moaningmyrtle Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 And for all you have done, you will receive a 100 fold....your cruelty shall see it's day with you shortly....get ready... Frankly I don't understand what this means - but then I'm not religious and don't go much for biblical-like threats. Care to explain? Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Frankly I don't understand what this means - but then I'm not religious and don't go much for biblical-like threats. Care to explain? Not real hard to figure out....could this be yet another BS that needs to go to the infidelity forum?????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Dear IMtK, ....I just want to say that in this thread there are a lot of horrible replies....please disregard the cruel and immature comments...I am so sorry....it is pathetic that a person cannot come to an online forum to receive support and then encounter such monsters....I speak all good things over you.....oh and there is an "ignore" feature....I intend on using it because of the manipulation that just discusts me.....take care Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hello there: I missed the Kiss... Have read all of your posts on this, I believe .. I have been on both sides of this - my husband divorced me for another woman after a long marriage .. and I have also fallen in love with a married man .. First of all, I am proud of you for walking away from your marriage, as you have said there were already problems .. Secondly, I know you are still curious to know why the mm did not give you a parting explanation.. You were So Wise in never trying to contact him ..In your silence, God speaks for you.. I actually would not block him - at least if he ever contacts you, the last piece of the puzzle will be there. It worked out alright that he returned to his wife - for whatever reason. The odds do not seem to be there that it will work out.. But everyone says that if a man cheats on his wife - for you - he will most likely cheat on you as well.. Pray to God that He continues to strenthen you ... and He will ... I have a gospel tape that I listen to when I am extremely down ... very uplifting .. I pray that God strengthens you and gives you peace and I hope you are in a position - jobwise, or whatever - to take care of yourself and daughters financially. If not, you may wish to seek guidance on vocations and/ or internet or other education .. Jobs, exercise ... it is all strengthening and also means of gaining back your confidence .. yours, califnan Link to post Share on other sites
silverplanets Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 IMTK - Everyone has (and is entitled to) their opinions on life, karma, religion, fate etc etc My own opinion is that everyone in pain has a right to express that pain and a right for others to respect the fact that they are in a place of pain. Other than that, everything right should be, I believe, only be about you - in every way and form. The simple truth here is that you've been hit by a bus. Who was driving the bus, why were you in it's way, why did it hit you, was there anything you could have done to avoid it are not really that important when you're flat on the road having been run over (imho). I have a nine year old daughter and let's say she decides to walk on a wall and falls off .... (now obviously not being on the wall in the first place is one way to avoid this) BUT when she's on the ground lying there my love for her means I stop, go down to where she is and make sure she's ok and then slowly help her up (rather than shout at her "Why the bloody hell did you do that!"). I have found that in general, once she is back on her feet she tells me what she has learnt from the fall (and it's not always what I would have preached). Each time this happens I am more and more amazed by her inner strengh, ability to adjust her behaviour and (to be honest) sheer enthusiasm for getting back on to the "bike seat" of life. Of course if she keeps doing exactly the same thing time and time again then I will slowly try a differnet approach, but I generally find people don't. Twice being flattened is normally more than enough. So again, I send my best wishes to you and express my sadness that you are currently in this place of pain and hurt. And again, I say that the only duty you have now (for your kids if you don't feel you deserve it) is to focus on YOU ... do some emergency repairs if necessary (go running, walking, blow some money on getting out with the kids) .. anything to ensure you don't cave in right now .. and then, as you're getting stronger you will find yourself able to do a little more each day. Sometimes it's so dark you CAN'T see the light at the end of the tunnel and each step you take is onto unknown ground. Take small steps and keep focused only on where you are putting each foot. Eventually a little light filters in from ahead and you feel more confident that each step is onto good ground ... so you begin to look up a little and become aware of what's ahead and you go a little faster, because you can sense there is something ahead. Keep going and you are in strong daylight, your legs are strong and your footsteps sure ... and now you can run, looking up and around to take in all the delights of where you are and where you can go ... and you can laugh in delight at the sheer joy of just being. .. hope that's not too wierd ! I'm not quite in the strong daylight, but do you know, I don't think I am too far away from it. And NO-ONE is going to stop me getting there !!! At the end of the day this is MY life, MY experience and MY journey ... and i have a right to live and enjoy it Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 IMTK - And again, I say that the only duty you have now (for your kids if you don't feel you deserve it) is to focus on YOU ... do