LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 We are here now with broken hearts a plenty. But if we heed to the great advice and opinions we have received here on LS, we will do so much better in the year 2010. I found that a few helpful steps make the difference. Please share any others! * Leave your ex in the box marked "2009", 2010 has to be attended to promptly. * Some of our exes WILL contact us this year. Be highly aware of the REAL motive. * Have a trained eye for bright red flags. They pop up about our exes, on first dates, flirting with a passerby, even in long term relationships. * When the red flag does pops up...STOP. Give yourself some time to assess the situation before making another move. * Don't dismiss your heartache. Cry, hit pillows, curse, scream and get angry. Bottling it up inside only prolongs the process. * DO know that you are lovable. Just let the right ones in. * Don't envy your ex's new relationships. Yours ended...why wouldn't theirs? *Speaking of which, don't feel jealous of the new gf/bf...more than likely they will be where you are soon and/or make your EX be where you are soon. * Don't worry about what you couldn't fix in your ex, work on bettering yourself. * If you are the dumpee, remember that your ex CHOSE to step out of your life. You don't owe them a phone call, a letter or a pat on the back. * If you are the dumper, think clearly why you felt you had to leave and the reason why you really want your ex back. The dumpee doesn't need to be heartbroken a dozen times over. * Lay down in the quiet of your room at night and listen to that little voice as well as your gut instinct. Both are your best friends because 9 out of 10 times...they're right. * THINK if you really want your ex back the same way they were when they left you.Why? * Remember a time you had a bad breakup before. You got over that time when you didn't think you could do it. *It's a guarantee..if you've seen just three couples today walking happily hand in hand today...by year's end.. one of them won't be. *And the other two? One of them won't make it to forever either... *Your ex WILL experience heartbreak also. They will not understand it either. *Staying strong, confident and resilient is more attractive than weak, self-loathing & needy. Even your ex can see that even if they ARE the latter. * You are worth more than what you are given. Don't settle. * Crumbs are for the desperate. Demand a full-sized meal. * Experience is a teacher. Learn from the pain. I promise it will help you in the next relationship. * The hardest thing to do is to let go of someone you loved. But think,if they let go of you so easily so what does that say about how they feel? * Be resourceful, get books, magazine articles, friends, LS and family to be your rock. They can give you perspective from a "third person" standpoint that you will need to get through this. * Your heart's job is to love not to think. Listen to your head, especially the place in the back of your mind...it waves those red flags. * You don't have to stop loving your ex, but you definitely need to stop being with them right now. They hurt you and wounds need time to heal. * Once healed, make sure your heart & mind become a co-op. They need to work together-not against each other. * Put away the ridiculous notion that you won't meet someone else special. Before you ever met your ex...did you see THEM coming? I didn't think so! Have a Happy New Year, LS friends! Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 LD - thanks so much for posting this! These words ring so true! This nite has been especially difficult, regardless of how poorly i was treated in the end, by the person I believed I would marry next spring. I know I'm better off, not even our mutual friends have taken her side in this drama, but it still hurts. Thanks again ! Link to post Share on other sites
carolinawanderer Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Excellent post. All of these words ring true even though I'm broken-hearted. I think this time next year, my heart will not be broken, but my ex's will...looking back on everything, I was able to address my faults, and listen to my ex's needs...but she was an awful communicator. Of course, she didn't work on that very much while we were dating. At all. She's going to set herself up for a lot of doomed relationships if that continues... Link to post Share on other sites
Kantor Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Woohoo! I'm there!! Welcome 2010! Link to post Share on other sites
lostboyuk Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Our hearts won't be broken this time next year but for those of us who have only loved them deeply and honestly, I take some comfort and pride in knowing a piece of our hearts will be with them forever. We LSers should hold our heads up and know we are capable of love in its purest form where they sadly were not. It is difficult to take any solace in this and although I'm writing it and believe it, sadly I don't feel it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
xoxo88 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 I'm sure my heart won't get broken in 2010. You know why? Because i'll be single, bitter and empty for the rest of the year. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Thank you for posting that.....here is to hoping for 2010. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 (edited) I'm sure my heart won't get broken in 2010. You know why? Because i'll be single, bitter and empty for the rest of the year. Thanks to all of you! It's ironic that where I live, every single day for 2 weeks has been cloudy and cold and today just happens to be brightly sunny and warmer! Fitting signal to start the new year, I thought! Oh, xoxo88. DO NOT start the first day of 2010 this way. If you will yourself to feel bitter and empty...then you ARE going to be bitter and empty. Get up off that couch you lay on inside your head and start healing NOW! I don't even know your ex and yet I am so mad at them. They have sooo much power over you, your emotions, your self esteem and it kills me. If someone punched you in the face and knocked your teeth out, would you go wax their floor and do their laundry for them afterward? Same thing. Why give your emotions to someone who has done this to you? I have not only resolved but PROMISED to my self that I will stay NC with my ex PLUS not wait with baited breath for us to get back together. Thankfully, my ex is leaving to do another tour in Kabul, Afghanistan in a few days or so. I won't see him (if at all) until next year! For most of you, your exes might as well be away that far too because it may be some time if you see them again. That's a good thing. Our wounds are healing and our exes are sharp knives. You don't keep stabbing the wound...you'll destroy yourself. 2010 is the band-aid. Let this year help you heal by focusing on loving yourself. You will keep being bruised if you allow yourself to. For me, it doesn't feel good to hurt so I will NOT give my ex that power any longer.Take baby steps everyday. Do things you once loved, see friends and family, work hard at your job or school. Take back your spirit or you will stay bitter and empty well into 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014............. Edited January 1, 2010 by LovelyDaze Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Very inspirational. i feel uplifted after reading your post Lovely Daze : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Very inspirational. i feel uplifted after reading your post Lovely Daze : ) Me too Lovely. Happy New Year to you and to everyone. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 Oh, thank you guys! I don't know it all, it's just that I have learned that we don't deserve to be in this place we are in. It feels like being kidnapped and locked in a remote cabin. The kidnapper(the ex) tells us to "Stay put and die! I am driving 600 miles away but you better not move!" Would you stay or try to get out? It's up to us to remove that duct tape, untie those ropes and bust out of window to freedom. Our exes don't have the right to hold our hearts captive anymore. I don't know about some people, but I am going to fight my way out of this hell before my kidnapper...er..um, I mean, my ex "comes back." Link to post Share on other sites
