three Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 Here's the situation: I met this girl 5 months ago. We really clicked well and we ended up getting physical. However, she had a boyfriend whom she was with for 4 years. For the next few months we talked about her breaking up and being with me and she was very hesitant, although she said she was falling in love with me. Her feelings for me were fluctuating daily. 2 weeks ago she broke up with him, mainly because she wanted to be with me. She spoke with her ex 2 days ago and now she tells me she wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. She feels confused and says she is under a lot of pressure. Any ideas on how I should approach this? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 By having sex with you , it confused her. Neither of you should have done the naughty but what was done was done. Then you wanted her for you all to yourself. She was confused. She felt an obligation to her bf. You should have left her alone so she could have came to this conclusion herself. Now she feels regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author three Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 Thanks for the reply. What should my next step be then? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Just let things play out. Though be warned, she threw away a relationship of 4 years for someone she knew for only 5 months. What do you think she'll do to you now? Do you honestly think she'll stay? She was more than likely caught up in the excitement of someone new and now she's longing for the safe waters of the long standing relationship she once had. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Just let things play out. Though be warned, she threw away a relationship of 4 years for someone she knew for only 5 months. What do you think she'll do to you now? Do you honestly think she'll stay? And the other consideration is, if she does stay, won't she always be comparing your relationship with the one she left? If she's already confused about whether it was "worth it", then if things ever get rocky or difficult in your relationship, what's the first thing that's going to come into her mind? Was it really worth leaving what I had for this? Kind of a rocky foundation to start a relationship from... Not really a clean slate, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author three Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 I should just let things play out? Is there nothing I can do to alleviate the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 I should just let things play out? Is there nothing I can do to alleviate the situation? First, I think you need to carefully define what is the stress that needs alleviating... Are you under stress that she might not pick you, and you want to alleviate that by inducing her to choose you? Or are you hoping to alleviate the stress she is under, in having to make her choice, and accept that her choice may be to go back to her ex? In other words, do you want to influence her choice, or do you want to take the pressure off so she can make her choice indpendently? Link to post Share on other sites
Author three Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hmm. You do have a point. I don't want to pressure her. I think I HAVE been pressuring her thus far. I'd rather she make her decision without any outside influence and in a clear frame of mind. How exactly would I go about giving her space? Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 I AM INVOLVED IN something very similar. When you are with someone it is not very mature to cheat. This may be a problem later for you and her. Is she the kind to do this when she's not happy. I know how women can get caught up in their emotions If she was broken up already then i guess its one thing . But here you have a relationship that may be worth saving. 4 years is quite awhile. If I were you in the same situation I would tell her to figure out what she wants to do. Leave her alone the 4 year relationship is the first thing to figure out. She probably has feelings for him still . Its against everything you may feel but It will be better in the end Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 I agree. She needs time to get over the boyfriend. 4 years is a long time to be with someone! if you do not give her space and let her come around on her own you risk becoming a rebound. Just let things play out – there is nothing you can do other than wait. Don’t add pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author three Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 So I have an update to the situation. I decided to break it off with her. I told her that she needed time to evaluate her feelings. I also told her I still cared deeply for her. I'm still hanging around her as a friend, but I'm refraining from sexual contact. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 So I have an update to the situation. I decided to break it off with her. I told her that she needed time to evaluate her feelings. I also told her I still cared deeply for her. I'm still hanging around her as a friend, but I'm refraining from sexual contact. Thoughts? Ulterior motive- sticking around until she changes her mind. Have more self respect for yourself and walk away. Sticking around her isn't going to change anything except you're still the one that's going to suffer in the long run. If she wants to be with you, she wouldn't have been so indecisive to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
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