Do You Delete Them As Facebook Friend After Being Broken Up With?

[adamt]

be strong!

 

i deleted my ex at work. i saw an update to her status and it sent my head in a spin. i thought to myself i just cant let this carry on so i just went and unfriended her. it then hit me that we could really be over and so i had to go to the toilet at work and shed some tears. but a few days later i felt better because i had cut some of that cord. a month later i had to block her too.

 

7 months on i know if i didnt unfriend her i would still be checking her facebook. she is still blocked and always will be.

[SadKitty78]

adamt:

Wow, I really admire you for your strength. It probably must have been so hard, but you did it! And no regrets right? I guess sometimes you just have to sever the cord and just move on!!!! I am going to do it - you along with everyone on this board are giving me such strength!!!! how do you feel 7 months on?

 

everyone: Thank you for all your support and encouragement! Today, I gathered everything he gave me and threw it in a box and tucked it away. I archived all emails and deleted him from my phone and filed away all photos. I think I am on my way to getting over this and even though I haven't eaten in two days, my appetite is coming back, if only about 5% of it! It's a start!

[HLP234]

I'm not even going to look at fb now that they removed me. I think I also have limited acess, only to pictures though. I don't really see anything but to not even say a word and go from a "break" to complete ignorance is just messed up for her to do that.

[SadKitty78]

I'm not even going to look at fb now that they removed me. I think I also have limited acess, only to pictures though. I don't really see anything but to not even say a word and go from a "break" to complete ignorance is just messed up for her to do that.

 

Yes, I have access to just the photos too, and the photos of him and I on vacation and other events have been deleted.

 

As for your situation, sorry to hear. A break means you should check back with each other to determine whether the separation becomes permanent, or you get back together. You don't go on break and than ignore the person! Just seems so cruel and cowardly to me!

[Back2dabasics]

i deleted my ex when she broke up with me for some other guy. i couldn't believe it that she lied to me and betrayed me in the worst way possible. but that's the past now. first thing i did was deleted her, blocked her, and disactivated my FB account. and you have no idea. it feels so good not to be on FB. FB only creates problems and drama. maybe one day i'll go back to it. but if i where you, i would delete your ex because if you don't you only gonna get hurt more and more. trust me it hurts when you have to see your ex and his/her new lover on as a FB profile pic. i've done that before. the day my ex broke up with me. i went on her FB and I saw all of a sudden she was in a relationship with another guy and she took pics with me. but you know what. im glad i did that. im glad i saw all of that. because it only helped me to be stronger and get over her faster.... 4 months later... STILL NO CONTACT!... She tried to reach out to me via email.... i IGNORED it... and im still no contact. good luck

[HLP234]

Yes, I have access to just the photos too, and the photos of him and I on vacation and other events have been deleted.

 

As for your situation, sorry to hear. A break means you should check back with each other to determine whether the separation becomes permanent, or you get back together. You don't go on break and than ignore the person! Just seems so cruel and cowardly to me!

 

Yeh I have my own thread about this on here too. Its cruel and immature. And worst of all, I was getting better, but when I saw this today it just rebooted everything. How can you not even say anything to the other person and just remove them and block all contact, just run away like that. Shows what kind of person she is, and all she's said before is BS about not being the type to go from one guy to the next..exactly what she did, without even letting me know things are done.

[SadKitty78]

Well well well, NPR feed just had an article on this particular subject:

 

http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2010/01/are_you_facebook_stalking_your.html?sc=fb&cc=fp

 

 

In The Age of Social Media, Can You Escape Your Ex?

 

 

3:53 pm

January 5, 2010

 

 

By Shereen Meraji

 

It's a New Year and I am quite certain that many of you have said, "Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya'," to those significant others who weren't -- THE ONE. You're starting fresh; you're blogging about your future goals; you're tweeting your resolutions and updating your Facebook status with things like, "I will never, ever, ever settle!"

Your FB friends and Twitter followers comment on your updates with things like, "you tell 'em, get yours, you're worth so much more, you can do better, best way of getting over the last one is getting under the next one!" And you read those posts and smile through the resentment.

But, then, the loneliness starts creeping up on you, maybe you're bored. You start looking at the Facebook profiles of mutual friends, subconsciously looking for signs of life -- the ex's life. You stumble upon posts they've written, "so great to see you last night," they write on the wall of one of your friends. What does that mean? You're tempted to tweet horrible things about them because you know their friends follow your Twitter feed.

But, you're a grown-up not a middle-school kid, right? Wrong.

Breaking up in the age of social media addiction makes things much more complicated and it seems like the wounds take longer to heal. Pre-social media networking, you could ignore your ex-lover's e-mails and phone calls, you threw their toothbrush in the trash and threw their clothes out of your apartment window on a rainy day.

