Heartbrokenandinlove Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Lostboy! im totally with you - some people my view the way im dealing with things as silly but everyone deals with things differently. Even though I have been angry at my ex I havn't got it inside me to just forget about things. My friends have said things like "she broke up with you, you shouldnt be so nice to her" or "shes messing you around just forget about her" but I know what shes going through in her own head and when shes a mess like this I will put my feelings aside to support her, I know this makes me sound like a mug but I WILL tell her kindly when I think she's out of order. If it was me - I would text her and give her times when she can come to the house, that way you still seem to have some control. I wouldn't give in completely and just say "come round whenever is best for you" because you are NOT a doormat, but at the same time I would try and work with her...and I would challenge her about lying - but again not in a nasty way. Its just advice and again you have to do what you think is best for you and her. It is so difficult trying to support someone who is emotionally a mess and is treating you wrong but sometimes you got to do it. Like you said - if anything you will feel like your the better person - someone will come out of this break up better - hopefully it will be you!! Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Man I'm losing track of you, opening a new thread for every day. Anyone would think you are wanting attention!!! You both need your heads bashed together Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Lostboy! im totally with you - some people my view the way im dealing with things as silly but everyone deals with things differently. Even though I have been angry at my ex I havn't got it inside me to just forget about things. My friends have said things like "she broke up with you, you shouldnt be so nice to her" or "shes messing you around just forget about her" but I know what shes going through in her own head and when shes a mess like this I will put my feelings aside to support her, I know this makes me sound like a mug but I WILL tell her kindly when I think she's out of order. If it was me - I would text her and give her times when she can come to the house, that way you still seem to have some control. I wouldn't give in completely and just say "come round whenever is best for you" because you are NOT a doormat, but at the same time I would try and work with her...and I would challenge her about lying - but again not in a nasty way. Its just advice and again you have to do what you think is best for you and her. It is so difficult trying to support someone who is emotionally a mess and is treating you wrong but sometimes you got to do it. Like you said - if anything you will feel like your the better person - someone will come out of this break up better - hopefully it will be you!! Good luck!! Heartbroken, thank you my friend, you've really helped me today. You are right of course, the worst bit is worrying about making the wrong decision that will affect chances of getting them back because lets be honest....although you know you need to get yourself right and inside you you know somehow you will, the only thoughts in your mind whether you like it or not are getting them back. If I thought there was absolutley no chance and she simply didn't love me,etc, etc I would have been NC and her things would have been in the garden after all that I've been through!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Man I'm losing track of you, opening a new thread for every day. Anyone would think you are wanting attention!!! You both need your heads bashed together LOL Sorry, my head is such a mush I can't remember where I am or where I've been. Thanks again for yesterday, if I ever get to see her I'll be sure to try that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Heartbrokenandinlove Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Keep your head up lostboy - i'll check back tomorrow see how your getting on!! You're not the only going through this!! stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 How are things going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 How are things going? Hey Heaven, thanks so much for asking. She didn't come Sunday, texted to say full of cold and could she come Monday after work. I ignored her all day then texted at night to say Monday might not be good maybe wed/thurs. Anyway i texted yesterday to say Monday (last night) was fine but she still had a cold and said she wouldn't be able to breathe if she cried. I got like a wave of 'i just can't be bothered with messing and worrying and planning' come over me so I sent back 'maybe we could tell jokes instead of talking and she could sniff the basil plant to clear her nose' ! No reply since !!! Knowing my story it almost feels like she's taking the actions of the DUMPEE rather than the dumper and doing NC. Weird!!! Anyway. Last night I sat down having only cried in the morning and wrote absolutely everything down. Evrything we had together, everything we said and promised recently, the feelings, everything. And I'm still convinced that I've been right about all this, it hurts like hell that she seems to be trying to get me out her system (other than taking my tshirt and coming home in tears) but for some strange reason I'm feeling a bit better!? Am I normal? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Yes you're normal! Glad you're feeling a bit better, just bear in mind this grief heartbreak thing comes and goes in waves, not a straight line, but having down phases doesn't mean you're back at square one Keep us posted... