disappointed in all these MM.

[BeautifullyBroken00]

When I got into this relationship w/ my MM, I was so naive. I eventually wanted to get married and have all that goes along with it (not to my MM, our relationship was never meant to go as deep as it did), but now...don't want anything to do with marriage. I don't want to ever put myself in a position to be hurt like that and to have my H stay because of some vow. No thank you.

[jennie-jennie]

When I got into this relationship w/ my MM, I was so naive. I eventually wanted to get married and have all that goes along with it (not to my MM, our relationship was never meant to go as deep as it did), but now...don't want anything to do with marriage. I don't want to ever put myself in a position to be hurt like that and to have my H stay because of some vow. No thank you.

 

I totally agree. And so does my MM. He will never lock himself in like that again.

[Darth Vader]

theres no need for a post like that. its laughable.

 

i do think that the fact that H & I have separated plays a role...but these men have no idea why. its not out there.

 

and if my H wanted to sample the goods as you say. well i guess i really cannot say much about it. i would hope it wouldnt happen, especially now know the hurt that something like this causes, but i couldnt say much.

 

and youre right in what you say, but i dont really think your post was intended to be helpful in anyway.

 

ive read your posts before when you vividly put sexual images out there for a betrayed spouse, just like youre trying to do here. IMHO something like that only comes from a truly troubled individual.

 

 

IMHO something like that only comes from a truly troubled individual.

 

The same thing can be said about your cheating on your husband!

 

Nice try to spin, but your attempts to shift anything being wrong with me doesn't work!

 

But, as far as the sexual images go, yes, your husband is having them, like I said, but you are the one who put them there, sooo, that would mean that you are a truly troubled individual!

 

It takes one to know one!

 

Anyway, the info of the affair may not be out there, yet, but like I said, people talk.

 

But from the way you responded to my post tells me, you're not sorry for what you did, perhaps you're sorry because you got caught. There's a huge difference.

Edited January 5, 2010 by Darth Vader

[Darth Vader]

Darth Vader i think what u said is true but u were a little too harsh on her . I dont think everyone around her knows all her personal details to such an extent

In fact If she is attractive many guys will try to be more than a friend anyways , no matter they know anything about her affair or not .

 

take care

 

 

True, I agree, it is harsh. Is it more harsh than what he's being forced to face? He didn't ask for this. I think she has no clue what her hubby's going through right now. She may think she has an idea, but she doesn't.

 

FYI, he's going to hit an anger stage soon that when he hits it, she won't want to be near him! If he hasn't hit it already, not enough info to make that determination. It may be good that they did separate.

 

Sure guys are gonna hit on women all the time, but someone who steps out like that tells men that they're available, whether married or not, of course it depends on whether or not those "close" people stay quiet, word travels fast!

 

That's all I have to say........

Edited January 5, 2010 by Darth Vader

[White Flower]

True, I agree, it is harsh. Is it more harsh than what he's being forced to face? He didn't ask for this. I think she has no clue what her hubby's going through right now. She may think she has an idea, but she doesn't.

 

FYI, he's going to hit an anger stage soon that when he hits it, she won't want to be near him! If he hasn't hit it already, not enough info to make that determination. It may be good that they did separate.

 

Sure guys are gonna hit on women all the time, but someone who steps out like that tells men that they're available, whether married or not, of course it depends on whether or not those "close" people stay quiet, word travels fast!

 

That's all I have to say........

I'm very concerned about blanket statements like the one I bolded. Do you also feel that if a woman sleeps with her boyfriend that means she is available to sleep with all men? If a highshcool girl is found groping her boyfriend, does that make her available to all the boys in her school?

 

Because OW are only available to the AP they have chosen to be available to.

[Darth Vader]

I'm very concerned about blanket statements like the one I bolded. Do you also feel that if a woman sleeps with her boyfriend that means she is available to sleep with all men? If a highshcool girl is found groping her boyfriend, does that make her available to all the boys in her school?

 

Because OW are only available to the AP they have chosen to be available to.

 

 

I was referring to her being married, and giving that indication.

[wheelwright]

Hi MBEG

 

Glad you are feeling more positive about yourself at the moment.

 

I was hit on big time by a couple of MM after my A became public. One guy just couldn't believe that I wasn't up for it. I told him to think about his M, to forget it. That I thought he was a player. He couldn't quite get the point and said 'But you had an A'!!! as if that meant I was up for EMS with anyone.

 

It seemed to give him some kind of green light. Ugh.

 

The other used my vulnerability to get close and then try it on.

 

I have no respect for either of them.

 

I guess your A is not so public, but the separation obviously makes some people think 'maybe...'

