Patty Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) Im at the point where I cant stand being single anymore.I dont understand why its so hard for me to meet guys.Another thing is Im kind of shy.I almost signed up for singles but im to afraid of someone stalking me.I talk to couple of guys from India over internet but I dont think long distance works.They want me to fly over there to meet them which I'm not comfortable doing that kind of thing.Where to meet someone? I heard its better to let them chase you.I need some tips. Edited January 5, 2010 by Patty Link to post Share on other sites
e.clipse Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 you and me both, sister. i've been single for, erm, about a year, i'd say, and i'm getting bored of being just by myself. anyway, i remember an old teacher once told me that, according to Zen teachings, the act of paying attention to the way you do things, like how you start your day, how you drink your tea, how you organize your bedroom, etc., will, in turn, teach you much about yourself, thus giving you a richly complete life. Zen really is about breathing and rebooting--opening your heart, clearing your mind, becoming one with the present, and accepting yourself as you are. it's the same with love, really: in order to find a love that is worthy of being called such, you need learn more about yourself, what your expectations are (in and out of a relationship), and be one with yourself in there here and now. but, in order to be able to do those things, you need clear your mind and open up your heart. or, in other words, know yourself, as best as you can, before you can begin to want to introduce yourself. find you what you like, what you don't, what you are good at, and what you are not. use the positives as reinforcement, like, say, if you are good at writing, go to places where all you have to do is look to your right to find another person who enjoys the same. explore. you might now find a BF right away, but you will meet people. and in that people meeting, whether in groups that gravitate towards particular interests or online dating sites, you are expanding yourself, your mind, and your heart. in this way, not only will you enrich yourself, but you will significantly heighten the chances of meeting someone--but not before knowing what you want and are looking for. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Im at the point where I cant stand being single anymore.I dont understand why its so hard for me to meet guys.Another thing is Im kind of shy.I almost signed up for singles but im to afraid of someone stalking me.I talk to couple of guys from India over internet but I dont think long distance works.They want me to fly over there to meet them which I'm not comfortable doing that kind of thing.Where to meet someone? I heard its better to let them chase you.I need some tips. I can sympathise. It can be frustrating. Consider for a moment the following statements... "Im at the point where I cant stand being single anymore" That statement suggests a level of desperation. Almost to the point where you'd be willing to settle for what ever you could get just to be away from your "singleness". People can sense that desperation and it often turns them off.. because it causes you to come off as needy. People are attracted to those they feel are happy and confident. Those who don't appear to "need" a relationship are often the ones fighting off people for dates. Consider for a moment why you want a relationship. If the answer to that question is "Person X will do X, Y and Z for me..." then you're coming from a place of "need" rather than a place of "giving". What do you have to offer someone in a relationship? "Another thing is Im kind of shy" Another common issue for a lot of people (myself included). A good way of working with being shy is to put yourself into social situations your comfortable with. For example, if you take up a hobby where you're very confident with what you're doing, you'll find it much easier to come out of your shell. Last thing... "They want me to fly over there to meet them which I'm not comfortable doing that kind of thing" Very. Smart. Move. Given that you're feeling lonely, its easy for people to take advantage of you. I believe you'll be much happier finding someone local whom you can develop a relationship with. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Sitting back doing nothing isnt going to get you anywhere. Obviously if guys arent noticing you in normal situations, then you arent as desireble as you would like to be. So you have to be more pro-active in talking to guys. You have to learn to approach them and chat them up. YOu also need a good social network. If you dont have alot of friends that go to many social events, you cant meet people. If you arent proactive you will stay alone for a very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 I've been single for two years and all I can really say is that the more you want something, the more it evades you. I don't want a relationship but if I do get lonely it really isn't all that hard just going out and meeting new people. Be optimistic with who you are as a person and what you have personality wise. To say that it's possible to attract people like flies is an exaggeration because you really do have to put in a little effort to get people to like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Im at the point where I cant stand being single anymore.I dont understand why its so hard for me to meet guys.Another thing is Im kind of shy.I almost signed up for singles but im to afraid of someone stalking me.I talk to couple of guys from India over internet but I dont think long distance works.They want me to fly over there to meet them which I'm not comfortable doing that kind of thing.Where to meet someone? I heard its better to let them chase you.I need some tips. Hi Patty,I replied