Author moonmosaic Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 I would consider saving things if they were different. If he had honestly accepted the fact he was going to cheat, and felt really bad and sincerely apologetic, I would say make some effort. But the fact that he blew up in anger and threatened to call the police is extremely self centered. If this were me, my decision would have been made. Cheers! Unfortunately his emotional and social skills are not something to write home about. He always reacts this was. Very immature but he doesn't mean anything bad. I know it sounds like I am defending him but I just want to say that this is not the issue here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moonmosaic Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 YES I have! Never make a decision based on emotion. This is why you need some clarity before doing anything. But you should still be away from him while you work on clarity My friend just suggested that if he doesn't want to go I should take a few days off and go away. That sounds very appealing to me. Maybe its the way to go to have some needed space. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moonmosaic Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Thank you again everyone for your input. I will let you know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Yes, go away! Good luck and PLEASE keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Author moonmosaic Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 Just an update on what has happened with us - as promised. We had a long chat - I think it was 2 days later - and I felt that maybe we could salvage something here after all. He was truly sorry and said that his insecurities made him IM his ex. He has always had problems with my male friends - he thinks my boundaries are to lose and he thought I may cheat on him while he is away. Of course this was a very lame excuse - to my opinion, but he offered to try marriage counseling to overcome some of the problems we have, luckily not that many. I also told him that it was the first an last of this to happen and insecurities here or there , he needs to have trust and not thinking of straying. Well, I don't know if I did the right thing - I know he loves me very much - but men can do such stupid things sometimes just to boost their ego! Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Well, I certainly hope you can change the spots on this cat, either by scrubbing them off or plucking them out, because it is clear you love him...but there are two large RED FLAGS in his lamo explanation that are always brought up in articles about the MO of cheaters. first - instead of JUST apologizing and ADMITTING that he has a dirty little cheater's heart, he then goes on to say, "my insecurities made me do it". The old "not my fault, devil made me do it" trick, indicating lack of insight into the hurt he caused or HIS OWN VOLITION in it. -second, and this is a CLASSIC cheater's move - DEFLECTION onto YOU as the CAUSE of it because of your male friends. Whatever - you weren't the one planning to get on a plane and boff another person. Sheesh! These indicate a personality not willing to look at consequences and harm he is causing to his loved one. However, definitely give the therapy thing a go. You throw this one back, there's just "more of the same" fish in the pond anyway, would just take more time to find it out all over again. At least you KNOW the color of this cat now... Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) He has always had problems with my male friends - he thinks my boundaries are to lose and he thought I may cheat on him while he is away. Oh please. LAME. So HIS answer to your supposedly "loose" boundaries is to sleaze it up with other women? Tell him to own his SH*T and quit blaming his lousy behavior on others. Jesus. Grow up, buddy. ....but men can do such stupid things sometimes just to boost their ego! He knew exactly what he was doing. Please don't tell me you're going to blame this crap behavior on him being a "dumb guy?" Edited January 10, 2010 by Woman In Blue Addition Link to post Share on other sites
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