If your friends bumped into your ex, they wouldn't dare tell you. Now, your friends are virtually bumping into your ex all over the internet and their interactions are right there on the FB news feed for all to see. Let's not get into the Facebook photos, Twitpics and Flickr!

I've got a call in to etiquette expert, Miss Manners, relationship advice guru, Dan Savage and everyone's favorite shrink, Dr. Drew Pinsky for a radio story I'm working on about this on-line conundrum for All Things Considered. (Hopefully, they'll call back.)

Until then, what's YOUR story and how did you keep from being a social media stalker?

Did you block the ex from your g-chat list, de-friend them on Facebook, un-follow their Twitter feed?

How about your Flickr account, did you delete all the photos of the two of you sucking face?

And then there's the mutual friends and family members that are a part of your on-line social network -- what to do about them?

Is it cool to ask your friends to un-friend the ex?

Should you swear off social media sites -- completely -- until you've moved on?

[momentsrewound]

I find this interesting. I had an ex who dumped me and I did not know how to deal with my emotions. I was probably labeled as a psycho ex.

 

However, I deactivated the profile for a while...eventually went on it and deleted all ex pictures and de-friended him. It helped a lot and I finally told myself to move on and meet other guys. It was a lot of fun and helped me determine which guys i liked and didn't.

 

I met one, liked him a lot and tried to work things out --- just to realize after a few weeks that this new guy was not someone I could see myself with in the end. When I broke things off, he at some point de-friended me. I'm not even sure when!! I understood why, but as the dumper, it never really affected me (probably because it was a really short dating period and i wasn't happy).

 

After a long period of NC, the ex entered my life again. Of course, I had moved on in my life and convinced myself that he'd never be back. Unfortunately, my heart still held onto those feelings --- I suppose feelings can be dormant. So we dated again. Without getting into detail, he broke things off a second time (I have a feeling this was more of HIM than me.... issues he needs to work on).

 

We were friends again on FB during the dating ... I decided I would never update my relationship status. It will always be blank with LOOKING FOR friendship. Less frustration when things don't work out with someone.

 

I didn't delete him as a friend the second time. I didn't take pictures off the second time. I did remove viewing status updates....and I sign on maybe once every month or two to avoid prolonging my recovery. After noticing that the updates were the hardest to see, I have not signed into his profile. I currently have no intentions on initiating contact right now -- I have healing to do.

 

I suppose it all depends on the situation between the two of you and what you can do for YOURSELF to move on. Best of luck.

[ann09]

I agree with whoever said facebook is supposed to be about showing how perfect your life is. I find it often a nice distraction and a way to keep in touch with my closest friend who now lives in another state. But my stupid status updates don't really reflect what I am doing or how I am feeling. What would I say? "Hoping to get divorced this year" or "I am lonely and miserable"???

[CM2009]

Please delete him as a friend on facebook right now, cause it'll bring you pain especially if he has pictures and is going out with random woman. It could destroy you emotionally....

[HLP234]

Believe it or not some people actually write how they feel on there. I've noticed my ex who just decided to leave me without even saying anything and letting me know through her pics on facebook, she's putting statuses on there saying how much fun she's having with this new guy or watever.

 

Its completely stupid, good thing she removed me from friends on there so I don't even have the temptation to look her up.

[0hpenelope]

I still have my ex as my FB friend and seeing him change his relationship status was devastating and another punch in the stomach (second to the words coming out of his mouth saying he was done with the relationship). I've even gone onto his page several times today to see if he has deleted the photos of us. I know I should stop! It's not doing me any good, but why can't I delete him? That just seems so final, so much of a definite thing, and frankly, I don't feel ready to do that.

 

Any thoughts? Advice? What do you all usually do in this situation?

 

I deleted him. He added me back again. I deleted him thrice and the 3rd time stuck. I never needed to block him outright: my privacy settings at the time were search-enabled for friends only.

 

I don't need to worry about Facebook anymore because I deleted my university account completely. At the time, it was because of him. I thought about setting up another account with the intention to befriend university classmates, but I decided against it. Most of them are not in touch with me anyway and my efforts in communication weren't returned equally.

 

If you don't want to delete him, block him.

[HLP234]

Blocking them is also like deleting them. They can not tell weather you blocked them or deleted them. Blocking is only if you think you want to get in touch with anyone later, but in your case, just don't add them back if they ever add you again.

