husband was planning to cheat on me

[moonmosaic]

So I got the greatest New Year's Day present. I had to find out my husband was going to cheat on me on his two week vacation.

 

Initially I was not snooping around his laptop but early in the morning I heard the processor working over time. Found yahoo messenger in the background killing the cpu - what the heck is my husband doing on yahoo messenger?

That's when I checked the archive files and saw that he had conversations with several girls - one in particular - who happens to be living in the town he is going to to visit to see his son.

 

I don't wanna go into the gory details what the conversation was about but besides the "miss you's and can't wait to get together's" there was a lot of sex talk.

Of course when I confronted him he denied it - honey, its not what it seems - yeah, who are you kidding.

 

Should I send him on his way? I just don't know how to rebuild trust in him.

This has devastated me so much. I really loved my husband but I am not sure if I love him any more.

[MichiganMan222]

My fiancee got sick on New Years Eve and we had to go home early, so I'm drinking tonight to make up for it. So forgive me for being so blunt....why the hell are you even asking this question? You should've already threw his belongings on the front lawn and taken a shovel to his car. What more do you need to see?

[cybersister]

I'm with michiganman. If he confessed, apologised , was willing to talk about why he was doing this and how he can make amends, just maybe. But such an obvious denial menas he has no good intentions here. Plus the fact that he had been talking to several girls means he was out looking- this did not just happen

[moonmosaic]

I think you are right, but in his mind I am overreacting.

I said i would print out his conversation with this girl and give it to my friends see if "I am overreacting" ....to this he said than he would call the police because it was his property....

 

I just feel I deserve better. and it's not even like we have a bad sex life...I just dont understand. He says he loves me but I just don't want to be loved this way.

[D-Lish]

I couldn't reconcile with that knowledge- he was setting up a date to cheat, and he obviously went through the trouble of seeking her out.

 

I couldn't forgive such an act of betrayal, certainly never forget it.

 

I'm really sorry this has happened, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.

[moonmosaic]

I'm with michiganman. If he confessed, apologised , was willing to talk about why he was doing this and how he can make amends, just maybe. But such an obvious denial menas he has no good intentions here. Plus the fact that he had been talking to several girls means he was out looking- this did not just happen

 

well, he has apologized now - hours later - and trying to make amends but I lost trust in him. Am I supposed to check his messenger now every day? or his emails? or watch where he goes? That's the kind of stuff you end up doing once you catch someone with a lie. I know, I've been there once already.

[moonmosaic]

I couldn't reconcile with that knowledge- he was setting up a date to cheat, and he obviously went through the trouble of seeking her out.

 

I couldn't forgive such an act of betrayal, certainly never forget it.

 

I'm really sorry this has happened, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.

 

Yes, very hurtful. I have been crying all day.

[cybersister]

How has he apologised? what is he doing to make amends?

If he was going to call the police ( obviously he wold not really have) over his email this does not sound like he is willing to eat humble pie.

He should be offering to let you see his emails until you he has regained your trust- and if that takes for ever then he has lost his right to privacy.

Is he truly sorry or just sorry he got found out?

[Space Ritual]

Moon,

 

This is how cheaters work. When something like this is discovered beforehand they will plead that ...

 

"It's not what it seems"

"It was just harmless flirting"

"You are overreacting"

"(He,She, IT) and I are just friends. we talk like this all the time".

And the grandaddy of em all.....

 

"This means nothing, I love only YOU"

 

 

sorry you had to discover this, but thank god you did. Your Husband at the very least is involved in an emotional affair wirth this woman, if not in a physical affair(all the "Miss You's" and the like point to at least that if it wasnt a PA it was about to go there).

 

Ive said this before and I'll say it again...his act is as fresh as a Foghat Concert.

 

You can be sure that he will now attempt to give you the song and dance about all of it. I would submit to to you that you will not get anywhere near the truth at this stage. You may get some trickle down truth but each new revelation is going to be worse than the last.

 

I'm, just trying to prepare you for the ride, for you know he is also now a liar.

 

 

You are not being loved in any way shape or form.

 

My best guess is that this isn't the first time this has happened on his part. If I were you I would make an appointment to get tested for STD's. and Then see a lawyer. Because you have just uncovered the tip of the iceberg.