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 She is coming round tonight!!! I haven't been in contact other than to organise when she was coming round (to talk about the house n stuff). I still have noooo idea and if I'm honest, too tired to think about what I'm going to say or do. Definitely feeling weaker today than the last few though! I don't think she is planning to talk about what happened and the million unanswered questions I have, just the house stuff, nice! She really does seem like she's trying to ignore it all (guilt?). I know she's always struggled to talk about emotions a great deal but come on!!! You can't ignore you left your partner of 3.5 years for the 3-4th time in 4 months after promising all would be ok and after he's been left alone at Xmas......surely!!! Anyway, wish me luck, I have a feeling there'll be a big long post from me later!!!! Lostboyuk Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Good luck for later! I think partners say things sometimes and do mean them but I think they sometimes say them cos they want it to be true, ie my partner said he would never leave me again after leaving me twice years ago, he said this again last year, then a few weeks later he said he wasn't sure how he felt about me and might have to leave. WTF?! I'm not sure how to believe anything a partner says if I ever have another partner! I wasn't insecure for all those 18 years, but I bloody well am now!!!! Anyway, hope you get on ok, let us know. I'm preparing for another crushing at the weekend, he's probably staying in my spare room overnight as he's in the process of moving from one flat to another. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 Jeese!!! You one tough cookie!!! Staying in the spare room?! Agree, trouble is with my GF it's like she's trying to persuade herself she doesn't feel that way although I definitely felt she did a couple months ago. This is all way too weird for my little brain. Thanks HoH, Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 I'm not tough, I predict lots of tears when he's gone. I think the word idiot is more apt! What time is she coming around, or supposed to be? Jeese!!! You one tough cookie!!! Staying in the spare room?! Agree, trouble is with my GF it's like she's trying to persuade herself she doesn't feel that way although I definitely felt she did a couple months ago. This is all way too weird for my little brain. Thanks HoH, Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 The love of my life, the beautiful unique person that found my grace, who I've loved like crazy and who loved me the same way back, has gone. The End Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Sorry lostboy. Seems so final. What happened? Or do you mean the visit is over and she walked off with another one of your t-shirts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 She loves me, we got the flame back a few weeks ago, we had something truly special but it's not enough because she can't deal with me having children and I always will. We laughed and cried, held each other, little kiss and she left me. Very very empty lostboy. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 your lovely lost boy. I am so sorry. we all feel your pain we really do. Talk and get it out. all my heartfelt love nob xx Link to post Share on other sites
Heartbrokenandinlove Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 I too have had the "thats it - gone" feeling today - surround yourself with people who love you - your friends, family - and let it all out!!! Stay strong lostboy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 Where's that bottle of JD?!!! Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 its here darling..............horrible occasion. Jd is a good mate. seen alot of people through the first night of..................lost. Ice darling?? nob xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 (((((hugs))))) lostboy, we are all here for you. I think I'm due to get crushed again at the weekend Why do I do it to myself. Well maybe this time the last drop of hope will be squeezed out of me, maybe that's what I need. S*** We will get through this Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 You guys are all amazing! I'm like I don't know what I like actually! I'm completely empty, I've never felt like this before in my life. Seriously don't know what to do with these emotions at all. No JD really, too risky!!! Her loss! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Her loss! WOW you are so amazing! To be able to recognize that now - you were absolutel right, you knew what you needed to do (as you now I was doubtful) - I only wish I could give you a huge hug, and then coax your XW to let you have the kids today - and then just go have fun. You need fun - when you have the kids again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Thanks curious. I've told EW I can't have kids for few days. My eldest has exams next week so want to keep quiet for now. Such a shame all this is. Damn relationships! Thatll teach me won't it? Just woke up - what a mess i look! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Stop whinging and give me a hundred push ups!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostboyuk Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 She's unbelievable! Following last night's fun!!! Got an email today saying that although I'd said I'd sort everything with the house did I want any help with anything such as phoning our landlady about the house. My thoughts were obviously she wants to move informing landlady ASAP as she won't have to pay any of the rent (joint contract). Well I just ignored the email and deleted it! Had a good afternoon actually, possibly found a new house to rent just round the corner, similar to this but loads cheaper through a friend!!! Then, just got home from work and I'd given GF a couple of CDs id made for her over Xmas with 'our songs' on (I know it's cheesy but I did make it before we split). Anyway, she just texted me and said thanks for the CDs with a kiss on the end!!! (she stopped with the kisses last week). So she's obviously put them on in the car to listen. Why is she texting me?! She has moved on, said she doesn't feel the same and can't be with me because I have kids. Well moooove on then! She did a great job of not contacting me all last week and didn't bother letting me know she was home safe last night (bad weather). Knowing how she is emotionally in that she constantly worries what people think of her, I feel she's trying to calm her own guilt! IDK I feel absolutely fine right now (I know I'm not really) and actually the thought of being in contact with her doesn't bother me. Of course I've wondered if what I said last night may actually have made a difference. Do I ignore her? Not bothered either way? Link to post Share on other sites
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