LDR trouble

[XKatieX]

So been in a LDR for 3 years now. And I will say it has been a VERY rocky road.

 

The first couple years things seemed better, we still fought somewhat but better than things are now. We saw each other as much possible, mostly on the weekends whenever we were free.

 

Now everything just seems to be going downhill, he recently got a new full time job and I have not seen him in 3 months, and at this point I don't know if I ever will get to see him.

 

We seem to fight more over things, and generally I think things have just gotten old and tiring being apart. It seems to fading a lot more as well, the feeling has sorta lost its touch. I know if I could be with him again, that feeling would rush back to the both of us.

 

With this new job not only do I not get to see him I don't get to talk to him much either.

 

I know that he cares about me, but I know he hasn't been really trying as much. I do still care about him, and am willing to wait as long as it takes, at the same time I ask myself what am I holding on to, someone who isn't really "there" anymore, and doesn't show me they care anymore?

 

I guess I'm just looking for advice and maybe anyone who has been in a similar situation, I'm just stuck on this.

Edited January 2, 2010 by XKatieX

[Rollercoasterr]

I left Mathew on November 15th. We wont see each other again until at least June 1st. That's almost 7 months. It sucks, I know.

 

But although it may feel like you'll never get to see him again, you have to believe and have faith in the fact that you WILL see him again. Some days are going to be harder than others and some days are going to feel like you're walking on air. But regardless of all that as long as you go to bed each and every night and the last thought in your head is of him and how much you love him, everything is going to be just fine.

 

And maybe you should talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling and that he's not paying as much attention to you as he used to. Keep in mind that with a new full-time job he's obviously not going to have as much time to spend with you as before, but all time spent should be QUALITY time spent.

[Mary3]

When you are seperated by distance , sometimes people change...ever so slightly And if too long of a time goes by , too much changing can occur . To the point where you both have changed so much over a period of time that one of you might have different needs.

 

That is usually one of the pitfalls of an LDR.

 

The best therapy is to SEE eachother as often as its possible to do. So one of the persons does not change to the point that they don't need you in their life the way they used to.

 

I think LDR's are hard on everyone. Anyone that says its easy is not being truthful.

[XKatieX]

I left Mathew on November 15th. We wont see each other again until at least June 1st. That's almost 7 months. It sucks, I know.

 

But although it may feel like you'll never get to see him again, you have to believe and have faith in the fact that you WILL see him again. Some days are going to be harder than others and some days are going to feel like you're walking on air. But regardless of all that as long as you go to bed each and every night and the last thought in your head is of him and how much you love him, everything is going to be just fine.

 

And maybe you should talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling and that he's not paying as much attention to you as he used to. Keep in mind that with a new full-time job he's obviously not going to have as much time to spend with you as before, but all time spent should be QUALITY time spent.

 

 

Thank you. My SOs name is also Matthew! I tried to talk with him earlier, although not really in the best way. I will try and talk with him again maybe and think about what I want to say.

 

When you are seperated by distance , sometimes people change...ever so slightly And if too long of a time goes by , too much changing can occur . To the point where you both have changed so much over a period of time that one of you might have different needs.

 

That is usually one of the pitfalls of an LDR.

 

The best therapy is to SEE eachother as often as its possible to do. So one of the persons does not change to the point that they don't need you in their life the way they used to.

 

I think LDR's are hard on everyone. Anyone that says its easy is not being truthful.

 

Thanks Mary. I think that is where we are at right now, and I think at this point the only cure to the sickness is to see each other. Things have changed quite a bit, and being apart for long periods of time just won't cut it anymore. I don't see any other way to make it work really.

 

The chances of seeing him are little to none right now, he works 8 hours everyday, very rarely with a day off and usually is tired on that one day off, which is understandable. But still so hard and is where I'm stuck.

 

I don't want to pressure him at all, but I don't want us to lose each other either. I hate sounding so selfish ya know?

 

We live a hour and a half away from each other, which is not that bad considering we met online, and I know it could be much worse.

[Miad's Princess]

Thank you. My SOs name is also Matthew! I tried to talk with him earlier, although not really in the best way. I will try and talk with him again maybe and think about what I want to say.

 

 

 

Thanks Mary. I think that is where we are at right now, and I think at this point the only cure to the sickness is to see each other. Things have changed quite a bit, and being apart for long periods of time just won't cut it anymore. I don't see any other way to make it work really.

 

The chances of seeing him are little to none right now, he works 8 hours everyday, very rarely with a day off and usually is tired on that one day off, which is understandable. But still so hard and is where I'm stuck.