 

I suggest you contact this woman as well. If she is married or in a relationship I suggest you keep copies of these conversations and expose her . This tends to make people cool their jets very quickly

 

 

Pack his bags for him this very night and kick him out. Let him feel that cold night air.

[D-Lish]

Yes, very hurtful. I have been crying all day.

 

I'm sorry:o

 

My biggest worry is that he is minimizing what he has done to you.

At the very least he should be having an honest conversation with you about what led him to do this.

 

That would be much more productive than lying about it when you have undeniable proof in front of you.

 

My ex husband did have an affair while on a business trip- and the day I found out I called our real estate agent and put the house on the market.

I think the reality is that if you hadn't discovered this, he would have gone through with it.

 

What do you think you are going to do? Is he still going on this trip to see his son?

[Space Ritual]

Oh about that police business...its marital property, he has no ownership of it. If he threatened to call the police there is more incriminating stuff on it.....KICK THIS JACKASS OUT TONIGHT!

[moonmosaic]

How has he apologised? what is he doing to make amends?

If he was going to call the police ( obviously he wold not really have) over his email this does not sound like he is willing to eat humble pie.

He should be offering to let you see his emails until you he has regained your trust- and if that takes for ever then he has lost his right to privacy.

Is he truly sorry or just sorry he got found out?

 

 

At first he was in denial then when I showed him proof he got angry - thats when he mentioned the police - and now he wants to turn back time, like nothing happened.

I dont think he knows the pain he has put me through or has any idea how the trust cards have just come crumbling down on our marriage after I read those messages.

 

He is sorry he has been found out. He wanted his cake and eat it. Now there is no cake and may not even a bed to lie in. That's why he is sorry. He is sorry for himself.

[RobM]

When will guys learn to not leave im running, don't save account name or password, and always have archive set to none.

[moonmosaic]

Oh about that police business...its marital property, he has no ownership of it. If he threatened to call the police there is more incriminating stuff on it.....KICK THIS JACKASS OUT TONIGHT!

 

I think that "calling the police" stuff was his childish outburst of anger. I told him to go ahead and I will wait for the sirens to be heard and me to be handcuffed and put in a cell to spend new year's day in. He should be ashamed not threatening...

[moonmosaic]

When will guys learn to not leave im running, don't save account name or password, and always have archive set to none.

 

yes, that would have saved his ass, next time i will marry someone like you.

[You'reasian]

So I got the greatest New Year's Day present. I had to find out my husband was going to cheat on me on his two week vacation.

 

Initially I was not snooping around his laptop but early in the morning I heard the processor working over time. Found yahoo messenger in the background killing the cpu - what the heck is my husband doing on yahoo messenger?

That's when I checked the archive files and saw that he had conversations with several girls - one in particular - who happens to be living in the town he is going to to visit to see his son.

 

I don't wanna go into the gory details what the conversation was about but besides the "miss you's and can't wait to get together's" there was a lot of sex talk.

Of course when I confronted him he denied it - honey, its not what it seems - yeah, who are you kidding.

 

Should I send him on his way? I just don't know how to rebuild trust in him.

This has devastated me so much. I really loved my husband but I am not sure if I love him any more.

 

This is sad and very unfortunate - but a reality for alot of us. Divorce rates are high; cheating is probably up there as a cause - but obviously a symptom of a relationship problem.

 

Its a good practice to get to know a person well before you even consider being in a committed relationship with them. People don't change and any attempt to change them (without them wanting to) will be too much work and emotion.

 

you can decide who you want to spend your life with.

 

Good luck with your marriage should the two of you decide on marriage counselling.

[moonmosaic]

I'm sorry:o

 

My biggest worry is that he is minimizing what he has done to you.

At the very least he should be having an honest conversation with you about what led him to do this.

 

That would be much more productive than lying about it when you have undeniable proof in front of you.

 

My ex husband did have an affair while on a business trip- and the day I found out I called our real estate agent and put the house on the market.

I think the reality is that if you hadn't discovered this, he would have gone through with it.

 

What do you think you are going to do? Is he still going on this trip to see his son?

 

He said he would cancel his trip, but what would he say to his son? Sorry son, I was gonna cheat, I got found out and now I am in time out?

