xloudandnoisy Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 my recently ex girlfriend tended to be kind judgemental. since we began seeing eachother, our main fights have been about me quitting smoking. i always try, but so far, no luck. the problem is, when she asks about it, i tend to panic. because she is judgemental, when i paniced, i would end up lieing, something i am more ashamed of than any of you know. we've split up because of this in the past, and another reason keeping me from telling her when i start again, is that i told her i would do anything fo her, and i don't want her to be ashamed of me when i fail. i love this girl more than anything in the world. we're split up now, again, because of this. she tells me that she can't trust me anymore. i don't blame her one single bit. i can't figure out a way to prove to her that she can trust me, and that i didn't lie because i didn't love her. she's more important to me than anything in the world, and it kills me to know that she can't trust me. i want to try and work things out, but she is unwilling, she keeps telling me that she can't trust me, and mistrust is mistrust. how can i show her that she can still trust me? smoking was the ONLY thing i ever lied to her about. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Damn man smoking is a major monkey on your back. I know...I used to smoke. it was like eat s*&t, I NEED a cig. You really have to stop smoking if you want her. Its that plain and simple. If you were religious and then she said give that up, that's one thing. but smoking, (and I assume she dosen't?) around her is really bumming her out. Why fight about it? Yeah, you're gonna "jones" for awhile but believe me it will be worth it in the long run both for your health and more importantly, you're relationship with her. try it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xloudandnoisy Posted December 24, 2003 Author Share Posted December 24, 2003 oh, quitting smoking is definately a given. but it is incredibly hard. i've tried over and over again. i just need some help in trying to get her trust back... Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 That's the hard one. She knows she CAN trust you. I think it was lying to her that hurt. She really sounds like a sweet girl, one, to be so into you that you were smoking and she out up with it, and two, she does love you and just wants you to stop smoking and lying to her. Just try to talk to her, say you are sorry, don't whine...and tell her it will be hard to quit but you will do it for two people...her and yourself. Let her read the posts, if you've never smoked its a real bitch to stop! I STILL want to smoke on occasion! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xloudandnoisy Posted December 24, 2003 Author Share Posted December 24, 2003 another obstacle. she won't talk to me. i tried. she acts cold, and is quick to just stab a reply at me. sometimes it seems like she doesn't even care about the whole situation. i was talking to her on the phone about it, and she sounded relatively happy, which hurt me incredibly. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 This is the classic "NO-CONTACT" case. I didn't know that I thought you had been in touch. Its too hard for me to explain it but try reading some of the posts from the last few days under breaking up. She needs time and space and you too. don't worry, she won't go anywhere for awhile it seems. Let her and you just cool off a bit, wait a few weeks, quit smoking. See what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xloudandnoisy Posted December 27, 2003 Author Share Posted December 27, 2003 i guess she's been giving a mutual friend the impression that it'd be useless for me to try. i'd do anything for just 20 seconds of her time. just to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Wow! There's a big signal. Don't call her. its not a game but a reality now. Probably you should stop giving info to the mutual friend too if possible. It sounds like she's been pushed very far away and any contact from you right now is going to push her off the edge of ever wanting to see you. That sucks I know. When you do see/talk to her be happy, even if it kills you. Not fake happy, but just upbeat. Now, my ex of one year (we still have contact because of our daughter) who I need to talk to 3 to 5 times a week, will ask if I'm going out a particular night and things like that! I'm just like: "Yeah, no biggie". Treat this as a "Yeah, no biggie". What is messed up is that, even though it's too early for you per say, if you had a different girl you liked to see/date, she'd be a weak history lesson!! How you doin' on the whole smoking thing? Oh I know...you didn't quit yet, huh? Well...there's always tomarrow. Start then if you haven't already!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xloudandnoisy Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 nah. things are over now. we had a talk. it didn't go well. oddly enough, it made me feel a lot better. not ocmpletely better, but i'm more optimistic about the relationship. it seemed the problems we had fed each other. the relationship was just plain unhealthy. at the end, we're better off not together. it's just not worth it for either of us. i'm just glad to have known her. in fact, i've never been more glad to have known anybody in my life. but even now, i wouldn't go back to her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Excellent, you have probably saved yourself months of BS over this! And those "talks" they never go well anyway. When my ex and I had the "talk" she was already seeing a guy behind my back! How worthless! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xloudandnoisy Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 wow, that is rough. i had one girl date me for only just a short time, and she'd always talk about her ex boyfriend always pestered her, and how much she hated him, and after we broke up, i found out that she'd been cheating on me the whole time with him. and we only went out for a short period. i wouldn't even call her an ex girlfriend, just someone i was seeing at the time. i also think she was trying to trick me into impregnating her. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 That has to be one of the "rule number one's" Don't ever talk about the ex, at least not too much. there will always be a time and place for that stuff anyway. Now you have all kinds of good things ahead! Link to post Share on other sites
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