 

I don't want to pressure him at all, but I don't want us to lose each other either. I hate sounding so selfish ya know?

 

We live a hour and a half away from each other, which is not that bad considering we met online, and I know it could be much worse.

 

You are NOT selfish....Couldn't you take the train to him on his day off, since you are just an hour and a half away?

He has to realise that to keep a ldr healthy, compromises must be made.

 

You also say 3 years you have been together, is there an end in sight of when the distance will end for good?

[Romance]

Talking to him about how you feel will help so much. I mean, he could be feeling almost the same way, since you're in the same relationship. Talking to my boyfriend about things in our ldr helps soo much, especially if he says hes feeling upset about the same thing.

[XKatieX]

You are NOT selfish....Couldn't you take the train to him on his day off, since you are just an hour and a half away?

He has to realise that to keep a ldr healthy, compromises must be made.

 

You also say 3 years you have been together, is there an end in sight of when the distance will end for good?

 

 

Basically we're both waiting until I can be with him everyday and that's when I'm of the legal age, which is in September of 2011. Now of course it won't happen the day I am of legal age, we both still live with our parents so we would have to figure out where we want to go etc..but at least we will be free to do what we want.

Edited January 4, 2010 by XKatieX

[Miad's Princess]

Basically we're both waiting until I can be with him everyday and that's when I'm of the legal age, which is in September of 2011. Now of course it won't happen the day I am of legal age, we both still live with our parents so we would have to figure out where we want to go etc..but at least we will be free to do what we want.

 

I completely understand that you want to wait till your at legal age to end the distance. It is good that you are mature about it. Yet I still don't understand why you couldn't just jump on the train to visit him even for one day, if he is as close in distance as you say? I take from your post you have met each other already so, what's the problem honni .

[XKatieX]

underage, tsk tsk. And you met him thee years ago, so you were 13/14? you've spent all of your teenage years with someone you hardly ever see!

 

It may be hard for anyone on here to understand.

 

But I'm sure you can understand if you really love someone you will do anything it takes.

 

Theres so many things in my relationship that make things difficult, but thats why we are both waiting because we know it will be worth the wait. Nothing easy is worthwhile, and you have to work at everything in life to get to the point where you want to be.

[Miad's Princess]

It may be hard for anyone on here to understand.

 

I understand, just don't understand why you don't go to him, since you originally said not seeing each other in real life is making things tough for you guys.

[Els]

It may be hard for anyone on here to understand.

 

But I'm sure you can understand if you really love someone you will do anything it takes.

 

Theres so many things in my relationship that make things difficult, but thats why we are both waiting because we know it will be worth the wait. Nothing easy is worthwhile, and you have to work at everything in life to get to the point where you want to be.

 

Honey,

 

I understand as well. It takes great maturity and strength to be in a committed relationship with someone whom you don't get to see everyday - and the fact that you could do it when you're so young shows great perseverence and a strong character. There are people who live out their entire lives never being able to do such a thing for love - and I admire you for being able to.

 

I agree with MP that you should hop on a train or bus and go visit him though since it's only 1.5 hrs away (only!!!) - is there anything preventing you from doing it? Is it dangerous, or don't you have the money?

[XKatieX]

Honey,

 

I understand as well. It takes great maturity and strength to be in a committed relationship with someone whom you don't get to see everyday - and the fact that you could do it when you're so young shows great perseverence and a strong character. There are people who live out their entire lives never being able to do such a thing for love - and I admire you for being able to.

 

I agree with MP that you should hop on a train or bus and go visit him though since it's only 1.5 hrs away (only!!!) - is there anything preventing you from doing it? Is it dangerous, or don't you have the money?

 

Not necessarily the money, but I do worry about the dangerous part. I actually just looked into it and I'm not even able to find a train or bus that will take me close to his area. He lives in a small town in Pennsylvania (Dillsburg) and the only bus that I'm seeing that will take me there from where I live (Maryland) is in Philadelphia, which is 2 hours or so away from where he is. I'm not really sure how to find out more about it, I'm just doing internet searches, and not really finding anything. He said that there might be one in Harrisburg since that's a main city and its closer, but again I'm not finding a bus here that will take me there. It really sucks

Edited January 5, 2010 by XKatieX

[Els]

You should have him enquire at the nearest bus station. How did he get there from wherever he comes from?

[Rollercoasterr]

Honestly, I didn't read all of the responses, but I have a question that I just have to ask.

 

Katie, how old is HE?

 

You keep talking about the danger and about the circumstances of your LDR. You say that you're underage, but you never said how old he was.

 

Just wondering.