some emergency repairs if necessary (go running, walking, blow some money on getting out with the kids) .. anything to ensure you don't cave in right now .. and then, as you're getting stronger you will find yourself able to do a little more each day. Sometimes it's so dark you CAN'T see the light at the end of the tunnel and each step you take is onto unknown ground. Take small steps and keep focused only on where you are putting each foot. Eventually a little light filters in from ahead and you feel more confident that each step is onto good ground ... so you begin to look up a little and become aware of what's ahead and you go a little faster, because you can sense there is something ahead. Keep going and you are in strong daylight, your legs are strong and your footsteps sure ... and now you can run, looking up and around to take in all the delights of where you are and where you can go ... and you can laugh in delight at the sheer joy of just being. .. hope that's not too wierd ! I'm not quite in the strong daylight, but do you know, I don't think I am too far away from it. And NO-ONE is going to stop me getting there !!! At the end of the day this is MY life, MY experience and MY journey ... and i have a right to live and enjoy it Silver, Bless you my friend... I just now read your reply to me from yesterday and it couldn't have come at a better time. Today I feel like I can't take another step, that I would rather fall deeply into eternal sleep than face this pain... Your post made me cry, but it gave me a glimmer of hope... I'm too weak to say more now... but thank you... IMTK Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Hello there: I missed the Kiss... Have read all of your posts on this, I believe .. I have been on both sides of this - my husband divorced me for another woman after a long marriage .. and I have also fallen in love with a married man .. First of all, I am proud of you for walking away from your marriage, as you have said there were already problems .. Secondly, I know you are still curious to know why the mm did not give you a parting explanation.. You were So Wise in never trying to contact him ..In your silence, God speaks for you.. I actually would not block him - at least if he ever contacts you, the last piece of the puzzle will be there. It worked out alright that he returned to his wife - for whatever reason. The odds do not seem to be there that it will work out.. But everyone says that if a man cheats on his wife - for you - he will most likely cheat on you as well.. Pray to God that He continues to strenthen you ... and He will ... I have a gospel tape that I listen to when I am extremely down ... very uplifting .. I pray that God strengthens you and gives you peace and I hope you are in a position - jobwise, or whatever - to take care of yourself and daughters financially. If not, you may wish to seek guidance on vocations and/ or internet or other education .. Jobs, exercise ... it is all strengthening and also means of gaining back your confidence .. yours, califnan Just wondering ... Are you related to pureinheart? Link to post Share on other sites
mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 IMTK - Everyone has (and is entitled to) their opinions on life, karma, religion, fate etc etc My own opinion is that everyone in pain has a right to express that pain and a right for others to respect the fact that they are in a place of pain. Other than that, everything right should be, I believe, only be about you - in every way and form. The simple truth here is that you've been hit by a bus. Who was driving the bus, why were you in it's way, why did it hit you, was there anything you could have done to avoid it are not really that important when you're flat on the road having been run over (imho). I have a nine year old daughter and let's say she decides to walk on a wall and falls off .... (now obviously not being on the wall in the first place is one way to avoid this) BUT when she's on the ground lying there my love for her means I stop, go down to where she is and make sure she's ok and then slowly help her up (rather than shout at her "Why the bloody hell did you do that!"). I have found that in general, once she is back on her feet she tells me what she has learnt from the fall (and it's not always what I would have preached). Each time this happens I am more and more amazed by her inner strengh, ability to adjust her behaviour and (to be honest) sheer enthusiasm for getting back on to the "bike seat" of life. Of course if she keeps doing exactly the same thing time and time again then I will slowly try a differnet approach, but I generally find people don't. Twice being flattened is normally more than enough. So again, I send my best wishes to you and express my sadness that you are currently in this place of pain and hurt. And again, I say that the only duty you have now (for your kids if you don't feel you deserve it) is to focus on YOU ... do some emergency repairs if necessary (go running, walking, blow some money on getting out with the kids) .. anything to ensure you don't cave in right now .. and then, as you're getting stronger you will find yourself able to do a little more each day. Sometimes it's so dark you CAN'T see the light at the end of the tunnel and each step you take is onto unknown ground. Take small steps and keep focused only on where you are putting each foot. Eventually a little light filters in from ahead and you feel more confident that each step is onto good ground ... so you begin to look up a little and become aware of what's ahead and you go a little faster, because you can sense there is something ahead. Keep going and you are in strong daylight, your legs are strong and your footsteps sure ... and now you can run, looking up and around to take in all the delights of where you are and where you can go ... and you can laugh in delight at the sheer joy of just being. .. hope that's not too wierd ! I'm not quite in the strong daylight, but do you know, I don't think I am too far away from it. And NO-ONE is going to stop me getting there !!! At the end of the day this is MY life, MY experience and MY journey ... and i have a right to live and enjoy it silver. thank you. thank you yet again for a beautiful amazing post. your words are magical, meaningful and simply heartwarming. you have a gift to put things into light. i am grateful for such wonderful perspective and advice. