Does it change when women get to their 30's?

[threebyfate]

Bitterness, envy, resentment, jealousy, extreme cynicism and also blindly naive and trusting, are all detrimental to any gender, since they either stymy your chance for any happiness or there's a sucker born every day.

 

Living in the unhappy place is just no fun, so why stay there?

[lostwithafuture]

I think the only thing that changes is that women will feel older when they are in their 30s, they will start behaving because they feel they have to in order to settle down and find a man to marry. A lot of them realise that their looks will not last forever, this is when they start looking for the nice guys.

 

I was with a girl for 4 years and we had a good relationship, but she finished it because she thought she found someone better and she did not want to commit any longer because she said she was too young (21). From her point of view our relationship was too serious for our age and she just wanted to have fun for now e.g. F*** some more guys until she is ready to settle down. She tries to stay in touch with me but cannot understand why I treat her like s**t now, for some reason she keeps coming back for more. I am starting to think that she likes to be treated like crap

[PinkToes]

The thing is, we are the only common denominator in our relationships and our interactions with other people. The female friends I had in my 20s weren't superficial sluts, and they aren't now. The men I knew in my 20s were good guys, and they are now. I've made mistakes, and I've been burned too. So you figure out what went wrong, and you move on.

 

If the only women/men you're meeting seem to be the same, and it's not what you want, figure out what they have in common, and change that. Are you only attracted to hot girls who flirt with you? Are all the women/men hanging out in the same bars? Are they all in school/working at a particular type of job/high maintenance? Are they all jocks? Capitalists? Radical feminists?

 

Because whatever it is that looks to be true of "all women" or "all men" is probably not statistically true of all men or all women; it is the product of what we choose to look for and accept.

 

The people we let into our lives are the result of our own sorting mechanisms. The perfect man/perfect women threads are fun tools, but ultimately we have to decide what's really important and what we're willing to give up in order to find a good relationship, if a good relationship is what we want.

[alphamale]

Most women in their early 20's typically aren't looking for Mr. Right (aka Mr. Forever). Rather, they're looking for Mr. Right Now. Sometimes Mr. Right Now is a good guy, sometimes he's a hot and exciting guy who's also a jacka$$/douche. Most gals in college/right out of school (early 20's) aren't interested in being all serious....

it is a well documented fact that people in their 20s treat each other with the least respect than people in any other decade of life

[tmesis]

Just joined this site to say thanks to everyone posting in this very illuminating thread! I've only recently started thinking about what I'm doing dating-wise, faced with the choice between a 'bad boy' and a 'nice guy'. Went for the nice guy - bit of a no-brainer really, but it didn't feel like that.

 

So I think that what Goodin, cognac and alphamale are saying is on the whole right. Kinda ashamed to admit it, but if 'bad boy' had shown even the slightest interest in something other than my body I wouldn't even have considered 'nice guy'. He's sweet, and we can talk, and he won't mess me around. But it still feels like I've settled - because I have. I just turned 28. I need to finally grow up.

 

What can I say? Women really are ****s.

[sagetalk]

 

but if 'bad boy' had shown even the slightest interest in something other than my body I wouldn't even have considered 'nice guy'. But it still feels like I've settled - because I have. I just turned 28. I need to finally grow up.

 

Well, cheers for actually admitting that. Most women just accuse men of being lame or jealous when they say this is true rather than admitting it is true (which it most certainly is in the majority of cases).

 

I'm not saying date nice guys that you don't like, what I'm saying is, stay away from men that treat you and/or others badly and only care about having sex with you. Initially they are exciting, but the end results are rarely good. Divorce, cheated on, children without a dad, sharing him with other women, physical/verbal abuse, abandoned, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, are common characteristics of a bad boy's relationships. There is nothing romantic or wonderful about anything in that last sentence.

[betamanlet]

Well, cheers for actually admitting that. Most women just accuse men of being lame or jealous when they say this is true rather than admitting it is true (which it most certainly is in the majority of cases).

 

I'm not saying date nice guys that you don't like, what I'm saying is, stay away from men that treat you and/or others badly and only care about having sex with you. Initially they are exciting, but the end results are rarely good. Divorce, cheated on, children without a dad, sharing him with other women, physical/verbal abuse, abandoned, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, are common characteristics of a bad boy's relationships. There is nothing romantic or wonderful about anything in that last sentence.

But there is drama, hence why these men are so popular. I know no shortage of women who would be happier being abused than being bored by a nice guy.

[tmesis]

But there is drama, hence why these men are so popular. I know no shortage of women who would be happier being abused than being bored by a nice guy.

