SportyChick7 Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 I have been dating this wonderful guy for 6 months. He is everything I could have waited for. The saying "too good to be true" rings true with this situation, unfortunatley its not something about him that we can solve, its HIS MOTHER!! Since day 1 she has not liked me. I have only wanted to get to know her better and their family. The rest of the family including her mother, my bf's grandmother, likes me! She is very controlling. He can make his own decisions, but then SHE decides whether or not to put him through crap based on those decisions. He is a very grounded, and independent guy and he will approach and call her on things that are not true about me or him. I do love this guy, but it is very hard on me emotionally. She has insulted me and doesn't appreciate the feelings her son and I share. We have talked about this in depth. I would hope that she feels like she is gaining a daughter...unforunatley, she treats me with utter disdain every time i go over. I have resulted in not going over to the house any more and he cant move out YET, due to financial reasons! HELP!!!! What should i do? It's not that he doesnt stand up for me or himself, but she controls everything it seems and its hard to form a lasting relationship with her in the way. RUnning away will not solve the issue, just inflame it!! I NEED ADVICE!! PLease help! Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 If you want to make your relationship with this guy last, try to get along with her. Even though you say he is well grounded and very independent, has he always let her make his decisions in life and whatnot? How does he confront her about the things she says about you or him? Maybe it's his approach and she's just taking it all out on you because she thinks she has lost her little boy. She doesn't see it as gaining a daughter. Some mother's just don't or can't get along with their little boy's girlfriends. It's not an easy thing to deal with. But if anything, give her nothing but kindness. In the end, she should see what a loving person you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SportyChick7 Posted December 24, 2003 Author Share Posted December 24, 2003 Thanks! I just needed to hear someone say its not me. I have tried to be kind she doesnt want to accept it though. He has tried everything from being passive (to avoid conflict) to defensive (of me, which causes major problems!) He really is screwed in this situation. What a mother to make her son choose! Thanks for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 If you have the courage you might just try to talk to his Mom. That's gonna take real guts to do that. If you really are into this guy it sems to me to be the only choice. Besides...what would you lose? Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 It seems she is seeing you as competition..which isnt so. The relationship she has with her son cant be like the one you have with him. I do agree, you need to find a way to get along with her. Otherwise, it makes for a longggggg marriage. lol My grandmother always said, Kill them with kindness. I suggest in this case if you dont want to lose him, you do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Nik2 Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 HI SportyChick7 First of all realize that for one it’s not your fault and I don’t mean to say to use that as a crunch or weapon against his mother. Like AllyKat and the others said try to get along with her by being as kind as you can, I know it's not always that easy. Try to be as open and honest with his mother in the way that you truly feel about things even if you think she my not agree. Not just honest about the fact that you care about her son but the way you feel about how she treats you. But in doing so try to be as nice in what you say and how you say it as possible. I think it’s important to bring things up front as soon as possible or you will be miserable for a long time. You have to realize that you are human and should be happy. It almost sounds like something they need to work out. Everything has a reason for why things are the way they are in this world. Going back to the roots is where they are going to have to go to find the cause. Be positive, it’s not you that has the problem. Don’t be intimidated by her but always be polite and she well respect you as a person and maybe a friend though she may not show it at first. It doesn’t sound like she is very happy with herself. I kind of have the same problem with myself sometimes this is why I can understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SportyChick7 Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 THank you everyone!! You have all been a great encouragment! Link to post Share on other sites
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