[adamt]

you have to delete and block them, it is the only way to go. even then it is difficult if you have mutual friends. one of our mutual friends(not a close friend. she was always chatty with him, when we were going out) was pictured sat next to my ex at someones newyear party. no arms around each other but it starts messing with your head and want to know if anything is or went on. then on his status updates i can tell she has replied to something he said. i know it is only facebook where everyone is 'best friends'. but it is a terrible place after a break up. once i meet someone else i am going to deactivate my account. i am sure getting over someone would be so much easier without internet. me and the ex used to speak on msn all the time then she gradually logged on less and i later realised she was on facebook chat more. i truely believe that facebook partly contributed to the break down of our relationship. you communicate less and sit with the wireless laptop on too much. busy surfing or chatting to 'buddies'. you dont really know who they are talking to. my ex was sat in bed with facebook on ayt 9am at weekend. people get addicted to it and it is their link to the outside world. she got back intouch with a lot of old friends

 

 

SadKitty78, i do feel a lot better but when you have mutual friends it is difficult. sometimes you see a scrap of info like a picture and it messes with your head.then you can see the entire album. also some of my close friends are still on her facebook so they know more whats going on than me. i would hope if she starts seeing someone else then someone would tell me. i just want to have someone else before she has someone else. not to get at her but just so i am in a better place.

 

 

To add a complication i use a forum that she sometimes uses. We both have used it for a while and indirectly met via that forum. so occasionally i get a bit of scrap of info on her. we have mutual friends on there. thankfully i have only bumped into her once in 8 months. but you think you are doing ok then you get some scraps of info which sends your head all over the place for a few days.

 

its times like this where i wish the internet and mobile phones didnt exist. I beleive people think the grass is greener a lot more because of the internet and keep a large circle of friends and easily tempted elsewhere

Edited January 7, 2010 by adamt

[xbluudevilx]

the ex didnt have facebook... but she had myspace and i deleted her **** off of mines a couple days later.

[CaliGuy]

If you block/delete someone who dumped YOU, odds are they aren't going to care.

 

Delete the mutual friends unless they were YOUR friends first. That means if you made friends with his/her friends after you started dating, I would probably delete them.

 

Understand something. If your ex really loved and cared about you the same way you love and care about them, they would not have DUMPED you in the first place. So why do you want to hang on to them by hanging around as friends?

 

Deleting and blocking them isn't going to phase them much. Not as much as it phases YOU. By deleting and blocking them you no longer have access to peer into their lives -- and that's a DAMN good thing. Because the more information you dig up on them, the longer you will pine around for them and the longer it takes you to heal.

 

I know it's tough to say goodbye for good, but what choice do you have, really?! They're moving on with their life.

 

You should do the same.

[ann09]

I have friends on facebook that don't allow their spouses or SO to be their friend. They use it solely to keep in touch with people they don't see very often. Personally, I think this is very smart. Nothing good comes out of facebook for people that are in a relationship. Everything can get misconstrued etc.

 

Delete him, block him or you're just torturing yourself.

[soconfusedreally]

I just deactivated my account after seeing a pix I really didn't need to see. It was my fault. I am friends with him and all of his friends and constantly check their updates to see what he is up to. I know it is not healthy for me. I didn't want to delete him and all of his friends so instead I deleted myself.

 

I figured that is the only way I can protect myself (not from him but from myself). I'm the one that is still searching him out. Looks like he has moved on and I am never going to if I'm obsessing over what he is up to.

 

Maybe one day I'll be able to reactivate my account but not until I know I can handle it. However long that takes...

[HeavenOrHell]

I deleted him a few weeks after he dumped me and he immediately re requested me, and when I saw him he said did you mean to delete me? I said yes.

[adamt]

If you block/delete someone who dumped YOU, odds are they aren't going to care.

 

Delete the mutual friends unless they were YOUR friends first. That means if you made friends with his/her friends after you started dating, I would probably delete them.

 

Some of my close friends are stil on her facebook but they never speak to her. told one friend not to tell me anthing about my ex unless it is that she is goign out with someone else.

 

 

Understand something. If your ex really loved and cared about you the same way you love and care about them, they would not have DUMPED you in the first place. So why do you want to hang on to them by hanging around as friends?

Exactly right, they didnt want to work through the issues in the relationship. if they hd half the feelings you have they would still be with you. If they loved you they would also move mountains to make it work.

 

Deleting and blocking them isn't going to phase them much. Not as much as it phases YOU. By deleting and blocking them you no longer have access to peer into their lives -- and that's a DAMN good thing. Because the more information you dig up on them, the longer you will pine around for them and the longer it takes you to heal.

I know it's tough to say goodbye for good, but what choice do you have, really?! They're moving on with their life.

 

You should do the same.

 

 

i had to delete and then block my ex because i had to stop myself from checking her facebook at work every 15 minutes. Not a word from her in 8 months(silence says it all) apartfrom the time we bumped into each other. I was trying my best to be civil, so i said i had no hard feelings and she said even though you defriended me on facebook. But i couldnt give her the satisfaction of knowing how hurt i was. so i just said it was for the best.then she just wanted to catch up on how my family are.

 

look forward, dont look back at what is behind on the road

[CaliGuy]

I deleted him a few weeks after he dumped me and he immediately re requested me, and when I saw him he said did you mean to delete me? I said yes.

 

Excellent answer