 

In my experience it is less about 'being abused' than about the sex. I don't want to be abused, I don't think anyone really wants to be abused. What women want is passion.

 

It happens that 'bad boys' are better in the bedroom department. That's pretty much all they do. And it's a massive turn-on.

[ella23]

I don't think many women want men who treat them like crap. I mean, yes, most don't want a doormat, but not a jerk either.

[doushenka]

But there is drama, hence why these men are so popular. I know no shortage of women who would be happier being abused than being bored by a nice guy.

 

Abused?!

 

...I think your female friends need to get some serious help.

[sagetalk]

I know no shortage of women who would be happier being abused than being bored by a nice guy.

 

I don't think this point could be made often enough. I'm thinking back on the women I have known, and I can honestly say that the most boring ones were the ones that went after the jerks and bad boys exclusively (if they had the body to get them). The girls that I knew that were very exciting really seemed to liked me (I am as far from a bad boy as you can get). These girls were always having a blast no matter what it was they were doing. They didn't need a guy to entertain them. Don't get me wrong, they would date bad boys too, but they liked nice guys as well. Awesome girls .

 

Now, when I see a girl obsessed over a bad boy, I know there's a good chance she is a boring person and needs added drama in her life to make her feel like she is living .

[meerkat stew]

Depends on the woman, I've dated 45 y.o.s with the emotional maturity and health associated with teenagers and 23 y.o.s with the emotional maturity of a 40 y.o.

 

Oh, and one point about them "maturing," if they have the proclivities described in this thread towards poor choices in men, they almost never change. Grim realities of life give them a wakeup call, but underneath, they are the same personality disordered impulsive drama addict they always were, just with clipped wings so to speak. The 20% that start out quality remain so their entire lives.

[Boundary Problem]

I don't think many women want men who treat them like crap. I mean, yes, most don't want a doormat, but not a jerk either.

 

 

I'm a female in my 30s and I agree with this.

 

The incentive to settle decreases the more a woman already has everything she wants.

 

The risk of making a mistake exceeds the "thrill" of naively building a life together. Many of us have experienced living with a very selfish person and we don't want to go through that again. To live with a selfish person is a betrayl of a loving and caring relationship.

 

If the proposed partner isn't actively involved in my life, my interests and sharing my values, then I likely will stay single or opt for a second child with my divorced ex-husband (assuming he stays single which I suspect will be the case).

 

Most the women my age or older have advised me not to remarry or get caught up in anything serious.

 

The fraud that us women in our 30's are looking out for is the "dud" spouse who suddenly changes upon marriage and their true selfish nature, or their divided loyalty to work, parents, friends etc strip the marriage of intimacy.

 

Guess I'm a little bitter, but I didn't start out that way. I just know that I cannot live with a selfish person again. If that means I'm single, that is the price I pay. I also don't like boring guys, so ummmm, my search isn't looking too good.

 

But in my 30's I'm looking for someone who shares my values who is actively involved in my life. There was some list in the dating forum about building the perfect man, and that list means nothing to me. Because it misses the point - of how does this man interact with my life?

[Goodin]

Guess I'm a little bitter, but I didn't start out that way. I just know that I cannot live with a selfish person again. If that means I'm single, that is the price I pay. I also don't like boring guys, so ummmm, my search isn't looking too good.

 

But in my 30's I'm looking for someone who shares my values who is actively involved in my life. There was some list in the dating forum about building the perfect man, and that list means nothing to me. Because it misses the point - of how does this man interact with my life?

 

My thoughts exactly on the "Perfect man" "perfect woman" list. A person can meet all of those criteria but you might have absolutely nothing in common with them. I would rather have someone with 50-75% of those qualities with whom I share the same values/hobbies/etc. I have come to realize as I age that a good relationship takes work...so one has to make the effort to interact in the others life. If not then they're not too committed to the relationship.

 

So BP (and anyone else) how would you describe "Boring"?

[Boundary Problem]

So BP (and anyone else) how would you describe "Boring"?

 

 

That is a far more useful list. What would veto a potential suitor from contention? That I could give firm answers on. What I'm looking for exactly is more ephemeral. But I clearly know what i don't want.

[alphamale]

Now, when I see a girl obsessed over a bad boy, I know there's a good chance she is a boring person and needs added drama in her life to make her feel like she is living .

which would explain why librarians are tripping all over themselves to get to the exciting bad boys

[Sam Spade]

The prognosis is not good. But, every once in a while you might get lucky (like me)

My GF is 30, but 1) has been through charmingly low number of guys; 2) still understands what does it take to keep a relationship going; and 3) lovingly says that she doubts there is another guy like me out there (i.e. no entitlement and crappy attitude). I.e. some of the typical problems other posters have mentioned have been avoided so far in my case...

