Norman Bates Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 my mother is very controlling and its driving me insane. Not only is she controlling, she humiliates me infront of guests. Its as if she doesnt know me at all and expects me to be all happy gappy when friends or family come over for a visit. I have never been a very social person and she knows it. An example of how ****ed in the head she is, today we had some family come over from another state. I said to my self "im going to make an effort to say hello and be social". So what happens, is they come in, they are all saying hello and im standing there wating to say hi. I say hello and and how are you and blah blah blah. Then my mum says "cmon go up to them shake their hands give them a hug" I stand there looking like a complete retard and there is no way in hell im going to hug these people that I dont even know. I dont hug!! Im not a huggy kind of person. Ive never hugged anyone in my life. WHAT IN THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN!!! Im 28 years old and she treats me like a retarded child. Im so sick of it. I dont even have friends because of her. I used to have friends, but MY MOTHER SCARED THEM OFF!!!! Whats that you say? move out? **** yeah id love to move out. I masturbate over the thought of having my own place but the problem is, she is very sick and I take care of her alot. I drive her to the hospital all the time and she is on a ton of meds. She ****ing halucinates too "there is a head in the microwave" She is suffocating me and I dont know what to do. I have spoken to her but she doesnt want to hear anything about it. Its always im wrong and she is right. All my point on views are bull**** and hers are the only ones that make sense. I dont have a choice about anything that goes on in the house. The only place I can do as I please is my room but even then she comes in and would tell me to clean up and throw **** away. Im 28 years old and I dont even feel like an adult. I still feel like a kid as if I havent grown up. ****, I get along with visiters kids more than the adults. I have nothing in common with others my age. All my cousins are married and have kids, have house a job and I am living at home with my mother have no job and watch porn and play video games. You know that acronym FML? well I hate it to death but im going to say it. **** MY LIFE.
Zeta4PhiSius Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I know exactly how you feel. My grandmother's a f****** drug addict and I have to listen to fights in my family. Hear the fights, her hallucinations, her screaming and talking (I'm sorry...err...yelling) to herself, yelling and fighting and controlling her caregiver and listen to her crap and everything else. I'm embarrassed to bring anyone over here so I work diligently to maintain friendships and acquaintances at a distance, and I have none of my own freedoms. I constantly go to the store, get pills, and do a ton of other s***. At the very least, I'm free from this in a few months (I get to move out thank God) as long as I can keep my sanity intact while I save. It's really not fair to those of us that have to go through it. FML. :mad: :mad:
LisaUk Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Hi, my mum is a bully, emotionally abusive. At the age of 34 I have had to return to live with her after my ex of 18 years p*****d off. It's h**l I know, she treats me like a child, I have no say just like you, I can't even go out or spend my own money without having to answer to her, controlled to the extreme. I'm doing a law degree and can't wait for the day I can finally move out of here. I tolerate it b/c I have no means of moving out at present. Your mum's sick? I'm sorry to hear that, but sick or not she needs to learn to respect you. I say move out, if she wants your help she can learn to traet you correctly, then she can benefit from it. Harsh I know, but why should you have to put up with it from her?
TwinkletOes26 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Norman my advice to you is to maybe see about getting your mother court ordered into a mental institution. Not to get rid of her so to say but it really does sound like she needs more care than you can provide. You can go to yoour local defax they have a dept for adults and ask them the steps to go through for this. I know soon people will come in here with their banter of "how dare someone put their mother away" but like I said from the sound of it normans mother needs more help than her can provide.
Rollercoasterr Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 How exactly does she need more help than he can provide??? I read NOTHING in that post that says he can't take care of her. He can, she's just controlling his life. He didn't say how severe her hallucinations are, just that she has them. When people get older that sometimes happens depending on health issues. If we put away every single person like that, there would be hardly any space in homes like that. Putting your mother away because she's controlling is NOT the right thing to do. Seeing if you can get her some kind of live-in help, however, might be a possibility. At least then you could get a break once in a while and maybe eventually be able to move out on your own. Having seen the state of senior care facilities, I would NEVER suggest putting someone you love and care about in one unless you can absolutely help it.
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I am living at home with my mother have no job and watch porn and play video games. Let me get this right... The above describes the state of YOUR life, and yet you think your mother is a controlling crazy lady because she asked you to hug your RELATIVES from our of town? Wow.
Rollercoasterr Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Let me get this right... The above describes the state of YOUR life, and yet you think your mother is a controlling crazy lady because she asked you to hug your RELATIVES from our of town? Wow. Wondering about that one myself.... Oh, and sorry twinkle, but I think that putting your mother in a MENTAL FACILITY that's court ordered is way extreme. I had to reread your post to see that you actually wrote mental facility and not just a nursing home.
