I want it so bad, but I have just ran out of ideas... what to do now ?

[khorask]

Thanks in advance for any advice.. this is kinda complicated and is a short novel, but I think its prolly for the best that I include the full history.. start to current.

 

I met this young women off the net at the beggining of the year. After chatting for a bit we decided we were going to meet... basically for sex, as we lived 10 mins from eachother (I was 18, she was 17).

We met, and ended up having intercourse (protected)..., but on the way home I said to myself.. This just isnt for me and called her the next day to tell her I didnt wana continue on with anything. She was like, "No.. please, give me another chance... what did I do wrong". I told her it was me and not her, and I just didnt want to see her. A few days past and I get a phone message from her... "Im pregnant". I shat my pants and basically ran straight to her house to sort it out. Her parents told me that they were fed up with their 'foster' childs ways... she had been stealing money, and this was the last straw.. so they kicked her out of home. I didnt stay in contact with her, but her parents got her tested and she wasnt pregnant.

 

6 months later, I was on the net and I started talking to another young women. About 30 minutes into the convesation she said. "You do know who this is dont you?" We talked about what happened, and she begged me to give her another chance, because she had done alot of growing up over the past half year. She convinced me to go see her again at her new place. We walked and talked around the block a few times then went back to her house, where we both were a little nervous, and ended up having a little bit of sexual play.. just hands etc. But I knew this was a bad start. We agreed the day after that it prolly wasnt the best to start out like this again and I found out something shocking... that she had been raped by her real father till she was 8 years old. She was fine talking about it, but she explained this is why she found it a little hard to share her body, and I was fine with this.

 

The next weekened, was pretty much the first time we had been together as.. I dunno.. not sexual. A few of her friends came over, we had pizza, watched movies.. that kinda stuff. Im getting better now, but through highschool I had the crud kicked outta me emotionally.. and I find it hard to talk to new ppl around my age. Basically I spent the weekend talking very little to Her, or her friends.lept together that weekend, but a bit of cuddles till we feel asleep, and thats how I like it.

 

I sent her a message the week after telling her that I was sorry if I was a little quiet ova the weekend, and made up some bull**** story I prolly shouldnt have. I dont agree fully with her, but her words were along the lines of scared little mouse. I thought... Im gonna change myself.. Im a little image concience and ive been going to the gym for a while now and looking ok.... So I told her... Im going on a holiday for a month.. and I planned over this month to get into perfect shape, and overcome my fear of people basically. She sent me messages daily about how much she mist me, and I sent like replies. Two weeks after I 'left', she sent me a message saying she had betrayed me. I thought she was talking about something completely different to what she next said... I spent a few hours at a club the other night kissing and cuddling with some guy. Oh Im so sorry.. I was so drunk... Oh im sorry.

 

I swear, I lost my breath for 30 seconds.. wasnt mad at first... but was mad later.. fuming... I thought I had to hurt her back so I told her bout how I was telling her bull**** about this holiday, and I was hiding in the gym. I told her I was doing this for her.. or for us.. Basically we had a big brawl about this for a week, where twice I told her I didnt want to see her again, and some how.. the hold she had over me made me come back.

 

I went to see her finally, and we talked it out. I explaied I would forget bout what she had done since she was very drunk, and she said she would forget about how I had lied to her because I had.. I dunno... good intentions.

We thought we'd go back to the start.. try and start a relationship. I sat there with her brothers half the night watchin tv, just holding her in my arms on the couch, and left at bed time.

 

After all that background.. my question sort of starts here. Im trying to get to know her more... I really really like her, and its prolly weak, that I cant let go of her and I keep coming back for more, but Im desperate to give this another try. The problem... well Ill put it out in dot points I think and maybe they can be addressed seperately or sumthin.

 

* I cant communicate with her... When I meet up with her at a shopping complex or watever, I dont get looked in the eye, and sometimes I dont get a Hi.

* Today I said goodbye to her after escorting her to the bus stop.. wishing her merry christmas.. My response.. yeah.

* I try and talk.. by asking her about her friends, and what shes into and what shes doin ova christmas... every question I asked her over the 3 hours we were shopping, I mighta churned out 20 mins of conversation.

* She never looks happy.. I can get her to smile at me, but its hard work.

* When we talked that night we agreeded to start from scratch, I said to her.. when u feel like holding hands, or giving me a kiss or whateveer.. dont be worried.. just grab me by the head, yank me towards u and do it.. Ive been waiting for her to show some sorta of affection, and Ive got none. I asked for her hand last night, and held it for 5 mins before she pulled it away.

* I ask her... after all these dotpoint above, do u want to be with me? do u even like me.... I get a reassuring smile, nod, and yeeessss.. yeeesssss. This confuses the f*** outta me cuz I cant make any bloody sense out of it.

 

She told me the other night when we were talking that she had trouble communicating with males due to her father, and I can respect that. But seeing how she talk to other males, friends, family, shop attendants etc... I dunno... doesnt seem like she has any problem with anyone but me.

 

I really really like this women.. Ive told her this many times.... and on the occasion (due to me asking) she tells me (usually over a phone message) that she feels really strong for me.

 

On a daily basis now, I say to myself... Ok, this is goin nowhere.. give her up. But she has me bent around her finger, and I come bak for another one.

 

I want to try and work this out with her... I want to be able to talk to her, I want to be able to do things with her.. I want to be in a relationship with her, really bad. She hasnt shown it to much, but shes said the feeling is mutual a fair bit as well....

 

Ive asked her time and time again, what kinda stuff would u like to do together? we both stare to the roof and the silence passes... I always lead the conversation... and IM like, um.. ok... ahhhhh.... then I think of another question... most times I cant get anything out of her..

 

WAT DA HELL do I do ???

 

Thanks...

[mjk]

It seems like she is way too immature right now. you both are pretty young and the hormone thing is there too.

 

You should probably walk on this one unless you just want to get laid once in a while.

[UCFKevin]

Anyone who screws around with pregnancy in any way is not someone to stick around with.