 

Real friends would not do this to you IMHO.

 

And I do think it is possible for those real friends to exist male-female (or in the gay equivalents). Even if attraction is there.

 

I think in the vulnerable state we end up in in the fall out after an A, our signals are not as clear as at other times (my case anyway). The people we need to surround ourselves are those that help bring us back to clarity, not those who confuse things more.

 

Hope the NY brings you good things.

[gopher]

I'm very concerned about blanket statements like the one I bolded. Do you also feel that if a woman sleeps with her boyfriend that means she is available to sleep with all men? If a highshcool girl is found groping her boyfriend, does that make her available to all the boys in her school?

 

Because OW are only available to the AP they have chosen to be available to.

 

People give off auras. Have you ever seen a guy, and just knew he was great in bed? Or seen a woman, and could tell that she couldn't be trusted, or that you and she could be good friends?

[NoIDidn't]

People give off auras. Have you ever seen a guy, and just knew he was great in bed? Or seen a woman, and could tell that she couldn't be trusted, or that you and she could be good friends?

 

Yeah, I have seen that guy and just KNEW that he was going to be great in bed. HA! It was over before I finished putting the condom on him. And he tried to play it off like I was just THAT good. Whatever.

 

I agree with WhiteFlower. The logic that is being used against MBEG is not sound. Guys that do what her previously respected friends are doing, would do it to EVERYONE that they think would fall for it.

 

My GF found out her H had fathered a child with another church member. A guy we've all known since undergrad told her he was available to help her get even with her H. You know what was so disgusting about his offer was that he knew about the affair, and ALL of the other ones her H has had, but never said a word until that moment. When it could have possibly benefitted him.

 

I stand by the fact that I don't think that all men, or all MM, are pigs. But there are some out there that hide it only until they think you aren't in any position to take the high ground. They are parasites, the worst kind of opportunists. This has nothing to do with *knowing* something about a person. It has everything to do with trying to use what you think you know against them. Not cool.

[Passion4Life]

Yeah, I have seen that guy and just KNEW that he was going to be great in bed. HA! It was over before I finished putting the condom on him. And he tried to play it off like I was just THAT good. Whatever.

 

I agree with WhiteFlower. The logic that is being used against MBEG is not sound. Guys that do what her previously respected friends are doing, would do it to EVERYONE that they think would fall for it.

 

My GF found out her H had fathered a child with another church member. A guy we've all known since undergrad told her he was available to help her get even with her H. You know what was so disgusting about his offer was that he knew about the affair, and ALL of the other ones her H has had, but never said a word until that moment. When it could have possibly benefitted him.

 

I stand by the fact that I don't think that all men, or all MM, are pigs. But there are some out there that hide it only until they think you aren't in any position to take the high ground. They are parasites, the worst kind of opportunists. This has nothing to do with *knowing* something about a person. It has everything to do with trying to use what you think you know against them. Not cool.

 

I completely agree , good guys are the ones who can hide it

[White Flower]

I was referring to her being married, and giving that indication.

I still don't think that just because she was M and having sex with a MM says that she wants to have sex ('looks available') to all other MM.

[Woggle]

If MM let you down then stop dating them.

[jwi71]

What I find AMAZING is all these poor MM's married to...

1) fat, disheveled and "let herself go"

2) unloving

3) emotionally distant

4) sexless

5) unsupportive

6) money grubbing

7) prolly cheating on him anyways

8) abusive

9) whose only in it for the kids

10) loveless

...women out there.

 

Dear God where do you posters live?

So I NEVER date the hot, young sexy beast of a woman who ALWAYS become one or more of the above. Seriously...its FALSE ADVERTISING ladies.

 

You are hot and young with perfect curves and then what...you become one or more of the above. And, because I'm a GOOD and HONORABLE man of integrity...I can't possibly file for divorce.

 

Please...tell me where you live so I DON'T date one of those women. Can you help a man out?

[OWoman]

What I find AMAZING is all these poor MM's married to...

1) fat, disheveled and "let herself go"

2) unloving

3) emotionally distant

4) sexless

5) unsupportive

6) money grubbing

7) prolly cheating on him anyways

8) abusive

9) whose only in it for the kids

10) loveless

...women out there.

 

Dear God where do you posters live?

So I NEVER date the hot, young sexy beast of a woman who ALWAYS become one or more of the above. Seriously...its FALSE ADVERTISING ladies.

 

You are hot and young with perfect curves and then what...you become one or more of the above. And, because I'm a GOOD and HONORABLE man of integrity...I can't possibly file for divorce.

 

Please...tell me where you live so I DON'T date one of those women. Can you help a man out?

