It's macabre, I tell you... she loves me? she loves him? she's my bff!!!

[bananaboat11]

Ok.. been posting on these forums for only a day, but being at an emotional place in my life post-bad breakup of 2 months, but learning time doesn't change thing... doing things changes things and realizing my past relationship of 5 months was a rebound for her... purely physical and nothing more. Regardless of words spoken and feelings put into words - it was one giant lie from her to me. I have come to terms with that and filled that negative void she left with friends, family, hobbies, etc.. all positive aspects in my life.

 

Here and there I'll relapse, but I have some good friends that pick me up. I know the ex and I ended TERRIBLY... but as someone pointed out in another forum on these boards.. maybe it's better to be hated and not forgotten than just another guy in her life who she has moved on from. ie, i expect her to contact me eventually (not for at least a year), but if she does.. I will not and cannot be there to receive this calling. I am not hoping for this.. I am expecting it.

 

Anyhow.. on to the meat & potatoes...

 

This past NYE... I was cornered by my best friend's boyfriend. Some quick background info... this best friend and me have been flirtatious in the past, and I do have feelings for her and never told her... we were close and I was always afraid of destroying that close friendship we had by trying to make it something more - that she would not reciprocate. So, to guard my heart.. I told her that I want to be with a Jewish girl (I am jewish). She was always accepting of this and respectful... I always told her I hope one day to meet a girl EXACTLY like her, but jewish (which I have not heh).

 

My best friend is smart, beautiful, caring, fun, envigorating, truthful, honest, intelligent, seductive, comical, loving, warm, compassionate, etc... she's had problems with self-image issues, but through thick and thin.. i've always been there for her as a best friend.

 

I know sometimes friendships make the BEST relationships, but until now.. I have not risked that.

 

Well.. back to our story. the best friend's (bestf's) boyfriend apparently has been taking heat from my bestf's dad... who loves me to death, mind you, and I've only only met him once. I am on the road to success (thank the one above) and he thinks I'd make a better husband than her current boy. Apparently he tells the boyfriend that he is jealous of me.. that I am a better man.. etc.. etc..

 

Well this didn't go over well.. boyfriend was drunk and made me swear on my life and my father's grave that I never felt anything for my bestf. And that I'll never come between them... and I understand it's tough to see a guy and a girl as close as my bestf and I are and not be suspicious of anything. In truth - nothing has ever happened between us...

 

...but this past weekend on NYE... I met my best friend's mom. The mom told my best friend she had a guy friend like me in college who was in love with her, and she wishes she knew then what she knows now. the mom told my bestf to confront me about it... and my bestf did. And I, like a fool, did... But I told her I cannot divide her heart and I will not come between her and her boyfriend. I value the friendship we have now (for the last 6 years)...

 

My best friend doesn't know if she's happy with her current boyfriend b/c he's mean to her, especially when he gets drunk. He is 4 years, almost 5, older than she and from my POV (point of view) scared of losing her... I told her I will stand by her decision whatever it may be and I can't want anything to change... not now especially.. I'm on the rebound from a dysfunctional relationship and do not want to rebound. It's disgusting for me, unfair to the girl... and I really don't care if it's disrespectful to the ex. My ex is a cold, heartless girl who used me as a rebound and lied to me that she loved me... but anyhow...

 

..the best friend of mine let me know she wishes she knew about my feelings... and that she does feel the same way, but right now isn't sure what to make of it. I've always known she's had feelings for me (when she's drunk.. she tells me, but then gets upset b/c I tell her I want to be with a jewish girl... and we make up and continue being friends - all playfully, but in retrospect... she is serious about her feelings, if that makes sense)

 

...so now I know how she feels. She knows how I feel. She's in a relationship that, at present time, she is moderately unhappy with... and I am about 3 months out of a bad relationship that ended on very bad terms...

 

yeah........ FML.

[bananaboat11]

ps - thank you to any and all who read this and take the time to respond =)

[6070]

Bannaboat,

 

I was in a similar situation recently, I found out that my best friend had feelings for me, and i very quickyly grew fond of her. The only difference here is i knew the bf too.

 

The bf confronted me and i told him. As a result of that i have lost both of them as friends and have had to move into another part of halls of residence. (in college)

 

You have to decide whether you love her, and are willing to take the risk (for better or for worse)

or if you simply want to be friends in which case there is no worries.

 

If you do love her, then go for it! Let her know that you will be ther for her when she is ready. This guy making you swear on your life that you don't like the girl is stupid on his part, (never ask the question you don't want the answer too) Good luck