Author Chris21 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 So I thought I'd give an update on what happened from this weekend, I still can't believe what went down. So she was supposed to drive and up and she gave me a call saying she left. After about an hour or so she calls me and says she is having car troubles and doesn't think she could make it, she was crying and asked if I would drive down because she planned to see me until Sunday. I thought and said alright, I drove down, looked at her car and it had legitimate problems. All her roommates were gone, and it was just her and I, we went for a walk, we had dinner talked, nothing big just caught up. So here is where things get weird, we are watching a movie and she is catching up on her texts. Now her friends and roommates knew that I was coming. So she starts typing away and starts pacing the room. I ask her what's wrong because she was visibly upset. She said that guy she dated (there were no pictures or anything up in her room with him) was really weird. She said that he was calling her roommates and her friends asking where she was and they told her that she was studying with them. I started to see how this was trouble. So, we are getting ready for bed and I was going to sleep on the air mattress and she just says sleep with her in her bed. We're laying down and he drives 2 hours to see what she was doing. She panics and asks if I can go into her roommates room across the hall since it was left open by her roommate (my ex's family was coming to visit her on Sunday and they needed a place to sleep). Well I heard them talking, more like yelling and she was telling him he doesn't have the right to show whenever he wants. They finished and he ended up leaving. So the next day (yesterday) and hung. I was a little pissed off about the fiasco from the night prior and I started asking her why did she want to see me so bad. She has friends, what made her pick up the phone and call after so many months of not doing it and she just kept responded with "I really wanted to see you". I cooled off and we hung out. She said she wanted to have sex and we did last night and this more and she was pretty aggressive about it. I decided to leave a day early and just get some air after all of that. She says she wants to see me more often and she has been texting and calling me since. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 If I were you, i'd just go with it and see where it ends up Link to post Share on other sites
PACT Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 Although, do be careful from now on that she is not just using you because she had a bad experience with that most recent bf and wants to go running back to someone who cares about her and is there for her. I'm sort of in the same boat you are, although I'm at the beginning of your story so to speak and she hasn't had a boyfriend since me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris21 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 If I were you, i'd just go with it and see where it ends up I'm probably going to do just this, hrmm I hope that this time isn't wasted lol. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 How does it feel to be someone's backup plan? Seriously, in that situation, I would have just stood my ground and told her, "If he's coming, fine. You can ask me to leave and I'm gone or you can tell him to get out but you need to make a decision. I don't have time for bull**** games." I'm certainly not going to go hide in some room for her. Man, come on, have some respect for yourself. Now she's manipulating two guys at the same time. Unbelievable. It's not worth it, man. There's just too much BS in the air right now. Don't be her second choice guy. Tell her to pound sand and kick rocks. Seriously? Go hide in a room while she argues with the rebound that replaced you and then come out when the coast is clear? Why cover her ass? She made her bed, she can sleep in it. Ps: Doing things like this will make a woman lose respect for you very quickly. You're just her safety net now for when she falls down. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I wonder if someone was ever hiding in a closet when you guys first got together.....think about it If she truly wanted to be with you she would've ended it with him before she made the trip. Go into NC once again. What would you tell me to do if I was in your situation?? Link to post Share on other sites
prayingshecomesback Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Hey DB, what does GIGS mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Seriously? Go hide in a room while she argues with the rebound that replaced you and then come out when the coast is clear? Why cover her ass? She made her bed, she can sleep in it. I respect a lot of your posts, DB, but this one I question; The above is probably the most intelligent course of action. It avoids a situation that could have turned nasty or even violent. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I respect a lot of your posts, DB, but this one I question; The above is probably the most intelligent course of action. It avoids a situation that could have turned nasty or even violent. That's why I said in my post I would have asked her, "Do you want me to leave?" The point is that hiding in a room is childish behavior. We're all adults here. That entire situation is just stupid silly. Also, she was culpable for putting him in that situation. They could have just as easily met at a coffee shop or gone out together. The fact that she was pacing around the room shows that she knew damn well that her jealous current bf was going to make a surprise visit. She's putting her ex in a terrible situation and that shows a complete lack of respect on her part. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Hey DB, what does GIGS mean? GIGS = Grass is Greener Syndrome. When someone leaves their partner for another person because they feel the grass is going to be greener in the new relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 That's why I said in my post I would have asked her, "Do you want me to leave?" The point is that hiding in a room is childish behavior. We're all adults here. That entire situation is just stupid silly. Also, she was culpable for putting him in that situation. They could have just as easily met at a coffee shop or gone out together. The fact that she was pacing around the room shows that she knew damn well that her jealous current bf was going to make a surprise visit. She's putting her ex in a terrible situation and that shows a complete lack of respect on her part. OK, I understand your point now. If we all made the right decisions and choices, though, especially at times of stress, then this site wouldn't exist Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris21 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Yeah, I did a lot of thinking last night, I'm going back to NC. It was quite a shock seeing her like this, sigh, what an adventure. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Attwood Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Yeah, I did a lot of thinking last night, I'm going back to NC. It was quite a shock seeing her like this, sigh, what an adventure. G'ahhhh !!!! “Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” Bertrand Russell Link to post Share on other sites
nomad0792 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Wow...this is some crazy ****. My break-up sucked serious ass, and I have had fantasies of her coming back to me, begging and pleading. BUT THIS IS REALLY ****ED UP. Talk about going from potential dream sitch to a legit nightmare. Sorry to hear this happened Chris21, but you are going to have to take a stand. Your best recourse is to make her realize how ridiculously she handled that situation. You do this by not contacting her. She will not respect you if you don't draw a line in the sand bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Gere51 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I'll relate my experience with my ex. I went NC for 6 months after we broke up and refused to respond in any manner. When I was ready, she contacted me and we finally talked. I never once initiated any phone calls to her and she was always the one contacting me, whether it be via phone or text. I had no intention of getting back with her, but wanted to see what she was really up to. Finally, we met up in October and she stayed at my house (she lives 2 hours away). I put her in my room and slept in the guest bedroom, and I think she was a little taken aback that I didn't even try to kiss her. The morning after she became more amorous toward me and starting initiating physical contact such as touching, sitting next to me, etc. When she left for an appointment that morning she tried to kiss me initimately and I pulled back. Her eyes got as big as saucers and asked what was wrong. I replied "I just don't think this is ok". She stopped by that evening for a few minutes and when she left I gave her a peck on the cheek and told her to be careful. Have heard from her exactly twice since then and doubt if I will since I think I sent a strong message. According to her, she's never been rejected by any man, so this must've been a first (lol). Amazing how some people think they can step back into your life after all of the pain they've caused. Link to post Share on other sites
hurting_in_nw Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Amazing how some people think they can step back into your life after all of the pain they've caused. Exactly, and that's why I'm not a fan of second chances anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 OP, what your ex is doing is trying to get her needs met by two different guys. Physical by the other guy. Emotional by you. This is the most selfish behavior one can display and if I were you, I would rid myself of her for good. Block, delete, ignore -- whatever you have to do to exorcise her from your life. Got me? Link to post Share on other sites
dietpepsi Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 If she started dating the guy a month after you, and she is contacting you a lot 4 months later and still with this guy, she may be preparing to leave him, or contemplating it, and checking to see if you're still around. I think women usually start preparing options early (not ALL the time, but a lot) So you may want to be careful of this trap. You definitely don't want to be the strong person you seem to be taking now, and then taking in the newly wounded lonely lamb, only for her to satisfy her loneliness before moving on again. Leaving you in a lurch again. Or she may really realize you were the one. Or she could be fighting with her new man, and you feel comforting. Or it doesn't mean anything, and she wants to be rid of the guilt so she can have a healthier relationship with her new guy. Finally letting go of the past for good. The ring thing she found out about may have sent her mind into overload and extreme trips of guilt, even months after. But the slimmer of the possibilities, whatever they are, probably don't work in your favor as much as hers. Be Careful man, you sound like you've come a long way. Link to post Share on other sites
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