 

JWI,

 

You don't know ANY women that became like that, over time? Count your blessings!

 

I've been M before, and didn't become any of those - but I became other things that were perhaps equally distasteful to other people. Who knows what I will become in this M? Or what my H will become... and how we'll react to each other's changes.

 

People do change over time. That's not a bad thing. The problem is when people change out of synch not only with each other, but with each other's expectations, and do not have the adaptation skills - or the desire - to overcome that.

 

It's perfectly possible for a woman to change into what you've described, and a man to be OK with it. My H was OK with it for decades, before he D'd his xW. She had a BF since, so he was clearly OK with it too, however briefly. But typically people pair up with people who are equally attractive - so a real dog is likely to land up with a real dawg, and a hottie will soon tire of a gruck and find a hottie... because they can.

[OWoman]

Yeah, I have seen that guy and just KNEW that he was going to be great in bed. HA! It was over before I finished putting the condom on him. And he tried to play it off like I was just THAT good. Whatever.

 

I agree with WhiteFlower. The logic that is being used against MBEG is not sound. Guys that do what her previously respected friends are doing, would do it to EVERYONE that they think would fall for it.

 

My GF found out her H had fathered a child with another church member. A guy we've all known since undergrad told her he was available to help her get even with her H. You know what was so disgusting about his offer was that he knew about the affair, and ALL of the other ones her H has had, but never said a word until that moment. When it could have possibly benefitted him.

 

I stand by the fact that I don't think that all men, or all MM, are pigs. But there are some out there that hide it only until they think you aren't in any position to take the high ground. They are parasites, the worst kind of opportunists. This has nothing to do with *knowing* something about a person. It has everything to do with trying to use what you think you know against them. Not cool.

 

Agreed.

[Untouchable_Fire]

so my H and I are currently living apart. its so we can have time to work thtough this and figure it out.

some people close to us have gotten word of this. i am now on my 3rd, yes 3rd MM since my A to come on to me. I'm not interested at all. in fact im very disappointed that these men who i used to consider my friends have now made it known that more than just friends is an option.

this is ridiculous. i have little respect for ALL MM at this point. anyone else faced a similar situation?

im saddened because at this time where things are so difficult i would love to reach out to a friend to talk to...but why do all of the males seem to want more? cant a guy just be friends with a girl without trying to get into her pants?

 

How can you have been in the world this long and not understood that? You need to take some time and really put some thought into male sexuality.

 

For most of us men, sex is not just sex. The emotional component we bring into it is fairly different from what women experience.

 

On a side note... Do you think your H hit on other women behind your back?

[atlnay]

For most of us men, sex is not just sex. The emotional component we bring into it is fairly different from what women experience.

 

can u elaborate on that?

 

If sex is not just sex for men, what is it?

 

What emotional component do men bring?

 

(i'd PM u, but don't have privileges yet)

[mybrowneyedgirl]

my problem is that i have these men as "friends" and then they seem to want to take it to the next level. they know im separated, dont know about the A. it makes me feel sad and useless. like theyre only my friends because they want some.

 

i actually talked to xmm about this. yes, i know, we're starting to talk more. he said "well its something you give off, have as long as i've known you." WHAT? how is this my fault? i dont mean to give off ANYTHING. and if i was trying to do that, then i would have had countless affairs over my 10 year marriage....not just one.

 

and, might I add i have never acted on any of this. is he blaming me??? i dont mean to be any certain way towards any men. UGH. makes me feel even worse about myself.

[Untouchable_Fire]

can u elaborate on that?

If sex is not just sex for men, what is it?

What emotional component do men bring?

(i'd PM u, but don't have privileges yet)

 

As a guy it's hard to explain, but here it goes.

 

There is a large component of male sexuality that is about power, dominance, and control. Some guys feel this much stronger than others.

 

Do you think rapists are just horny guys? No. They do what they do to feel dominant and powerful. Just listen to how guys talk to each other about sex.

 

I had a friend who was sleeping with the wife of a marine. What turned him on the absolute most, was doing it on a sofa that her husband had paid for. It made him feel dominant.

 

Do you get it?

[Untouchable_Fire]

my problem is that i have these men as "friends" and then they seem to want to take it to the next level. they know im separated, dont know about the A. it makes me feel sad and useless. like theyre only my friends because they want some.

i actually talked to xmm about this. yes, i know, we're starting to talk more. he said "well its something you give off, have as long as i've known you." WHAT? how is this my fault? i dont mean to give off ANYTHING. and if i was trying to do that, then i would have had countless affairs over my 10 year marriage....not just one.

and, might I add i have never acted on any of this. is he blaming me??? i dont mean to be any certain way towards any men. UGH. makes me feel even worse about myself.