TwinkletOes26 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Roller from the way it was described normans mother may have some sort of disorder.Something that requires PROFESSIONAL help. Unless norman is a liscenced psychiatrist then yes she needs more help than he can provide. It is not to say he hasnt been doing the best he can but hes a little over his head in taking care of her. Also as a 28 yr old adult if HE doesnt want to hug relatives from out of town who is she to make him. I dont even believe in making children hug people they dont want to. Its his personal space and who he allows in it is his business. I truly dont care who agrees or disagrees with me I am simply giving my opinion just like everyone else. I dont claim to be an expert on everything but I simply am giving my two cents worth. If dont like what I am suggesting then suggest something you feel is better and ignore me. Dont try to start an argument because I am not going to engage anyone. I refuse to be banned because someone doesnt like my opinion.
TwinkletOes26 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I dont care if people disagree I simply said I was not going to engage anyone in an argument. Disagree away as I said before makes me no difference . Norman you do what you feel is best. Your mother is not well from what you said....it also sounds like you are overwhelmed and need some sort of extra help. Good luck in what ever you do norman
sally4sara Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 How exactly does she need more help than he can provide??? I read NOTHING in that post that says he can't take care of her. He can, she's just controlling his life. He didn't say how severe her hallucinations are, just that she has them. When people get older that sometimes happens depending on health issues. If we put away every single person like that, there would be hardly any space in homes like that. Putting your mother away because she's controlling is NOT the right thing to do. Seeing if you can get her some kind of live-in help, however, might be a possibility. At least then you could get a break once in a while and maybe eventually be able to move out on your own. Having seen the state of senior care facilities, I would NEVER suggest putting someone you love and care about in one unless you can absolutely help it. Well I see what you mean about there being no evidence in his post that his is physically incapable of caring for her. He is however, very angry with her and very affected by his relationship with her. While he may be able to count out her meds and drive her to the doctor - is he inclined to acts of benevolence for this woman he rages about? Would you hire someone who felt this way about you to see to your care as your grasp on reality slipped from you? Would you hire someone who felt this way about your child to see to their care? Further, if you felt this way about someone you believed caused you psychological damage, would it be healthy for you to be their care taker? Would you be the caretaker for your abuser? Could you do it and not act on your anger? Honestly, the way I feel about my own mother......I think I should be the last person she looks to for her geriatric care; I am not professionally trained and do not have any fond feelings to make up for that lack of medical training. The last visit I made to my grandmother and grandfather who use to beat her, I got to see how she was barely able to conceal her disgust for him and the trials his Alzheimer's causes. His care is going to be the death of her and that hateful old man will still be alive, too evil to die. These are the things the OP should consider as he looks at the future for himself and his mother's health. Not the guilt others might try to heap on him.
Citizen Erased Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I dont care if people disagree I simply said I was not going to engage anyone in an argument. Disagree away as I said before makes me no difference . Norman you do what you feel is best. Your mother is not well from what you said....it also sounds like you are overwhelmed and need some sort of extra help. Good luck in what ever you do norman The only thing Norman needs is a free porn service. I'm sure he won't want to put his mother away because then he'd have to actually go out and get a job and support himself.
Rollercoasterr Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Well I see what you mean about there being no evidence in his post that his is physically incapable of caring for her. He is however, very angry with her and very affected by his relationship with her. While he may be able to count out her meds and drive her to the doctor - is he inclined to acts of benevolence for this woman he rages about? Would you hire someone who felt this way about you to see to your care as your grasp on reality slipped from you? Would you hire someone who felt this way about your child to see to their care? Further, if you felt this way about someone you believed caused you psychological damage, would it be healthy for you to be their care taker? Would you be the caretaker for your abuser? Could you do it and not act on your anger? Honestly, the way I feel about my own mother......I think I should be the last person she looks to for her geriatric care; I am not professionally trained and do not have any fond feelings to make up for that lack of medical training. The last visit I made to my grandmother and grandfather who use to beat her, I got to see how she was barely able to conceal her disgust for him and the trials his Alzheimer's causes. His care is going to be the death of her and that hateful old man will still be alive, too evil to die. These are the things the OP should consider as he looks at the future for himself and his mother's health. Not the guilt others might try to heap on him. This is why I suggested maybe he should look into getting a live-in caregiver. It'll probably cost just as much money, however she'll have someone who can do all the things that he can't and in the comforts of her own home. I've got nothing against people who say they can't take care of their parents. Some things you just can't do.
