Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Ok, first time poster^^ Hi everyone So this is the deal, i join a forum where everyone shares a common interest, and theres a searchfunction for users, so for the fun of it. i type in the country and "state" (best description) im in, and find some other people, i check them out and stumble upon this girl who lives like an hour away, in her desc. she has put her msn address and a note saying "add me if you want to talk about anything (or nothing)" so i did something completely unlike me, i added her... I didnt think more of it, and one day i see her log in, and panic, she says hi and i fumbly says hi back, and tell her that i dont usually do stuff like this. She says its cool and we continue talking. Ah well, weve been talking to each other for quite a while now, we have many common interests and a lot to talk about. So what i need help with is trying to figure out what she thinks of me really and tips how to keep conversations active...*sigh*... i hoped it wouldnt come to this but it seems i have to tell of that shared interest, it is anime, animated movies from japan (please refrain from commenting on this, it is not important). A lot of odd things she has said has made me wonder if she means something or if im just imagining things. One time i mentioned i got a lot of anime to watch and suddenly she got all sad, i couldnt figure out why, so i asked her, it ended up being because she thought i was going to leave at that moment to watch it. I have seen pics of her (really pretty) and she has seen pics of me (reaction was positive to my surprise). Hmm, what else, oh, she mentions learning me how to dance all the time (told her i sucked at it), like "Well, why dont you come over here and ill teach you^^)a nd everytime i mention coming to her city she says "do so" or something similar She doesnt have a boyfriend but im afraid she will get one if i dont hurry, she has mentioned that shes "picky", dont know if thats good or bad. Oh, i dont know if this is relevant, but ive seen a pattern in how she ends her post, the first times, she wrote "hugs" without exception, then "hugs and kisses" for a copule of times, and now only "kisses", dont know if it means anything.... Weve been discussing trading cd's of burned anime, that would mean to meet, well, i guess it could be done by mail, but meeting seems to be the general idea. The first thing she does when she logs in is say "hi" and we always talk until she has to go, so we have talked quite a lot... This has just been a random pick of events, i dont know id u can make anything out of it, but i felt i needed someone else to tell me their opinion.... So the question is, what is happening really, am i just imagining things? (oh and a list of nice discussuion topics would be nice too) And how do i proceed, i guess what i want from this is ultimately meeting her and maybe later making her my gf Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Nothing ventured, nothing gained, my friend. Why not, next time you talk, say something like 'we seem to have lots in common - should we consider being more than pals?' That way, you leave it open to discussion and see what she thinks about the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 eeek... that suggestion made my heart skip a beat, it is the right thing to do i guess, but its hard... (actually talking to here atm) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 tell her we say 'hi' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 Somehow... that seems like a bad idea^^ Well.... i just coudlnt say it....yet.... Have a bad experience of these things..... but i have a bad experience of waiting too long also... I think... ill have to find a more subtle way of saying it... Otherwise, i dont think i will be able to *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Why don't you treat the whole relationship just like you would had you met her face to face in the Mall or something? Just because it was random on the internet doesn't make it a less valid relationship. It happpened just as these things always do....when you least expect it....from the strangest sources. Relaxe and Enjoy!!!! .........and keep us posted on what happens next.....okay?? I love a sappy love story..... Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 I think what's cool about the whole thing is that you have already broken the ice in talking to her. The more you worry about what to say the less time you'll have to say it. Go for it, she's receptive and you met innocently. Give it a try Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 I am enjoying^^ I really like talking to her But, i am such a complete doofus when it comes to these kinds of things, so i have no idea to take it a step further.. Maybe im rushing things^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 Well, talked to her again, and im still having trouble discussing anything that could be seen as "stepping out of line" Whenever an oppurtinty comes to go a little further... both of us freeze... And it stays that way until one of us cant take it anymore and starts to talk about something else.... I guess... Im asking for a middleway, a way to bring the subject up, but still in such a subtle way that i will be able to do it, im afraid of waiting too long since ive played the "waiting game" for 6 months before on another girl and it ended up with her coming running happily to me telling me she just got a boyfriend, i did not feel good that day.... i am not doing that again Ah well, some way to get the conversation in the right direction, and that isnt to blunt for me to cope with, sorry for being a bother, but im really stuck here Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 You can be so subtle as to be completely incomprehensible. In fact, I suspect she's being 'subtle' and you clearly haven't picked up on it. Reconsider my suggestion. Asking someone whether you ought to think about something is pretty mild I'm not sure how much farther you could step back and still get the idea across that you'd like to change the relationship. If she says 'no' all she's said is 'no' to thinking about it!