 

I think if it was just a one night stand it would easier to swallow but emotion filled chats are hard to digest.

 

I married him because he seemed like the guy I could trust. We have no kids so there is no need to work this out "for the sake of something"

 

I think I will let him go and while he is away I will pack his stuff in storage and change the locks because right now he refuses to leave.

[RobM]

Who's house is it, did you buy it together or did one of you own it before you got married?

[Space Ritual]

Yes just remember the reason he is acting all sorry and teary eyed because he got caught...and only because he got caught.

 

Yeah what's he gonna tell the cops. I can hear it now

 

"911, whats your emergency?"

 

"My wife just discovered I am a cheating, lying tool and now she wants to print out copies of my stupidity. Please tell the officers to get over here to tell her she cant do that and bring a SHAMWOW with them because I need to wipe the floor from peeing all over myself when she discovered what an idiot I am".

 

(Dialtone)

 

'Hello....Hello....."

 

Ach...you must be livid, but thank goodness that his stupidity allowed you this discovery.

[You'reasian]

Now that you are going to be single, how will you approach your future relationships?

[moonmosaic]

This is sad and very unfortunate - but a reality for alot of us. Divorce rates are high; cheating is probably up there as a cause - but obviously a symptom of a relationship problem.

 

Its a good practice to get to know a person well before you even consider being in a committed relationship with them. People don't change and any attempt to change them (without them wanting to) will be too much work and emotion.

 

you can decide who you want to spend your life with.

 

Good luck with your marriage should the two of you decide on marriage counselling.

 

He was just so not the guy who would cheat. That's why I am even more devastated. But you can never truly know someone because we can change.

[moonmosaic]

Moon,

 

This is how cheaters work. When something like this is discovered beforehand they will plead that ...

 

"It's not what it seems"

"It was just harmless flirting"

"You are overreacting"

"(He,She, IT) and I are just friends. we talk like this all the time".

And the grandaddy of em all.....

 

"This means nothing, I love only YOU"

 

 

sorry you had to discover this, but thank god you did. Your Husband at the very least is involved in an emotional affair wirth this woman, if not in a physical affair(all the "Miss You's" and the like point to at least that if it wasnt a PA it was about to go there).

 

Ive said this before and I'll say it again...his act is as fresh as a Foghat Concert.

 

You can be sure that he will now attempt to give you the song and dance about all of it. I would submit to to you that you will not get anywhere near the truth at this stage. You may get some trickle down truth but each new revelation is going to be worse than the last.

 

I'm, just trying to prepare you for the ride, for you know he is also now a liar.

 

 

You are not being loved in any way shape or form.

 

My best guess is that this isn't the first time this has happened on his part. If I were you I would make an appointment to get tested for STD's. and Then see a lawyer. Because you have just uncovered the tip of the iceberg.

 

I suggest you contact this woman as well. If she is married or in a relationship I suggest you keep copies of these conversations and expose her . This tends to make people cool their jets very quickly

 

 

Pack his bags for him this very night and kick him out. Let him feel that cold night air.

 

She knew he was married. My husband has known her for a long time and she knew when we got married. I dont think she cares, I am not going to contact her if she wants my husband she can have him. I am staying out of it.

[moonmosaic]

Now that you are going to be single' date=' how will you approach your future relationships?[/quote']

 

I don't know. Any ideas?

[moonmosaic]

Yes just remember the reason he is acting all sorry and teary eyed because he got caught...and only because he got caught.

 

Yeah what's he gonna tell the cops. I can hear it now

 

"911, whats your emergency?"

 

"My wife just discovered I am a cheating, lying tool and now she wants to print out copies of my stupidity. Please tell the officers to get over here to tell her she cant do that and bring a SHAMWOW with them because I need to wipe the floor from peeing all over myself when she discovered what an idiot I am".

 

(Dialtone)

 

'Hello....Hello....."

 

Ach...you must be livid, but thank goodness that his stupidity allowed you this discovery.

 

LOL, I don't know what he would have said. He must have realized how stupid his comment was when I urged him to go ahead and call the cops.

[CarrieT]

More importantly, is this the first time?

 

Get thee to a doctor and get tested for STDs. You found evidence he was GOING to cheat but now there should be suspicions that he may have already done so.