reese30 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 When I was 22 i had a baby out of wedlock. I am married to the fathernow and have been for five years. I always wanted more children. When i finished college about a year later i was ready to have another child it took about a year but i concieved another child and i am delighted to say both my children are healthy and beautiful. My husband is unhappy he recently told me he never really wanted children we went to counseling and he said he would just deal with it. He says he loves our children but i just can't help but feel how much he resents me that i trapped him. We have been having our ups and downs. He stays up until 1 or 2 in the morning drinking and playing on the computer even more so on the weekends. He sleeps until noon sometimes later on the weekends. This has been going on for quite some time. I have made him leave and explained to him the drinking and going out have to stop. Nothing seems to work i feel we have different expectations out of life i really see no reason to stay any longer. I think i can honestly say i am mainly here for my children love for him has gone a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Reese, what you're describing is a marriage between two selfish people. I'm reading a lot of 'I wanted' and 'I was ready' and not 'we'. Marriage is hard enough, even under the guise of togetherness...be it genuine or not. Some time ago, I found a website that talked about 'real' love verses 'imitation' love. Imitation love is when two people meet and like how the other makes them feel. They feel attractive, desired, needed and loved. To get where they want to go, each side will 'give' to receive, but in time each person grows tired of this and the giving begins to slow until it stops. 'Imitation' love is what happens in most affairs. A man or woman will say what the other person wants to hear to get what they want. When the thrill of the booty call lessens, their true feelings are revealed. Imitation. Obviously, true love is quite the opposite; instead of fading with time it grows as each side develops and feeds feelings of care, love and concern. This is why I always tell people here giving is the key to happiness. It is. If you want love Reese, you have to give it. If you want respect, you have to earn it. If it's not too late, put Reese somewhere down there below God, your husband and children, then see how life is after awhile. What you'll discover is you are admired and really loved, because your loving. Don't quit yet...you still love this man and want it to work. Otherwise, why post here? Go to him, lay it all out, apologize and tell him you love him. Then, put the words to bed and start showing your love through actions. Keep us posted- Link to post Share on other sites
Author reese30 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 Yes some selfish motives play a role,and forgive me for being human. It is human nature to give to receive and giving becomes minimal when you recieve no respect and love in return. For example my work is suffering due to the stress of him and pretty much doing things by myself. He tells me that me doing poorly at work is not helping his feelings towards me. He asked me what needs to be done at home and for the 12th time i have told him not yelled but explained that his drinking sleeping half the day and not helping hurts. His reply was "well if it is going to hurt your job performance i guess i will stop" now when i told him this was hurting me how he treated me and the kids breaks my heart was not enough to stop him. Yes i admit i have my selfish tendencies but i will be damned to say that i have not given and given not only to recieve no type of appreciation but to also be told it was not good enough. I am selfish for the fact i want my family to be just that a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 You don't need my forgiveness Reese, you need some understanding and clarity. We don't know why others act the way they do, but I'll repeat myself somewhat and say we should give what we want in return. That Golden Rule applies today just as always. If you're right and he isn't, it's his problem... even if it effects you. I'd suggest MC asap, but until then tell him exactly what you've told us. The message is pretty clear. Good luck, keep us posted- Link to post Share on other sites
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