Not sure what to think about the boyfriends actions last night

[imjustagirl]

Yesterday I had to have a scope (EGD) of my tummy. They found some severe irritation and the start of 2 peptic ulcers. That's not the problem.

 

My boyfriend said that he was going to pick me up at the hospital since I would be unable to drive...he ended up picking me up at my moms...2 hours after I was released.

 

On the drive home he said that he needed to run back to the office xmas party to make a presence and that he would be at MY house at 5...he said he didn't want to leave me alone as I was looking pale.

 

He never showed. Around 7:00ish, I finally got pissed enough and got into the car and drove to where the xmas party was....he was trashed....completely.

 

Finally after people started leaving, he too decided that it was time to go. On the walk out to the car, something happened between the exit and the car. He turned into a completely different guy that what I had known....he went from this fun loving drunk to this man that completely scared the living daylights out of me

 

He started talking about how "god" was telling him to do harm to whomever because he was a soldier and he was trained to kill because that was his nature...and how I was just dating him for his money...how I really didn't love him and how he cares for me so much that he doesn't want to hurt me...and how I care for him too much....how I never pay attention and that I should know every person's names that is protecting me...here and abroad.

 

Then he started bawling about his ex-wifes daughter and how he can't help protect her from her mother (from what he says, the girl's mother is psycho and her mother is in the process of getting her committed).

 

Shortly afterwards, he screamed at me to get the hell away from him and he didn't want me to hold him, didn't want me to touch him, I was evil, I was out to hurt him.

 

After that, I looked at him and said "fine" and got into the car. I waited for him to leave, being the stupid caring/loving individual that I am, I wanted to make sure he got home okay. He was so drunk he couldn't find his car!

 

Finally after he found his car, it took him like 10 minutes to get it started and to leave, where he drove around the parking lot like 5 times before he found the exit. Then he pulled into another exit and stopped his car...I knew he had spotted mine, so I pretended to leave, only to park by another building. He then left...headed to his favorite bar.

 

I decided right then and there I was just going home...maybe I'd drive by later, to make sure he got home okay.

 

As I was driving home, he called my cell. Apologized for insulting me and he hoped he didn't hurt me. I told him I loved him and I didn't get an I love you back...I got the "I care for you an awful lot." Then he went on to say that he was on his way home (he was at the bar!) and that he wanted to talk to me tomorrow (today).

 

I went home for a bit...but I was really worked up and the only way to calm myself down like that is to drive...so I went for a drive. On the way home, around 11:30ish

 

Then today (we work in the same facility)...I was walking by his office on the way to mine. As I was walking by, he came out. He smiled at me and I just rolled my eyes. I'm not sure if we're broken up or what. As I continued walking, I heard him tell one of the guys he works with that he's not sure what to do...and the guy basically said, talk to her.

 

Shortly later, I received the following email:

 

Good morning,

 

you didn't deserve any of the evil **** that I'm sure I dished out last night. I suppose I've got issues that I'm having lots of trouble with. This time of year makes me very sad and when I get sad, I get mad and it's this terrible snow ball effect. I'm sorry you had to be the object of my rage last night I hope I didn't hurt you too bad. If you wish to kick me I'm sure I deserve it.

[moimeme]

1. You should NEVER have allowed him to get into a car when he was that drunk. If you were to chicken to stop him, you should have called the police. He could have killed himself or someone else. I cannot believe that anybody in this day and age would be so completely ignorant about the dangers of drunk driving that she would just let some drunk get into a vehicle and drive it.

 

2. He has some SERIOUS trouble. Get him to a psychologist and then get yourself away from him. It's going to take a while to fix him.

[jmargel]

Sounds like this isn't the first time its happened, and it does seem like he has a very serious drinking problem. Words itself won't heal the wounds you've been given from your dad or him. You are reliving everything again going through this. If he wants to stop & he truly loves you, then not only for himself but for the both of you he needs to goto AA & counciling. Until that, nothing will change. Actions speak louder than words.

 

You did not deserve to be treated like that, no one does. His talk about killing whomever is very scary and nothing to take lightly. He has a bad rage problem which gets worse while drinking. Take a step back and look to see where this is going.

 

Without AA & counciling he WILL (100% WILL) become an abusive alcoholic towards you. NOW is the time to stop this. Don't become a victim yourself.

[jenny]

and, if you know about codependency, you'll know that one of the things that keeps us codependent is an investment in seeing ourselves as the virtuous martyr, who withstands all abuse.

 

there is nothing here for you and you don't get any bonus points for being with a dysfunctional man - you only get pain, dragged down yourself, and a hopeless future.

[UCFKevin]

Yikes.

 

This is a very scary thread. Run. Run fast and run hard. Don't be his shoulder to cry on, 'cuz he might just bite you again.

[jmargel]

That's so true jenny.. There are a couple of other people that I know of that I wish could read this thread & your response.

[LaureninVA]

Yeah, sounds like he definitely has some serious issues and has abusive tendencies.

 

However, DO NOT feel bad because you did not stop him from driving drunk. He's a grown man, and in the fit of rage he seems to be having, trying to stop him from doing anything probably would have gotten you nothing but the crap beat out of you.

 

Until he fixes whatever problems he has, I would stay away from him.

[AllyKat]

When I was first with my daughters father, everything was great. Gradually he began to change. I think sometimes people with BIG problems like that maybe withhold showing you that then one day it blows up. I mean, do you realize people dont just going around saying stuff like that? Even if they are drunk! HE SCARES ME! I am terrified for you. He isnt right in the head...I know it doesnt seem like the guy you know, but there is something wrong with this man, even he admits he has rage!

[moimeme]

I mean, do you realize people dont just going around saying stuff like that? Even if they are drunk

 

Exactly. That was not just alcohol, or even alcoholism. There is something 'way more serious going on with this guy.

[Mary3]

I am not a psychologist nor a physician but this advice is given because I used to live with an alcoholic :

 

The episode you went through that nite is reminiscent of a * black out * meaning he was fully conscious but does not remember the AWFUL way that he treated you. Trust me on this one : Get out and dont look back!!

 

Have a PLAN and a good friend and stick with the plan to get him out of your life PERMANANTLY. This is a LIFE LONG PROBLEM...His other disorder can also be connected with skitzophrenia...(My best friend had this disease and was hospitalized numerous times ) whether the drinking is causing dilusions ( voices or audio ) or he is truly skitzophrenic only a doc can decide.

 

You CAN't help him until he wants help and meanwhile you waste your precious time on this earth dealing with this day after day....

 

But either way GET OUT and move on....its very difficult but you can do this and I have been there and YOU CAN DO IT

[AllyKat]

I agree 100% with Mary3!