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 The only thing Norman needs is a free porn service. I'm sure he won't want to put his mother away because then he'd have to actually go out and get a job and support himself. Quoted for truth!
Rollercoasterr Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 The only thing Norman needs is a free porn service. I'm sure he won't want to put his mother away because then he'd have to actually go out and get a job and support himself. 100000% agreed. Norman, lay off the porn and the video games. Go out, get a job, get laid, and you'll see she's not so bad.
TwinkletOes26 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Norman is taking care of your mother a full time job with in itself? If so all the more reason to get some extra help love :bunny:.
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 It's okay if it's a full time job to take care of his mother, as he is UNEMPLOYED and spends his days watching porn and playing video games. What else has he got to do?
Citizen Erased Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Norman is taking care of your mother a full time job with in itself? If so all the more reason to get some extra help love :bunny:. I really don't see how you get the idea that she is some poor fragile mentally unwell soul. She's sounds like she nags him because her son sits on his arse playing video games and jerking off all day and is barely friendly to the people that visit them in the roof SHE puts over HIS head. You appear to gloss over the actual important facts in order to defend someone you know everyone else is going to tell to get off his lazy arse and actually work. For the record my uncle is schizophrenic and he is finishing his masters at a very well respected university here. Not every "crazy" person requires 24/7 constant care. And even if that was the case, obviously he's not doing his "job" very well if he's sitting in his room jerking off all day. I'd be on his case too.
sally4sara Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Is there info elsewhere on LS about Norman that these two posts his username has do not cover? How do we know he is a video game shut in? Not being flip, just really confused......
Eve Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 From what I have heard from others in real life, being a carer is a mega difficult job. I would go with the idea of looking at extra care for Mum and the OP getting support to build a life of his own. There should be various carers groups who could be really helpful in this situation. 28 is too old to be at home full time without any prospects other than porn and a games consol. Take care, Eve xx
sally4sara Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I'm thinking it is a troll post, Who lives like that? I thought maybe if there was a long history of his about this but...... Wouldn't living like that be an indication of also having mental problems and not being a good choice for being a care giver?
Star Gazer Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 How do we know he is a video game shut in? Because he said so himself? He said he has no friends, no job, and sits at home watching porn and playing video games. He doesn't let his mother in his room because she'd tell him to clean it up.
anne1707 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 my mother is very controlling and its driving me insane. Not only is she controlling, she humiliates me infront of guests. Its as if she doesnt know me at all and expects me to be all happy gappy when friends or family come over for a visit. I have never been a very social person and she knows it. . So where is your motel Norman and what is it called? Do you have shower facilities? Any skeletons in the cupboard that we should know about?
sally4sara Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Because he said so himself? He said he has no friends, no job, and sits at home watching porn and playing video games. He doesn't let his mother in his room because she'd tell him to clean it up. Noo I get that. Its just, the only person I knew who actually sat at home and played video games and was really particular about who was in his room was my best friend's autistic neighbor. And even that guy had a social life and a way to earn money. He rebuilt gaming systems for other folks in the neighborhood. When I read the OP's rant, I figure it contains some exaggerations like most rants do. And if it isn't an exaggeration, he totally sounds like he shouldn't be his ma's care giver.
Rollercoasterr Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Noo I get that. Its just, the only person I knew who actually sat at home and played video games and was really particular about who was in his room was my best friend's autistic neighbor. And even that guy had a social life and a way to earn money. He rebuilt gaming systems for other folks in the neighborhood. When I read the OP's rant, I figure it contains some exaggerations like most rants do. And if it isn't an exaggeration, he totally sounds like he shouldn't be his ma's care giver. I had an ex who stayed in his room and played video games all day. Seriously. He would skip work for days, go missing from his parents only to be found at a friends house playing Halo for 3 and 4 days at a time. I seriously wanted to pull my hair out and beat his xbox to death. So yeah, it happens. I'm talking serious addiction here. I can play video games with the best of them, but I do not, cannot, and will not spend more than a couple hours of my day glued to a TV screen. My butt would get way too numb.
TwinkletOes26 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Whats that you say? move out? **** yeah id love to move out. I masturbate over the thought of having my own place but the problem is, she is very sick and I take care of her alot. I drive her to the hospital all the time and she is on a ton of meds. She ****ing halucinates too "there is a head in the microwave" What he says here makes me think that instead of working hes taking care of her full time. Which lead me to believe that although he may love his mother he is overwehlmed at taking care of her which is leading to anger and resentment. He says hes taking care of her because she is sick.
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