xoxo88 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Oh, xoxo88. DO NOT start the first day of 2010 this way. If you will yourself to feel bitter and empty...then you ARE going to be bitter and empty. Oh dear do you think i like feeling like this? Absolutely not. It kills me to see how my life is getting shorter everyday and i'm just wasting it... But i've been so hurt and let down that i don't think i'll be able to trust anybody again any time soon. I need to stay away from relationships until i'm entirely healed. Getting in a relationship right now would only hurt me more and probably would also hurt the other person involved as well. Link to post Share on other sites
name witheld Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Good post. Here is to breaking some hearts in 2010! (just kidding) Hope you all have a good year. I know I will. Link to post Share on other sites
singlegirl Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 (edited) Thank you lovely, that was a wonderful post....for my part, even though I last told my ex I thought I was mental and took all the blame for what went wrong...I will not respond to his text and phone message . I know nothing I say or do will make me seem or feel less mental....the damage is done to me alone. He texted me and said Happy New yr and may 2010 bring us health, love and wealth? How can someone who knows you are in such pain be so flippant? I will not communicate with my ex in 2010, no matter what Edited January 2, 2010 by singlegirl Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Awesome posts LovelyDaze, your name remind me of a song which they sing,lovely day lovely a loovely day..! i have to hear that song again ,its so cheerful. Anyway loved what you wrote about not being envious of exes new,well not that new gf,that they will end up where we were,good one:laugh: Happy New year! Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 * Don't envy your ex's new relationships. Yours ended...why wouldn't theirs? *Speaking of which, don't feel jealous of the new gf/bf...more than likely they will be where you are soon and/or make your EX be where you are soon. That was a great list, but personally I do hope her new relationship lasts. In fact, I hope they get married and live happily ever after and I mean that. She's been through enough BS with men through her life. I don't hate her and I can't be spiteful towards her or her new boyfriend simply because he replaced me as the central figure in her life. I don't want to go down that ugly road of wishing ill-will on others just to make my own pain that much bearable. Although I am not in pain any longer over the old relationship, I don't want to spend time and energy on something I have no control over. Life is like television static. People come out of the static, grace our lives and then sometimes go back into the static. Like raindrops into the ocean ... Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 This is such an inspiring post! I don't know why, but I was feeling a little down today. Sometimes I'm happy being single and then other times like today I wish I had someone to spend my time with. Then I also think about being in a relationship and getting hurt again, dumped, feeling empty and heartbroken. Those emotions are still very fresh inside of me. I don't think I'll ever forget how hurt I was when my ex left me. He is now married having the time of his life, but I have learned to get over that and am no longer jealous. This new year I hope to be an even better person. I'm working on my confidence issues and building up my self-esteem. I want to be the best damn single person I can be and I'm gonna be happy if it kills me. And maybe just maybe, if it's meant to be, someone better will come along and totally sweep me off my feet! No more feeling sorry for myself or wallowing in self pity. I'm sick of being depressed. The beginning of 2009 was very rough for me because that is when my ex left me (which is what first brought me to LS) and that is when I became unemployed etc. My life felt like it was going down the tubes. 2010 has to be better right? It has to because I'm counting on it! And by god it's gonna be better because I'm gonna get up off my butt and make it better. It's all about motivation! Gotta find that motivation. So thank you so much for this post! It really inspired me! Happy 2010 everyone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 He dumped me in July '07. The same time in '08, my heart was still broken. Same with '09, and I don't foresee this year being any different. But I plan for 2010 to be the year I figure out once and for all how to accept that I will never be with the love of my life. My goal is that within the next five years I will maybe be able to go on a date again. And yes, I'm being serious! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyDaze Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Thank you all! Special thanks to one of my fave on LS, DenverBachelor for having the honesty to state how you will actually wish your ex well. I have exes on my Facebook that are in a relationship, single or whatever and I adore them all and wish them the best also! My current ex? Too fresh.LOL. But if you all read my posts before, the only happy ending my ex will receive is finding himself and not prepubescent(Always dating 17/18 year olds except for me!) girls he dumps later. That's a horrible, disgusting and destructive pattern. No gold at the end of that rainbow. That's a fact I know all of us can agree with. 2010. It's a year we won't have broken hearts if we protect our heart and listen to the "oh-ohs" that pop up when we are dating. I will have the nerve to end a relationship if I can see the danger or fix it as best as possible before I sink in any deeper. I don't want another relationship to snowball into an avalanche. I just love and care for my heart that damn much. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 ... * Put away the ridiculous notion that you won't meet someone else special. Before you ever met your ex...did you see THEM coming? I didn't think so! ... Now I'm frightened. *searches for the garlic and crucifix* Link to post Share on other sites
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