 

How do you treat your male friends? Do you flirt with them?

[Trimmer]

im saddened because at this time where things are so difficult i would love to reach out to a friend to talk to...but why do all of the males seem to want more? cant a guy just be friends with a girl without trying to get into her pants?

Here's my question: why not a woman? Where are your woman friends? That's what they're there for.

 

i feel jaded. not about all men. but im starting to think that men really are only friends with women for just one reason.

Well, it may not be "only" and "all", but I've got to be honest with you, it's going to be a pretty common thing, and if that disappoints you, then I think (and I mean this gently, because I'm this way too...) that you're a little naive.

 

my problem is that i have these men as "friends" and then they seem to want to take it to the next level. they know im separated, dont know about the A. it makes me feel sad and useless. like theyre only my friends because they want some.

Again, I'm not claiming all men are that way, and I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I guess I don't find it all that surprising...

 

i actually talked to xmm about this. yes, i know, we're starting to talk more. he said "well its something you give off, have as long as i've known you."

So here's my question... You are going through a tough time in your life, and all you keep talking about is talking to men for emotional support, even talking to your xMM while you and your husband are separated... Does that ring any bells for you? I keep harping on the "where are your women friends" question because I'm wondering if that's part of the vibe you're "giving off..." Emotionally open to men, not so much to women. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, and I'm not even sure I know what it means, but it's just a feeling I get from your comments...

 

How do you treat your male friends? Do you flirt with them?

And a follow up to that: how do you treat your women friends? Do you trust them and rely on them in these difficult times?

[pureinheart]

my problem is that i have these men as "friends" and then they seem to want to take it to the next level. they know im separated, dont know about the A. it makes me feel sad and useless. like theyre only my friends because they want some.

 

i actually talked to xmm about this. yes, i know, we're starting to talk more. he said "well its something you give off, have as long as i've known you." WHAT? how is this my fault? i dont mean to give off ANYTHING. and if i was trying to do that, then i would have had countless affairs over my 10 year marriage....not just one.

 

and, might I add i have never acted on any of this. is he blaming me??? i dont mean to be any certain way towards any men. UGH. makes me feel even worse about myself.

 

You know what MBEG, what these cheap opportunists put you through is disgraceful. It makes no difference whether they knewe about the A or not, they had no right to hit on you....PERIOD!!!!!

 

When I was having an EA with MM, most of the people at work picked up on it....I got hit on all of the time anyway, although it got much worse after MM and ACTUALLY that is what caused us to stick together more. The other guys, (some M some not) became very jealous and hit on me worse and when I did not comply they became extremely verbally abusive....it was very bad and I DID NOT DESERVE THAT.

 

Nobody has a right to get up in my space and disrespect me for WHATEVER reason they think they have or don't have.....DO NOT PUT UP WITH IT.....

[pureinheart]

Oh and for the record (reply # 47)..."saying" that a woman "gives off something" is a crock of sh**....it's an excuse to disrespect or make unwanted advances against another person....I think it is called an excuse for rape....ask any therapist.....

[pureinheart]

Trimmer....I know what you are getting at....why should it matter the gender that she chooses to talk to. Sometimes daughters can be more open and get better answers from their fathers....so should this not be due to gender....could the daughter be subconsciencely coming on to her father....NOT....

 

Some women do not get along well with women....my sons GF communicated this problem and she is not a sleeze....very pretty though....some women hate other attractive women because they fear them.

 

I don't care now, but I would not go to church for a long time because everytime I walked down the isle I could see the W's and GF's grabbing their men and giving me dirty looks....I didn't want their freaking men! Also I had never met any of these people, in fact did not know ANYONE in the church....give me a break.

 

I could totally relate to my sons GF....we grew up as tom boys and get along better with guys....SO WHAT....most guys don't gossip, they cut to the chase, there is no competition....so much easier. So does this me we are sending off some aura that we want to screw them ....nope....

 

Most women that I have encountered start this "competition" crap....I hate competition....I'm a sixties baby and really too spaced out for that...lol.....

[Untouchable_Fire]

I could totally relate to my sons GF....we grew up as tom boys and get along better with guys....SO WHAT....most guys don't gossip, they cut to the chase, there is no competition....so much easier. So does this me we are sending off some aura that we want to screw them ....nope....

Most women that I have encountered start this "competition" crap....I hate competition....I'm a sixties baby and really too spaced out for that...lol.....

 

If your a woman and you don't know how to get along with other women... I think there is a deeper issue.

 

I'm sorry, but as has already been stated in this thread, men are not typically friends with women for altruistic reasons.