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereToGoFromHere Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) Silver, Bless you my friend... I just now read your reply to me from yesterday and it couldn't have come at a better time. Today I feel like I can't take another step, that I would rather fall deeply into eternal sleep than face this pain... Your post made me cry, but it gave me a glimmer of hope... I'm too weak to say more now... but thank you... IMTK IMTK, How are you today? We haven't heard much from you. Are you okay? You've been through so much and you're still here. You are strong! This just came into my head (you have kids, so you have to have seen this). Dory in Finding Nemo when she says "Just Keep Swimming". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA I don't know why that just came into my head because I've never thought about that before. Weird. I know its not easy. But, like Silver says, while its really dark now, as you keep moving forward you will start to see little glimmers of light showing through. For me, I keep telling myself I just need more time. I just need more time. I'll feel better with a little more time. Eternal sleep is NOT the answer, although the thought of it sometimes does seem like a relief. We have people that depend on us, so that's not an option. I say it too all the time, and I know you don't mean it, but don't go there, okay? Please post again and let us know how you're doing.... Edited January 10, 2010 by WhereToGoFromHere Link to post Share on other sites
silverplanets Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 IMTK, MBEG, I just wanted to say a humble thank you for your kind words and that I am also humble that my experience of it all has been of some help. In the worst of it I didn't know where i was or what I was doing .. all I knew was that it alternated between hurting very bad and being completely numb. I leaned heavily on others for quite a while and it took some time before I was able to take more responsibility for managing my self through it ... So please don't feel rushed, guilty for not knowing what to do, guilty for still having feels or guilty for wanting the pain to go away ... you have (imho) a right to these feelings in this position and your only duty is to look afteryourself as best you can as the feelings wash over you. Eventually I began to spot that the feelings came in "waves" .. at first they were big heavy waves all the time so it was just a case of being hit constantly from all directions .... eventually there was the odd minute when no wave hit .. and that was *such" a relief that i'd cry from the relief instead of the pain. It's a horrible, horrible place to be in , but it doesn't make you a horrible, horrible person and never let anyone (or you) tell you otherwise. At one level all you have done is fall in love and trust someone who has (for whatever reason) withdrawn from private promise they made to you. For me it felt literally like I'd been raised up to heights I didn't necessarily want to go to and then had everything whipped out from under me and it was a long and hard fall back down. You're hurt and pain is not unjustified (or deserved) it is just real and painful .. and your only loyalty right now is to keep yourself going and hopefully spot one of those minutes (or even 10 seconds) when a wave doesn't hit ... and then hopefully a few more .... What helped for me was stopping the source of those waves, which did mean keeping absolute non-contact no matter HOW much I wanted otherwise. Even with that there were enough waves caused by the echoes of them in my head and body, but any contact (good or bad) caused many, many more ... eventually I realised I just needed them to leave me alone at least until such a time as the waves had subsided to a level that was manageable and I could watch and feel them in me without being overwhelmed by them. You can do it, and you ARE worth it ... please believe that. Chris ps: sorry about the "wave" analogy, it's just I'm trying to describe how it felt for me in case it's the same for you ps2: I started a diary/journal and that really helped ... short or long jots whatever I needed .. some of it was pretty grim reading .. at her and at me, but then writing it down at least removed it from my head for a few seconds ... Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 No .... I only have a mother and two sons ... ha Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 No .... I only have a mother and two sons ... ha Sorry. I found that your posting styles were very similar from the ellipses, the subject, and the message. I almost thought you two were the exact same poster. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Silver, Bless you my friend... I just now read your reply to me from yesterday and it couldn't have come at a better time. Today I feel like I can't take another step, that I would rather fall deeply into eternal sleep than face this pain... Your post made me cry, but it gave me a glimmer of hope... I'm too weak to say more now... but thank you... IMTK How are you holdng up girl? Any news, any changes? Are you taking care of yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
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