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 I tried but I came as far as "'we seem to have lots in common - should we consider being more........" and then i freezed... And deleted it and started talking about something else... Somehow, this is a really hard thing for me to do Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 It's called 'fear of rejection'. First, you have to decide that your life/world will not come to a crashing halt if she says 'no'. Have a snappy comeback ready for if she says 'no', in fact. Make it fairly light. Or maybe just say 'ok, then, if you ever do think we should think about it, let me know' and then go back to your conversation. Have something else ready to talk about; maybe something you've already been meaning to ask or tell her. If you can treat it like any other suggestion you might make and not fall to pieces if she says no, then it won't be a huge blip on her radar and you'll assure her (assuming she needs it) that you're not desperate or that your current relationship won't change in any way because she didn't say 'yes'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 Like, if she says no.. I say something like "Well, i just had to ask, i would have regretted it my whole life i hadnt^^" Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Yeah, now that's pretty much what you'd not want to say. That's the thing to keep in mind to tell her if she says yes and when you finally meet and discover that you do well in 3D. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 Hmm... Ok then... We talk like every day... Im gonna do a serious attempt this evening^^ i hope... I still have no idea how to counter a "no" though^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 I reread what you posted about "fear of rejection" It makes sense, now i only have one question, how long should i wait to ask that question? Weve talked for awhile, but not like "months" or anything, should i wait, or should i do it now? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Oops - answered while you were typing your last. Ok. New answer: how long has it been? Define 'quite a while' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 like, not long, two weeks? (seems like forever) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Oh! Hm. Yep, you may want to hold back on this plan for at least a couple more weeks. Meantime, next time she says something about you going there or something, say something like 'I just might take you up on that' and see how she reacts. I'd give it another week, minimum, unless she starts hinting strongly that she'd like to see you around New Year's Eve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 Hmm, i thought something like that, "i just have a bad experience with waiting too long, guess its because of that im rushing a little" Ah well, nother issue then, atm, we have quite a lot of stuff to talk about, but i think that is gonna change, so some pointers on keeping a conversation with a girl alive and interesting? Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Hi Enigma, Man, I love that feeling! After reading that it's only been a couple of weeks I think you are fine. There is such a rush right now between you two, everything is new, and you both must be excited. Love is a many spendored thing, but it is also crazy!!! Things to talk about are just gonna pop-up don't worry about it. Lucky for you two there is no one else in the picture. The more than friends thing will just hapen if it is meant to be...believe me, it's true! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Questions. Ask questions. Ask what she likes. Ask her opinions on anything from sports to politics to food. You can keep any conversation going with questions - and answers lead to anecdotes or to ideas for more questions. If she's a good conversationalist, she'll answer your question in a way that leads to more discussion. If she doesn't , then keep asking questions until you branch out into discussing whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Hey, MJK! I was hoping you or Kevin might weigh in, here Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Hey Girl!!!! Just a little tired from all that bounding and dashing yesterday!! Don't know how Kevin is doing? And it probably wasn't too cool that I tried my moves at the local 7-11 store! Hey...At least I try!! I think Enigma is doing great!! Of course you are gonna be at a "loss for words". I, uh, well.... moimeme, you... ummmm..maybe, CSG! (thanks for all the codes!, don't overload me, It takes to long to flip thru the pages!) Enigma, you are a lucky man!!! Go out and enjoy yourself with her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enigma Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 Im really interested in her and her life^^ So i guess what im doing when speaking to her is asking a simple question, like "So what happened today then?" And if she answers like "Oh, i went shopping!" I ask like "Anything special? Or just a random shopping spree? =)" Subquestions seem to work, and since i am interested in her and what she likes to do, we seem to have a lot to talk about^^ She also seem interested in things im doing^^ I like to draw, i draw a lot in my sparetime and i sometimes sell some of my work (tatoos, x-mas cards, portraits etc), ive scanned and sent her some of my pics snd she reallu liked em, so now im working on this birthdaypresent to her, and when i told her about it, she said that, "Oh, but if u send it in the mail, it might get ruined, that wouldnt be good", her birthday is 1jan.... One thing thats not so fun is that she always seem so sad when one of us have to leave, nothing worse on this planet than a sad girl....eeek.... Link to post Share on other sites
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