not.

 

Stop over analyzing everything and sucking the fun out of this relationship! He is young and his feelings are strong let him be without you trying to quash what he is feeling. If you start on this trip of "no it can't be it's too soon I am too flawed" guess what? You will create your own self fulfilled prophesy. We don't have the answers, time will only tell if what he feels is real or not so stop worrying so much and enjoy!

Edited December 31, 2009 by InspiredbyYou

[shadowplay]

Of course you can feel like you are falling in love with someone after a month. You will know in time though whether those feelings are real or not.

 

Stop over analyzing everything and sucking the fun out of this relationship! He is young and his feelings are strong let him be without you trying to quash what he is feeling. If you start on this trip of "no it can't be it's too soon I am too flawed" guess what? You will create your own self fulfilled prophesy. We don't have the answers, time will only tell if what he feels is real or not so stop worrying so much and enjoy!

 

Yeah, you're right. I need to stop overanalyzing.

 

It's still scary, though. I've never been in such a fast-paced relationship.

[Bejita463]

I can determine how I feel about someone within a month pretty easily, yes. I knew I had strong feelings for my ex around that same time table, and all of the things that made me feel that way are things I still see even though we are no longer together.

 

Time tested my feelings and it also tested whether what I saw was really there, and both passed. It happens. Pity for me she didn't feel the same way, eh?

[bluewolf17]

:DEvery one has there own defintion of what love is, when they know it, and how they feel it. It's a personal thing. What matters most, ShadowPlay, is how you feel. Do what feels right for you.

[InspiredbyYou]

Shadow a week ago or so you were asking if you should tell him that you love him then a week later he admits that he is very much in love with you and is now on his own will reminding you of why he feels so strongly and you questions if it's even possible?

 

It sounds like you are the one who is confused, not him. Bluewolf is right, figure out how you feel. The poor guy is doing nothing wrong. He gave you what you wanted and now you wonder if it is even true!?!? When you were the one feeling this only a week ago...

[shadowplay]

Shadow a week ago or so you were asking if you should tell him that you love him then a week later he admits that he is very much in love with you and is now on his own will reminding you of why he feels so strongly and you questions if it's even possible?

 

It sounds like you are the one who is confused, not him. Bluewolf is right, figure out how you feel. The poor guy is doing nothing wrong. He gave you what you wanted and now you wonder if it is even true!?!? When you were the one feeling this only a week ago...

 

Yeah, apparently I'm impossible to please.

[threebyfate]

I don't think it's possible to truly love someone after a month. But there's potential for love to happen, if you go with the flow.

 

I will suggest something. Suggest to him not to put you up on a pedestal, that you're human, that you see him as human but an amazing guy who you adore.

[InspiredbyYou]

Yeah, apparently I'm impossible to please.

 

Well deep breath, big smile, and enjoy!

 

It's out there you both know how you feel now just let it ride out... if he sees things in you that he cannot overcome or vice-versa that's a chance we ALL have to take in love. There are no guarantees regardless how soon or how much we wait to say I love you.

 

I am more partisan to waiting to express this simply because it seems to have more weight if you have been together for a while and had a chance to see some of the "bad" along with the good. It's easy to feel head over heels when everything is good.

 

Having said that though, it's now out there so relax and enjoy. Sooner or later you will come off the cloud a little and the little problems start to seep in don't kill this moment by over-analyzing there is plenty of time to worry about negative stuff down the line

[carhill]

I think it's possible, though perhaps less so for some people and more for others. We're all different psychologically. IMO, there is a particular blend of perspective and circumstance which must occur at just the right time to foster such a dynamic. One can become infatuated quickly, but, if openness (emotionally and spiritually) to love isn't there, 'falling in love' quickly will likely never happen.

 

I have experienced it, though only once, and the feelings are just as strong as they were many years ago. They are tempered by a lifetime of experience and are accepted for what they are, feelings, with the understanding that feelings are but one component of a healthy intimate relationship. The rest of the components, such as timing, compatibility, etc, must also be in place for those feelings to thrive; otherwise, they remain a static reminder of the potential and possibility, but no more.

[carhill]

if you are in love, you just know this, and you don't question your feelings so much

 

Yes, that's been my experience. It's just a state of being, essentially defying analysis.

[InspiredbyYou]

.if you are in love, you just know this, and you don't question your feelings so much

 

 

she isn't questioning her feelings she is questioning his.

[Star Gazer]

He said that it was like we skipped the usual getting to know you phase, because when he first met me he felt like he'd known me for years.

 

You just said it - you guys skipped over the getting-to-know-you phase (and therefore haven't even gone through it!). And the truth is, you haven't known each other for years.

 

You cannot love someone you don't know the whole of. You can be in love with the idea of someone, though...

[Star Gazer]

The way he acts around me is almost worshipful. And some of the things he says are so over the top. I'll say something totally mundane and he'll say "I wish I were as smart as you." I respond, "But you are as smart as me. Don't you think you're smart?" He says, "I'm smart enough, but you're just brilliant." While his compliments are sweet and seem sincere, they make me feel that he's putting me on a pedestal disconnected from the reality of who I am.

 

That may be true, but wouldn't you think his comments were over the top even if you'd known him for years and years? Honestly, he kinda sounds like a puppy dog.

 

This could be because you were his first. Many tend to idolize their first...

[Lauriebell82]

That may be true, but wouldn't you think his comments were over the top even if you'd known him for years and years? Honestly, he kinda sounds like a puppy dog.

 

This could be because you were his first. Many tend to idolize their first...

 

SG may be onto something here...

 

My ex boyfriend said he loved me on our second date..it scared the heck out of me! He saw the look on my face so he quickly said "I'm just kidding." But he wasn't. Although I fell for him as well, he really worshipped me, like big time. Like SG put it, he was like a puppy dog (also a result of low self esteem)

 

The problem we ran into is that he was so dependent and scared to tell me anything bad (like if he was upset with me) for fear I would love him less or something. So he began to resent me and started to lie to me in order to deal with his resentment. Towards the end of our relationship I found out that he had saved some chat conversations with girls saying he was single and trying to hook up with them. I broke up with him after discovering this and catching him in an even bigger lie.

 

Now I'm not saying this will happen with you, but it is my experience that "puppy dog" boyfriends generally don't have a lot of relationship experience and the end result can be messy. I recommend that you talk to him about this. Tell him you appreciate the compliments, but you feel that he is discounting himself in the process. Assure him you care for him but would like to continue to get to know him better.

[shadowplay]

So I'm in a precarious situation.

 

I agree with much of the concerns raised in this thread. I do care about him a lot, but I'd like to slow down the pace of the relationship.

 

He said another thing that made me feel a little rushed. He asked me what I want to do in a year after I'm out of school. I mentioned something about traveling. Then I asked him the same question, and he said, "I know that at least I still want to be with you." He also wants me to meet his parents tomorrow. I'm starting to feel kind of trapped. And I have little free time to myself because he wants to do something every night.

 

He knows that I'm not usually busy at night, so what excuse could I give if I just want alone time?

 

How do I communicate to him that I'm feeling pressured while making it clear that I really value him and want to be with him? I have to be delicate about this. In the past whenever I've raised anything slight, he's gotten visibly very nervous.

 

The age/maturity difference is starting to become apparent. I don't know how I feel about being with somebody this green. Going in I thought he would be more mature because of his surface demeanor.

Edited December 31, 2009 by shadowplay

[threebyfate]

shadow, don't pull back now. Just relax and let it happen or not.

[Kamille]

I love Inspired by you's advice on here.

 

Shadow, try not to sweat it too much. Let him express himself.

 

That being said, if you need time to yourself, by all means take time to yourself. No one should be expected to be someone else's constant plans.

 

It's easy. Say, honey, if you don't mind, I'm tired out from the holidays and I feel like spending some time alone. I'll call you tomorow morning. Love you!

 

Try to do it with a confident tone that reassures him there aren't any problems.

 

Now can also be a good time to explain that you are someone who needs some down time alone (I get the feeling that you do).

 

Chances are, you're just as crazy about him as he is about you but right now you're not respecting your own needs for alone time - and so you're looking for problems within what has been otherwise a great few first weeks.

[Vertex]

It's hard to say -- I don't think people truly get to know one another in such a short timeframe. I think you can only truly assess love after the honeymoon phase has worn off a bit and you get a better glimpse into each other's communication styles/values/flaws/etc.

 

Doesn't mean you can't still have fun and really be into each other in the mean time. I just question whether or not someone can actually mean it when they say "I love you" so soon into things, regardless of whether or not they may actually believe it at the time (i.e. blinded by "rose-tinted glasses").

[threebyfate]

Right now shadow, you've pushed him ahead, not once but twice. First time was exclusivity, next was the "I love you" thing.

 

It suddenly occurred to me why you're feeling so uncomfortable, when you do. It's when you lose control of the pace of the relationship.

 

You can't always be in control.

[shadowplay]

Right now shadow, you've pushed him ahead, not once but twice. First time was exclusivity, next was the "I love you" thing.

 

It suddenly occurred to me why you're feeling so uncomfortable, when you do. It's when you lose control of the pace of the relationship.

 

You can't always be in control.

 

I need to stop doing that. And you're probably right about the control thing. I have an ideal pace, and I get uncomfortable when someone either moves faster or slower than it.

[threebyfate]

I need to stop doing that. And you're probably right about the control thing. I have an ideal pace, and I get uncomfortable when someone either moves faster or slower than it.

Meeting his parents after a month is no big deal. Keep in mind at all times that no matter what happens, you have the ultimate control. You can walk away if things get terrible. I'm not seeing anything that's so terrible right now so enjoy your relationship, as it stands.

 

In order for him to mature in a relationship, he has to be able to drive, some of the time.

 

Relax, okay?

[shadowplay]

 

Relax, okay?

 

I'll try.

[threebyfate]

I'll try.

Excellent! All you can do is try.

 

But do both of you a favour and no more ramping up the timeline. Otherwise you're going to be married and pregnant in a year...

 

oopsie...

[shadowplay]

Excellent! All you can do is try.

 

But do both of you a favour and no more ramping up the timeline. Otherwise you're going to be married and pregnant in a year...

 

oopsie...

 

Lol!

 

You had a very fast-paced relationship leading up to engagement. How did you react when you husband first told you he loved you given the short amount of time you'd been seeing each other?