Not sure what to think about the boyfriends actions last night

[imjustagirl]

Yesterday I had to have a scope (EGD) of my tummy. They found some severe irritation and the start of 2 peptic ulcers. That's not the problem.

 

My boyfriend said that he was going to pick me up at the hospital since I would be unable to drive...he ended up picking me up at my moms...2 hours after I was released.

 

On the drive home he said that he needed to run back to the office xmas party to make a presence and that he would be at MY house at 5...he said he didn't want to leave me alone as I was looking pale.

 

He never showed. Around 7:00ish, I finally got pissed enough and got into the car and drove to where the xmas party was....he was trashed....completely.

 

Finally after people started leaving, he too decided that it was time to go. On the walk out to the car, something happened between the exit and the car. He turned into a completely different guy that what I had known....he went from this fun loving drunk to this man that completely scared the living daylights out of me. First, as I thought he was going to kiss my neck like he always does...he bit me...my neck is STILL sore today, no bite marks tho, but there will probably be a bruise later.

 

Then, he started talking about how "god" was telling him to do harm to whomever because he was a soldier and he was trained to kill because that was his nature...and how I was just dating him for his money...how I really didn't love him and how he cares for me so much that he doesn't want to hurt me...and how I care for him too much....how I never pay attention and that I should know every person's names that is protecting me...here and abroad.

 

Then he started bawling about his ex-wifes daughter and how he can't help protect her from her mother (from what he says, the girl's mother is psycho and her mother is in the process of getting her committed).

 

Shortly afterwards, he screamed at me to get the hell away from him and he didn't want me to hold him, didn't want me to touch him, I was evil, I was out to hurt him...he wants me to be close, he wants me to follow him, but he's not sure if he wants me. He then grabbed my shoulders and turned me away from him and told me to "GO THE F*CK HOME!"

 

After that, I looked at him and said "fine" and got into the car. I waited for him to leave, being the stupid caring/loving individual that I am, I wanted to make sure he got home okay. He was so drunk he couldn't find his car!

 

Finally after he found his car, it took him like 10 minutes to get it started and to leave, where he drove around the parking lot like 5 times before he found the exit. Then he pulled into another exit and stopped his car...I knew he had spotted mine, so I pretended to leave, only to park by another building. He then left...headed to his favorite bar.

 

I decided right then and there I was just going home...maybe I'd drive by later, to make sure he got home okay.

 

As I was driving home, he called my cell. Apologized for insulting me and he hoped he didn't hurt me. I told him I loved him and I didn't get an I love you back...I got the "I care for you an awful lot." Then he went on to say that he was on his way home (he was at the bar!) and that he wanted to talk to me tomorrow (today).

 

I went home for a bit...but I was really worked up and the only way to calm myself down like that is to drive...so I went for a drive. On the way home, around 11:30ish

 

Then today (we work in the same facility)...I was walking by his office on the way to mine. As I was walking by, he came out. He smiled at me and I just rolled and deverted my eyes and started walking faster. I'm not sure if we're broken up or what. As I continued walking, I heard him tell one of the guys he works with that he's not sure what to do...and the guy basically said, talk to her.

 

Shortly later, I received the following email:

 

Good morning,

 

you didn't deserve any of the evil **** that I'm sure I dished out last night. I suppose I've got issues that I'm having lots of trouble with. This time of year makes me very sad and when I get sad, I get mad and it's this terrible snow ball effect. I'm sorry you had to be the object of my rage last night I hope I didn't hurt you too bad. If you wish to kick me I'm sure I deserve it.

 

I'm not sure how to respond...I'm not sure if we're still dating after the way he treated me last night.

 

I'm tired of talking to him about s**t like this...but I love him so much. And being the typical daughter of an alcoholic, I've learned the unhealthy aspect of co-dependency...

 

I don't know what to do...does the letter above sound like he's going to breakup with me (I would like to know as I have boughten him over 100 worth of xmas presents that I could return).....I just don't know.

 

If anybody has any advice, words of encouragement...anything, share. I'm feeling very let down and alone.

 

thanks!

~justa~

[moimeme]

Asked and answered. See your other thread!

[quankanne]

I think that was your cue to leave the relationship. Codependent tendecies or no, if you can recognize this AND see that it's unhealthy behavior, it's time to call it off. Encourage him to seek professional help, but don't encourage anything more past friendship. It's one thing to love someone and want the best for them, a whole other thing to "love" someone so much that you're willing to be destroyed in the process.