 

But overall, the odds are against you. Nothing magically changes once women turn 30, except maybe some of them develop sense of biological urgency, which doesn't do anybody any good.

[Sam Spade]

Most women in their early 20's typically aren't looking for Mr. Right (aka Mr. Forever). Rather, they're looking for Mr. Right Now. Sometimes Mr. Right Now is a good guy, sometimes he's a hot and exciting guy who's also a jacka$$/douche. Most gals in college/right out of school (early 20's) aren't interested in being all serious...

 

Once a woman is settled and looking for something long term, THAT is when she starts doing some serious filtering. IME, that stage hits in the late-20's/early 30's.

 

Yeah, but the damage has been already done. Who wants sloppy seconds? Past relationship history is one of the very few criteria I apply stringently in my 30s in my own dating...

And no, I haven't suffered that much rejection, but learned not to ignore this based on unfortunate experiences. IN retrospect, I should have disqualified my ex precisely on the grounds of her past relationships, although I thought she was great. She still is, but (possibly hopelessly) troubled and thus not a relationship material.

 

All it takes is ONE bad relationship with a "bad boy" to figure things out. Turning 30 with 10 inappropriate partners signifies nothing but lack of responsibility, or simply stupidity (inability or unwillingness to learn)

Edited January 4, 2010 by Sam Spade

[gypsy_nicky]

In general, of course it changes. Women in this age group would have enough self awareness from past relationships what they want and don't want from men.

 

WTH is with this badboy, nice guy thing the men here are posting.....were more dynamic than that.

 

 

Btw the guys posting on here, man, textbook nice guys-ever so pleasing and ever so bitter.

[Goodin]

Btw the guys posting on here, man, textbook nice guys-ever so pleasing and ever so bitter.

 

Do you know any of us "guys posting here" personally? You don't know me so don't make assumptions about my personality.

[adamt]

i'm 38 and just come out of a 3 year relationship with a 36 year old. towards the end of the relationship it was as if she was going back into her mid 20s. not sleeping around but just drinking and going out more. when i met her she was just happy with nights in,nice food,cinema. she has had a bit of a make over and more concience of growing old. its as if she has had some personality change from realising she is heading towards being 40. she never hinted at wanting kids so she might be the sort who never grows up or has kids

 

i've been on couple of dates recently with girls in their mid 30s. they have all been career minded or spent time travelling. and now looking for a long term partner rather than someone they just want to shag. maybe it is the body clock kicking in. looking to find someone who would make a good dad in a couple of years and have the attributes to pass on genes. i mean if they get in a long term relationship and it breaks down in 3-4 years they will be nearly 40 and worry about missing the boat with starting a family.

 

i think women in their 30s will take less crap and bullsh@t. wont suffer fools easily and know what they are looking for. probably a normal down to earth man,level headed who has a decent career and seems stable. but still has an appetite for adventure sometimes. and likes to look after himself but not to the extent he is vain and looks in mirrors

[Woggle]

Many women by the time they hit this age hate men and blame them for their bad decisions. They look at the wreck they have made of their personal lives and they get bitter towards men and claim we are all like the bad boys that used and abused them back in the day.

 

I also agree with the men who say they do not want a woman a bad boys leftovers. I don't want to clean up the wreckage that a woman willingly created. I have ran into women that I knew back in the day and they look so used up and rode hard. All that drama that the bad boys bring takes it's toll and by the time they hit 30 they are no longer the perfect 10s they used to be.

[sagetalk]

which would explain why librarians are tripping all over themselves to get to the exciting bad boys

 

If they are hot and boring you can pretty much guarantee it. If they aren't hot, then they will have a hard time getting one of those guys.

[sagetalk]

Btw the guys posting on here, man, textbook nice guys-ever so pleasing and ever so bitter.

 

You gotta be kidding me. After everything that has been said, that's what you came up with .

 

You just said we are more dynamic than that and then you call people nice guys.

[MyNameIsJonas]

I think nothing really changes with some women regardless of thier age bracket at a certain point in thier lives. Certain women will always be drawn to men they can't have, and those are normally the men who are the jerks who can't commit. This will not change with age because it simply part of thier personality.

 

I think some of these type of women try to be something they aren't because they get burned by said jerks in the past. This normally results in finding a "good guy," and staying with him for a while, but then the relationship goes down in flames because the woman finds another jerk and is drawn to him.

 

The quality women will always be drawn to the quality men, regardless of age. The problem is that these women are commonly snatched up quickly, so the volume of these single women go down as the age goes up.