tigereyes1428 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 I am currently "not with" my man, on a break AGAIN just to relieve the pressure for a while - we have a 9month old baby he does not want to move in with me as being a full time father is a huge life change for him so he stays 3 nights a week in my bed to help with baby and to spend time with baby and me. we have sex although he usually says "he is off it" at the minute, he says he loves me but is not in love with me anymore but each time i try to move on he says he hopes that i am not giving up on us getting married or settling together in the future and that he is not remotely interested in anyone else as it would be like cheating on me which he would never do. but when i suggest ways i think we can get relationship on track he does not seem interested in doing it - says he has no urge to go out or anything at minute. yet he goes to his friends once a week for a smoke and a beer. i feel jealous that he used to socialise with his exes and does not with me. I am confused here - opinions please?? Link to post Share on other sites
consufedmarriedman Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Wow yeah there are a few things going on. 1. He is not sure he wants to be with you, he still likes to go out and tells you he loves you but not in love with you and you still have sex. Gone 4 nights a week. 2. On the other hand he sees a future with you and the baby and deeply cares for you. I guess a tough question to ask is if there was no baby involved would he still want to be with you and you with him? It almlost sounds like he is swinging in becuase of the baby yet it is pushing him away. He is not mature enough to be dad, yet it is still pulling him back becuase deep down he knows he has to be a man and take care of the baby and you. If you do not mind me asking how old is he? is seems very immature I would say younger then 25. If he is older then cut this jerk off. I guess you almost need to put aside the fact you have a child together and focus on your realtionship. If he is not willing to engage into helping the realtionship grow which does or could include therpy then he is not the one for you and will keep playing games until he is mature enough. Personally I did the same thing years ago in a realtionship it was headed down hill after 5years and she wanted to try and fix it but I wanted nothing to do with that. We ended up splitting and for months later I really did regret it, most people do not know what they have until it is gone. Those lesson have pushed me to be a better man and husband in my marriage. Maybe that is what he needs. Tell him to get on the same page or you have to move on with your life, there are plenty of good guys that would want a lady with a kid. Its not a big deal. You cannot keep going through this process. I can really feel for you and how lonely and sad it must make you feel to be alone with your baby those 4 nights a week when he is not there doing God knows what. All you want is him to be the man he needs to be to embrace you and the child or just leave, not both. My heart goes out to you, I will put you in my prayers thats for sure. Just be strong for yourself and the baby, after all who wants to be with someone that cannot make up their mind about loving you? It hurts but just keep that in mind, find a good man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigereyes1428 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Share Posted January 5, 2010 thank you so much for your reply, it hurts so much your right and i know that, he is 38 years old - shows me no affection at all and seems very uninterested in spending time with me - when he is here he stares at tv sits on opposite couch and comes to bed later than me. he smokes grass every night after work and always says he is going to stop doing it so much but would be appalled if i suggest stopping altogether as then "i am just trying to control him" even at new years i had to beg him to stay in with me - he wanted to spend it with his friends - i cant allow this to continue i am close to breaking and my confidence is shattered - i have always been confident and i am a person who needs a lot of affection/sex but i am made to feel like i am pestering him or depraved for wanting it . he says he is suffering from depression but refuses point blank to see a doctor - says he is stressed and near a breakdown but when i ask him why? what pressure i she under he wont talk to me? Link to post Share on other sites
consufedmarriedman Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Dear, at 38 years old and acting like a young 20s .....RUN! If he will not help and is acting like this, there is little future for you. He really needs to help himself and you realy need to take the guy and his actions out your and your childs life. until he changes he needs to be away from the baby. I hope that helps and I know you are on the right path! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigereyes1428 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 thank you - x Link to post Share on other sites
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