Afraid of Getting Hurt

[curiousguy]

Hi all! I've just been sitting home alone tonight and have been feeling pretty apprehensive about my relationship lately and was hoping for some various thoughts about my situation.

 

The History:

 

I had been keeping in touch with a young woman I met some time ago. We alway's clicked but the timing was alway's off. Long story short, the timing was right some 5 months ago and we decided to be together. Both of us were currently living in different states and I was offered another job out of state. We discussed the possiblities and decided to both relocate and meet each other there.

 

All has gone according to plan and we have fallen more in love with each other than I could have ever expected and for the 1st time in years I have submitted to love. We share a beautiful little home together and seem to mutually be excited about our new life.

 

The Issue:

 

It had been a year since we last saw each other and we made our way back to each other soley through correspondence and faith. She moved in with me a month after I settled in and we have been physically together for 3 weeks. However, she wanted to go back to her home town to spend the holiday's with the family.

Now back home she calls me daily and reassures me she misses me and can't wait to come back after 2 weeks.

 

I'm sure by this point your wondering were the issue comes in? Well, embarrassing as it is, my admonition must be with trusting her. I am 29 and she is 22. A significant age difference which adds to my own insecurities. Afterall, I've had my share of lovers and experiences but perhaps she's still defining what she wants for herself. She likes to go out partying and have a good time. All of which is completely fine with me when were together. However, I worry about the situations she may put herself in when out with girlfriends. She is extremely beautiful, outgoing and friendly. She's the kind of fun loving person to dance with a guy or accept a drink from him but not neccesarily create concrete boundaries. To her she may see no harm in it but to many men it's an invitation to push for more. I worry if she'll be able to pass those tests.

 

I've put so much faith and trust into getting this relationship started. Now I find myself feeling insecure while she's away. I guess i'm just afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of the worse in others. And afraid of people lacking the same conscience as me, allowing them to cheat and not skip a beat.

 

Is there any advice anyone can give to help reassured me and trust again in the human spirit? Everywhere you look people are cheating and lying and decieving. This is why I have stayed away from relationships for so long.

 

uhhhgg... maybe it's just seperation anxiety! LOL

[mjk]

I'd say "steady as she goes" She has given you no indication of not being faithful to you so try and not worry about it.

 

Obviously you love her and it hurts to be away. For her it's a fun break. let her enjoy herself and be supportive to her.

 

If she is really into you she wouldn't think of doing anything with someone else.

[jmargel]

I agree with mjk, don't assume too much. You fell in love with her because of her heart & personality. So why would you want to change something you love about her? As far as dancing & accepting drinks from other men while being in a relationship, I don't think thats right. If she is doing that, tell her how ya feel. Why didnt you goto her family's with her?

 

Not only are you trusting her, but she is trusting you by being away for so long.

[toots307]

Worrying about what she's doing isn't going to change things - she'll cheat or not cheat whether you trust her or not. However, worrying and not trusting makes you feel like crap, you start making up silly scenarios in your head and the more you worry and make stuff up, the worse you will feel and she will sense that negativity and it will wear on your relationship. Everyone has little qualms when they are separated from their partner - it's normal and natural - but don't get all bent outta shape. Enjoy your holiday and let her enjoy hers and pretty soon you will be back in each other's arms.

 

I don't see anything wrong with dancing and accepting drinks - I think it's fun and I'm the most faithful person I know. I also flirt lots and anytime any man takes it seriously, I set him straight. I seriously doubt your girlfriend thinks twice about any guys she hangs with, dances with or accepts a drink from - it's just a fun way of socializing - she loves you and you know it - be secure in yourself and things will be awesome!!

 

Merry Christmas!!!

[curiousguy]

Thank you very much all for the reassurances. You all made valid points and once again, it's an embarrasing way to feel as an adult. But in some way your abilities to reassure me made me feel that perhaps it's normal when a relationship is so new, afterall, how else could you relate?

 

(jmargel) I wasn't able to go with her because I couldn't get the time off from my new job so soon.

 

And as a final update, she called me this morning to tell me how much she loved me so i'm feeling much better. I guess I just need to have the same amount of faith that brought us together in waiting for her to come home.

 

Thanks again Loveshack! Happy Holidays.