to your post. I'm originally from Ma. born in worcester,lived on cape,new bed ford,Boston. What part you from if you don't mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patty Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hi Patty,I replied to your post. I'm originally from Ma. born in worcester,lived on cape,new bed ford,Boston. What part you from if you don't mind me asking? Im in northern Mass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patty Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Thx everyone for the good tips! It has helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Goose Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 ... People are attracted to those they feel are happy and confident. Those who don't appear to "need" a relationship are often the ones fighting off people for dates... Although universally true, it applies more to women than men. Men care little whether the woman is happy and confident/otherwise, provided they're attractive and approachable. Essentially, being shy as a girl is neither here nor there. The argument of need is sensible, but all people need something. We all need 'love', but prefer it to be manifested in different ways. Girls want emotional support, security, etc; boys want physical affection (sex). Being needy does not reduce your chances of finding a guy (it probably increases it), it merely reduces the chances of the man being reliable. You're misrepresenting the truth a little - it is not hard to find guys; you're just looking for something that doesn't exist. Perhaps a guy that has a deep interest in you whereas you only present yourself as a superficial, shy entity who only makes the lightest of conversation (due to social anxieties). Those two ideas are incompatible, and I suspect that is why you haven't found anything. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Where to meet someone? I heard its better to let them chase you.I need some tips. Go skydiving. You'll meet tons of guys Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Dog Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 He's right here. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 He's right here. That's right you cant do better than the USMC Link to post Share on other sites
Leonard Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Maybe if you didn't take such dark gritty photos and overdoing your eyeshadow, then perhaps someone might take a better interest in you. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Dog Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 That's right you cant do better than the USMC Damn right. Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 People are attracted to those they feel are happy and confident. Those who don't appear to "need" a relationship are often the ones fighting off people for dates. Personal experience showed me that this is 100% true. I was tired of being single. Spent the majority of my life single due to being shy and "desperate". Then I finally decided to hell with that. I took time and learned to enjoy being single. I could do whatever I wanted with whomever I wanted. I decided I didn't "need" that SO in my life. It wasn't long after that there were guys asking me out right and left. I didn't have to go looking for them either. That was four years ago and today I am engaged to a wonderful guy who came looking for me after meeting at my job. I wish you the best of luck. Just always remember, in order to truly love someone else you have to love yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 Maybe if you didn't take such dark gritty photos and overdoing your eyeshadow, then perhaps someone might take a better interest in you. EXSCUSE ME!!!!!!! but there is not a thing wrong with her picture, or the way she looks 'or her post!!!!!! Look in the mirrior dude:eek: eeeeeek Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Im at the point where I cant stand being single anymore.I dont understand why its so hard for me to meet guys.Another thing is Im kind of shy.I almost signed up for singles but im to afraid of someone stalking me.I talk to couple of guys from India over internet but I dont think long distance works.They want me to fly over there to meet them which I'm not comfortable doing that kind of thing.Where to meet someone? I heard its better to let them chase you.I need some tips. We're right here in Los Angeles, Patty... 5 single men to every single woman. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Move to a mountain town in CO. There are 20 guys per female there. Link to post Share on other sites
citygal1 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Join a social club that involves some of your interests or hobbies. You may not necessary get with a date with someone from a social club. But at least it would widen your social network. Maybe you could meet a potential date through a member of a social club that you belong to. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Join meetup.com and search for singles groups in your area. If there aren't any, Meetup will let you start one. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Goose Posted January 24, 2010 Share Posted January 24, 2010 I know how you feel about being alone. The perfect guy will come! Luckily, I found him already. And we're getting married Well if you've found him, then all the other girls in the world should lose hope and give up now . Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted January 24, 2010 Share Posted January 24, 2010 Are you making yourself attractive to the opposite sex. Be very honset with yourself. Appearance does count at first. Be on a even level with other women. Make your self stand out. Dont take this as saying look outrageous or overly sexy. You cant change who you are inside very easily but your outward appearance you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts